thank you for your answer. Youu are absolutely right about all you wrote. As like many people, pluto in my 4th, I had a terribly difficult childhood. Divorced parents, alcoholic father, abuse, alcolohic step mother, step brothers kicking me out of the house, a mother in deep depression, her boyfriends coming over the house everynight. I was all alone, I had to take care of myself. And I did a pretty good job.
I was a very strong child and had a great, happy adulthood. I know how to forgive and move on. I dont get stuck in the past a lot. My shrink told me he was suprised how well I came out from all of this and turned everything to positive. I managed to make peace with my parents. My mother re-married, I have the best stepfather and a wonderful brother now. We cured our wounds slowly but surely. I was always the strong kid and very devoted to a family life. Now I have the best relationship with my mom. She is my best and dearest friend. We have great love and impact in our lives.
Strangely enough, I wasnt depressed untill I was 24. I was in very difficult circumstances, I smoke joint everyday not knowing it was bad for me (I wasnt an addict, I just thought having a joint everynight was fun. A fool young girl. Some people are too fragile for it, clearly I was too. One night a bad trip turned out to be a panic attack that never ended. The panic attack lasted like weeks. I was never ok. Than it turned into a major depression. (I was unhapply married, too young, I livin abroad, no friends only my husband and we had no money and my family bankrupted so I could not tell how miserable I was, I could not find a job for two years and plus joint.. well that did the trick that my childhood didnt)
I changed everything completely. Took my power away. After depression I became a weak and fearfull person.
I became ok eventually, but it came back after two years (2008). it lasted like 3 months. Now, it kicks again. And I am helpless about it.
So thats the story more or less.
So you say I have this saturn transit.. That must be it. A year you say? Gosh.. I have to get myself together and be strong than. What do you suggest? And when did this transit start (I wanna knw if it is the same period I started to feel depressed again) Could you explain a little more albout the saturn transit, saturn sq sun natally and saturn sq mercury if you have the time?
Thank you very much. I am feeling so helpless at the moment. you just threw me a rope. Thank you