Suppressed Anger

[lazarusx]

- I wasn't sure where to post this, it has focus on spirituality, healing and chakras in-particular.. but also astrological and psychological issues, feel free to move if needed. - Thankyou


For most of my life i have suppressed my anger towards people, establishments, authority.. i've taken a passive approach to life; during my teenage years i used heavy metal as an outlet for my rage.. but it was never dealt with for i was conditioned to believe that expressing yourself towards others was wrong.

As i neared the end of my teenage years i became interested in spirituality and meditation; this proved greatly useful for me in understanding why i was getting angry and how i could control it. As time went by i convinced myself that i was beyond my anger, so when a situation would arise whereby someone walked over me or abused me; i would simply play it off as them not fully understanding the reason's for their words or actions, with a deeper insecurity on there behalf been the underlying motive behind their actions.

I let this go on for almost two years, every-time convincing myself that i was beyond my own anger and therefore i was unaffected by there words or actions, i had bypassed my own emotions with spirituality, and thus buried this anger into my subconscious.

This has began to effect me psychologically and emotionally; feeling like a prisoner of my mind, having built a cage anger with a lock of rage, knowing that i have the key..

A few days ago i went to see a 'healer' who does pranic healing; she did alot of work on my solar plexus and noted that my crown was 'too open', and i needed to ground myself. I believe i was using my connection to spirit as a means of escaping from my own issues.. and although i was physically here, i was never really grounded in reality.

What i've begun to notice since she did the healing is all the anger i've supressed over the past 12 years of my life is been released, it's overwhelming.. im angry at myself, at others.. at everything that i was convinced didn't effect me. I know this needs to happen in order for me to heal spiritually.. but i guess you could say im scared of where it may lead me.

My Uranus is currently coming into it's first sqaure with itself which is contributing to my sense of extreme rebellion against what i've let 'keep me in line' for so many years.

I can feel myself approaching a breaking point, i can smell the liberation around the corner.. im just terrified at how its going to play out. I was hoping anyone who's gone through an experience like this might beable to help me better understand the process, and what remains to be seen on the other side of the fence?

Sorry for the long post, i had alot i needed to get down while i was able to convey it clearly.

Thankyou, Scott.

[Madammaha]

Do not be afraid of your anger, I've suppressed mine for more than twenty years in the quest of my spiritual path, to the extent I arrived to a complete stop to my digestive system that lasted for more than five years, until I arrived to the square of Uranus to my personal planets, there, anger and rebellion began to take over and I knew it had to come out, I was afraid of loosing my spiritual track through the loss of anger control, but it's either that or death. What you should worry about is loosing your health while releasing your anger.

[Mark]

Firstly, I would have to say that your crown being "too open" is not a problem. Don't change your relationship to the Spirit or, if you do, always come back to it. It is the Spirit that is your life and breath in the first place! You've made the same mistakes that I and many others have made along the path. No matter how "advanced" or "developed" you feel like you are, you are still guest to an human body. That is a temporary experience. The fact that the body is temporary is a great reason to prefer the Spirit to what you've been calling "reality." Do NOT reject the Spirit to prefer physical comforts. Now, here comes the hard part.

The spiritual path is NOT a path of self-denial. It is a path of voluntary self-sacrifice. There is a crucial difference. If you suppress your undesirable portions, they bottle up and eventually overwhelm you. From the serenity of your spiritual perspective, you should see this and deal with it as a functional system. You must allow yourself to experience being yourself. You control the things you think, say, and do, but when someone does something to make you angry, do not deny that you are angry. Just be serene AND angry. Let them see it in your eyes. Let them hear it in your voice. The part which guides you, however, must always be the Spirit.

From my personal experience, when there is real spiritual change in you, you don't have to try to change anything else. The last time I saw this in myself, I was amazed by the lack of "need to do." Advancement along the path is it's own kind of spiritual healing. I felt more peaceful always, without trying to be peaceful. I felt less of a desire to be angry or exact revenge. There have been other times when the desire for sex simply drifted away. These kinds of changes come from REAL changes within you. You cannot force the symptoms to go away without healing the problem. That's what you've been doing: treating the symptoms. That's why it hasn't worked.

When you feel something, it is your right to feel it and emotions cannot be wrong. Emotions also cannot be trusted, however. Guide yourself by Spirit and experience yourself by emotion. You are a soul, dreaming that you are human. Be honest with yourself and these problems will take care of themselves. Being open with yourself, being open with other people, and being open with God are all the same thing. Control the anger, but don't deny that it exists.

What you have been doing might be analogous to "trying to live above your means" in a spiritual context. It doesn't work with money and it doesn't work with psychology. If there is still anger in you, then it must be addressed, not suppressed. Don't feel bad, though. Everyone has to make this mistake in order to learn from it. Making mistakes only means that you are learning. Nobody starts at the finish line.

[lazarusx]

Thankyou Mark for your informative reply, a lot of what you detailed is exactly what i needed to hear, i feel alot more comfortable with allowing these emotions to arise now instead of suppressing them through belief that my connection with Spirit is above my own human qualities.

It reminds me of a quote "Feel it more, let it bother you less."

Thankyou also Madammaha for sharing your own experience; this was my fear also that if i allowed this anger to arise that i would lose my spiritual path, but through denying it i have suffered not only mentally and emotionally, but physically.

I know what i must do now,
Much Thanks,
Scott.

[Munch]

Wow, I needed this thread. This is an issue that I came to a head with me around the time of my solar return on Jan. 4 (the eclipse). My solar return sun was conjunct Mars, Pluto, the moon and the transiting node held up the end of the stellium in Capricorn. Plus Jupiter and Uranus were squaring Pluto on my natal IC.

Things got real and got real quickly! I've never been so deliciously angry in my entire life. I say delicious because it was such a sweet freedom to finally allow myself to just go with it. I've spent my entire life trying to suppress my pluto/Mars square via my moon/venus/neptune stellium. That wasn't working so well until I was given a cosmic push towards the mirror of life, showing me a very real flesh and blood human being and not just a spirit. In fact I had a few weeks where I didnt even think about spirit. I figured that if spirit loved me, it understood and new that I'd be back. I was right, lol. I've been feeling so much better too about standing up for myself because I'm not coming from a place of repressed anger that tends to distort reality and make me want to be passive aggressive. Anyway, good luck my friend!

[lazarusx]

Thank-you Munch for sharing your own experience; your words remain true as i myself am beginning to notice how much easier everything is when i allow my emotions to flow, knowing that spirit will always be there.

[Madammaha]

The spirit is there for everyone, it is the human nature that is variable, yes we can allow ourselves some intervals of human behavior, assertion and reactions, yet it is each ones' ideals and beliefs that determine our respect and appreciation for that relationship, a person could allow himself too much or too little, but by whose measures? this subject is relative, the only two things that could adjust our perspective are our ideals and guidance from the spirit.

[Kuntuzangmo]

The only thing I would add is to be careful not to solidify that which a few of you called 'spirit'. This, as all phenomena, is also impermanent. When we cling to that which is not singlular or independent believing it is (like self, other, concepts, non-concepts, emotions etc...), it hurts.
Anyway, food for non-thought.
Best wishes!

[Munch]

Good food indeed.

[Jupiiiter]

Perhaps self denial is disassociating you from your body. In order to avoid your anger you must go "out", and pretend it is not you.
I usually pay more attention to my body to slowly ground me back (a simple self foot massage, going to nature, relaxing in a way I like, doing something I like...etc), I stay more in contact with the people with whom we are able to understand eachother without too many (unneccessary)words (we are all human, so it is natural that we are different every day, good and bad are both "life"), instead of denying negative emotions, I try to "follow" them and understand where are they taking me, I try to embrace them and "travel with them", perhaps they just neeed a listener every now and then). Probably suppressed anger is more like a bomb? That you are afraid that might explode and have no clue what will folllow after that? And you are spending lots of energy just to hold it back? s there any connection btw guilt and anger? Where in your body you feel your anger?...
I ask myself what exactly I would need in that precise moment, what would help me and how will I achieve that.
I do not push myself in any way and I do not demand of myself to become better instantly. I try to feel it, accept it (myself) and figure it out in a tempo that is not burdening me. Positive side of anger is that it s truely protecting us sometimes and could also save your life.

[Ruka_5]

Originally Posted by lazarusx

- I wasn't sure where to post this, it has focus on spirituality, healing and chakras in-particular.. but also astrological and psychological issues, feel free to move if needed. - Thankyou


For most of my life i have suppressed my anger towards people, establishments, authority.. i've taken a passive approach to life; during my teenage years i used heavy metal as an outlet for my rage.. but it was never dealt with for i was conditioned to believe that expressing yourself towards others was wrong.

As i neared the end of my teenage years i became interested in spirituality and meditation; this proved greatly useful for me in understanding why i was getting angry and how i could control it. As time went by i convinced myself that i was beyond my anger, so when a situation would arise whereby someone walked over me or abused me; i would simply play it off as them not fully understanding the reason's for their words or actions, with a deeper insecurity on there behalf been the underlying motive behind their actions.

I let this go on for almost two years, every-time convincing myself that i was beyond my own anger and therefore i was unaffected by there words or actions, i had bypassed my own emotions with spirituality, and thus buried this anger into my subconscious.

This has began to effect me psychologically and emotionally; feeling like a prisoner of my mind, having built a cage anger with a lock of rage, knowing that i have the key..

A few days ago i went to see a 'healer' who does pranic healing; she did alot of work on my solar plexus and noted that my crown was 'too open', and i needed to ground myself. I believe i was using my connection to spirit as a means of escaping from my own issues.. and although i was physically here, i was never really grounded in reality.

What i've begun to notice since she did the healing is all the anger i've supressed over the past 12 years of my life is been released, it's overwhelming.. im angry at myself, at others.. at everything that i was convinced didn't effect me. I know this needs to happen in order for me to heal spiritually.. but i guess you could say im scared of where it may lead me.

My Uranus is currently coming into it's first sqaure with itself which is contributing to my sense of extreme rebellion against what i've let 'keep me in line' for so many years.

I can feel myself approaching a breaking point, i can smell the liberation around the corner.. im just terrified at how its going to play out. I was hoping anyone who's gone through an experience like this might beable to help me better understand the process, and what remains to be seen on the other side of the fence?

Sorry for the long post, i had alot i needed to get down while i was able to convey it clearly.

Thankyou, Scott.

She did that stuff to you without giving you any advice or techniques or anything to help you handle all the rage that was going to suddenly come boiling out of you after she did it? That's....irresponsible as hell.

But I know what you mean. I have a badly, badly afflicted Mars (including a Pluto square; the orb is wide but I definitely 'feel' the aspect so I count it) and if I'm really honest with myself, deep down I've always had a certain amount of natural, inherent rage. Which I sit on and try to diffuse and repress as much as possible, because I'm not entirely certain that if I start to let it out, I can completely control it or stop it.

[lazarusx]

Originally Posted by Ruka_5

But I know what you mean. I have a badly, badly afflicted Mars (including a Pluto square; the orb is wide but I definitely 'feel' the aspect so I count it) and if I'm really honest with myself, deep down I've always had a certain amount of natural, inherent rage. Which I sit on and try to diffuse and repress as much as possible, because I'm not entirely certain that if I start to let it out, I can completely control it or stop it.

Yeah i have no doubt that my Pluto square Mars-Venus conjunction plays a major role in this suppression of anger through power-struggles. I'm at a point where i find more peace in solitude, i'm just to tired for people these days.

[Ruka_5]

Originally Posted by lazarusx

Yeah i have no doubt that my Pluto square Mars-Venus conjunction plays a major role in this suppression of anger through power-struggles. I'm at a point where i find more peace in solitude, i'm just to tired for people these days.

There's nothing wrong with that, if you need time to yourself by all means, take it.

Honestly I think I've always been aware of it, so as far back as I can remember I've always automatically worked to keep it at bay. I think on some intuitive level I kinda knew I had the equivalent of an angry rabid pit bull going on inside and I keep it on a short choke chain out of necessity. I'm certain there's ways I could probably safely get that out of my system but I haven't really figured out how to go about that yet.

[Munch]

The only thing that has worked for me is age. lol. The older I get the less the things that used to light my fuse bother me. I guess it's just perspective. That and allowing myself to be angry but seperating that anger from my actions so I don't do things that are destructive. I take lots of little time outs.

[Ruka_5]

Originally Posted by Munch

The only thing that has worked for me is age. lol. The older I get the less the things that used to light my fuse bother me. I guess it's just perspective. That and allowing myself to be angry but seperating that anger from my actions so I don't do things that are destructive. I take lots of little time outs.

Same. A lot of stuff that used to set me off, like things people said to or about me, I just don't care about anymore. I think as I've gotten older and more secure in my knowledge of myself, that helped alot.

But in terms of the real bulk of my anger, the kind of latent rage that I've always felt present in myself from the very beginning, I still don't know what to do with all that. lol