Best Astrology Quotes

[SagiCap]

Please post the best/funniest astrology quotes you've heard. On Susan Miller's astrology site, my horoscope once contained this phrase:

" will be in hard-angle to Uranus."

I was scared all day.

[SagiCap]

Originally Posted by lacellrein

oh dear!

hard to top that though!

That quote still scares me! LOL!

[SagiCap]

Originally Posted by lacellrein

quincunx sounds funny to me hehe! but yeh i'm weird and it probably only sounds funny to me.

I must be weird too. I think it's hilarious! Good one.

[SagiCap]

Super! I've added some to my signature for constant inspiration. I need it!

(Thanks for posting these!)

[KayBug]

"Scorpio rising people value their privacy so much, it can border on
paranoia."
~ cafeastrology.com

[KayBug]

I have Scorpio Rising, also Scorpio Moon and the privacy issue is so true about me! Not that I have any deep secrects or anything like that; perhaps it is just the issue of privacy itself.

[KayBug]

Yes, I like that last sentnece too.

I find it to be true for me "most of the time."

[Opphiucan]

I think True Astrology opens the chapter on Sagittarians as "SLUTS"...
Ouch!

I'd care if I felt morals had a lot of weight...
Sag sun / Leo Asc / Leo Asc

[gem81]

I'm a gemini, and I get so bored so easily. I mean, I have moved six times in the last eight years.
Courteney Cox

Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/ke...#ixzz1flPqu0hy

[MaeMae]

"There's nothing more entertaining than watching two Taurus' fight over a lunch tab."
~ Me
(said to my two best friends, both Taurus, who mistakenly got their orders put on one tab.)

[Ben]

"Don't worry. - This transit isn't going to kill you. <pause> - It will just make you want to be dead!"

Reading from a traditional astrologer friend of mine, who prides herself on "softening" difficult astrological messages when delivering them to her clients.

[Moog]

Originally Posted by Ben

"Don't worry. - This transit isn't going to kill you. <pause> - It will just make you want to be dead!"

Reading from a traditional astrologer friend of mine, who prides herself on "softening" difficult astrological messages when delivering them to her clients.

Ooh, that's a good one *saves that in 'gentle ways to break news'*

[Love2Know]

"Do you randomly catch yourself thinking about pie at inappropriate times?" "Yes". -One Cancerian to another. Orrrrrr "Virgos are the whores of astrology" - Silva Browne astrology booklet WHAT HAHHHH I'm not even kidding it said that.

[MaeMae]

Some of the kinkiest people I've known are Sun Virgo or Mars Virgo. All that propriety and tidiness goes out the window when the clothes come off. Seems the earthy/sensual mix with the mental/mutable makes them open to just about anything.
(Sorry to detract from the op).

[twelthnight]

Yea, Virgos are the Victorian Vamps...very proper superficially, but there is a wild side there, for sure. Well, all that purity is going to long for it's opposition!

[Moog]

[Zonark]

"In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo."

"In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that."

"It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks."

"Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo."

"Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro."

"It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested."

"Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t."

"No Virgo in history has ever belched."

"Genghis Khan was a Leo"

"Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic.""

"Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves."

"Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses."

[Love2Know]

"Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic.""
So true, the scorpio one make me lol. I can also relate to the leo ones!!!!! Also, libra from the ones I know lol.

[bubuza_dulce]

"Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius."

"Taurus - You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people."

"All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries."

"Taurus - You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed."

"The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. "

"Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans "

"They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos."

"Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth."


"Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus."

"Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside."

"Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. "

"Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke."

"Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women."

"Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places."

"Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want."

I think it's the same link Zonark used, it's very funny.
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/humou...horoscopes.php

[bubuza_dulce]

"Libras make the best hostages. Unfortunately, many of them also become cops."

"In youth, Scorpios hide in locker rooms of the opposite sex, waiting for just one person to remain. In adulthood, they hide in dark alleys. And in old age, they hang around playgrounds with bags of candy."


"Most horoscopes claim that Capricorns can be the most passionate lovers in the Zodiac when they lose their inhibitions, but since they rarely touch drugs, this almost never happens."

"The Aries affair usually gets pretty kinky, because with that limber body and great stamina, they get bored with "the same old thing" every night. From woman-on-top to shetland-pony-on-top is not a long leap for an Aries."

[bubuza_dulce]

An amateur astro-loving friend wrote this to an astrologer: I have a huge *** because of that Venus-Jupiter thing.

*Neptune squares my Mercury: I’m not sure what I think about that.
*Spoken by a Sun-opposition-Neptune in 1st and 7th when he was told to be careful about whom he trusts: I’ve had that issue, but some people are so tempting.

*If I told you I have Venus-square-Neptune, would you still respect me?

*What mommy astrologer says to baby astrologer to get him to sleep at night: Behave! Or Algol’s gonna get you.

[Love2Know]

"Cancer, the Drinker’s Drunk
These are the professionals. Get ready for some serious drinking if you’re planning a night out with Cancer. They’re like Romans: They drink to excess, vomit, then go back and drink some more. Don’t even bother asking them to be the designated driver; abstinence will put your Cancer in such a sullen mood everyone will wind up having a rotten time. Either that, or you’ll be calling car service because the Cancer just couldn’t resist taking a little drink. Then another. Then another. Be prepared: A night of drinking usually ends in tears."
(http://www.lauralynnsworld.com/sunsignpsychocology.htm)
Tears or hysteria psychotic laughter we truly are the werewolves of astrology. Like I would always say (to people non of you probably know and if you do cool anyways) A gemini is mentally bipolar as to a cancer is emotionally bipolar. I also get blamed for others massive intoxication, or the worst is when people trust me to make the drinks I put 90% vodka and a splash of wtv for colour then I usually just end up rolling around on the floor laughing, with magically acquired food in my mouth and all over my body. As, the other person trips out about drinking too much. I become a psychotic and glutenous pixi...Basically, I am a classy drunk.

[bubuza_dulce]

Capricorns - only the good die young, so you've got immortality written all over you!

[Love2Know]

Aquarius- Your destiny is to become an amazing humanitarian, this could be manifested in several ways, the most probable is King/Queen of the sewer people.

[bubuza_dulce]

Capricorns hate *** kissers. That’s why so many hate themselves.