what the hell am I feeling?

[Arijana]

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me needs help

it's about an ex of mine,we were together before and after the breaup I was in a terrible state for five months and after two years I talked to him for the first time,we talked about our relationship and I started having feelings for him,or maybe I'm just imagining things I don't know,could be I'm just infatuated,if so,I don't know why,because he treated me terribly,and going back to him,even kissing after everything would be wrong but yeah,my reason and self respect says one thing the other part of me...I don't know is this all in my head,so I just need some pointers...thanks

[DiDi]

hi
Im going through the same thing, but ive not had word from mine at all.
I know how torn you feel believe me... Tonight im going through something terrible and i dont know where it came from.

Firstly its normal to have these feelings for someone who you once and maybe still loved. your heart is fighting with your head right now, and this shows in the horay chart.

you are mercury combust by the sun and in deep feelings cancers domain
he is jupiter in his own house thinking of himself and is ruled by mars also in your 12 H of secrets and things hidden, as you say, you dont know wht to do.
but your mercury ruler will sextile his domain mars soon, so you will have further contact... perhaps sit back and see if he has changed before you leap into a reltionship with him again? protect yourself first!

[Arijana]

Hay didi,thanks for answering so quickly

my sympathy for your pain too

I actually made teh first contact,and we talked,and he said he doesn't hate me anymore and it was good to know,and we've said some other things...Though I don't believe him at all,and it makes sense that he is only thinking of himself,because I know him,and that is true and I hate that...I only wish he would feel like me...
I do not love him however,I didn't love him when we were together but I've lost my head for him back then,and I remember he made me fall for him so fast...and it was so intense,and passionate...and now I started feeling the same...and yes,you are right I am afraid because I have so much to loose,I'd loose some of my friend if I were with him again so that's the reason he did say '' lets do it hidden,no one will know about us '' and I don't want to do these things hidding ,and I feel torn too On one side,I know whats right,what he did to me,plus he's not a good characater to have around ( he's been in jail etc. ) I know how my friends hate him and I know how mad would they be if I was with him together again but,on the other side,I know what my heart would do... and that's why I put the question,maybe I'm just fooling myself,maybe I don't feel anything for him at all,maybe I'm just imagining things... On one side I'm just thinking I would amke the same misteake because people tell me '' oh you have no pride at all'' but....

Btw you said deep intense..you mean as in my feelings that are deep and intense?

[Arijana]

oh and feel free to share what your going threw now,not good to keep the pain inside I mean,if you want...

[DiDi]

im afraid there is not enough ink in the computer to describe my situation

yours however, you say you didnt love him, but you fell for him, ive had that happen also... its a very weird type of infactuation and that is all it is.... infactuation that leaves once you realise why you allowed this to happen in the first place and learn from it. your young and pretty you got lots of love for the right person... wait for them id say x

[Arijana]

Originally Posted by DiDi

im afraid there is not enough ink in the computer to describe my situation

yours however, you say you didnt love him, but you fell for him, ive had that happen also... its a very weird type of infactuation and that is all it is.... infactuation that leaves once you realise why you allowed this to happen in the first place and learn from it. your young and pretty you got lots of love for the right person... wait for them id say x

I've already had the love of my life and I agree,no ink can ever describe that

this guy is not my love but I've felt something really powerfull when I first met him and he and I...it is a long story,but he made me so...infatuated,and it was so strong and now I in a way noticed he is doing it again..but I am very much on my guard,he's done terrible things to me not to mention I risk,very,very much if I was ever with him again

you say you see that the contact will continue? this time he broke it off...does that mean he will initiate it again?

[Arijana]

I've also asked the question what will he feel when he sees me,since we will meet,eventually so maybe it helps shed light on some things next to the first chart,jupiter ( him ) is in Aries now


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[Pisces Rising]

Hi there

I'm no expert on horary astrology but I sympathize with your situation and the chart had some stand-out so here goes:

Chart ruler Mercury (you) is conjunct the sun in the 10th house demonstrating the sincerity of your question. That Mercury is combust has already been mentioned and yes, it makes it difficult for you to see clearly. He (Jupiter) is strong and masculine (Aries) with influence over you (7th house). Jupiter in conjunction with Uranus indicates he is unpredictable/unreliable but also makes him unusual/special in an alluring way. Mars ("a man" and the natural ruler of the man in matters of the heart) in the 12th indicates that he is up to no good. He is hiding things, his agenda (with Mars in Virgo you can be sure there is an agenda), from you and possibly means you harm. The trine to Pluto (in the 4th, ability to "see" things that are hidden) and the sextiles to sun/Mercury are protective, you can avoid danger.

Saturn in the 1st in conjunction with the ascendent is the clincher. Saturn demands proper action, and no sign is more up to play it proper than Virgo! Saturn's position here tells that you know what the right thing to do is. Several factors make it hard for you to do it however; Saturn is square sun/Mercury and square Pluto, you feel doing what's best is "boring" and what "everyone" (10th house) expects of you.

But the moon (natural co-ruler of the querent) is in the 5th (fun, self-expression, love-affairs) indicates that you may be in the mood for a fling. The opposition from the moon to Venus in boisterous, optimistic Leo in the 11th house (=always hope for the best!) makes you think that maybe you can get away with a little fling, maybe you can control things. Mars in the 12th in quincunx to the moon however spells it out; you can't. The quincunx shows the unpredictability of any affair coming out of this, and indicates that sacrifices would have to be made.

Another factor is Neptune in the 6th, illusions of duty, indicating that maybe you think you can change him, "save" him. The conjunction with Chiron shows that maybe you could, to some degree, but the quincunx to Saturn tells it is probably a lost cause. This is reinforced by the oppositions from Mars to Jupiter/Uranus showing him as willful, proud and independent.

Listen to Saturn's message, wait a while and it looks like you will be able to look at the situation with more clarity.
Good luck!

[Arijana]

whoa,PiscesRising, great interpretation, youve described everything perfectly,just as is is and how I feel it.



Chart ruler Mercury (you) is conjunct the sun in the 10th house demonstrating the sincerity of your question. That Mercury is combust has already been mentioned and yes, it makes it difficult for you to see clearly. He (Jupiter) is strong and masculine (Aries) with influence over you (7th house). Jupiter in conjunction with Uranus indicates he is unpredictable/unreliable but also makes him unusual/special in an alluring way. Mars ("a man" and the natural ruler of the man in matters of the heart) in the 12th indicates that he is up to no good. He is hiding things, his agenda (with Mars in Virgo you can be sure there is an agenda), from you and possibly means you harm. The trine to Pluto (in the 4th, ability to "see" things that are hidden) and the sextiles to sun/Mercury are protective, you can avoid danger.

yes,I do find it hard to see things how they are,for some odd reason like I have a veil over my eyes...He is very strong and masculine,very much the Aries type, leader,strong headed, very passionate,possesive,determined,extreme..and yes,it's like he has some strange power over me witch anyoys me, when we were together especially,I almost lost everything for him,my friends even got mad at me but it's like he had me hypnotized,even know,when he talks to me ( he has a was of being really...powerfull,he has a strong presence ) my mind as if sways.
I completely believe the ''up to no good'' part since we parted on really bad terms and he was really vendictive towards me-two years however passed and he told me he doesn't feel any hate,that he doesn't want to harm me anymore or hurt me,that he only wants to see me in order to talk things threw ( and true,I didn't believe his words becuase I know him,he always has a plan or a scheme for why he does what he does,maybe that's the Pluto ''gift''? I see threw him but at the same time my eyes are closed,I know it's weird ) you say he probably means harm...you saw that from Mars in 12? does Mars in 12 have to mean specifically inflicting some pain or could it be that he's just hidden ( since he asked us to be a '' secret couple'' - but I do have a very strong feeling he is doing all this to stab me in the back somehow,I just can't fully relax with him... )

Saturn in the 1st in conjunction with the ascendent is the clincher. Saturn demands proper action, and no sign is more up to play it proper than Virgo! Saturn's position here tells that you know what the right thing to do is. Several factors make it hard for you to do it however; Saturn is square sun/Mercury and square Pluto, you feel doing what's best is "boring" and what "everyone" (10th house) expects of you.

also too true. I know that he can't be trusted,I know I shouldn't even look at him let alone meet him, I know people will be bad, I know I should just walk away but...it's the temptation to give into this..affair,to him that's pulling me the other way,although I well know...I shouldn't because he burned me bad once.


But the moon (natural co-ruler of the querent) is in the 5th (fun, self-expression, love-affairs) indicates that you may be in the mood for a fling. The opposition from the moon to Venus in boisterous, optimistic Leo in the 11th house (=always hope for the best!) makes you think that maybe you can get away with a little fling, maybe you can control things. Mars in the 12th in quincunx to the moon however spells it out; you can't. The quincunx shows the unpredictability of any affair coming out of this, and indicates that sacrifices would have to be made.

Right on the spot,that with the Leo thing- that's how it is now,and that's why I've been having a feeling that I just may be crazy because I know he's dangerous and what we are doing and I went for it with some crazy ,happy-coloured optimism ( maybe nothing will happen maybe he is truthfull when he says he wants me,maybe we will be together and no one will notice )..and youve just struck me with reality So it looks like,even if I give in....something bad will most likely happen to me again.


as for the Neptune,not so much that I want to change him,but...I just want him to be sincere,and I do make idealistic visions with him and me in my mind,that he changed,that he's better that he means what he says and is '' not out to get me ''..

I just wish I would only know his true intentions..

[Arijana]

I've also done our synastry and we have Pluto, Mars and Saturn in the 12 th house all in scorpio.. is that bad? I know it's a naive quetsion lol

[Pisces Rising]

Hi again Arijana

Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to do nothing, which I think is your best choice in this case. I know how hard it is though!

Reply to your questions: 12th house = house of secret enemies, with Mars in the 12th there is always a risk that someone means you harm, but you could be right, it can also mean he wants to keep your relationship hidden.

Have you looked at how the recent lunar eclipse at 5° Capricorn/Cancer (June 26) relates to your natal and progressed chart?
The eclipse moon was conjunct Pluto (obsessive feelings) and eclipses often bring matters to culmination and usher in endings. If the eclipse touches a sensitive point in our chart we will often feel uneasy and question how to handle things.
In your case (looking at both the charts you posted) it looks like this is an ending matter. Sun/Mercury are conjunct the south node in both charts, meaning that something that was important to you has played out its course and is of no value for your future. In the 2nd chart I interpret you as Jupiter (the querent) and Jupiter is close to the 4th cusp (the end of the matter). The conjunction to Uranus shows the end comes suddenly/unexpectedly or through a sudden insight (divine inspiration).
On July 11 there is a solar eclipse at 19° Cancer that could also be affecting you, check it out.

And yes, having Pluto Mars and Saturn in the 12th in synastry is not easy!
Pluto = deep emotions never having a chance to be fully expressed, risk of obsessive behavior, manipulation, jealousy and love turning to hate
Mars = difficulty in being assertive as a couple, each curbing the other's attempts at taking initiatives, distrust and risk of abusive behavior and never being able to resolve differencies.
Saturn = unclear responsibilities, resentment through unfulfilled expectations, emotional coldness and bitterness.

You need a lot of spectacular Venus/Jupiter influences to compensate for that

Take care

[Arijana]

Originally Posted by Pisces Rising

Hi again Arijana

Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to do nothing, which I think is your best choice in this case. I know how hard it is though!

Reply to your questions: 12th house = house of secret enemies, with Mars in the 12th there is always a risk that someone means you harm, but you could be right, it can also mean he wants to keep your relationship hidden.

Have you looked at how the recent lunar eclipse at 5° Capricorn/Cancer (June 26) relates to your natal and progressed chart?
The eclipse moon was conjunct Pluto (obsessive feelings) and eclipses often bring matters to culmination and usher in endings. If the eclipse touches a sensitive point in our chart we will often feel uneasy and question how to handle things.
In your case (looking at both the charts you posted) it looks like this is an ending matter. Sun/Mercury are conjunct the south node in both charts, meaning that something that was important to you has played out its course and is of no value for your future. In the 2nd chart I interpret you as Jupiter (the querent) and Jupiter is close to the 4th cusp (the end of the matter). The conjunction to Uranus shows the end comes suddenly/unexpectedly or through a sudden insight (divine inspiration).
On July 11 there is a solar eclipse at 19° Cancer that could also be affecting you, check it out.

And yes, having Pluto Mars and Saturn in the 12th in synastry is not easy!
Pluto = deep emotions never having a chance to be fully expressed, risk of obsessive behavior, manipulation, jealousy and love turning to hate
Mars = difficulty in being assertive as a couple, each curbing the other's attempts at taking initiatives, distrust and risk of abusive behavior and never being able to resolve differencies.
Saturn = unclear responsibilities, resentment through unfulfilled expectations, emotional coldness and bitterness.

You need a lot of spectacular Venus/Jupiter influences to compensate for that

Take care

interesting view

I'll be sure to check it out. as for the ending matter..hm. in a way it is,since what happened in the past between us was left unsaid..this is the first time,after two years that weve actually talked about what had happened,not all the way,but mostly and it felt good...for him not to be intense but strangely calm and even somewhat friendly and kind towards me.

but was it truthfull kindness or....? who knows....
Though,Didi says that there could be a possibility for us to continue contact,do you see that?

and the thing that confuses me the most..my emotions

[Arijana]

to add,what got my emotions sturred up again mainly was that he was honest..he was never honest with me,and this was the first time,plus he actually admited he was guilty for all what had happened and before he'd blame it all on me..and that honesty made my infatuation and ''make believe '' image I had of him turn on again

[Arijana]

@ Didi

just to let you know-we did have contact again,he made it,he wants the two of us to be together again,he talks how he wants me to be his girlfriend,he says he wants to prove himself to me what he's really like..He's behaving very differently than before and it's hard not to believe him..

[DiDi]

hey thas great news

moon moves to aspect his 3rd house ruler venus in 1 week wich coninsides with your contact..
great news and thanks for the feedback

[Arijana]

I first thought I would be the one that would break and talk to him,but twas him

I expected him to sudenly turn mean towards me,but it didn't happen he's very....different

this chart would sort of be the progressed situation I guess


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( i asked what does he feel for me ) not to maybe get an answer but just wanna put it in the topic to monitor the situation