Psychological state after Saturn Return

[asavelli]

hello all

my data:
male, born july 21st 1980 at 10.31pm in sao paulo brazil

so my saturn is in virgo and 6th house at some 23 degrees

having just gone through my saturn return in the beginning of september and experiencing some major things like vomiting, anxiety and panic attacks, thinking that i was schizophrenic or had double personality disorder, as saturn enters into libra i'm left with a deep feeling of depersonalization, like as if nothing is real, like as though i were living a dream and that the person in the mirror is not really me...

is this all natural??? i've been to the therapist and psychiatrist and am taking some anti-anxiety medication, but what else can i do to improve this???

many thanks, om shanti

[starlink]

Sticky: ATTENTION PLEASE to new members!

Shanti, Welcome to this forum. Could you please read this Sticky?. I moved your thread to the Greenhorn Lounge.

We also always need a chart to look at. Please go to our "Help with the forums and suggestions" department and find (Forum link and scroll down to the end, you will find it there). You will see a sticky: how to upload a chart as a thumpnail.

Starlink

[asavelli]

thanks starlink, and sorry for not having posted the natal chart. here it is now:

my own interpretation of this is of course that i have just gone through my saturn return and thus i would have some unusual feelings about myself, which would naturally explain why i feel this depersonalization...however, i don't know if this process left me depressed and thus i have no concept of time (what day of the week is it, what time of the day, "in a month" to me doesn't mean much) and also very little attachment to places (brazil, my homeland, versus spain, where i am now)...i don't know what to make of it, but the psychiatrist said it was a mix of anxiety and depression...

looking forward to hearing from you!

best,

AMS

[gemini59]

If you want to look at tranists alone Uranus is transiting your 12th house. I have the same thing and it is about psychological and unconscious issues. It has been retrograding and going direct and retrograding etc. opposing and awakening Saturn in the 6th house. As you know Saturn squares not only Venus (relationship) but also Neptune (dissolve, disillusion, hopes and dreams, confusion). So Uranus is awakening all that dynamic.
Saturn in Virgo is constriction, perfectionism, detailed, and controlling. It delays and has rules. It squares your 7th house ruler, Venus, and your 12th house ruler (unconsious and self-undoing). I suspect that this awakening is shaking loose your saturn restrictions on relationships. See how Uranus has a positive relationship with Venus in the natal aspects thus though this is challenging it will help you to awaken to relationship issues and unconscious patterns of relating.
Pluto in the 7th shows us that power in relationships is a a theme in your chart. The polarity point of Pluto is in the first house in Aries. Mars, its ruler, is in the 7th and may tell us about the need to be independent in relationships instead of trying to use subtle Libra in Pluto where maybe sex is used to control or have power in the relationships.
Hope this helps.

[astropsychologist]

Hi asavelli,
I've just finished my saturn return too and my chart is extremely similar to yours, I too have saturn in Virgo in the 8th square Venus in Gemini in 2nd and Nept in Sag in 8th. I am on anti-anxiety medication at the moment too, that Saturn return was a toughie!!! However I have not experienced the same feelings of depersonalization that you have described, maybe talk to your doctor and explain, it could be a side-effect of the medication?

[R4VEN]

asavelli, what you describe is certainly not typical of a post-Saturn-Return-syndrome.

Looking at your natal chart, my eyes were immediately drawn to your Moon-Uranus conjunction in Scorpio in the 8th, and this conjunction opposes Chiron. I suspect that Saturn conj Saturn in transit somehow set off this Moon-Uranus conjunction by a transiting sextile. The Moon-Uranus conjunction in the 8th describes a potential for deep-seated anxiety, so perhaps the sextile from tr Saturn aggravated this in some way.

Also, you have a T-square formed by the opposition of Neptune & Venus, both squaring natal Saturn. The Saturn Return also would have `re-activated' your T-square - a bit like waking up a grumpy bear from long hibernation. The activation of - in particular - the Saturn-Neptune square during your Saturn Return would have amped up all your suppressed fears and anxieties. The Venus square Saturn would also have been `turned on', and this can activate major melancholic feelings.

Added to all that, your natal Jupiter is unaspected - apart from a trine to MC - and being in the 6th house, any health issues which is triggered by astrological transit would most likely be amplified quite a lot, so that what one person would experience as mildly fearful thoughts, you would experience as full-blown anxiety.

I can only suggest that the Saturn Return helped to take the lid off something which needed airing............. i.e. your propensity for fearful and anxious thoughts and behaviour. This stuff is best brought out into the open from where it can be dealt with.

"as saturn enters into libra i'm left with a deep feeling of depersonalization, like as if nothing is real, like as though i were living a dream and that the person in the mirror is not really me..."
and that, my friend, is Neptune!!!!
Do not overlook the combined effects of the Triple Conjunction, which took place around the same time as your Saturn Return. Neptune's square to your natal Moon is creating some dissolving of your sense of who you are, and this is no fun - but perhaps it is also necessary. Perhaps once transiting Neptune and Chiron move out of square with you Uranus-Moon conjunction, you will actually emerge as more yourself than you have ever been. In the meantime, it may be a bit of a bumpy ride.

PS. Having also endured Uranus transiting my 12th house - as Cassandra pointed out - I'd suggest you read everything you can about this transit. Uranus is electrical in nature, and the brain and your thought processes can - and probably will - be affected, but for good in the long-run. (I would not be anywhere near the person I am now had not Uranus trawled through my 12th, upsetting all my `safe' ideas about myself and my life!)

[asavelli]

thank you all for the help regarding all of this...i guess i'm just going to have to see this thing through...and what a ride it has been!
best,
AMS