I know this thread is long, but please bear with me.
When I saw this synastry chart of my husband and me for the first time, it was very shocking
to me. His south node is conjunct my Pluto while my south node is conjunct his Pluto. I have always been drawn to my husband in such a deep way that no other relationship of mine can be compared to. And that's what's expected when our south nodes and planets connect. I read the following article:
This is not good since it won't let either of us grow to pursue our objectives in life, or the north node. This is due to neither of us pushing each other ahead, and that instead it draws us back towards old habits that we have outgrown, revel in safety and security, and dwell in the past.
The rest of the article says:
Over time, this can manifest as a feeling of being 'held back' or trapped; it becomes difficult for the south node person to move forward in healthy ways, as they're continuously being lured back into tendencies that no longer benefit them. Even if the planet person doesn't realize it, they often don't provide much support for the south node person's efforts to grow. And some south node relationships, past-life experiences (especially traumatizing ones) will resurface, and south node people can find themselves suddenly reliving experiences and emotions that have no basis in their current lifetime.
This is sad. Really sad. And the saddest part is that it's all true.
When I first met him in high school, we became very close friends. He was the person that I would go to all the time in school. We were and still are VERY ATTACHED
. After high school, I went to college, and even though I was very motivated to do well, I was still held back in my classes, to just hang out with him. In fact, I even told him I really needed to study, but he would always drive to my house expecting me to just ditch my books and go out with him somewhere. Which I eventually did. Well, when we were friends, he always wanted to get involved with me romantically. I eventually gave in. A month later, he left to bootcamp to join the Navy. He was stationed later in Japan. We kept in touch with each other for 2 1/2 years by cell phones. I know, it's CRAZY, right???!!! (That's the power of the south nodes) He visited me for like 2 weeks each year. When I graduated college, we got married in July 2008. I moved to California with him. Over there is where everything started to go.....downhill. I thought that we just headed off to a bad start in our marriage. Everyone kept saying that the first year is always the hardest when married. Well, when I was in CA, I felt very lonely. I had no job. No friends. Just my husband. I tried to make friends, but nobody wanted to be involved with me. I tried to find a job, and had no success. I felt like I had made a mistake to get married. I thought I wasn't ready for marriage or that I wasn't meant for it at all. By February 2009, I went back home to Puerto Rico since my husband had to go to train with the Marines,and then leave to Afghanistan. He's at war in Afghanistan right now, while I'm here waiting until he gets back in January. I'm also enlisting in the Navy (I'm just trying to follow my north node in Taurus in the 7th house). I should know when I'll be leaving in November. Just in case, my husband knows I'm joining. To make matters more complicated, he's reenlisting in the Navy, and it's most likely that we'll be apart for another year or more. I fear that our marriage is doomed at this point. It's clear that we're not meant to be together no matter how attached we are.
I have an upcoming Saturn conjunct Sun and Pluto square Sun transit in January. And I have a feeling that it's not going to be pretty.
I know this thread is long, but if anybody can give me some advice, I'd be really grateful.