I am sorry that you feel this way!
I too can join the club, really! I tell people some of the light stories about my life (as the deeper ones are very personal) and it is not for them to comment, but to give a story about a bad day at work, they usually stop and say "wow why does that stuff happen to you?"
Before I read Waybreads thoughts, because Waybread is better than me
and seeing how I feel about the chart is helping me to learn...
First thing to look at when we have struggles is Saturn. Saturn, is not bad, if badly aspected to personal planets we can have issues when we dont do what the universe is calling for us to do.
Saturn is square your moon, in the first. Saturn is in your fourth house, maybe did you have troubles with your mother/father, or did they have issues, some differences?
Maybe you have had to mother yourself? Or had to grow up young? Or had undue pressures on you that were hurtful?
The emotional moon, is hindered by the responsiblities of Saturn. This can lead to negative attitudes, and times of depression.
The negative emotions of the Moon added to the duties of Saturn can make you feel like it is your duty to feel depressed, to feel negative.
The first house is where the world sees you, but it is also how you view the world. What Waybread is saying is so true, all of these things are going on inside, yet they also project outwards. As your moon in the first is the focal point of these feelings that you have.
My aunt is a very wise woman and said "what you put out is what you get back."
I have tried very hard to listen and learn that advice. I try to be positive and really when I do it, the good comes back. It is only when I let my negative feelings take over is when I get hit with something bad. This is why I call myself "smiling" I try to do this whenever I can. A smile goes a long way...
Your moon rules the 7th house so what Waybread said and what I said crosses over into your relationships with others, enemies and those of loving relations.
With so many planets at the upper part of the chart, it seems as though you dont take time to care for you? Your moon, chiron and nn are down there with the majority of the energy up above.
One thing I notice is that venus is conjunct very tightly the MC. This can lead to you being popular for being diplomatic, and trying to make things nice for all. You also may have used your charming ways and or good looks to get along with those in authority. You may even become known for your relationships or romantic life.
Okay now with that said, you underestimate your own self-worth by letting those in authority gain control over you. This also may translate into your own home- I dont know what that means for you, as venus rules the 4th house that Saturn resides in.
While Saturn is opposing Venus, he also opposes the MC. So making it in your career may take a lot of hard work. I dont see why your career would suffer. It seems like you have a lot of talent and a lot to give.
Then again, I think it is a balancing act that you might be missing. The ability to balance you out with the world.
Your mercury in the 12th needs time to reflect, to write, sing, meditate...Mercury rules your 6th house in Gemini and if you are not giving time to your mercurial needs to the 12th then your 6th house of health will suffer.
Honestly I am right along with you in that everything seems to go wrong with certain people, the universe isnt giving us a break...
I think of Ben Harper and his lyrics when I feel down: From the song " the will to live"
I once knew a man who had to walk with his hands
Born into a world he could not stand
Cursed with life
But born as a man
Still he walks taller than most others can....
We must all have the will to live
I met a girl whose heart
was on the right hand side
and upon the left
an angel did reside
they told her mother
that she never would survive
but she kept the rhythm
and is still alive
(normally the anatomical position of the heart is on the left- but hers was on the right and she still lived!)
Some are born with more
and some born with less
so don't take for granted
the life we've been blessed
it's hard to understand
that we're only a guest
and each one of us
shall be put to life's test
My life could be so much worse. I could suffer living in a place where I had no food, clean clothes, or a roof over my head. But I have all three! I dont know what your position in life is, so dont take offense...but it could be so much worse....yet it isnt...
So when I feel down, these lyrics really put life into perspective for me.