Where is our relationship going?

[coco]

Hello everyone,

I need help! I have been in this relationship for about 7 1/2 years now. This is the only long and serious relationship I have ever been in. I guess I don't really consider any of my other relationships as "real." I lost my virginity to him. I think that I love this man, but we are different in so many ways. We argue a lot, and I will admit that I do my fair share of being a lazy brat. On the flip side, we have so much fun together, and I feel more comfortable with him than with anyone. I know that he loves me more than anyone else in the world, but I can't help feeling this way. We have ongoing issues, some of which I don't know will ever be resolved. I don't seem to have the same sex drive as my partner. I have gone through many uncomfortable and compromising sexual encounters with men before I was ever with a man, and I know this would affect my relationship, but after 7 years? Why do I still have these issues? We met in college, and our relationship was a secret from most of the people around us for a couple of months. My parents do not really approve of us being together because we are not the same race or religion, although these things do not matter to me (or do they subconsciously?). However, I do value my family's opinion highly. I am so confused. Maybe I'm just going through something and placing the blame on my relationship? Please give me any insight. Please!!!

my birth data: 06-12-78, 20:39 EST, Tallahassee, FL
his: 08-29-78, 00:15 EST (not sure), New Rochelle, NY

thanks!

[archergirl]

After 7 1/2 years you *think* you love him!? You mean, you're not sure? Why have you spent nearly a decade with him, then? You state unequivocally that he loves you more than anything, and yet still you doubt.

Despite what the media would like to tell us, relationships are not ever perfect; they are seldom, if ever, completely harmonious all the time and there is no such thing as a 'perfect match' in all aspects of personality: sex drive, worldview, the kinds of television programmes one likes to watch. And, despite what the media tells us, this is actually okay. It keeps a relationship dynamic, and keeps the both of you growing as human beings if you are willing to put in the legwork to do so, and to respect the fact that the other person in the relationship may not always be on the same page as you.

Can you actually talk to your man about this, without it descending into an argument? Can you sit down and have an honest heart-to-heart, without blaming one another for your differences? Can you then, as grownups, come to an honest and mutually agreeable compromise, or at least agree to respectfully disagree? *These things* mark the mature relationship. 'Fighting a lot' is not necessarily a bad thing, unless the fighting is violent and/or mentally/verbally abusive, in which case get the hell out NOW.

From a cursory glance at your and your man's birth data, you are both around 28 years old. This is a crucial time in anyone's life: you are preparing to enter your Saturn Return period, which, I can tell you from personal experience, can be a most gruelling and emotionally difficult time. Saturn forces you to take a good, hard look at yourself and then get a grip on your life. This isn't something that happens overnight, but is a slow (*very* slow) process. You must honour it, and you must do the work yourself.

This may be a good time to have some 'away space' from the relationship; not necessarily to have other partners unless you both agree to do so, but to take some vacations alone or with other friends, for example. Get some distance between you and your man for a short time and take a good, hard look at what you each bring to the relationship, and what you 'take' from it without giving anything in return. My mother always told me to make a list of 'positive' and 'negative' in two columns, whenever I questioned the validity of my choices. Add up each column. Do the goods outweigh the bads? Is the relationship worth fighting for? Is he? Then you need to go back to him, sit him down, and have a long and VERY gentle talk about what it is you want. If he is unwilling to even *try* to work these issues out in a grownup fashion, you have your answer.

Best of luck.

[coco]

Thank you so much archergirl for your lengthy and thorough response. Seeing things from an objective point of view always puts things in perspective. Of course I love my guy, but having been the only serious relationship I've ever had, being in it for so long, and being a gemini! makes me wonder if this is true love. Did I mention I'm a hopeless, picky romantic? I did talk to my boyfriend, and we worked it out.

[Summery Joy]

coco,

If you're still interested in the horary, asnwer this question: do you live with him?

To asnwer your original question "Where is our relationship going?", I will be using the data of when I first got and understood your question because you never provided data of your thinking of the question. The data I will be using is as follows:

12 June 2006
7:53 pm GMT +3
Cairo, Egypt.

[archergirl]

Trust me, coco, that having had only one serious relationship in your life is not a bad thing, unless you are deeply unhappy and start wondering what else you're 'missing' by having other relationships. Having been on the other side of your coin, and having had a few *too* many other relationships , I can tell you that you aren't missing much! Choose quality over quantity. This man is willing to work it out with you; that means more than you can know.

I do believe in 'true love', but I also believe that true love isn't about flowers and chocolates, but about learning how to unconditionally accept that you, your partner and your relationship will never, ever be 'perfect', and still love them all anyway. If your relationship is strong, your man will give you all the space you need to sort it out in your head and heart, and will support you no matter what. Make a promise to yourself that you will do the same for him. THAT is love.

Flowers *are* nice, though!