Do You Have SVDS? (Severe Venus Deficiency Syndrome)

[Arian Maverick]

I found the following article while conducting a Google search for the keywords Triple Aries and thought it would be of interest to the more, shall I say, Martian among us.

Of couse, as a self-described Aries Poster Child, I considered this to greatly apply to myself!

Humor - Do You Have SVDS?
(Severe Venus Deficiency Syndrome)

by Fanny Flame

Attention all astrologers: are you an abrasive, combative person, someone who regularly threatens others, someone whom no one wants to have anything to do with? Have you regularly used phrases like, "They stole my technique" or "What do you mean I’m a control freak? You’re the control freak!" Do you secretly believe that the next planet discovered should be named after you? Is your idea of the perfect article one in which you interview yourself? Was your last self- published book almost entirely a personal attack against someone with a competing theory? Is your lawyer on your phone’s speed-dial? Do you believe that 90% of the astrologers you know are trying to steal the four clients you still have?

Well, it may not be your fault. New research has shown that there is a genetic anomaly that creates a condition called SVDS – Severe Venus Deficiency Syndrome – which may be to blame for your anti-social behavior and your career problems.

Chromosomal Clues

People with SVDS are missing the Venus chromosome and in its place there is an extra Mars chromosome. This condition is usually found in men who have been practicing astrology for more than five years, but lately, more women are exhibiting this syndrome, too. In the progressive stages, the SVDS person, drawn to others like them, begins to compulsively e-mail, desperately seeking someone to blame for their perceived lack of power. But there is good news. A humanitarian project is being organized to put megadose Libra supplements into the food at the next big astrological conference, and hopefully that will help civilize the field.

In a related discovery, some people have now been found to have Saturn missing in their horoscopes, and an extra Neptune there instead. This contagious malady, caused by DNCV – the Double Neptune Chart Virus – is also common in astrologers, especially in New Agers. The primary symptoms of this condition are the willingness to believe anything one hears or reads, and a tendency to use the word "ascension" in every other sentence. Epidemics have been reported in the Southwest United States. Recent studies have shown2 that it can only be passed from one person to another on the Internet or in a room where channeling is going on. We have found some scientists and skeptics with a reverse version of this virus in which Neptune is entirely missing, but I will leave that to a future article.

Worldwide Search

As I write, a fervent worldwide search is underway for the medical cause of the territorialism and power-grabbing so prominent in recent interactions between astrological organizations. Astro-scientists around the world (that would be two people) are now studying the Leo portion of human DNA for a cause to this.

It is my sincere wish (believe me!) that those in our field with SVDS and DNCV will have a cure available by the year 2001. Otherwise, what hope can there be for our field to mature?

References

1. A variant of SVDS has been shown to lead directly to road rage. This is the Double Mars Virus, more commonly known as DMV.

2. There is no study. I made it up.

© 1999 Fanny Flame – all fights preserved

Triple Aries Fanny Flame is a 60-year veteran of the astrological wars. She is proud to be self-taught, and now teaches classes on how to teach yourself astrology. She earned the Medal of Slander at The Battle of Sidereal, and has written the best-selling books You Started It!, What's So Bad About Gloom and Doom, and It's Because You're a Pisces. Those outraged at this article may post a complaint on her new web site at: www.IfTheShoeFits.com/mefirst.html

[Draco]

Hi Mav,

Fanny Flame

lol, is this name for real? 'Fanny' means something a little naughtier in the UK than in the US. Whats her book called, 'The Burning Bush'? lol.

This contagious malady, caused by DNCV – the Double Neptune Chart Virus

Hmm. This sounded like me, with Neptune on the MC and configuring with the Moon and Sun.

is also common in astrologers, especially in New Agers. The primary symptoms of this condition are the willingness to believe anything one hears or reads, and a tendency to use the word "ascension" in every other sentence.

Well, this certainly isn't me, but then Saturn is the strongest planet in my chart, which somewhat tempers such wooly mindedness. :P

Draco

[Radu]

So funny! Thanks Ari for the pleasant read...

[Draco]

........but seriously, I like the parodising nature of the article, which mocks the pharmaceutical industry, which makes up acronyms for newly discovered 'ills' in order to sell more products:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article...128371,00.html

Some examples,

ADHD - Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder (otherwise known as being too soft to teach children how to behave, but they can't cash in on this).

SAD 1 - Social Anxiety Disorder (otherwise known as being shy, but they can't cash in on it).

SAD 2 - Seasonal Affective Disorder (Otherwise known as feeling less than overjoyed when it dark by 4:00pm, it's freezing cold and pouring with wind whipped rain, but they can't cash in on it).

I think the last one is only known in the UK.

I'm not trying to send this thread into another direction, just pointing out the satire of the pharmaceutical industry which I believe 'Fanny Flames', article outlines.

Draco

[Arian Maverick]

Well, this certainly isn't me, but then Saturn is the strongest planet in my chart, which somewhat tempers such wooly mindedness.

Saturn is also the Lord of the Geniture in my natal chart; fortunately (or unfortunately), it forms a close conjunction with Neptune.

Perhaps I have DNCV as well...

Arian Maverick

[ALST123]

lol, is this name for real? 'Fanny' means something a little naughtier in the UK than in the US. Whats her book called, 'The Burning Bush'? lol.

Like it, Draco. Hillarious!

Ax.

[AnnaViolet7]

Heeeheee this made me laugh- cheers Arian Maverick!

[AutumnMoonfire]

Originally Posted by Draco

SAD 2 - Seasonal Affective Disorder (Otherwise known as feeling less than overjoyed when it dark by 4:00pm, it's freezing cold and pouring with wind whipped rain, but they can't cash in on it).

I think the last one is only known in the UK.

Heck no! It gets dark here in Northern NY mighty darn early in the winter!