In dire need of advice

gemNFP · #1 01-27-2009, 02:33 PM

I've been in an online relationship with someone for awhile now and she's my first love. I'm Ro and she's Ol. We both became really intimate and really connected over the phone (We plan on meeting soon). Recently, however, I found out that she had a boyfriend for almost the whole time we were talking. I was heartbroken...

I thought maybe it would be best if we just stop talking each other but both of us hurt and she pleaded with me not to leave. She cried and begged and said that she would do anything to fix. So I've decided to give it another shot again. Well...a few days later, i find that she is excited to see her bf over the weekend. I told her about it and she keeps saying that she meant everything she said. I kept telling her I couldn't do this anymore, I can't keep entertaining this lie but she insists that she really loves me and...i just dont know what to think anymore. I plan on seeing her but because of our current situation and because of the fact that I'm distant, I know I wont see her everyday anytime soon.

I really want to know what our synastry says. I feel that she will never be straightforward with me and that I'll be open to more hurt. This is like my last resort because I begged her to tell me the truth (even those truths I've already known) and she would just lie to me over and over until I tell her how I knew. -sighs- I really need help on this as this is my first time going through something like this.

thank you..

Here's our synastry chart. I'm blue and she's red.

Tamara · #2 01-27-2009, 03:09 PM

You'd better use horary chart. Synastry shows basic compatibility level of two.

gemNFP · #3 01-27-2009, 04:43 PM

Thanks Tamara.

FleetingDasein · #4 01-27-2009, 05:02 PM

I went through a similar experience myself, and let me tell you it's not easy to love someone you haven't even met. Hang in there and find out what's really going on. She can't have you both at the same time.

That's the problem with the 12th house. I see most of her personal planets fall in your 12th house. It's not a very good position for a personal relationship. Dishonesty can become a big problem.

Here's an example, taken directly from Fleeting Dasein's 12th house drama: In my synastry, my moon fell in his 12th and I was the one doing all the lying. I didn't lie about my emotions but about other things that were "going on". It took me a while to be totally honest with him but it was definitely worth it.

His venus in my 12th made the relationship feel fated. He is still in my head very often.

Anyways, another stuff that caught my eye: Your moon in the 7th, you want a relationship with her. Simple enough. Her Venus in your 11th, which is great, because you are, above everything else, friends.

All of this of course depends on accurate birth times. Even being 30 minutes off could change everything.

Then look at the aspects! Sextiles, Trines. It's pretty. Saturn/Pluto is the only square I can see. Gives me a good vibe ( but hey I'm used to looking at my charts and they are all red-aspected

)

But yeah, I'm looking foward to seeing the horary for this. Wish you all the best.

gemNFP · #5 01-27-2009, 05:33 PM

Thank you FleetingDasein. Im glad you pointed out the 12 house problem with lies because thats exactly the problem I'm having right now. It's like she's refusing to tell me the truth and when I find out, immediately we both agree to take a break but then no later than 24 hours, we reconcile and this emotional attachment/connection seems to become stronger. It's frustrating because I really want this to work.

FleetingDasein · #6 01-27-2009, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gemNFP

Thank you FleetingDasein. Im glad you pointed out the 12 house problem with lies because thats exactly the problem I'm having right now. It's like she's refusing to tell me the truth and when I find out, immediately we both agree to take a break but then no later than 24 hours, we reconcile and this emotional attachment/connection seems to become stronger. It's frustrating because I really want this to work.

If she told you about the boyfriend then at least she's trying to come clean with you. If she didn't then, maybe you should reevalute what you are getting out of this relationship.

I can relate. It's not easy for her to resist her ex-boyfriend's advances. People do get lonely and they tend to settle for what is already there rather than waiting for what they really want. Then there's the whole awkwardness that comes with an online relationship: it's not like you can tell people. You are all alone... I was laughed at so many times.

Make plans to see each other ASAP. That's the best advice I can give you.

gemNFP · #7 01-27-2009, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FleetingDasein

If she told you about the boyfriend then at least she's trying to come clean with you. If she didn't then, maybe you should reevalute what you are getting out of this relationship.

I can relate. It's not easy for her to resist her ex-boyfriend advances. People do get lonely and they tend to settle for what is already there rather than waiting for what they really want. Then there's the whole awkwardness that comes with an online relationship: it's not like you can tell people. You are all alone... I was laughed at so many times.

Make plans to see each other ASAP. That's the best advice I can give you.

No, she didn't tell me about her boyfriend. I've found out through her myspace in one of her blogs. I asked her if she's seeing someone and I begged her to tell me, and she told me no. We talked and talked and I basically poured out my heart and told her that I really want to know the truth because if I find out I would hurt really bad (I've already found out and was hurting but I wanted her to tell me the truth). She swore that she wasn't seeing anyone and cried and everything, wondering why I was asking. Later I told her that I knew and how I knew, and that's when she said she had nothing to say (other than the fact that the boyfriend she was seeing at the time wasnt her bf anymore) and that we should take a break. I agreed. However, later that night, we txt each other, and she finally admitted how much it is hurting her that we're taking a break from each other. I felt likewise and told her that too. -sighs- So we reconciled and decided again we really need each other because of the intense connection we have. She said she would fix everything. A few days later, I find out that she's rather excited to see her bf and I knew then that she lied about not being in a relationship with anyone now. So...I felt really bad and like a fool. This time I was really set on calling everything off, but she begged me literally the whole day. I nearly had an emotional breakdown over it. So..we reconciled again but I'm still wondering if I should keep going.

gemNFP · #8 01-27-2009, 06:00 PM

Also, where can I get horary chart made? I checked astro.com but I couldn't find it in the extended chart selection.

astrologer50 · #9 01-27-2009, 06:58 PM

horary charts are posted in horary forum.

[edit - All forums besides the "Greenhorn" forum require a person to make their own astrological interpretation in addition to posting their astrological info and questions. - Moderator]

Just as point of interest whomever's moon is in Pisces (or any mutuable sign) are capable of loving two people at same time. To lesser degree i think any mutable sign on asc is capable also......

gemNFP · #10 01-27-2009, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by astrologer50

horary charts are posted in horary forum.

Just as point of interest whomever's moon is in Pisces (or any mutuable sign) are capable of loving two people at same time. To lesser degree i think any mutable sign on asc is capable also......

She has Virgo as Asc. I have Gemini as Sun and Pisces as Moon

Lissa · #11 01-27-2009, 07:21 PM

Dear gemNFP,

I am speaking totally un-astrologically here.

If she has done such a thing to you...as hard as it may be(and I know it is a handful...),you need to let her go.How are you ever going to have a relationship with someone who keeps lying,and lying,and lying to you?I'm guessing your Pisces Moon is very needy,and Pluto in Libra rising puts a lof of emphasis on relationships,and you yourself have already realised you can't trust this girl,but you are probably lingering to some hope because what you really fear is being alone.Your personal planets trine her personal planets,so yes,you get along well with her,but with that big Libra stellium squaring Neptune/Uranus in her natal chart,I don't think she is someone trustworthy.

I know it's always easier said than done and forgeting someone you *love* can be Hell on Earth but sometimes,you just have to protect yourself.So,you need to heal that sweet Pisces heart of yours and let her go!

Wishing you all the best,
Lissa

RockFish · #12 01-27-2009, 07:28 PM

Hi Gem,

Horary charts are charts drawn for a particular question. So, for instance, if I ask "will I get the job?", I draw a chart in the moment I think of this question clearly and want it answered astrologically. An horary reading is a technique used to find answers to specific questions.

In other words, it is like the birth chart of a question. There's no need for a "horary chart" selection in astro.com or in softwares because horary charts are basically draw like natal charts, no real difference. All you need to do is write down the time and date in which the question came up clearly in your mind and then you draw a simple chart for that exact moment.

There is an entire section for relational issues in the horary forum here, where you can post your question and charts. But first, read "How to read a horary chart" (Education Board), give it a try if you want, and good luck!

gemNFP · #13 01-27-2009, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lissa

Dear gemNFP,

I am speaking totally un-astrologically here.

If she has done such a thing to you...as hard as it may be(and I know it is a handful...),you need to let her go.How are you ever going to have a relationship with someone who keeps lying,and lying,and lying to you?I'm guessing your Pisces Moon is very needy,and Pluto in Libra rising puts a lof of emphasis on relationships,and you yourself have already realised you can't trust this girl,but you are probably lingering to some hope because what you really fear is being alone.Your personal planets trine her personal planets,so yes,you get along well with her,but with that big Libra stellium squaring Neptune/Uranus in her natal chart,I don't think she is someone trustworthy.

I know it's always easier said than done and forgeting someone you *love* can be Hell on Earth but sometimes,you just have to protect yourself.So,you need to heal that sweet Pisces heart of yours and let her go!

Wishing you all the best,
Lissa

Thanks Lissa. That's pretty much aligned with what I believe I should do, though I would be a pain to do so.

gemNFP · #14 01-27-2009, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RockFish

Hi Gem,

Horary charts are charts drawn for a particular question. So, for instance, if I ask "will I get the job?", I draw a chart in the moment I think of this question clearly and want it answered astrologically. An horary reading is a technique used to find answers to specific questions.

In other words, it is like the birth chart of a question. There's no need for a "horary chart" selection in astro.com or in softwares because horary charts are basically draw like natal charts, no real difference. All you need to do is write down the time and date in which the question came up clearly in your mind and then you draw a simple chart for that exact moment.

There is an entire section for relational issues in the horary forum here, where you can post your question and charts. But first, read "How to read a horary chart" (Education Board), give it a try if you want, and good luck!

Thank you for this info. I'll try to post the horary chart soon hopefully.

allie_b · #15 01-28-2009, 12:12 AM

I agree with Lissa. This is totally non-astrological---but a deceptive person is not a person you should want in your life, especially as a romantic partner. You deserve so much more than that.

GeraniumSA · #16 01-28-2009, 01:16 AM

She has venus and jupiter in her 12th house and a stellum of planets in your 12th house. I also see a pluto-saturn square between your two charts. Other than that, I see the basic compatability between your two charts is very good.

But, In my venus in 12th house experience, this relationship is TOO intense romantically given your age and experience and HER age and experience. Neither one of you is ready to be with each other yet. I would suggest maybe you just stay friends for now and that you both date other people/ have other romantic relationships. If you both haven"t found other people after your saturn returns (very late twenties/early thirties), maybe a romantic relationship would be a possiblity. She probably doesn't know what she wants/needs yet in a relationship yet--venus in 12th people often take longer than many to figure that one out. It may take as long as into her 40's (Jupiter in 12th conjunct venus). I'm sorry that that isn't what you wanted to read.

gemNFP · #17 01-28-2009, 03:21 PM

Thanks Germanium and allie_b for your comments. Sorry for not posting the horary as I was unexpectedly busy and had a gut feeling of what I needed to.

As of this morning, we've talked. Yes I've gotten angry, but I had to quit the so-called relationship because I know I want honesty, not lies. And it's not fair for me, herself, and the other person she's seeing but claim not to be seeing anymore. What she is doing is wrong and I have made the right choice this time and am not looking back. I am actually relieved now because I know that I do have high ideals/morals for relationships and that's something I can actually feel good about.

Thanks to everyone for giving me your feedback

FleetingDasein · #18 01-29-2009, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gemNFP

As of this morning, we've talked. Yes I've gotten angry, but I had to quit the so-called relationship because I know I want honesty, not lies. And it's not fair for me, herself, and the other person she's seeing but claim not to be seeing anymore. What she is doing is wrong and I have made the right choice this time and am not looking back. I am actually relieved now because I know that I do have high ideals/morals for relationships and that's something I can actually feel good about.

Thanks to everyone for giving me your feedback

I'm glad to hear this. I hope everything works out.

milkywaygirl · #19 01-29-2009, 03:08 AM

i didnt really read through all the responses so forgive me if some of what i mention has been covered.

i am going to skip over the whole thing about being "in love" with someone you have never met, because i'm sure you've heard it before, and just stick to the synastry that you have posted.

12th house emphasis is rather daunting, as so much of "her" is connected to you in this indescribable and psychically intuitive way. maybe she appears in your dreams or you feel her speaking to you when no real speaking is going on - it can be quite an overwhelming type of association, but one to be guarded against. this person invades that psychic space of yours which is unguarded. planets fallling in the 12th in synastry also is an indication of a secret affair, something already evident in your association. you are her secret, and perhaps the other way around as well. her mars on your ascendant indicates that you feel energised by her in a very big way. neptune and uranus falling in your 3rd doesnt bode well for communication - on the one hand she stimulates you towards breakthroughs, but on the other, she clouds you. communication could be romanticized and ethereal, but never "real talk", which is something taht you sorely need in your relations with her, considering the 12th house emphasis.

there is no immediate connections between the two of you regarding your 7th or 8th, intimating that the chance of a longterm relationship or even the fruits of a relationship are not evident or emphasized. your moon falling in her 7th indicates that she may feel comfortable having an emotional partnership of sorts with you, but you have to ask yourself, is that something you want or can handle? she seems to overwhelm you. venus and jupiter in your 11th hints at seeing her more as a "friend", detached from close interrelatedness, yet she invades your psychic space.

these types of relationships are not to be entered into lightly as they can drive someone mad. with your emotionally sensitive and intuitive moon this is something to be aware of. im concerned about your mars-saturn conjunction and the implications of that placement, especially with her mars sitting right on your ascendant. there is a lot of natural frustration in your own self in terms of your urge to "act", and she gives you energy to "act", but the danger is getting caught up in a fantasy that she is the only person who can help you "move" so to speak.

finally, she has a heavily libran tone to her chart. librans are all about relating and the relationship itself, maintaining it and not ruffling feathers. sometimes i question the motivations behind indivuduals with a lot of libra in their chart - do they really care and love, or is it for the sake of having a relationship to be involved in? this is something you need to question and ponder yourself. does she see you for you, or does she see you for the relationship that you are providing for her?