To Osamenor:
I've read your post and I took it into account of what you said. I'm still couldn't find another significant other to merge with. Even if I do try my best, I'm stll unsucessful. Sometimes I ask myself: "Why am I still single?" Is it because I'm different? Is it because I have an (emotional) disability?
Not quite clear what you're saying here. Is it that you've never had a romantic relationship at all before? Or dated but only casually? Has there ever been anyone who wanted a committed relationship with you? Or has it always been a two way street, where they wouldn't commit to you either?
In any case, on a second look at your chart (and I meant to do this long ago, but got caught up in work and other time commitments!), it looks like this has everything to do with boundary issues, with building healthy boundaries between self and other, but boundaries that allow for connections. And the other in this case doesn't just mean a significant other in the romantic sense. It also means friends, family members, and the groups of people in your life, and it even goes beyond humankind. Spirit is included in this other, and pets, and any living being you have any interaction with.
Your chart is full of indicators that boundaries between self and other are problematic for you. Some people with those kinds of boundary problems have very weak boundaries and little to no sense of self. Others react by building extremely rigid boundaries, which they can't relax even when appropriate. Those people may appear to have very solid senses of self and great self sufficiency (that appearance is also classic for anyone with Capricorn rising), but with those boundary problems, the core sense of self is actually weak. Between your own description of your problem and your birth chart, it's evident that you fall into the second category.
This problem isn't confined to you in this lifetime. It extends into the karmic past. Depending on how you interpret these things, karmic past could mean past lives that you personally have lived, or it could mean unconscious beliefs and behavior patterns inherited from your ancestors--your parents all the way back to your prehistoric ancestors (or Adam and Eve if you prefer the Biblical version!).
It's possible that you had early experiences in this life that made for weak boundaries. If you grew up in a family where personal boundaries weren't respected, if you were ever abused (by family members or anyone else), or if you absorbed attitudes from the people around you that built up these problems--if, say, you got the impression that committing to a relationship would be emasculating--then we wouldn't even have to look to the unknowable past to see the boundary problems. If none of that sounds like your life story, then we must definitely be looking at past lives. Either way, you came into this life with the seeds of a personality built on dissolving the boundaries of self and a need to rebuild those boundaries and redefine your connections with others.
I'm looking at your north and south nodes here: north node in Virgo in the eighth house conjunct Saturn, south node in Pisces in the second house. South node represents your karmic past, what was left unfinished in past lives, what you came into this life to rectify. North node represents what you need to grow toward and become, and also indicates what your soul has never learned and needs to learn now. Your north node is in the same house as your sun, which is also the house that holds the great majority of your planets, so almost everything that facilitates your personal growth also takes you to the north nodes. But it's also extra challenging because you have so much energy concentrated in an area where, at the soul level, you have no previous experience.
Pisces is the transcendent sign, the mystical sign, where boundaries between self and other and the universe blur and fade. The second house is the house of personal resources, both emotional and physical. That you have the south nodes in the second house suggest that those kinds of issues are what were left unresolved when you came into this life, and having them in Pisces in the second house suggests that whatever your karmic past experiences were, they left you not knowing how to properly differentiate yourself from others. Having that issue at your core sense of self would likely make you feel very vulnerable. You must have had the sense from day one that if you didn't draw very strong boundaries for yourself, your very self would disappear, and once those boundaries were drawn, you couldn't relax them for fear that you would disappear.
Your north node takes you to the eighth house, from personal resources to shared resources. It indicates a relaxation of those too rigid boundaries, but the sign of your north node and the one planet conjuncting them indicate, paradoxically, a strengthening of personal boundaries at that core self level. Saturn is the planet of boundaries (and for us Capricorn risings, it's the chart ruler, so boundaries rule your chart!). Virgo is a nice solid earth sign, and in this case, it would indicate healthy boundaries, being able to properly differentiate yourself from other (sun, ego, in the same house, plus all those Leo planets, including one of your south node rulers, adds to the message that this is about developing your ego)... but Virgo is also the sign of growth through service to others. Service in this case means developing your own skill and sense of competence to the point that you can be useful to others, whether it's a professional skill or a more personal offering.
You also have the moon in Pisces, and it's not only a luminary, as everyone's moon is, it's extra strong because it's the only planet in that section of your chart. So Pisces energy obviously figures very prominently in your life, and it's probably what you feel the strongest. Your taking messages from your own dreams and trying to interpret them is a key example of Pisces energy working on you, and you working with it. It's no surprise that you keenly feel that fear and vulnerability.
