I'm now undergoing transit Saturn square my Ascendant, which will retrograde into a long malefic transit. I didn't know how excruciating this transit could be. Regressing my horoscope to the last time this occurred (when I knew nothing about astrology), I realize that this was then an excruciating time, too. At least I have astrology to explain it this time, and can forecast the end, even though it's going to be quite a painful while with Saturn's retrograde.
I honestly feel like my whole world has turned completely upside down, wrong side out...that many whom I believed were trusted friends are now demanding, treacherous enemies, and every comfortable routine has somehow been changed into a horrible ordeal to survive.
Blessings and love to anyone undergoing a transit Saturn squaring your ascendant! It's a nightmare.
I suspect there might be more going on than just this transit. I think it would be a good idea to post your natal chart with transits and progressions. You can obtain this from astro.com for free. Save as a picture and reattach to this post.
Byron
I'm now undergoing transit Saturn square my Ascendant, which will retrograde into a long malefic transit. I didn't know how excruciating this transit could be. Regressing my horoscope to the last time this occurred (when I knew nothing about astrology), I realize that this was then an excruciating time, too. At least I have astrology to explain it this time, and can forecast the end, even though it's going to be quite a painful while with Saturn's retrograde.
I honestly feel like my whole world has turned completely upside down, wrong side out...that many whom I believed were trusted friends are now demanding, treacherous enemies, and every comfortable routine has somehow been changed into a horrible ordeal to survive.
Blessings and love to anyone undergoing a transit Saturn squaring your ascendant! It's a nightmare.
Byron
Thanks so much for taking a look at my chart! What the Astrodienst chart doesn't seem to show are all the sesquisquares in my transits, so I have attached both a standard Astrodienst chart and one with just transits showing the sesquisquares (produced by my own program). My DOB data is also below.
Thank you, Vista! Your interpretation of my transits is about the best birthday present I could get!
You are so right pointing out my T-square of Chiron, Saturn and Uranus -- it's always been a powerful (and painful) configuration in my chart. Transit Uranus has been "grand-crossing" it for so long (since Spring last year!) that I guess I've just grown accustomed to the constant "background" distress -- which has involved endless upsetting changes, sudden sad memories, unexpected betrayals, etc. I've even found myself saying "of course" when yet another upset comes out of nowhere. The addition of t. Saturn square my Ascendant and a Cancerian progressed Moon (which hadn't occurred to me) must have been the "last straws on the camel's back" that finally made the pain excruciating.
Thank you for showing me that better times are coming soon! Too often I get to the point that I'm afraid to look ahead.
Frangoso, you worded the feeling so well!: "This transit is heavy as hell. I have been very tired, lately; and saturn really restricts my expression, taking all my self-esteem. My biological clock is ***** up. And the worst is that i tend to fall in moments of apathy" Everything you say here is exactly what is happening to me now. I'm so sorry it's happening to you, but your commiseration sure does help me!
Vista, your transits sound rough indeed! Retrogrades of malefic transits right over key points in our charts seem so cruel. I've had hard retrogrades exactly on key points in my chart so often lately that I can't believe it. My first Saturn Return years ago was a single hit, but my second one was a triple hit and brought great loss and death.
Thank you both for your support and commiseration! It has truly helped me!
Vista, I totally share your pain, too! Since the Solar Eclipse (in the Fixed Grand Cross) of August 1999, which fell directly on my natal Sun/Pluto conjunction, I've lost a lucrative career, a new house, my life partner (who I discovered had often cheated on me) -- my brother was killed, my mother died, 6 dear pets have died, my car and part of my house was crushed in an ice storm...I could go on, but you get the picture. But I've also undergone a progressed Dark of the Moon and a number of other hard transits in the years since then.
I believe you are correct that the second hit, the retrograde of a malefic transit, does the most damage. When t. Saturn retrograded back over my natal Saturn, the first cat I ever owned, my beautiful and dearest friend for 20 years, fell very ill and died. My sister also betrayed me, and I found that colleagues were stealing my work and labeling it as their own. The end of the final (forward) transit seemed to ease my grieving, left me realizing that my sister was never the person I'd always idealized her to be, and that I needed to be much more cautious about whom I share with.
I think I can understand what Ion is saying...that Saturn is revealing things -- in the harsh light of day. Being the Neptunian that I tend to be (my intercepted Aquarius Sun is not very strong), escape and fantasy have been so comforting, but Saturn won't permit me to ignore mortality, dishonesty, and vulnerability any more.
Today is my birthday, but I couldn't feel any less like celebrating. I have homework to grade (I'm a teacher), housework to do (my house looks like a pig sty now), and probably neighbors who will want to drop by. But I'm just too exhausted in body, mind and spirit to handle any of the above.
Oops...I forgot that could happen...seems nothing I
do these days goes undetected.
Two days ago, I let my last class out early because not only had they just underone a grueling exam and was I feeling exhausted, but I also owed the students some release time for keeping them overtime on other days. They were quite happy, and I too suddenly felt lighter and happier.
Little did I know that a couple of my students would go straight to the director to bother her about a completely unrelated matter, and she sought me out to officially reprimand me for "breaking rules" (letting my class out early). I was both humiliated and angry.
To me, this is very much related to my natal Saturn/Uranus square (now activated by t. Uranus), a natal configuration which has always put me at serious odds with blind laws/retribution from others (Libra Saturn in the 8th - I always envision the blindfolded statue of Justice, with her Libra scales and the vengeance associated with Scorpio 8th) - vs. my deep need for personal exceptions and considerations, as well as practical flexibility in my routine (Cancerian Uranus in Virgoan 6th). My Capricorn Chiron T-squaring all this just seems to make it hurt for a long time - I'm still hurting about this incident two days later.
Vista, I erased my message because I felt that I was carrying on too much and wrongly turning this into a psychotherapy forum. And it also seems that the more I talk (or write) now, the worse I mess things up, both internally and externally. I did just that with the director - I spoiled the "nice" conclusion of our personal "meeting" - one which left me "guilty but forgiven" - I went home and realized that I had accepted guilt to reach a peaceful conclusion, and sent her an e-mail saying that with my decades of seniority, experience, and utter dependability, I deserved consideration for my judgments and that I felt humiliated to be "called on the carpet" like a new teacher. Stupid move on my part.
If I would just shut up while I'm ahead (which is hard for me to see until after I've thoroughly messed myself up again)...but I'm too Aquarian and too Taurean for that, I suppose. And here I am, carrying on again.
Actually, Vista, the most important matter here is to thank you. I am really very touched that you would check out my Solar Return, progressions, and Solar Arc. Thank you so much! I had actually taken a quick look at my Solar Return on the 12th, saw my Returned Sun squaring the new Scorpio Ascendant and the Moon/Saturn conjunction in the 11th, and all the oppositions to my MC...and groaned out loud.
I didn't see my progressed Moon (at 24 Cancer) conjunct Saturn (but as confused as I am lately, I don't see a lot of things right in front of me), but I do see my progressed Moon EXACTLY square my progressed Sun and Ascendant (applying)...oh god...at that point, I quickly closed the astrology program with a sick feeling. Probably there are things I shouldn't know.
All I feel now is "How much more can I take?? How much more will I do myself in until I collapse?? How many more losses will I incur? I don't even have the dignity or respect of my decades of seniority left." I go to bed happy to be unconscious, but wake up with the dread of another day in a meaningless, undignified life.
Yet all the problems are internal, inside of me...I'm overreacting to external events (like the arbitrary director's reprimand) far too much. I feel too weak, like a leaf being blow about by the slightest transit.
Transit Moon just squared my sensitive natal Neptune, and I honestly felt like I was going out of my mind. (And before skeptics can say it was auto-suggestion, I did not know this transit was happening until just now...after it's over.) It seems that every negative transit is enough to knock me off my emotional feet these days.
Oh...I just got my mail, and it seems that I'm now being billed for almost $1,000 for an emergency medical treatment that was supposedly completely paid for by my workman's comp insurance LAST YEAR (a student bashed my head into a concrete column during a school party). Yet another issue that I am unjustly held responsible for.
Just in my experience, I have not found sesquisquares (aka sesquares) to be insignificant transits. Lois Rodden and Stephanie Johnson (the author of SolarFire's interpretations) considered them as significant, and I have found them to be quite powerful triggers, especially when major transits are already in effect. I became a believer when a sesquisquare coincided exactly with a death in my family, while other major transits were in effect.
She has not even made eye contact with me since, and a few of her "buddies" (some who were very "friendly" with me before) have followed suit. Believe me, English teachers can be some of the pettiest and meanest people alive. Like you, ByJove, I am so ready to flush them out. Hidden enemies, fake friends, out with them all. The real friends are definitely standing out now, however!
Update on t. Saturn Rx square my Ascendant, for the reference of any others who experience this.
The square is now "in remission" in Rx as of March 1.
First, I note a lifting of the gloom and a return of some motivation. Not exactly cheerful and eager yet, but definitely on an upswing. The feeling of excruciating tension has eased up. I don't have that "I must have a glass of wine" feeling after work anymore.
By the way, ByJove, I think that my experience with Saturn sq. Ascendant might be more steadily depressing to me than yours is to you because my Ascendant is Capricorn (ruled by Saturn and prone to gloom anyway)--so this is kinda doubly Saturnine for me. In my experience, Cancer tends to react to negative transits in a variable way, as you describe (i.e., up and down, varying moods, like the changeable Moon that rules it), whereas Capricorn stays down, like its ruler, slow, unrelenting Saturn.
Other things that've happened since "remission", one colleague came up and profusely apologized to me for using my material without giving me proper credit, and another asked me to work on a research project and conference presentation with her! Both right out of the blue!
To backtrack, just previously, during the final days in orb, I found out other hidden enemies, one a colleague who obviously doesn't like me or my teaching methodology and has been speaking disparagingly behind my back. Up until now, I had only noticed a definite coolness in her attitude with me, but our very opposing philosophies came to a head in a meeting, and I realized for the first time how bitter an opponent she is. I mean she has not only a professional dislike for me, but a very personal one, too. (T. Mars is opposing my Venus-Mars-Jupiter conjunction, too.)
She has not even made eye contact with me since, and a few of her "buddies" (some who were very "friendly" with me before) have followed suit. Believe me, English teachers can be some of the pettiest and meanest people alive. Like you, ByJove, I am so ready to flush them out. Hidden enemies, fake friends, out with them all. The real friends are definitely standing out now, however!
One last interesting bit of synchronicity. In the last few hours of the Saturn square being in orb, a heavy book fell on my foot, reinjuring a big toe that was just healing from an earlier injury (Saturn has ALSO been sesquisquare my Pisces stellium--feet). Ow, ow, ow!!! At that very moment, another false (now former) friend passed the door of my office. Just to remind me, I guess. Hurt me once, hurt me twice...
The final forward pass later this year should be interesting--and hopefully less painful--as Saturn Rx transits have always hurt the worst. I'm quite ready now to complete this cycle of purging.
Thanks for the empathy, Vista!I'm a firm believer now that Saturn's second hit is the worst. It was most certainly the worst during my Saturn Return, and now again with Saturn square my Ascendant.Actually, my natal Venus is in mid-Pisces in my 2nd House. Very fortunately, T Pluto will be trine my natal Moon during Saturn's 3rd hit, but T Uranus will still be square my natal Uranus in the 6th (but separating), which seems to coincide very well with my plans to retire and change my lifestyle.
Hahaha!!! Does he also have a late Capricorn Ascendant? For his sake, I hope not! If I could have been born just a little later, I would've had an Aquarius Ascendant and a non-intercepted Sun...my life would have been so different! (...a lot happier, I believe...)
While I'm waiting for Saturn to do its third square of my Ascendant (late September 2012), Uranus has begun squaring my natal Uranus, again activating (as a Grand Cross) my natal T-square of Chiron-Saturn-Uranus.
Every negative Uranus thing seems to be happening: Technological breakdowns (car suddenly needs all kinds of maintenance), wild unexpected mishaps (almost had a near disastrous car accident), house and paperwork are in chaos, high nervous tension, etc. Thank heavens nothing irreversible has happened <seriously knocking on wood!>.
I made the STUPID mistake of doing my taxes when Mercury (Uranus' buddy) was stationary last night - and e-filing it, to boot! DUH! Didn't even think! The software was buggy and made a mess of things. I've spent all day on the phone with the Federal IRS and the State, trying to make sure that the errors that the buggy software made were straightened out. Have already had to send amended returns - like I wanted to...I'm a nervous wreck. At least Mercury is direct now.
Thanks for letting me vent. I'm posting here because I didn't want to start a whole big deal. I just needed to get this out. WHY don't I look at my chart before I do things???
As you mentioned, Vista, here's to 2013! I don't see any let-up until then.
Byron
Add Mercury retrograde (in Pisces, my strongest and most sensitive sign) to T Uranus square my natal Uranus (the ruler of my Sun and 3rd planet in my natal T-square) and you got agitation deluxe! You're astute that I've not been feeling depressed...just jumpy as a cat on a hot roof! (Don't know which is worse - depression or agitation!) Yes, thank you, I AM okay, though.
I sure hope that written job offer comes through for you now! (Fingers crossed!) Please let me know!
Sincerely,
Byron