is this guy capable of relationship commitment?

R

ritz

Well-known member
he has cheated on his ex wife, divorced now. and his son passed away last year. he says he does not wanna commit. but we have a thing going on since a year. and people around us keep telling me he really likes me and we seem good together. but my heart tells me it will not work out. and my instinct tells me to walk from this. please, please help and explain why..

i feel one of the reason is it's because of ketu in cancer in his 5th house which makes him quite detached.

have attached only his chart.
 

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R

ritz

Well-known member
he has very close relationship with his ex wife, which sometimes gives me doubts about what's going on. so would appreciate any wise insight from you guys out there!
 
Bunraku

Bunraku

Well-known member
1. He cheated
2. Still is hanging around with the ex wife
3. He is stringing you along for a relationship that may never happen.
4. He specifically says he doesn’t want to commit

You, as a woman, should not have to wait for someone to come around. You are doing the good choice by walking away.
 
Kitchy

Kitchy

Banned
Bun is wise -

In spite of your own desire or wishcraft for more from him - you have all the cards on the table. You even said, "my instincts say I should walk away."

P.S....

It is probably a good thing, imo, to know he and his ex wife have a good relationship after the death of their child. Something so tragic can create misery on top of misery for parents - married or ex's. As a point of compassion, I don't see this as a negative of him.

But hey, the old saying always stands "when someone shows you who they are, believe them...." He's showing you who he is and what he doesn't want. Believe him.

To be fair to yourself and him - tell him "if you ever change your mind, let me know" and in the meantime, move on and you will probably be over it before you know it.
 
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IleneK

IleneK

Premium Member
If the question is "Is he capable?" I would have to say yes.

The rulers of his 1st-7th, self-relationship axis are in very harmonious relationship using the traditional concept of reception. Mars and Venus receive each other by exaltation which means that the inner components of relationship in his psyche get along well with each other. He knows how to do it.

Now as to whether or not he will do it, that is another matter, I would think.
 
K

katydid

Well-known member
I agree with the others have said. It is a difficult situation for you.

The problem is compounded by the fact that YOU are his REBOUND relationship. It is really hard to make it permanent when you are the rebound person. :sideways:
 
Tessie

Tessie

Banned
ritz said:
he has cheated on his ex wife, divorced now. and his son passed away last year. he says he does not wanna commit. but we have a thing going on since a year. and people around us keep telling me he really likes me and we seem good together. but my heart tells me it will not work out. and my instinct tells me to walk from this. please, please help and explain why..

i feel one of the reason is it's because of ketu in cancer in his 5th house which makes him quite detached.

have attached only his chart.
Click to expand...

I also agree with the others based on the fact the subject has said there is no committed future between you. Each time you hug/kiss/etc. with him, you will get more emotionally attached whilst he, who is not in love with you, is likely to stay distant. To understand the mechanism behind this you should read up on Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and its differential effect between men and women. The basic effect is that women who have no feelings will develop feelings through affectionate contact, whereas men who have no feelings, will not develop feelings through affectionate contact, unless they are in love. Going by your description, this divorcee has said he is not in love with you but you, through being available to him, are getting more attached and, rather sadly, using people other than him to justify that. A man who really likes his car does not leave it unlocked for anyone to take. A man who really likes a woman commits. If you want to understand why he does not want to commit to you, why don't you ask him, maybe he could explain? x x x
 
espi3479

espi3479

Well-known member
Bunraku said:
1. He cheated
2. Still is hanging around with the ex wife
3. He is stringing you along for a relationship that may never happen.
4. He specifically says he doesn’t want to commit

You, as a woman, should not have to wait for someone to come around. You are doing the good choice by walking away.
Click to expand...

Yup. Just leave.he's got too much on his plate for anything new
 
R

ritz

Well-known member
Tessie said:
I also agree with the others based on the fact the subject has said there is no committed future between you. Each time you hug/kiss/etc. with him, you will get more emotionally attached whilst he, who is not in love with you, is likely to stay distant. To understand the mechanism behind this you should read up on Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and its differential effect between men and women. The basic effect is that women who have no feelings will develop feelings through affectionate contact, whereas men who have no feelings, will not develop feelings through affectionate contact, unless they are in love. Going by your description, this divorcee has said he is not in love with you but you, through being available to him, are getting more attached and, rather sadly, using people other than him to justify that. A man who really likes his car does not leave it unlocked for anyone to take. A man who really likes a woman commits. If you want to understand why he does not want to commit to you, why don't you ask him, maybe he could explain? x x x
Click to expand...

Thank you for your reply. Do not judge me when you don't know me on the dynamics of my relationship by saying that am using people to justify anything.
 
R

ritz

Well-known member
IleneK said:
If the question is "Is he capable?" I would have to say yes.

The rulers of his 1st-7th, self-relationship axis are in very harmonious relationship using the traditional concept of reception. Mars and Venus receive each other by exaltation which means that the inner components of relationship in his psyche get along well with each other. He knows how to do it.

Now as to whether or not he will do it, that is another matter, I would think.
Click to expand...

Thank you for taking the time to reply! :)
Yes, that was exactly the question i had posted to know whether he is capable to commit in a relationship. Well, he just told me he is lost and does not what he wants out of life. And also that, seems we might have to end it because of the distance in our relationship.
 
R

ritz

Well-known member
Bunraku said:
1. He cheated
2. Still is hanging around with the ex wife
3. He is stringing you along for a relationship that may never happen.
4. He specifically says he doesn’t want to commit

You, as a woman, should not have to wait for someone to come around. You are doing the good choice by walking away.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your reply! Much appreciate it
 
R

ritz

Well-known member
Kitchy said:
Bun is wise -

In spite of your own desire or wishcraft for more from him - you have all the cards on the table. You even said, "my instincts say I should walk away."

P.S....



It is probably a good thing, imo, to know he and his ex wife have a good relationship after the death of their child. Something so tragic can create misery on top of misery for parents - married or ex's. As a point of compassion, I don't see this as a negative of him.

But hey, the old saying always stands "when someone shows you who they are, believe them...." He's showing you who he is and what he doesn't want. Believe him.

To be fair to yourself and him - tell him "if you ever change your mind, let me know" and in the meantime, move on and you will probably be over it before you know it.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your reply. Am just worried because i don't want to fall into depression.
 
sibylline

sibylline

Well-known member
Bunraku said:
1. He cheated
2. Still is hanging around with the ex wife
3. He is stringing you along for a relationship that may never happen.
4. He specifically says he doesn’t want to commit

You, as a woman, should not have to wait for someone to come around. You are doing the good choice by walking away.
Click to expand...

This.

As far as the chart... I'll just say that being committed and faithful long-term are not what come to my mind when I look at it.
 
sibylline

sibylline

Well-known member
ritz said:
Thank you for ur reply. Could you explain to me what makes you say this?
Click to expand...

Almost everything...

Aries ASC with ruler Mars in Pisces in 12th, square Jupiter
Aries Moon, also rising
Moon opposite Uranus
Uranus on DSC
Ruler of DSC conjunct Mercury
Afflicted Sun-Neptune conjunction in Sagittarius in 8th, ruling 5th

None of these alone would signify a cheater or noncommittal person but the cumulative effect of them is tremendous.

Not to mention Uranus is currently transiting through his first house and conjunct his Moon. This is a time of many changes, when people are more self-reliant, let go of relationships, and are less attached to anything that could hinder their freedom.

If you decide to enter into a relationship with him, well...don't be shocked.
 
R

ritz

Well-known member
sibylline said:
Almost everything...

Aries ASC with ruler Mars in Pisces in 12th, square Jupiter
Aries Moon, also rising
Moon opposite Uranus
Uranus on DSC
Ruler of DSC conjunct Mercury
Afflicted Sun-Neptune conjunction in Sagittarius in 8th, ruling 5th

None of these alone would signify a cheater or noncommittal person but the cumulative effect of them is tremendous.

Not to mention Uranus is currently transiting through his first house and conjunct his Moon. This is a time of many changes, when people are more self-reliant, let go of relationships, and are less attached to anything that could hinder their freedom.

If you decide to enter into a relationship with him, well...don't be shocked.
Click to expand...

So you think he will never be in a commited relationship?
 
R

ritz

Well-known member
Jadi said:
Something like this:
'With them it's just about sex, I'm fully committed to you.'
Click to expand...

Ok. So you have the same explanation as above? So, this guy is shallow, and can never be committed? But he was married for about 20 years! So whats the explanation for that?
 
J

Jadi

Well-known member
ritz said:
Ok. So you have the same explanation as above? So, this guy is shallow, and can never be committed? But he was married for about 20 years! So whats the explanation for that?
Click to expand...
I see a lot of indicators for the need to experiment, especially with sexual relationships, yes. So if it's commitment you're looking for, I'd sugguest you move on.
 
J

Jadi

Well-known member
ritz said:
But he was married for about 20 years! So whats the explanation for that?
Click to expand...
He has a good Jupiter there in the 9th house. So it's great for a traditional marriage but that's no garantuee he will be monogamous. It's square Mars in the 12th house, that would give you a clue. Then there are also connections made between his Lilith/True lilith/Mars/Nessus and some other asteroids.
 
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