DainBramaged said:
I think you guys wanted to know the cause too..and that's why you looked to astrology for answers
One thing that astrology has taught me is that assigning a pathology to any part of the human personality and soul can be quite dangerous and counterproductive. Assigning pathology encourages a victim consciousness, as if we're under some brain-curse. This dims the path of the soul. On the other hand, understanding how energy affects us, as astrology is so well suited for, provides us with a map of the twists and turns of the road called the human experience. We can choose to live consciously or unconsciously, we can choose to embrace our full self, even our challenges, or we can simply assign pathology to those challenges and reject them as an outcast part of ourselves.
If we choose to outcast any piece of ourselves, it will be a demon unto ourselves; at the next powerful outer planet cycle turning point in our lives, it will rear its head up as if to say "you didn't finish the work you needed to do". And for every turning point we push these things back, the more difficult they become!
Regardless, you are undergoing the first dynamic aspect of the Pluto cycle, Pluto octile Pluto. Since you have a Mars-Pluto square, this aspect is being activated as Pluto not only octiles itself in the natal picture, but trioctiles natal Mars. Regardless of the natal aspect, the first Pluto octile is an important part of the Plutonian journey, and it's often at this phase of the cycle when the native gets the first clear glimpse of their road ahead with Pluto. It is a point of "first conflict", and is an internalized sort of energy. The first hit to the natal aspect was back in January of this year. The retrograde hit was a few weeks ago, centered on June 24th. This would indicate a time when you most strongly internalize the energy presented. The final hit will be in November, centered around the 16th, and by that time much of what you're contemplating will likely be resolved, or at least understood well enough to continue on the path to resolution.
Based on the planetary meanings and what you've wrote, the natal aspect and it's activation by Pluto seem to revolve around finding the base of personal power (Pluto) to assert yourself (Mars).
One key concept you should consider is how one's rising sign acts as a filter for all their experiences. It sort of colors how we see the world around us, and what reflects back to us. Scorpio is basically a detective, think of an undercover agent working for a government intelligence agency, but his main target being the psychological and soul-level processes that drive the human being. Pluto rising in the 1st amplifies this nature, as Pluto rules Scorpio.
This goes to show why you tend to analyze people. The Pluto/Scorpio energy gives you an uncanny ability to investigate and probe. Pluto is the planet of psychology also, representing the deepest, most repressed parts that we must face through the process of self-analysis, as well as the analysis of others, as Pluto works on both a personal and transpersonal level.
The lesson here is that while you have this strong Pluto/Scorpio orientation and filter, not everyone else does. When you often feel that people are analyzing you, violating your space, what you are most likely really seeing is a reflection of yourself. When we look into other people, what we see most often is that which is actually contained without ourselves, reflected through the other. This is especially true early in life, before the first Uranus square (around age 21), when we are still defining our own individuality. It's not until the Saturn return (29) that this individuality starts to really get cemented, either. We really aren't spiritual individuals until Saturn has made it's round, some of us not even then. It is truly a lifelong process.
The other side of that coin is that you should realize that's a two way street. The others are also seeing in you a reflection of themselves. They see an amalgam of their joy and pain, experience and desire, past and future, just as you see the same in them. This is how relating to others allows us to really explore ourselves to the fullest potential. What else they see in you is what you divulge in combination with what experiences and traits you share with the other. Your connections, as witness by a synastry chart. People with strong connections to the outer planets, especially Neptune and Pluto, tend to be able to see in better than others, but there is still a large degree of personal space granted by your individuality. The challenge is not only to define yourself as a beautiful, unique, autonomous being, but also to grant yourself the personal power and freedom that you need to truly be an individual. Only you can grant that for yourself, no external force can do so; it's simply there. You only need reach out and consciously possess it! This, of course, must be balanced with constructive and conscious exchange of psychic energy, but this exchange should take place from the individual to the other individual, with boundaries enforced by the personal will. Then you truly possess your mind, body AND soul. You needn't become so individualistic that you can't connect with others in a meaningful sense. The goal here is not to surrender yourself to the other, nor to to retreat behind the fortress walls of the individual, but to fully possess yourself while relating to others in an honest, direct manner. This is just one of many balances we work on throughout the human experience, all of them important to personal wholeness.
I'd recommend you investigate the effects of the various rising signs on natives, how other people filter their experiences. It will help you to understand how others see their experiences, and how they will see you. Another Scorpio rising might take on the analytical nature as you do, but you'll find the other 11 signs have very different approaches. Of course, planets contained in the 1st house and even midpoints that fall in the 1st house will further modify this, as well as the positioning of the ascendant ruler, which is a
major consideration. You having the ascendant ruler in the ascending house is very significant!
It would also be good to talk with your closest friends and loved ones about their filters. Not in an astrological sense, unless they are so inclined, but rather the goal being simply to get an idea of how others size up people and situations. One of the most important lessons in life is realizing just how different the world looks to someone else, and how differently everyone approaches it. Not everyone is picking you apart! The sheer massiveness of these differences is a hard thing to wrap the mind around, as we're all somewhat locked in our own experience. In somewhat scientific terms, we all recognize the ~475 nanometer wavelength of photon energy (light) as "blue", and agree how we perceive that wavelength is "blue", but who's to say in someone else's vision blue looks the same? It's impossible to find a reference as a wavelength is a wavelength; but how we interpret that wavelength might be totally different, even though we agree upon the word. Society tells us blue is calm, red is passion, etc, but on an unconscious or subconscious level, absent of social conditioning, our soul's reactions can be quite different to that wavelength.
What you're describing as a "personality disorder" is just a normal part of the human experience, the formation of individuality and it's associated foundation and boundaries. For some of us it comes easy, some of us have to work on it. I had to work on it quite a bit.
Anyhow... Just a few thoughts. Thanks for sharing your experiences, it's always interesting.