My final yet desperate attempt at some peace

Januarystorm

Well-known member
some more charts

i now have

1. both natals
2. synastry
3. davision blabla chart
4. progressed partner
5. composite

think thats all

i used reference place? because i was born in another country real far away from here but i have lived here since i was 4 and we also met in this city so is that good? or should i do the spherical thingie? let me know and thank you THANK YOU
 
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JUPITERASC

Well-known member
some more charts

i now have

1. both natals
2. synastry
3. davision blabla chart
4. progressed partner
5. composite

think thats all

i used reference place? because i was born in another country real far away from here
but i have lived here since i was 4
and we also met in this city so is that good?
or should i do the spherical thingie?
let me know and thank you THANK YOU
even if it was another country far from your current residence
necessary to confirm your natal chart is located for your place of birth
:smile:
 

JUPITERASC

Well-known member
After trying to understand different techniques,
spending hours on astro.com figuring out what exactly a vertex is,
what makes people trine, if my venus is so-so or feeling cheeky
- i have finally given up thinking i could do this on my own
and i am now asking for anyone to just give me some peace of mind,
just a nudge in the right direction
because right now i am torn,
the doubt is what is truly breaking me inside, if i could know for sure
- this is it, you just be happy, live everyday to your fullest,
this is your fate, this man is the one for you and everything that has happened
and everything you felt in your heart was not just your wishful thinking
or imagination gone wild, it will be
and now just let it go and LET it be for gods sakes, orrrr..
It is simply not possible for ANYONE to find that level of certainty in life :smile:
although many think it is

fact is
all you can do is your best
after that
relax
avoid beating yourself up with blaming yourself
avoid blaming others as well

maybe there was something but it was only meant to be for that period of time, you have to move on and let the hope go, its unfair to yourself as it is to the other person, i never would want anyone to be with me against their will, if i would for a second think that there was no chance at all and they hated me i would walk away and wish them well, but the thing is i dont know for sure.

This is the story, i had a very troubled life until now, much pain and loneliness, ever since i was a child, i am not sad but proud that i have lived through some pretty not ok situations as a small child until now, my 27th year, and because of my childhood i always felt unwanted, because that is how i was made to feel, like there was always something wrong with me, and i grew up believing i was a stupid dumb ugly not even worth talking to person- everything i ever did was criticized and for the smallest things i was punished and when i did good i was told that no one would say thank you to me for doing something that i should be doing in the first place. I was sent away at the blink of an eye, no one ever talked to me about anything expect when i did something wrong, i grew up ashamed of my feelings because i was told that my feelings didnt matter, that i was over-sensitive, a weirdo, that my problems were not the same importance as my mothers, she never talked to me about personal hygiene, boys, how to behave as a normal girl in front of boys, how to stand up for myself, even silly things like going to buy my first bra or when i got my period for the first time- she went out and bought me the bra herself it was the wrong size, and when i got my period she just shoved me a pad and i didnt know what was happening like REALLY KNOW i never heard of this she never told me, so i dont know why but i thought that it would stop at night?

no idea why, but i didnt wear the pad so at night i woke up and it was all bleeding and red and i still didnt really know what was going on so i got scared that i was dying and she knew but didnt care so i ran to her room and started crying because i was scared and she pulled my by my hair and said i was stupid and how could i think the bleeding would stop at night and actually hit me for that- and to this day i still dont understand why she just couldnt explain. This is just a small example, i moved like 47 times, dad was abusive towards my mom, i fought with him to keep her safe, we finally ran away from him and i was so happy thinking now we could have peace, but my mother thought different, she got a boyfriend a month after we ran away from my father, my stepdad is the same only he doesnt hit her, but the controlling mean sadistic spirit of my father he inhibits- anyway long story short- no one ever really cared for me so i learned to care for myself but the people being mean to me always stuck- i learned to close my room, be quiet and thank god for the internet and books i started learning and reading since i was 5, i went on becoming best of my class, always had the best grades, went to university, got my bachelors degree in international relations and diplomacy, now im doing my masters, i speak 5 languages fluently, passionate about a range of subjects, i love art and music and poetry, because i was told i was ugly i of course tried to overcompensate, so i work out, eat healthy, have a whole skincare routine, always try to look my best, most of my money goes to make up and hair treatments and just self loving, im not saying im miss universe perfection but im certainly not the ugly duckling they have made me out to be. I love my life, and i learned to love myself even though i was strictly told that that was just plain crazy and stupid- yet in one thing alone i seem to be very stupid.

Love. Maybe the parents, maybe the fear of rejection, abandonment, not being good enough, maybe i am just not someone to be with someone, i dont know. I had a couple of relationships, it didnt work out and because i have learned to protect my heart, after the ending of a relationship which broke my heart and still made me love the person, in order for me to keep breathing under the pain, i told myself, he doesnt love you, its over, done, over, he never did never will- and that was the way i did things, because it was easier and it didnt hurt as much as hope. No one ever gave me much hope so, im kinda low on that part, anyways, getting to the point here, then i met this boy, and the minute i saw him, i recognized him, i heard whistles and bells in my ear (like for real, this had never happened to me and i dont mean to freak you out but i really heard bells and whistles when i saw him, i dont know what that was but im not making it up) then i had this weird feeling i really knew him, but i also knew he never crossed my path- i would have remembered, then we find out we live in the same town, in the same area, less than 1km apart, went to the same school, i used to walk past his house and yet we never met, until that day. He is actually everything i ever wanted, even his name was a name i told myself would be either my sons or my husbands, i have weird coincidences of me posting a post on instagram about something 2 years ago- a lyric from a song, and it is practically describing him, his life, something about him, and not everyday things but really things that not a lot of people have or do so - i think that he is the one for me.

we instantly became friends and lovers and i believe, and this is not easy for me to say, but i believe he also felt the same. And then i started to get scared- what if he leaves me what if im not good enough what if he is only using me what if he is only joking around who am i kidding im not good enough he is way better and one thing after another- i had stupid conflicts with him because i thought better me to walk out first than to be hit by him and hating myself ever more- but still i couldnt walk away for good and everntually we fought and i panicked and my self esteem was lower than low- and he told me he never had feelings for me to begin with, i remember that day, i cried and i left and i never reached out to him again.

at first i tried to talk myself into the whole he doesnt care you dont deserve love your stupid- but i have this hope, out of nowhere it came, never did i have it, but i have this hope and this feeling in my heart that he is the one and i dont know what to do- i wont do anything anyways- i would never beg or call, but i would hope and that hope would be enough because i would know that he is the one and if he is not than i would let him go and have peace and give myself some peace too, my poor heart has been through a lot and i sometimes cant feel myself anymore- please help me understand, i really have nothing else but my stupid heart and my stupid head telling me different things at the same time.

I do see him around, he always looks at me, he always looks at me longer than usual, he laughs when i tell a joke when were at friends, when i look back he never looks away, we always look each other straight in the eye for a good couple of minutes, i feel like i can understand him but i cant because i dont know what to think of this. I want to be free of this, i dont think this is good for either of us, me holding him back with my grip (even though i dont speak to him its still a vibration im holding) or me being afraid its all not true even though he maybe thinks about me too all the time...

sorry for this long story but i wanted to make sure you understood the situation

how do i upload the chart- what kind of chart (on astro.com should i select?) i dont know his time of birth only the date and city- i do have my exact time and place and city- i know the exact date we saw each other, the time we split, the time we split the second final time and the dates i saw him twice after that too.

anything else you need to know, i will be refreshing this page for like 500 times so ill be quick to answer

to the person that is going to make my life better thank you in advance
i dont know who you are
but i already am thanking god for you.
The person making your life better is yourself
by taking steps to find answers
and
if you need "instant answers" then check out our HORARY BOARD
questions on relational issues
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=43
 

Januarystorm

Well-known member
No the NATAL charts are from respectively mine and his place of birth i was referring to the composite davison charts because you can choose between reference and spherical
 

JUPITERASC

Well-known member
No the NATAL charts are from respectively mine and his place of birth
i was referring to the composite davison charts because you can choose
between reference and spherical
Thanks for the clarification :smile:
I note that your thread was already moved FROM Horary to natal
most likely because horary questions are best kept brief
no more than a sentence in length
 

JUPITERASC

Well-known member
Meanwhile
briefly
regarding the SYNASTRY chart :smile:

Sagittarius ascendant is in sextile with Aquarius ascendant - that's supportive

Aquarius Sun-Moon conjunction trines Gemini Moon - that's good

Capricorn and Aquarius Sun are in Disregard - that's not so good
HOWEVER
Capricorn and Aquarius are both ruled by Saturn
BUT
unfortunately both Saturns are in disregard as well
 

Januarystorm

Well-known member
Thanks for the clarification :smile:
I note that your thread was already moved FROM Horary to natal
most likely because horary questions are best kept brief
no more than a sentence in length

yeah i know lol they were like who is this weird girl with the oversharing get her to the natal charts
 

Januarystorm

Well-known member
Meanwhile
briefly
regarding the SYNASTRY chart :smile:

Sagittarius ascendant is in sextile with Aquarius ascendant - that's supportive

Aquarius Sun-Moon conjunction trines Gemini Moon - that's good

Capricorn and Aquarius Sun are in Disregard - that's not so good
HOWEVER
Capricorn and Aquarius are both ruled by Saturn
BUT
unfortunately both Saturns are in disregard as well

why the saturns? i thought it was a good thing they were both in their own signs

does this mean he also had a tough time with his parents growing up??
 

JUPITERASC

Well-known member

i understand that 'everyone' is having to deal with the same situations but i thought that that was why astrology is so interesting, because we can see where a situation is highlighted- and tell us something about the inner world of a human being

i understand that most people have this and do this and experience this but than because of astrology we are interested in specific details- or else we could disregard ALL charts of everyone and just say: ya know what- most people experience most things- most people experience life- we dont need these individual charts at all as we can say with definition that 'most' people experience relatively 'most things' in life.

right? that would be silly because as of now we are writing posts in an astrology forum where every person is focussing on charts that have to do with people and their experiences- maybe 500 people ask about their heartbreak/relationship every single day, is it not a bit disrespectful saying: most people experience heartbreak- yeah well if there is a war going on in a different country, when your tooth hurts- it has your attention more- cant translate this saying into english normally but you get my point. we know that we are not the only one experiencing something- of course we are aware of the fact that we are not the ONLY one having this experience, but what does it matter how many or how little people experience something- it matters because it matters TO YOU, so it doesnt matter if a thousand more or a thousand less had the same thing, maybe it happened to them and they were fine, or worse, or whatever- its not about other people, its about you and your own perception and how it affects you, which is the only thing that should matter, not the quantity of others also experiencing a situation- that should not play a role- it should not make a difference. every human is different such as every situation is- always make sure you know that.
On the contrary, to not acknowledge the sufferings of others
is not respectful
just as to not acknowledge that others also suffer
and to focus exclusively on ones own sufferings
as if the sufferings of others were of no consequence
seems disrespectful to suffering humanity in general

furthermore
to be realistic
not everyone with a Sun-Saturn conjunction has a parent who stifles their ego

that is why specially this saturn sun conjunction i see would indicate we had experienced the same because its not a conjunction MOST people have

but with a individual having a saturn sun conjunction, especially if its like with me within a couple degrees, it usually points to a serious situation between parent and child- wherein the childs ego is being crushed and inner needs and feelings not seen as something valid.

and thats something not MOST people have to deal with

:)
Nevertheless, Sun-Saturn IS a conjunction that MANY people have natally :smile:

Sun conjuncts Saturn once a year within a three degree orb for approximately one week
during that time more than two and a half MILLION births occur worldwide
millions more if the orb is extended as many astrologers do
So two and a half million people worldwide born that same week as yourself
share that aspect
more than three hundred and fifty thousand of those have the almost identical orb aspect
approximately four hundred thousand more births have an even closer Sun-Saturn aspect
so
while acknowledging the unpleasant experiences you mention you had as a child
I simply ALSO highlight the bigger picture




meanwhile your particular natal Sun-Saturn conjunction in Capricorn
affects the house ruled by the Sun – that's Leo

as well as the house ruled by Saturn – Aquarius and Capricorn

and also Mars is connected via Exaltation in Capricorn
Capricron rules 2nd House of your natal chart
Aquarius rules 3rd House of your natal chart
Leo rules 9th Whole Sign House – 8th using Placidus

and consequently
one would expect some challenges in those areas which are basically
briefly skimming the surface as follows:

communications of all kinds, neighbors, siblings, further education,
resources, financial issues, debt, long distance travel, anguish of mind

2nd House = Resources, material comforts, earnings
and all issues concerning wealth or of a financial nature.
The manner of attaining wealth (note sign on cusp, planetary ruler and its condition).
Personal goods and belongings, assets, income, gain
money lent to others, profit (or loss when afflicted)
support and assistance from others
http://www.skyscript.co.uk/temples/h2.html


3rd House = Brothers and sisters, cousins or general members of the family
not parents, they belong to the 4th house.
Neighbours and our local neighbourhood.
The environment in which we live and work.
Short journeys or those made on a regular basis.
Letters, rumours, reports, messages and messengers.
Communications generally. Newspapers, magazines, telephones, postal service.
Written deeds and contracts. Speeches and debates.
Our ability to express ourselves and communicate to others.
Languages, mobility skills and self-expression
http://www.skyscript.co.uk/temples/h3.html


9th House = Long distance travel, voyages
and journeys that take us to an unfamiliar environment.
Overseas, foreign countries and distant places.
Foreigners, pilgrims and explorers.
Places and situations where we seek guidance and wisdom from others.
Philosophy, beliefs. Religion and clergy of any kind. Affairs of the church.
Books, learning, wisdom
scholarships, university, and all forms of higher education.
Ramesey notes:
"all manner of students, such as astrologers, physitians, lawyers
and all students of other good learning altogether"
Scholars and practitioners of law are attributed to the 9th house
http://www.skyscript.co.uk/temples/h9.html


8th House = All matters relating to death, decay, fear, anxiety and loss.
Unexpected inheritance, wills, legacies and testaments of the deceased .
Money belonging to a partner, spouse or other party.
Financial obligations, debts, taxes, loans, losses, money owed to others.
Traditional astrology relates the eighth house to crisis, hidden matters, anguish of mind
poison and deadly fears. It is a house of personal vulnerability
albeit perhaps a necessary vulnerability from which we may eventually gain.
It is wise to avoid any financial gambles or high-risk activities
during periods when this house is heavily emphasised.
 
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JUPITERASC

Well-known member

yeah i know lol they were like
who is this weird girl with the oversharing
get her to the natal charts
Horary has different rules to Natal
and is often very useful for answering one-off succinct questions
that have been pondered over for many days if not longer :smile:
The idea with Horary is that the Querent - that's you in this case
after much thought, finally decides on a one-line summary of their issue
just the nitty gritty
then the Querent makes a note of the exact time at their current location
that they finally decided on the best wording of their question
so the question would neatly state what is weighing greatly on the Querents mind
in such a way that the questions sums it all up
then the Querent creates "a natal chart" for the exact time of their decision on the question
and locates that chart at their current location
then posts their chart
ALSO
The Querent would make some effort to interpret their own chart
even if inexperienced
some effort is better than nothing
then experienced Horary astrologers on our Horary forum post their comments
many of our members as well are inexperienced with not much knowledge
however all opinions are welcome
no matter how inexperienced
we are an amateur astrological learning forum
and learn from mutual discussion of our opinions on charts
dr. farr one of our popular members
has more than fifty years of astrological experience
and frequently responds to Horary questions
so I encourage you to persevere with your Horary




 
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