So i had a dream last night which has sort of stuck with me all day; i can't help but feel it was focusing in on some emotional issues surrounding family and death, it actually felt like a simulation of the process itself.
There was alot of noise to the dream, but the central focus was 'death'.. of people i know and in particular my father. In the dream various people i knew had died by accident, naturally, murdered etc.. my father was one of these people who died by accident out at sea whilst working (he works overseas as a logistics coordinator for boat harbors, i dont think he's ever out on the sea but the dream created that scenario)
So upon realizing the death of these people and my father i felt nothing initially.. perhaps it was shock, but i just continued on living accepting that it's a natural aspect of life and nothing can be done about it.. maybe i was viewing it from an entirely rational perspective, im not sure. But some time later in the dream the gravity of what just happened hit me and i broke-down in tears over the death of my father. The emotional intensity was enormous.. i felt like my heart exploded.
I can't remember if i woke-up after this or continued dreaming, but that's where it more or less ended. My father's an ex-military man and hes very rigid, so i was brought up to repress emotion.. which i've spent the last couple of years deeply exploring.
Now interestingly enough T pluto is conjunct Neptune and Saturn(father?) in the 8th house Capricorn. I'm not sure if this dream is perhaps implying a deeper sense of love for my father then what im actually acknowledging in waking consciousness, or a sense of pain that i cant connect with him (My sun/chiron is also opposed to Saturn). I'll admit im sort of confused, we're emotionally distant but its never bothered me.. even now it feels fine, but maybe its not lol.
There was alot of noise to the dream, but the central focus was 'death'.. of people i know and in particular my father. In the dream various people i knew had died by accident, naturally, murdered etc.. my father was one of these people who died by accident out at sea whilst working (he works overseas as a logistics coordinator for boat harbors, i dont think he's ever out on the sea but the dream created that scenario)
So upon realizing the death of these people and my father i felt nothing initially.. perhaps it was shock, but i just continued on living accepting that it's a natural aspect of life and nothing can be done about it.. maybe i was viewing it from an entirely rational perspective, im not sure. But some time later in the dream the gravity of what just happened hit me and i broke-down in tears over the death of my father. The emotional intensity was enormous.. i felt like my heart exploded.
I can't remember if i woke-up after this or continued dreaming, but that's where it more or less ended. My father's an ex-military man and hes very rigid, so i was brought up to repress emotion.. which i've spent the last couple of years deeply exploring.
Now interestingly enough T pluto is conjunct Neptune and Saturn(father?) in the 8th house Capricorn. I'm not sure if this dream is perhaps implying a deeper sense of love for my father then what im actually acknowledging in waking consciousness, or a sense of pain that i cant connect with him (My sun/chiron is also opposed to Saturn). I'll admit im sort of confused, we're emotionally distant but its never bothered me.. even now it feels fine, but maybe its not lol.