Family issues. Solution in charts?

So I am 17, and i have more family issues than most that I know. My parent's marriage seems to be... complicated. My dad is very controlling, cold, manipulative, and materialistic. (Capricorn sun) My mother is almost the oppisite, although she has picked up some of his traits along the way. (Cancer sun) But anyways, often times, me and my dad don't get along, like at all. (I have included all of our charts btw.) I hate how my dad thinks that he can talk to my mom any kind of way he wants. He is also very concious about money, and loves... things. I have honestly stopped talking to him. He tries to show love for me and my little brother by buying us stuff, but I don't see love in a material fasahion. My mom on the other hand, tries to use emotional blackmail on me. It doesnt work, so she gets angry at me, and calls me disrespectful. She also says things like if she were to die today, I wouldn't care, which i find EXTREMELY offensive. I have moon in the first, so I am EXTREMELY close with my mother, and i always defend her when my father thinks its time to try and tell her off. Another weird thing, is that my friend, who has a scorpio sun, said that she had a dream that my dad was cheating on my mom. He does go away on business a lot. My home life has sucked honestly forever. My parents used both emotional, and physical punishments on me from an early age. So can anyone see a source of conflict that would arise in our charts? thanks for your help! (Charts in order, Mom, dad, mine)

ariesisthebest.

I looked at the composite for you and your dad and mom.
unfortunately, I looks exactly like you describe your parents .the forces are very deep and unconscious so it is difficult to find a way out for you.

you father is mean cold and cruel as is shown by pluto conjunct juno on the ascendant and opposed to Saturn , eris,sun,mercury and nessus.
In addition mars is conjunct the vertex square to orcus and opposed to eros

Saturn is quintile to the moon and the midpoint is conjunct he asteroid Chris, so you take the brunt of their hostility toward each other.
Kris, this chart shows your father to be a sadist as he like to inflict pain.
My heart goes out to you. But it seems that your only recourse if there are no relatives nearby is to prepare to leave your home when you turn 18. These dark forces around your dad are unconscious which implies he will never change.

I suggest you talk to a counselor at school because the level of his violence is likely criminal.
I just don't know what else to advise.
It maybe that your father being from turkey is accustomed to inflicting such violence, but that Is no excuse. You need to talk to a counselor for your younger brother’s sake.
rahu

First of all, let me just say I can empathise with you as I've been in and still am in a very similar situation as you. My parents' relationship is abusive but it spilled into the children (as it always does when you raise a child in a negative atmosphere) and I am now in therapy dealing with all of it. I think you need someone to talk to. Have you ever been in therapy such as talking to a counsellor or a psychologist to help you deal with this? Not because you are wrong but because you need to get some closure on this.

My dad is also a Capricorn. My mum is a Libra but has a Capricorn Moon so they are both the types to avoid emotions and focus on the practicalities (until **** hits the fan) so I know how you feel and where you come from. When you speak of emotional blackmail and being close to your mum, I too understand this. I was very close to mine too but our relationship, as it sounds with you and your mum, has become abusive and just dysfunctional. It does hurt when the person you feel closest to, turns their back on you and hurts your feelings. It's a mistake on their part. Parents like ours do not understand what they are doing or how they are affecting their children. I believe it's a generational thing but also a cultural thing too. We are here to break the cycle. If a family member is abusive and hurts your feelings, they do not care about you. I am sorry, but this is a painful thing that I have realised. Or they care but they are so troubled that they become hurtful instead of loving. Remember, just because someone is tied to you by blood, you do not have to tolerate their abuse. When you are an adult, you are allowed to break away if that is what you wish.


I think you may need to separate yourself from the drama. Keep yourself grounded. This is something I am learning to do as well. It's hard. When you are old enough and have your own money, you will be able to move out. That's what I tell myself to keep myself going. I'm hoping to move out in the next two years at least.

I can see the conflict in your chart. Most people with Scorpio IC/Pluto in 4th together came from these abusive families like yourself. You do also have Chiron there too which shows that this is painful for you. Hang in there. We are put through these situations for a reason - so that we can become the people we were meant to be. We don't just suffer for no reason, there is always a reason (sometimes it is karmic) but anyway. Pray, keep yourself grounded and try to take the high road (I feel ridiculous saying that to you because it's hard to take my own advice, but I guess I'm saying the same thing to myself) good luck. We can do this.

ravenscall said:

First of all, let me just say I can empathise with you as I've been in and still am in a very similar situation as you. My parents' relationship is abusive but it spilled into the children (as it always does when you raise a child in a negative atmosphere) and I am now in therapy dealing with all of it. I think you need someone to talk to. Have you ever been in therapy such as talking to a counsellor or a psychologist to help you deal with this? Not because you are wrong but because you need to get some closure on this.

My dad is also a Capricorn. My mum is a Libra but has a Capricorn Moon so they are both the types to avoid emotions and focus on the practicalities (until **** hits the fan) so I know how you feel and where you come from. When you speak of emotional blackmail and being close to your mum, I too understand this. I was very close to mine too but our relationship, as it sounds with you and your mum, has become abusive and just dysfunctional. It does hurt when the person you feel closest to, turns their back on you and hurts your feelings. It's a mistake on their part. Parents like ours do not understand what they are doing or how they are affecting their children. I believe it's a generational thing but also a cultural thing too. We are here to break the cycle. If a family member is abusive and hurts your feelings, they do not care about you. I am sorry, but this is a painful thing that I have realised. Or they care but they are so troubled that they become hurtful instead of loving. Remember, just because someone is tied to you by blood, you do not have to tolerate their abuse. When you are an adult, you are allowed to break away if that is what you wish.


I think you may need to separate yourself from the drama. Keep yourself grounded. This is something I am learning to do as well. It's hard. When you are old enough and have your own money, you will be able to move out. That's what I tell myself to keep myself going. I'm hoping to move out in the next two years at least.

I can see the conflict in your chart. Most people with Scorpio IC/Pluto in 4th together came from these abusive families like yourself. You do also have Chiron there too which shows that this is painful for you. Hang in there. We are put through these situations for a reason - so that we can become the people we were meant to be. We don't just suffer for no reason, there is always a reason (sometimes it is karmic) but anyway. Pray, keep yourself grounded and try to take the high road (I feel ridiculous saying that to you because it's hard to take my own advice, but I guess I'm saying the same thing to myself) good luck. We can do this.

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Wow. I teared up while reading this. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this. Although my sun is in Aries, I'm more of a Leo, so I'm very proud and I act like it doesn't hurt me, but it does. Thank you so much!

rahu said:

ariesisthebest.

I looked at the composite for you and your dad and mom.
unfortunately, I looks exactly like you describe your parents .the forces are very deep and unconscious so it is difficult to find a way out for you.

you father is mean cold and cruel as is shown by pluto conjunct juno on the ascendant and opposed to Saturn , eris,sun,mercury and nessus.
In addition mars is conjunct the vertex square to orcus and opposed to eros

Saturn is quintile to the moon and the midpoint is conjunct he asteroid Chris, so you take the brunt of their hostility toward each other.
Kris, this chart shows your father to be a sadist as he like to inflict pain.
My heart goes out to you. But it seems that your only recourse if there are no relatives nearby is to prepare to leave your home when you turn 18. These dark forces around your dad are unconscious which implies he will never change.

I suggest you talk to a counselor at school because the level of his violence is likely criminal.
I just don't know what else to advise.
It maybe that your father being from turkey is accustomed to inflicting such violence, but that Is no excuse. You need to talk to a counselor for your younger brother’s sake.
rahu

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Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and analysis. What did your reading show of my mom, and how she reacts to this?

Also, he is quite good at hiding this to the world. The world views him as successful and inspirational, but behind closed doors, he is a completely different person. Only a few people I know can actually see through his little facade. Also, a lot of my family is NOT going to take my side, since he is one of the only highly successful people, a lot of my family actually owes him money, or has owed him some at one point or another. A lot of the punishments that he put me through were... strange. Like when i was in second grade, If i brought home anything less than a c, I would have to sit in my room all weekend. My favourite movie was the land before time, and he knew this, so he would watch it with my mom and little brother without me. I would crawl under my bed and cry for hours at a time. I bet he doesnt even realize I remember these occurrences. I have been to countless therapist. I have even been misdiagnosed with ADHD, and the doctor has me on a pill for it. I know it was misdiagnosed because the doctor gave me pills after the first visit. I only take them because I love my mother, and I know that she goes through so much already. She is a cancer, and even looks like one. She has the beautiful eyes of a libra rising. You can definately tell when she is hurting. I take them because I know if idont, my father will fuss at her for me "wasting his money." All my dad cares about is money. This bothers me. He is constantly comparing me to him, and he used to think that he could force me into the militairy. (If you read my chart, you know that you can't force me to do ****!) XD So we clash a lot. But yes Rahu, what you said was true. I am definately leaving at 18. I don't even want him to pay for my college. My brother also has a scorpio IC, but his is literally right on the cusp of libra. In fact, I don't think his birth time is accurate, (I'll have to ask) because my parents used to pour all of their energy into me, until my school performance dropped, I came out about my sexuality, and started seeing through all of the **** that goes on in my family. Does anyone know how I can get through these next couple of months with little to no incident? And no. Avoidance doesn't work. They will literally seek me out.

isometry said:

when you are 18 leave them behind, case closed and problem solved

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No. The case is not closed. People like you don't seem to understand do you? You think all of these issues are going to cease to exist when I turn 18 magically? I want solutions. Not some snarky remark that I already knew of. cut the ********. Please don't waste my time. I see some of the stuff that you post on others topics, and I won't take that here. Ok?

ariesisthebest said:

So I am 17, and i have more family issues than most that I know. My parent's marriage seems to be... complicated. My dad is very controlling, cold, manipulative, and materialistic. (Capricorn sun) My mother is almost the oppisite, although she has picked up some of his traits along the way. (Cancer sun) But anyways, often times, me and my dad don't get along, like at all. (I have included all of our charts btw.) I hate how my dad thinks that he can talk to my mom any kind of way he wants. He is also very concious about money, and loves... things. I have honestly stopped talking to him. He tries to show love for me and my little brother by buying us stuff, but I don't see love in a material fasahion. My mom on the other hand, tries to use emotional blackmail on me. It doesnt work, so she gets angry at me, and calls me disrespectful. She also says things like if she were to die today, I wouldn't care, which i find EXTREMELY offensive. I have moon in the first, so I am EXTREMELY close with my mother, and i always defend her when my father thinks its time to try and tell her off. Another weird thing, is that my friend, who has a scorpio sun, said that she had a dream that my dad was cheating on my mom. He does go away on business a lot. My home life has sucked honestly forever. My parents used both emotional, and physical punishments on me from an early age. So can anyone see a source of conflict that would arise in our charts? thanks for your help! (Charts in order, Mom, dad, mine)

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You've described them very accurately. Your mom, Libra rising and Moon in Cancer probably doesn't like rudeness and probably considers being straight and direct rude. That's why she uses the detour of emotional blackmail. With Moon in Gemini and Sun in Cancer, she also seems to be rather fickle and may be easily influenced by others who are a little more determined and have pretty much made up their minds, like your father. With Sagittarius rising and Venus in the 1st, he seems to have a certain attraction power, something charming and is probably well received by the ladies in general. The thing with Sagittarius is that they like variety and love to broaden their horizons. So that h travels a lot is no surprise. And with Venus in Sagittarius, well, that's pointing into the direction of the kind of rumors you've mentioned. However, with Sun, Moon and Mercury in earthy signs, he's probably a little stubborn but on the other hand pretty stable and predictable/reliable. In that sense, he's the complete opposite of you, you've got 6 planets and your ASC in fiery signs! So you are probably a little rebel and rather give orders than take orders.

So, you and your parents are almost complete opposites. Your father has an emphasis on earthy signs, your mother both on watery and airy signs and you've got an extreme emphasis on fiery signs with a little airy and watery stuff. Earthy signs and fiery signs don't get along well. That's why you have serious issues with your father. Fiery signs and watery signs don't go along well either, that's why you have serious issues with the watery component of your mother's personality (emotional blackmail). But your mother has also an emphasis on airy signs which go well with fiery signs. Plus you've also got a little water and air stuff.

To sum it up, there's more compatibility with your mom than your dad. And there's more compatibility between your mom and your dad than between them and you.

That was a very simple analysis based on the elements. One can do that more specifically with the planets and their actual meanings but the result will be the same.

What I suggest is that you study their charts carefully and how they look at certain aspects of life and accept that that's just how they are wired. As you've said, your dad loves things. And he likes to share them with those he loves. Unfortunately, you don't care about things. So you have two options: 1) resent him for not understanding you 2) use your knowledge about astrology and accept that that's a very kind gesture of him and that that's just his way of telling you that he loves you. Same goes for your mom: 1) either resent her for using emotional blackmail or 2) use your knowledge about astrology and accept that that's just her way of trying to get what she wants and that, given her chart, straight and direct (the way you like it) is not an option for her, it goes against her very nature.

If you look at it that way and take a step back, their antics may even seem funny. Give it a try. It's worth. If you understand the roles they play and the script, it's going to be like daily sitcom instead of daily tragedy.

And you are right, even if you would just leave them and disappear when you are 18, you still have all those memories and emotional bonds. So those family relationship issues are really worth cleaning up.

rahu said:

ariesisthebest.

I looked at the composite for you and your dad and mom.
unfortunately, I looks exactly like you describe your parents .the forces are very deep and unconscious so it is difficult to find a way out for you.

you father is mean cold and cruel as is shown by pluto conjunct juno on the ascendant and opposed to Saturn , eris,sun,mercury and nessus.
In addition mars is conjunct the vertex square to orcus and opposed to eros

Saturn is quintile to the moon and the midpoint is conjunct he asteroid Chris, so you take the brunt of their hostility toward each other.
Kris, this chart shows your father to be a sadist as he like to inflict pain.
My heart goes out to you. But it seems that your only recourse if there are no relatives nearby is to prepare to leave your home when you turn 18. These dark forces around your dad are unconscious which implies he will never change.

I suggest you talk to a counselor at school because the level of his violence is likely criminal.
I just don't know what else to advise.
It maybe that your father being from turkey is accustomed to inflicting such violence, but that Is no excuse. You need to talk to a counselor for your younger brother’s sake.
rahu

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I know this post is old, but I must Thank you. I am now 19 and everything you said is true. He truly is evil, and he seems to enjoy trapping me, and he gets this glint of pleasure in his eyes whenever he thinks he is hurting me. He is truly insidious. I'm thankful for the balance and steadfast qualities of Saturn in my chart that help me endure this madness. Admittedly, I have began using drugs recreationally... I keep Sharp tabs on it however. My life right now is just short of hell right now, as he causes problems for me whenever he can...