[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Hello Mercuzio,[/FONT]
[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Please know that you are not alone in what you feel. You have a whole community here who supports you all the way. I am most happy to help, and so are others here. They are more qualified than I am, and brilliant in their knowledge and understanding. [/FONT]
[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]You deeply recognize these aspects from your chart in your own life. There is no question about that. What we can do is to understand exactly what the square means, because there you will find answers about yourself. I will focus on Sun square Pluto because that is the subject of this thread.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]With Sun in Leo in the 10th house squaring Pluto in Scorpio in the 1st house, you are conflicted between your outer and inner self. It's like a clash between public and private life because they are so different from each other. In public life, you are highly active, expressive, assertive, social, and carefree. But these expressions come into conflict with your inner instincts to be more passive, withdrawn, private, guarded, and deeply connected to yourself. This clash is what you described as destroying what you believe in by undermining what you know about yourself. [/FONT]
[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]If you look at this aspect, you'll notice that we've looked at it by separating the Sun and Pluto. But are they really separate? No, because you have found that they are connected together by seeing them both in relation to each other. The reason you are feeling this inner battle is because your instincts, represented by Pluto, are at odds with your self-expression, represented by the Sun. The Sun is a coordinator that connects all the parts of you together because it is a bridge that carries the expression of all those parts. It's like the glue that holds together all the parts of a wheel, just like it holds all the planets of the solar system together. Once you see that how you express yourself is the same as how you express your emotions and instincts, then you will find that the Sun is working together with Pluto, and that your identity is actually all connected together. [/FONT]
[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]You've already begun to see how to develop this aspect. Look at the way that you described yourself, "I feel like on a boat floating in the middle of the ocean without directions and without knowing who I am." This aspect is showing you exactly what you are going through. You are on that boat, Sun, without the comfort of directions, Moon, and without being in control of knowing who you are, Pluto. This description of yours shows your creative self-expression. You are like an author writing about your life story. Taking this a step further, you have creatively expressed your most private instincts and emotions in that description. That's how the Sun works with Pluto. You will move away from the stress of this square by focusing on relating to each part of yourself and expressing them. Meditation can help you deal with this square and by meditation, I mean asking yourself and reflecting on exactly what and why you are thinking and feeling the way you are. This reflection will help you understand that your thoughts and feelings are not undermining, but actually helping to show you who you are and what you need in life. Once you've thought about them, you can put them into action, which will give you confidence in yourself. You can work with your Sun and Pluto by creatively expressing your most private thoughts and feelings through writing stories, diaries, and e-mails with friends.You can work behind the scenes (Pluto) to prepare public projects and events (Sun). [/FONT]
[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Sun square Pluto, like the other aspects you mentioned, has a message, and it is showing you that everything you think and feel is you. [/FONT]