Crush on Older Man

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I'm hoping someone could help me. I have developed a very strong crush on an older man at work - it's probably very inappropriate for me to have a crush on this guy, not only is he in a prominent, successful position and he would probably never risk his career for me, but he's also married and he's significantly older than me. Anyways, despite all of these things working against me on this, I can't help my feelings - I can't stop thinking about this guy and am trying desperately to not melt into a puddle around him. I just want help understanding where this attraction is coming from, maybe also I want someone to see if there's a chance for me to just go for it as crazy as it would be. I hope you guys don't think I'm a terrible person, I really am trying to fight these feelings. The only reason I would even say there could be a chance, is because I think there are signs that he likes me as well, my office is not somewhere he would pass by unless he was specifically coming to see me and he often stops by and kinda seems nervous and gives me lots of compliments. The synastry chart is below with mine in the inner and his in the outer. I don't have his time of birth so pay no attn to his houses/AC/etc...

The significant things I can see might be:
His venus in my 7th house
his mars in my 5th house
my moon trine his mars
my moon trine his saturn
my venus trine his moon
mars trine mars

I'm not sure what else would be significant, see below...

hi there,

these charts are very hard to read, so i am going to say i probably am not able to read 3/4 of it.. the main astro signature i have seen that creates the type of dynamic you are talking about involves a saturn to venus aspect in a chart - conj and opposition being the most direct ones for this... it goes like this - venus - attraction to saturn - older person...

at any rate, you might want to try the astro.com site for putting the chart up, as i just can't get a proper read on this chart. cheers

libracancer said:

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I'm hoping someone could help me. I have developed a very strong crush on an older man at work - it's probably very inappropriate for me to have a crush on this guy, not only is he in a prominent, successful position and he would probably never risk his career for me, but he's also married and he's significantly older than me. Anyways, despite all of these things working against me on this, I can't help my feelings - I can't stop thinking about this guy and am trying desperately to not melt into a puddle around him. I just want help understanding where this attraction is coming from, maybe also I want someone to see if there's a chance for me to just go for it as crazy as it would be. I hope you guys don't think I'm a terrible person, I really am trying to fight these feelings. The only reason I would even say there could be a chance, is because I think there are signs that he likes me as well, my office is not somewhere he would pass by unless he was specifically coming to see me and he often stops by and kinda seems nervous and gives me lots of compliments. The synastry chart is below with mine in the inner and his in the outer. I don't have his time of birth so pay no attn to his houses/AC/etc...

The significant things I can see might be:
His venus in my 7th house
his mars in my 5th house
my moon trine his mars
my moon trine his saturn
my venus trine his moon
mars trine mars

I'm not sure what else would be significant, see below...

Click to expand...

Older married boss. Forget it. No matter what the synastry, bound to end in tears and who would lose their job?? Not him.

Hello:

You can be highly dellusional and unrealistic in love relationships, as your natal Venus in Virgo squares your natal Neptune in Sagittarius.

As transiting Mars in Virgo is going over your Venus (which happens every two years?), this fuels passionate flames with the opposite sex..

However, if you play with fire, you could end up in serious danger and even out of a job, so yes, watch out !

Keep your romantic aspirations REAL !

good luck,



R.J.

libracancer said:

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I'm hoping someone could help me. I have developed a very strong crush on an older man at work - it's probably very inappropriate for me to have a crush on this guy, not only is he in a prominent, successful position and he would probably never risk his career for me, but he's also married and he's significantly older than me. Anyways, despite all of these things working against me on this, I can't help my feelings - I can't stop thinking about this guy and am trying desperately to not melt into a puddle around him. I just want help understanding where this attraction is coming from, maybe also I want someone to see if there's a chance for me to just go for it as crazy as it would be. I hope you guys don't think I'm a terrible person, I really am trying to fight these feelings. The only reason I would even say there could be a chance, is because I think there are signs that he likes me as well, my office is not somewhere he would pass by unless he was specifically coming to see me and he often stops by and kinda seems nervous and gives me lots of compliments. The synastry chart is below with mine in the inner and his in the outer. I don't have his time of birth so pay no attn to his houses/AC/etc...

The significant things I can see might be:
His venus in my 7th house
his mars in my 5th house
my moon trine his mars
my moon trine his saturn
my venus trine his moon
mars trine mars

I'm not sure what else would be significant, see below...

Click to expand...

You've had some great responses, so you probably don't need my input, but I give it just for good measure. No body thinks you are a bad person, but even IF this man was willing to start up something with you, do you really want to be the woman who did that to another woman and ruined her marriage? Do you really want to be THAT woman, with a man who could then so easily do that back to you too one day? Don't be your own enemy by knitting bad karma for yourself which will come to bite you in the a** when you meet someone a million times more worthwhile than him (as great as he might be). Be good and don't worry about what he's doing.

Sandstone, here is the synastry report using astro.com instead...mine are the inner blue planets and his are the red. Again, I don't have his birth time so pay no attn to his houses/AC/etc:


R.J., great point about my natal neptune/venus and about the current transit of mars to my natal venus. Also, it's not really playing with fire, if he's all earth signs...right? lol bad joke, I appreciate everyones good advice, I'm trying really hard not to communicate with him unless it's absolutely necessary for work purposes only. It's extremely difficult at this point, I've never felt this way in my life...can anyone tell me if this attraction will wane soon based on my chart? I've had this crush for about 3 months now and I really need to know if there's an end in sight. Feels like torture lol

Forgot to mention one other thing - he does have a grand cross in his chart, not sure if that's apparent from the image. It's in the fixed signs with the Moon, Venus, Uranus, and Neptune. Does a grand cross like this make a person more magnetically attractive possibly?

libracancer - those charts are ever so slightly better to read, but not by much!! thanks either way for trying... i think the best bet would be to post your chart... i can't tell what degree your venus is at, but it might be in a close 45 to transiting saturn at the moment...

l-c , i agree with the other posters here that you are setting yourself up for defeat.. it sounds as though you are quite aware of this though.. i think what is going on in your chart, aside from the possible t saturn to your venus is t pluto to your descendant and opposite the cancer planets in your chart.. of course the t saturn plays into this too as it rules your 7th house, so i do think your venus must be in the vicinity of about 14 virgo..

t pluto in the vicinity of the descendant is like being attracted to a powerful energy that you feel you have - no power over, lol... well, maybe it isn't so funny, but it is interesting to consider.. pluto has a close connection to the idea of 'fate' as well... i don't know if i would like to think of a planet as having a strong connection to fate, but if i was to pick one planet that feel into this category the easiest it would probably be pluto, with the outer 2 outers, and maybe saturn as well if you just want to go trad - as all pointing to a more fated type dynamic at work... it is within your ability to transcend this in the free will department, if you so choose.. you might want to think it out where you are going and try to alter any path that will lead to unhappiness.. this is what the other posters are encouraging you to do here too as i understand it...

post your chart and i bet you will get more feedback.. cheers and all the best - james

Hey Sandstone, thanks again for the help. Here's my chart with aspects.

venus at 15 - close enough...t saturn 45 is the attraction to someone older
while cappy is on the descendant which is ruled by saturn as well..

however upon closer sight with this chart, t pluto it moving into the last quarter moon that defines your sun/moon combo.. this is sun in libra at 12, with moon in cancer at 10 with t pluto presently at 9 capricorn... t pluto seeks a breakdown/transformation - revitalization of some kind to your whole sense of self as defined by sun/moon... t pluto is the modern ruler of 5th house - romantic affairs and etc. etc.

here's the thing.. when i see what the degree of everything is via this chart i note saturn 45 to your sun which suggests the attraction to an older man natally..

lots of ways to go at this.. here is another viewpoint... natal uranus in the 5th - so some type of unorthodox relationships are suggested and t uranus is close to the midheaven in opposition to your sun - more unorthodox relationships being suggested by this transit too.. this is the kind of stuff that can turn your world upside down...

i haven't put your chart up on my computer, but you are probably going thru some interesting things on a few other predictive levels as well... looks like you may be in for an exciting ride.. hopefully you can develop a degree of detachment in it all. perhaps this person is the catalyst for your inner growth and development, or perhaps it is someone else like his wife.. i have no idea, but it looks like things will be heating up for you either way.. hopefully you are able to work through it all...

i think it would be best if you avoid this person, but you already knew that! cheers james

Girlfriend, let me give this to you straight: this is a no. It's not worth it, and you know what, HE'S NOT WORTH IT. You'd lose your job, your sense of boundaries, and your sense of self-worth, not to mention you'd become INCREDIBLY depressed if he rejects you, and if he doesn't reject you, he's never going to fulfill you, since he'd probably just use you for the s-word. I hate to come down on you so hard but this is one of those hard dose of reality situations. Trust me, I've got Venus square Neptune... the goo-goos ain't worth it.

Ok, now that I've gotten that out of my system, you say you go to "puddles" when you're around him? Let me ask you something, even IF he was not your boss and he was not married, if you turned into "puddles" around someone, what would need to happen so that you could, ahem, actually conduct yourself with some sense of boundaries, worth, and intrigue? "Puddles" is what you save for that nearest and dearest special one you let in really, really close. Everyone else you keep your heart safe from until they earn your trust.

But lord I'm not your mother. Let's look at your chart, and I'm not going to even bother with anything to do with him. He's a married man, he's your boss, this story is classic, and in my humble opinion, he's not worth your time, or my time. The man already has enough going for him.

And lookie here, YOU TOO have Venus square Neptune. Hold it right there. And just stay there. Honestly evaluate this. You know this is not a good idea. You know it. I know its really hard with Venus in Virgo to finally find someone that is "up to the right standards," but Neptune is going to send you fuzzy messages. I've lived it with my whole life, and I have Venus in Pisces. Now unfortunately for you, your Saturn really isn't making a strong debut natally, probably why you're so attracted to those in authority, who provide structure. But the world is yours when you embrace your own capacity for structure. You need to, you must develop this side of yourself.

With Sun conjunct Pluto in Libra, do not be afraid of your own power, and thus become attracted to those with it. You need to get your values together, and stand strong in what you KNOW is right for you, and not what feels good. Keep that Cancer Moon in check making all of those squares to what should be that powerhouse of a Sun. It is in the 12th house which means you're liking to go completely outside of yourself to seek nourishment.

Oh, and lastly, this is completely unrealistic, don't waste your creative talents and dreams on him (I see the sextile from Neptune to your Sun and Pluto). Also, he's nervous because he has (guess I'm wasting my time on him, but it's helpful), Venus conjunct Chiron: relating to people makes him a little nervous. In other words, try not to think you're special, which is especially hard because his Venus is in Aquarius. Also, since I brought him to the fold, your synastry is not that good, you're just feeling some heat and tension. I bet you're in your twenties, he's forty or fifty or something, settled down, could provide you, that's all real and legitimate reasons to be attracted to someone, but he's TAKEN and he's your BOSS. Girl, you are worth someone who is available. I don't think you're a bad person, this is human what you're doing, but seriously, why are you wasting your time on this guy?

Thanks for your reply Persephone, I really need to hear these things. I try to tell myself, but it's good to hear from others. Somehow in this thread, it became a misconception that he's my boss - he's not my boss, but he's certainly in a higher position than me so basically I guess it's the same as him being my boss. Anyways, everything you said made sense, and I'm usually very guarded with my feelings I think because of all my Cancer planets and the Cancer moon. So I don't know why I somehow let my guard down with this guy.

James, thanks for your reply as well. Those are some insightful comments that help me open my eyes to this situation. Do you know possibily how long these transit effects will last? I'd like to hope that it will be over soon, but I know I also have to find my own strength and willpower to just get over it lol

l-c pluto and uranus are slower moving planets and they are on there way to connecting with your sun/moon... 2 years max... t saturn will move into your 5th in the next year, so another romantic relationships with older guys is suggested with this too... i'd say 2 years or thereabouts..

sandstone said:

l-c pluto and uranus are slower moving planets and they are on there way to connecting with your sun/moon... 2 years max... t saturn will move into your 5th in the next year, so another romantic relationships with older guys is suggested with this too... i'd say 2 years or thereabouts..

Click to expand...

O M G ! nooooooooooooo! That's such a long time! Guess I could try to make something positive out of this by looking at it as a challenge to become stronger. There's a part of me that wants to just make my feelings known to him so I can get rejected and get over it faster than trying to fight off the feelings. Of course, I can't really do that though because of risking my job. I would seriously doubt this guy would try to get me fired if I very respectfully and professionally tell him how I feel. I could even just tell him that I'm only telling him so that I can move on with my feelings because I don't expect him to have the same feelings and I'm not telling him to try to inquire about his feelings for me. In fact, I could preface the conversation by saying that I don't even want him to tell me anything about his feelings for me. Ah, who am I kidding, that conversation is probably a crazy idea..who tells their crush they have a crush on them because they want to get over the crush? lol I feel like I'm going mad!

l-c,

here is another way to think of it...

it's your drama and it's all about you..

the people that show up in your life are a means of figuring out your path to greater consciousness.. you can stumble and fall and make an *** or yourself, or you can operate from a level of impeccability.. most people do a combo of both...

you have a chart destined to undergo major transformation from time to time - sun/pluto conjunction... pluto is now moving into position to help you along with this, but the way you opt to respond is up to you..

that said, you have mars/pluto in square aspect close to the angles... this is a potentially dangerous aspect to have in a chart generally, as i see it... you have a guardian angel siting over your shoulder with jupiter conjunct moon in cancer, but i wouldn't want to push it.. you have to be careful of your actions and avoid areas that evoke enmity from others.. good luck working thru it all..

libracancer said:

Thanks for your reply Persephone, I really need to hear these things. I try to tell myself, but it's good to hear from others. Somehow in this thread, it became a misconception that he's my boss - he's not my boss, but he's certainly in a higher position than me so basically I guess it's the same as him being my boss. Anyways, everything you said made sense, and I'm usually very guarded with my feelings I think because of all my Cancer planets and the Cancer moon. So I don't know why I somehow let my guard down with this guy.

Click to expand...

Hah, somehow I did jump to the conclusion that it was your boss. Excuse me, as I adjust and respect that this is merely a co-worker who is higher on the food chain so-to-speak.

Have you checked out your Eros and Psyche locations, particularly Eros? These can indicate some areas of "weakness" in terms of desire. Remember, remember, remember, I cannot say this enough: he is Venus in Aquarius (that's an "oh la la" for just about everybody), and its conjunct Chiron, so he's nervous, as I said, with relating to just about everybody. Aquarius also tends to "pick up" other people's vibes, and reflects and deflects, being opposite the Leo/Sun energy. That can make it all the more appealing and intriguing, especially to that Cancer moon that probably finds it a bit endearing. Reality check: it's not, it's annoying, you're not a care-taker, you're not there to make him feel all good and confident, and you're not there to let him do the wrong thing and make it ok for him; you're worth way more. You should be focusing on getting yourself a date or several hundred of them. Venus in Virgo in the 3rd house... go sit in a coffee house with a book you find interesting, and just imagine what it's like putting yourself out there, for others to see. You're probably way more magnetic than you realize, and you can go easy with your Cancer Moon in the 12th this way (which, remember, may also make you play it "way too safe" and go for what you can't have). This is about empowerment. And by the way, I bet you are gorgeous so stopping fussy over this guy. And to be honest, your synastry has some high points yes, there is some very bad in there, that hopefully should sway you. Essentially he is never going to take your depth and your needs as seriously as you would like if you were to be involved.

Thanks Persephone, I am trying my best to hold onto my own power as you have said. I struggled with myself not to contact him all day today at work and managed. Of course, when I came home this evening, fate had it so that I would watch 3 shows all with a random character with his name...it's not a super common name so I was just laughing so hard because here I am watching tv to get him off my mind. Oh fate, how I hate your cruel torture...

I know what you mean about the venus in aquarius thing - I've had two bad experiences with ex-boyfriends and their aquarius moons. I'm actually I think usually not attracted to aquarius at all - it's like I can sense their detachment instantly when I meet them. I think it's all the earth in this guy's chart that I'm attracted to right now - always been a sucker for solidity and stability of earth signs in romantic partners. I feel like they ground me very well.

Thanks for the vote of confidence and the compliment! Was it something you could see in my chart why you said you thought I might be gorgeous? lol I hate to say this because it sounds so egotistical, but I guess I'm really attractive. I often don't feel that way though, and even though guys will check me out and I can turn heads, they never approach me or ask me out. I'm always the one to have to initiate things. Maybe I need to give it a better chance, I'm very hermit-ish and I don't go out that often. Maybe I should your suggestion of sitting in the coffeeshop - thanks you've really made me feel better tonight!

Sandstone, thanks - I had your comment about stumbling and making an a** of myself on my mind all day so it helped me to not give in to the urge to contact my crush. I also am keeping in mind your comment about the sun/pluto transformation - I do feel like I've been transforming for the better over the past few months (besides this really bad crush!), so hopefully I can keep it going in a positive direction.

My past experience in romance (whether are crushes or partners) shows I'm in better level with older women (about 5-10 years older), though the rate of older fem-younger male marriages are much lower or rare even in Hollywood with the Demi Moore (age 50)-Ashton Kutcher (age 30) fiasco turned to failure when the marriage contained other scandals (not only the age difference).

Libracancer, follow your instinct and use good judgement not to fall in love with people you feel not based entirely on astrology, but common sense in avoidance of an unwanted controversy and you know it's not true on what real love is. For teen girls: in cases like this, older men: stay away! He should know better.

Hello-,
I would urge one to look at the astrology instead of making implications about your relationship with him. Point is, I can't see into his head nor am I in the room when you two are talking. Only you can be the judge of your relationship with him and it is true that you should be careful as long as the professional relationship remains and always stay true to yourself no matter what. Thing is: life just isn't as simple as saying that you should always stay away. Being the daughter of two very intelligent and good people having been in such a situation, I feel I can safely say this.

And I agree with what most people here are saying about -that-: That is indeed something you would probably not want. Be the other woman. But again, you should be the judge of that. Are you on a familiar enough basis with him to ask his birth time? Could provide you with much better answers to your astrology questions, I think.

Good luck.