Which one is better for me for being together a long term?

Yennefer

Well-known member
Hi all,
recently I´ve got my personal life sort of messed up and would really appreciate if someone more experienced in astrology would be willing to help me understand what is going on there.
I am in a long-term relationship for more than 4 years. With my boyfriend we are seriously discussing getting married but have also some serious problems at the same time - mostly it is linked to sex and sexual incompability. Don´t know how open should I be here about this - shortly, it is him being aroused by dominance/submission power play and seing it as kind of lifestyle. He discovered he cannot live without this and "normal" sex is just not appealing enough to him. I am very open and have no problems experimenting in bed so why not this but for me, it must have be also some fun - but he is really fixed to it and experiments are all linked to this as well. That is how I unwillingly became a "domina" that I don´t want to be. I just didn´t realize for a long time how important it is to him and saw it as a refreshing feature, not a lifestyle. we of course discuss that and tried to make an honest "deal" on this, that would satisfy both of us. But it doesn´t work so well so far.

Sorry it was a bit lenghty... my question is if you can help me with some insights from our synastry...

Info:
Me (Yennefer) born 27.3.1982 at 00:54 in Teschen, Czech Republic
my boyfriend (H.) born 24.4.1982 at 07:05 in Brno, Czech Republic


Any thoughts will be appreciated, thank you,

Yennefer
 
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freedomlover

Well-known member
Yennefer,

I see that this is your second post - welcome to the forum!

I would like to address this part of your post:

I am in a long-term relationship for more than 4 years. With my boyfriend we are seriously discussing getting married but have also some serious problems at the same time - mostly it is linked to sex and sexual incompability. Don´t know how open should I be here about this - shortly, it is him being aroused by dominance/submission power play and seing it as kind of lifestyle. He discovered he cannot live without this and "normal" sex is just not appealing enough to him. I am very open and have no problems experimenting in bed so why not this but for me, it must have be also some fun - but he is really fixed to it and experiments are all linked to this as well. That is how I unwillingly became a "domina" that I don´t want to be. I just didn´t realize for a long time how important it is to him and saw it as a refreshing feature, not a lifestyle. we of course discuss that and tried to make an honest "deal" on this, that would satisfy both of us. But it doesn´t work so well so far.

You were very open and frank about this, as I will be with you.
I strongly advise that you do not marry this man. Anytime dominance is part of sex, it is perverted. Pardon my frankness, but it is the truth. You seem to be uncomfortable with this, by what you wrote. I think you know this is wrong deep down inside, but are going along with it out of your love for your boyfriend. I know that this kind of sexual stuff is more and more common and accepted, but it is perverted, and there are accompanying psychological issues, especially if that is the only way he is satisfied.

I plead with you to take this seriously. I married a man who I got along with pretty well, except sexually. He had some perverted issues, too, but not as bad as what you are describing. My life was a living hell for 8 1/2 years. It doesn't get better, Yennifer - it gets worse.

My 2 cents, without looking at your chart (don't feel I need to) is to break it off with both men, and take a breather without anyone for awhile. (You seemed to be stating that he is the way he is about it - no room for change.) Do some soul-searching and try again with someone brand new.

I'm sorry this is not astrological, but I felt I had to speak my mind on this.

Blessings to you, Yennifer

Freedomlover
 

Yennefer

Well-known member
FreedomLover,

thank you for your reply - I do appreciate you being so frank with me.
And you´re right, deep down I know that it is not for me, it is not the path to follow. After all, my Venus is in Aquarius and I value freedom above everything - mine and others´as well. I love him but just need to express my love and affection my way and freely, not according to some scenario.
I fell I need to take some time just for myself and be open for whatever comes. On Saturday I will actually go to Reiki II seminar and I am really looking forward to that as I feel a strong urge to develop the healing powers I may have.

Anyway, I am also interested in why men tend to see me as dominant (many obscure sexual techniques have been offered to me during my life and I have tried some but it isn´t my cup of tee..)
I see myself as a strong, creative and sensitive woman, born free and able to decide about my life, and of course equal to men, and for many men I am highly attractive but most of them also fear me. But I know I am strong, I don´t need to "prove" it to myself by being dominant in sex or in relationship itself!
Could it be Black Moon conjunct my Ascendant in Sagittarius? I also have Neptune in first house, Sun and moon in Aries, Saturn-Pluto in libra conjunct MC..and also Venus in Aquarius.

Do you have any thoughts about this - I try to understand what they are projecting on me and what I may unconsciously radiate...and get deeper into astrology and my own soul.

My birth data again: 27.3. 1982, 00:54 CET, location teschen, 49N45, 18E37

Thank you in advance,

Yennefer
 
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unukalhai

Well-known member
Yennefer said:
Anyway, I am also interested in why men tend to see me as dominant (many obscure sexual techniques have been offered to me during my life and I have tried some but it isn´t my cup of tee..)

I'd think it has alot to do with Saturn (control) and Pluto (sexuality, power) close together straddling your Midheaven (what you are recognized by others for) in Libra (relating).

This may also be intensified for you over the past few years as Pluto has been trining your Moon, showing deep and even compulsive emotionally-charged experiences aimed at transforming your lunar (mainly emotional, but also the unconscious self) nature.

You may have also noticed that the Cancer/Capricorn axis (submission vs control) is intercepted in your 1st/7th house axis (relationships). This would seem to be a major consideration!

You also have Saturn (control) trine Venus (relating with others), with Saturn tightly T-squaring your nodal axis (connections to others) - This indicates control, and other Saturn-related concepts, could very well be a major factor in those you "run into". Moon/Venus rule over relating, but the nodes show who we are connected with by "fate" or "destiny" - they are receptive points that in an unseen way tend to bring people together, usually for personal growth or karmic purposes. The Saturn-Venus trine shows why you don't feel the need to control in relationships, because you have a natural balance between the need to control and restrict vs your ability to balance and harmonize with others. However, people tend to see (from their viewpoint, atleast) what's on the MC (that SA-PL conjunction) while you see the world around you through your ascendant (Sagittarius & Neptune). Oh what different concepts these are, one controlling and power-hungry, the other liberal and compassionate. I suppose the MC configuration does make a powerful disguise for the sensitive, compassionate and liberal view of the world you take from your ASC, however :)

I see myself as a strong, creative and sensitive woman, born free and able to decide about my life,

Sounds about right for having Sagittarius rising, Neptune conjunct :)

and of course equal to men, and for many men I am highly attractive but most of them also fear me. But I know I am strong, I don´t need to "prove" it to myself by being dominant in sex or in relationship itself!

Most insecure men are afraid of women they can't control, understand, or otherwise feel some form of power over, be it of any element. Don't ask me why, it's never made much sense to me, but it seems to be the case. I suppose if all men were built like Terminator 2 and could obliterate the LAPD SWAT team for weekend fun some would still find a reason to be insecure.

Could it be Black Moon conjunct my Ascendant in Sagittarius?

That is a really interesting concept. It would seem to make sense but I don't know enough about BML to offer much more, but there are a few folks here who study BML in detail; hopefully one of those folks will comment (*prod prod*) -- It is certainly a curious concept :)

and what I may unconsciously radiate...and get deeper into astrology and my own soul.

Sounds like that Pluto-Moon transit is at work! :)

I would have to agree with Freedomlover; get yourself out of this situation before it gets any worse, and more importantly, before you run any risk of that safe exit turning into a door you have to pry open and run through furiously. Honestly, the whole mess sounds like drama hell and I couldn't imagine any other direction besides out, but I suppose that's my Mars-in-Virgo talking as well :)

There's plenty of guys out there without S&M issues and you really don't need to be getting into sexual deviancy. It's just plain dangerous; physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
 
Yennifer I have been through the same thing before but just with one guy. Its not fun at all. my advice...just break it off with the 2 and start anew. you should be able to live your life as free and happily as you please. You will find someone one day that will listen to you and appreciate your needs and wants and understand the areas of you and around you that make you comfortable and uncomfortable. Best wishes to you! :banana:
 

lillyjgc

Senior Member, Educational board Editor
Yennifer,
Yep- i agree with the others....Unless this guy is willing to have some counselling and find out why he wants to have power over you in a sexual way then I would drop him like a hot potato....I have been there. It doesnt just change,as if by magic...It is an operating Dynamic in the relationship...Bottom Line: If he doesn't love/respect you enough to at least try and find out what it's about for him then you may find there is nothing but resentment between you...Think about what happens when the kids come along......Sex is meant to be a beautiful and safe expression of feeling...that respects the boundaries between the two people (ie, lines that can't be crossed etc)....I think he is not dealing with his inability or unwillingness to have true intimacy and so it is all a big play act that he has *conditioned* himself to *need*-its an addictive behaviour pattern...
I think it will be wise to take time out to heal, as others have said. Best of wishes to you, lillyjgc
 
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