what will I become when I 'grow up'? (Neptune conjunct MC)

Hi all,

As the title suggests I'm still trying to figure out what I should do with my life. Its so frustrating not to know what I would be good at, I'm now 30!! It shouldn't be like this.... I've been jumping from one thing to another my whole life, never satisfied with anything, there is nothing that really draws me.

I have worked within health care (aged care), customer service, sales person, cleaner, administration etc. All just jobs, something for the time being until my real career shows up, but that never happens. I do have dreams of doing something different in the future. I want to write, have done some writing but never like what I write so I just stop, until I have to start again, I try and push myself to write some more.

I don't believe I am good at writing ( English is my second language), but I have stories to tell. I see the characters from my stories, their words and dialogues appear before me and I can see the emotional impact of the words, but when sit down to write what I see before me ... it all just disappears. The words escape me. At the end of the day what I've written is just ... ****.

I have also a pretty good singing voice and have in the past performed in front of the audience with my family, I also wrote a play and have been in numerous amateur plays. I loved to stand on the stage. I love acting and could see myself standing on the stage again , but it probably is too late for that.

What else can I say? I speak 4 languages but not good enough in any of them to work as a translator ( I don't realy want to). I've immigrated from one country to another 3 times (lived in Asia, Europe, now in Australia). I have a Bachelors degree in psychology ( but haven't worked as counsellor as course didn't really prepare me for that). In the past I did some computer courses, some other short courses that didn't lead to anything. I am now thinking of studying massage therapy as I feel working with people is my calling (apart from writing and reaching out to people with my stories). But am I on the right track here? I don't know.

Now if I were to look at my natal chart - Neptune is the one to be blamed here. Its my ascendant ruler (Pisces rising) and because Neptune is conjunct MC it makes it even harder for me to find a career. Neptune is literally dissolving my career

But I also have Mercury there conjunct Neptune (suggesting career as a writer), and Pluto sextile MC. Moon and asc in Pisces is also making me all too imaginative and dreamy, so I never really sit down and work hard on here and now. Instead I sit and dream about my future career - how do I get away from this - my natal makeup? Can i fight this? I would like to be more like my Capricornian Sun, but no. Pisces is too strong in my chart and just takes over my logical side all too often. But I'm not giving up yet.

I really need help in finding out what I should do. What is my calling? What should I devote my time to? I hope to hear from you guys, fellow astrologers.

thanks heaps,


Rafaella

rafaella, you might need a little more university education to do this, but I wonder if you have thought of becoming a teacher--for special needs children.

You are a strong "12th chord" person, with your moon and rising sign in Pisces, and Neptune conjunct Mercury and your MC. Although your 12th house is untenanted, its ruler Uranus is very well aspected. If you are not a spiritual person, the energies of Neptune/Pisces/the 12th house can indicate a need to be altruistic, to dedicate oneself to a higher cause, and/or to work with people less fortunate than oneself. Your MC ruler Jupiter is in the 6th house of health, work, and service; and retrograde, it is looking back towards the 5th house of children.

Your vivid imagination (Neptune conjunct Mercury) and enjoyment of performance (Jupiter in Leo) should be assets in working with children--no one gets to be "on stage" as much as a classroom teacher, after all. Although you would need to acquire some kind of teacher certification, your psychology degree should be an asset, also.

Your very dynamic sun/Mars in Capricorn show real leadership potential. Again, something important for a teacher. In the 11th house, they suggest that you might prefer to work for a large-ish organization such as a school system, where your Capricorn nature would appreciate the structure and opportunities for advancement; and your 11th house nature would see co-workers as colleagues and friends.

But here's the kicker. You have a big grand trine in your chart. Although this should be a good luck factor, sometimes grand trine people never fully develop their talents because life actually goes pretty well for them, regardless. You also have a big T-square in your chart affecting your Mercury/MC/Neptune "career" configuration. It involves Saturn (opposing your AC, also), who on the one hand whispers, "you should do so much more;" but who, on the other hand, also says, "you won't be good enough, no matter what you do." Under these circumstances, most people would relax back into their grand trine habits, because they feel better. But your north node of personal growth is also involved in your T-square, suggesting that you need to challenge yourself, no matter how uncomfortable it becomes, or otherwise just feel as though you are stagnating, with the clock still ticking....

Of course, you would be good at other careers besides teaching (the film industry comes to mind), but I suspect that the basic grand trine/T-square dynamics will have to be addressed, regardless.

Good luck, rafaella! You look to be a very talented person.

Hello!
I have just the same: Asc. Pisces and Neptune in MC. And your problem is of mine, too. Incredible, but I also used to work with the elderly, go to medical school, but whoever I am I see myself as a writer ( my writing follows the same pattern as yours ). And of all the ways I could go the latter one seems to be the most suitable.
What about photography? If you have a lot of stories to tell and you lack of words, try another medium. I'm quite keen on it. Take pictures of people in the subway, behind a steering wheel, through the looking glass - let the others read from your lips. Neptune also rules cinema but it's not necessarily you who is being looked at. I noticed that actors have Neptune in the 1st and directors in the 10th. As for writing, at first you may try drama.
And, in the end, don't set on fire all the bridges you went through.

Hello rafaella.

I don't believe I am good at writing (English is my second language), but I have stories to tell. I see the characters from my stories, their words and dialogues appear before me and I can see the emotional impact of the words, but when sit down to write what I see before me ... it all just disappears. The words escape me. At the end of the day what I've written is just ... ****.

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The only thing a writer does is write. Your natal Saturn in Virgo conjunct the Descendant is making your relationship to the outside world too self-critical and you are spending too much mental energy telling yourself why you can't do such and such instead of just doing it. If you have stories to tell, tell them. Stop self-censoring and just write down what you see in your mind's eye as you see it before these images and situations evaporate into the mists of memory.

A trick which a lot of authors use is not to read what they have written until they have finished writing the whole story. At the end of each day's writing, shut your notebook or close Word and only open it at the beginning of the next day to make sure that you carry on from where you left off. Don't read or correct anything you've already written, just make a note if you think that what you have written today may contradict something you wrote earlier. Only when you have finished writing the tale should you go back and make alterations so that the plot or characters are more coherent, interesting or amusing, etc. Then close your book again, breathe a huge sigh of relief, give yourself a pat on the back and sleep on it (literally - put your manuscript under your pillow for a night or three) - but don't read it. Let your creation re-enter your dreams as a living entity, not as a possibility. It exists, and this is your child - it is new-born, it won't be perfect but it will have the potential to grow into something of which you can be proud. Only when you are certain that you are not going to tear your child into little pieces should you pick it up and read it in order to incorporate any new ideas you've had for it since it was finished. Edit, but do not destroy. No-one else will have read it, so it can only be you that is saying it's ****. Do you know any mother who would look at their new-born and say: "This child is ****"?

Write in your native language, it's easier. When you are satisfied that you have told your tale to the very best of your ability, show it to someone who speaks the language it is written in and whose literary opinion you respect. If you don't know such a person, search the internet for a literary agent or publisher in your native language. If they like your work, and can see a market for it in English, they may be happy to arrange for a translator. If you have written a short story, send it to a magazine that publishes similar sorts of tales. While you await their decision - and it may take weeks or months - start work on your next story, and the one after that, and the one after that.

I have also a pretty good singing voice and have in the past performed in front of the audience with my family, I also wrote a play and have been in numerous amateur plays. I loved to stand on the stage. I love acting and could see myself standing on the stage again, but it probably is too late for that.

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Totally negative. It's never too late to stand on a stage and sing, dance or act. I'm 65 and I've just started singing lessons, something I've always wanted to do. It's given me the confidence to perform, and I wish I'd done it at your age or even earlier! There is plenty of demand for people of all ages in plays and films - it might take years but one day you may be just the face or voice the public is looking for. Neptune, through Pisces, is ruler of the feet and is never more at home than when treading the boards in a theatrical career. It is your self-negating attitude to such a relationship that is making the excuses, not Neptune. Allow yourself to take the first steps - the rest will evolve naturally.

On February 19 you will have five planets (Sun, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and Neptune) plus Chiron and the Moon's North Node in transit across your 12th house until the end of the month when the Sun crosses your Ascendant. I would use this period to dissolve or release your ego from earth-bound worries about what you might do with your life. Give yourself permission to dream; let your imagination explore each and every idea that enters your mind without thinking about what might or might not come of it. When the Sun crosses your Ascendant, your new year will begin and you can put into practice any decision you have arrived at about your future destination. This is a wonderful opportunity - don't waste it with worry. With transformative Pluto transiting your 10th house of career, it's imperative you transform before someone else does it for you with yet another unsuitable opportunity that only frustrates you.

Start writing, keep writing. Find an opening in any theatrical company, amateur or professional, and start to smell the greasepaint. Give everything your best shot, then stand back and see which one wins!

My money is on the theatrical career. It's more purely Neptunian - illusory with a vast potential to make the imagination real - and the financial rewards can be grossly excessive.

See you on the big screen!

sage

Thank you guys so much for taking a look at my chart.

Waybread

You are right, I'm a spiritual person but not religious. My parents belong to 2 different religions but I never grew up believing in any one religion. yes, I would like to work with people less fortunate than me. I have had thoughts of adopting a child or two from my birth country, or opening up a school there for children who wouldn't otherwise get an education. But all of this I can only do at a later stage. I have a need to really be satisfied with what I am doing from deep within. I don't think I can be satisfied with a nine to five job. Teaching, well maybe. When I think of what is it that would give me satisfaction - I think I want to feel that I'm needed, I want to help and heal people. Thats I suppose the 12th house chord you mentioned.

Yes that Saturn opposing my Asc is a tough one. I'm never satisfied. Everyone else around me seems to be knowing where their life is taking them, but I'm just still not sure. I don't really do anything spontaneoulsy, I think a lot before I do something, until my thoughts turn negative and I just let it be and I stop myself and I suppose I relax back into my 'grand trine habits' as you said. But deep down I know I need to challenge myself. I know one day I'll push myself hard enough to achieve the things I want to achieve. Yep that North Node description you gave is spot on, I feel the clock is ticking and I'm still thinking of what I should do. I feel that I'm wasting time, I need to hurry and do things now but then the pressure just becomes too much and I just give up. I hate this, but I know it all depends on me, I'm the one creating my future. So I'll fight this pisces blurriness. I wish my sun/mars in Capricorn would take the lead.

Cass:

Photography is something that I do enjoy, but not really to a point that would lead me into it as a career. Writing and acting is something that I could combine. I have written the play, a comedy that was performed by amateur actors and directed by a professional actress and I got a lot of positive responses. This actress gave me so much hope for my acting abilities. This was 10 years ago. Since then I have moved to another country across the globe, my personal life went through a turmoil and I'm finally emerging out into the light after being in the 'dark' for years. Maybe this has also led me to not pursue anything in depth, but everything at once. little bit of this and a little bit of that, and then you get a mixture of everything which is really nothing.


Sage:

Yeah I know that I should stop being negative and just do, just sit down and write. Believe me I have tonnes of books on how to throw caution out of the window and just write. I have read about all the tricks and it works for sometime, but then the critic in me emerges and hates everything. But actually throughout all this time, some of my stories have developed in my mind's eye, the characters have matured and the things they have to say is less childish, there is meaning behind it, so I like them the way they are now. As I've matured so have my characters, so sitting and thinking hasen't been very unfruitful. But I wish I had produced at least something during these years.

I will try what you suggested, I'll sleep with my manuscript under my pillow. I do believe in this. Soon I'll start writing again, I do this now and then, this time around I will push myself harder, I never give up. I can refer to something else - I have been overweight for nearly 10 years, everytime I'd start on a diet and lose a little the weight would just come back as I never had the patience to stick with it. But somehow after reading enough books and magazines on how to lose weight I went ahead and lost nearly all the overweight by myself without any specific diet or any special equipment. Very very slowly the weight came off. I never gave up. As there is a saying - enough shovels of earth and you have a mountain. This would probably describe the way I lost the weight. Doing something small everyday, and in the long run you reach the goal.

I think that's what I should do with my writing too. Enough words everyday and then maybe there will be a novel . But this might take me a year or three, but in the meantime what should I do? I feel like I need to have a proper job that I like, just in case things don't work out with writing... but then again I'm going back to being negative.

That was interesting what you mentioned, all those planets in my 12th house, and Sun crossing my Asc. I will check that out and make a plan for myself. Solar Return for this year had Saturn in my SR 1st house which is all about getting something done, restricting oneself, doing something that has to be done -- hopefully its my writing that I'm going to be working on.

Thank you so much for your input, all of you. I appreciate this very much.

Cheers,

R

Rafaella, thanks so much for the feedback. I find it very helpful as I learn astrology.

The one caution I would give to your previous post is that waiting for the vocation into which you can throw your whole life, at this stage, may be part of the problem, not the solution. What if it never shows up? It is possible that some wonderful new opportunity, external to you, will present itself, but what if it never happens? You may need to create a vocation from the inside, simply because you choose it, flaws and all.

Doing a little now towards your goals is better than doing nothing. For one thing, many dream jobs go to people with prior experience and relevant education credentials. If there are orphans in your home country, better to help them a little now than not to help them because you are still waiting for your dream career to manifest itself.

BTW, teaching is hardly a 9-to-5 job. Teachers spend a lot of their non-classroom time preparing lessons, evaluating homework, engaging in extra-curricular activities, and keeping up-to-date in their field. Also, I don't know whether you are married or hope at some point to be a wife/partner and mother. If so, you are aware of the enormous amount of time that such women devote to juggling their home and career lives.

You have a lot of talent, Rafaella--no need to delay in sharing it.

I just wanted to add, that I used to teach a foreign language class to middle school-age children, and one class was 3/4ths special needs children. I have ZERO experience with children like that - but let me tell you, that was the most rewarding time I could have ever taught. Those kids were so much fun and so light-hearted. It really gives you a different view of the world. I would go back and do it again in a heartbeat!

I know this is a pretty old post and I dont know if the writer will see my reply or not. I too have pisces rising as my ascendant and neptune conjunct my MC. I have a stellium in my seventh house in virgo, including my sun, saturn, mercury, and saturn all square neptune. I also have the my north node in virgo too. Funny enough my natal chart is closest to Dr Phil of all people. I related so much to everyone else posedt on this. I too write. I have since I was a child. If I didnt write the stories down then I spoke them out loud and recorded them. I wrote a book earlier this year and it only took me two months doing as that one person suggested. I tried to write until I managed to get at a stopping point and then reread it as quickly as possible the next day and then wrote from there. Even if it was only one paragraph I was worried if I stopped that I couldnt complete it. I am not great at grammar though and am waiting on my best friend and sister to edit it for me. Which has been super frustrating, Im worried if I dont start again it would all be a fluke. Im desperate to get an agent and publish it, I at least feel as if I can get it out to an agent I can start again. I tend to see everything as a lifetime movie sort of scripted romance/drama sort of thing thats so totally easy to visualize. I am nuts about astrology but dont have many people I can speak to about it. I recently took a psychic development class and have been trying to interpret charts as my initial tool to get things going. I cant understand people who dont believe in astrology. It makes way too much sense especially for career I guess except for us Neptune conjuct MC people. I would absolutely love love love to be a professional astrologer that consulted with others. Its so black and white and I think natal astrology is so very helpful to others, its the building blocks that establish good and bad patterns. I have gone to many churches and attemtped to experience many religions always hoping to find the right one that made things so clear. For me it was always a big disappointment because religion is made of people who are not perfect which is not what I wanted. Spirituality though is complete personal and perfect. Its exactly what you make of it and is as good as how much you want to work on it. I hope all of you who posted have written something and found a process that worked for you. Totally cool to have come across this site!