How to deal with my flirty Scorpio

I have met a very special man, and he feels like my soul Mate. I'm 38, he is 44 and we met after our first ever dating attempt on the internet. I moved across the country after some months and have lived with him for 8 months. I well and truly think this is the person I have been looking for all my life. And he is not one to enter a relationship lightly, so we are both committed to each other. His friends are happy he finally found a girl. It feels 'right', exciting and fantastic, like 'coming home' . Except for one thing. He loves me in every way but in just about every social gathering we go to he hones in on the most attractive woman there and makes her feel like a million dollars, charming her and being attentive all night. In doing so he does not hesitate to callously trample over other's feelings. He gets bossy and arrogant and in subtle ways making me feel I'd rather not be there. These women are the wifes and partners of his best friends, aquaintances, associates, lifelong friends. He has this opinion that he's different to other men and can get along with women and be their friend. The trouble is I see he uses a lot of personal magnetism and sexual attraction to do this. I've seen the partners to these women react with surprise too, especially if it's for the first time. He puts men off with out realizing it.There is nothing they can do because my partner is that respected no-one would say anything. There is no intention of ever taking this further as far as I know as he is very much in love with me. I'm just wondering if this is a scorpio trait that he likes to show his power and conquer men at the dining table by completely taking over the conversation with their women and having them all fluttery at the end of the night, to demoralise other men. Is he getting a kick out of it? I've had great difficulty in accepting this behavior. In company, he has been quite averse to showing his love for me (and I'm reasonably attractive) We have a composite venus in the 12th house, and also moon in 12th. I've studied our horoscopes intently over the last few weeks to see if I could find an answer to how we can overcome this, I know my jealous outbursts have caused a dent in our relationship. To an extent I can see how we have very different social needs. My Virgo Sun is in the 12th house, his Scorpio Sun in 10th/11th, Scorpio Moon, Venus in 11th. Our details: Me 26 Aug 1968, 6.18 AM in Lund, Sweden and him 30th Oct 1962 9.50 AM in perth, Australia.

Twiggy,

Welcome to the forum. I am going to answer this with some common astrological sense instead of looking at the charts.

You met over the internet. That changes everything and actually allowed 2 people that are truely connected to connect when in person it may not have happened at all.

When people first meet, especially in social situations, usually it is the Ascendent they see first. You find his behavior irritating to say the least. If meeting in person instead of the web, you probably would have though... OH NO, and nothing would have happened and you would not have gotten to know the beautiful person he really is inside. You fell in love from the inside out.

Okay, take a deep breath and remind yourself, you are in this "warts and all". How he behaves in public is a reflection of himself. It is an ingrained response he has in social interactions. Being upset with him and letting him know makes you appear shrewish to him. It is confusing for him.... you loved him enough to move out there and now you want him to change?

You need to be yourself. Even if horrified by his behavior in public, he may be with you, but he is not an extention of you. Is he your best friend? I suspect so... that happens when meeting over the web...( a nice benefit). In times like this, be his friend, not the spouse with expectations. Think how you would talk to a girlfriend about this instead of the "person that is to place you on a pedastal above all else". The comment of being attractive.... that is telling of an insecurity that you feel. What he is doing is not a reflection of his feelings toward you. This is a behavior that was there before you ever got together. (remember, the guy you would go yuck to). His behavior speaks more of proving he is the "alpha" in the room. His behavior is in no way a reflection of what he feels for you. He is 44 and he is what he is. If it is too difficult on you, avoid social situations or do what I would do... learn to roll your eyes and find someone else to talk to during the party.

I do wish you the very best, and don't let something this small (and it is... ) jeapardize something you have found to be so special. In your mind remember, you have something most only dream about and if he is going to be a big jerk in public, he still comes home to you... the soulmate.

TK

Dear wintersprite1

Thanks for your kind reply, and your wisdom. I do think the 'Heavens' had a hand in me meeting my partner. You are so right in that his behavior probaly would have put me off, had I met him in person first up...I count my blessings every day that we both turned to the internet at the same time. Rather than projecting the problem onto him I need to take a good hard look at myself, and astrology is helping me do that. Reading your reply made me appreciate and remember those initial things that made this relationship feel so right. My Heavy virgo influences in my chart is spooking me to see small faults as insurmountable mountains, something I need to work on. Thanks again

Twiggy.

Welcome, hi, nice to have you here, etc etc

I have a question....

If he's got such great skills etc with the ladies (according to you) why was he on an Internet dating web site in the first place?

Hi Altruism

It is a very intriguing story really. He's one of those scorpios, all or nothing. He had a great love in his twenties, went out with a girl for 5-6 years. They broke up and he took it really hard. He threw himself into his career endeavours and enjoyed his friends (many planets in 10th and Venus in 11th). He studied astrology and spirituality and made sure he was complete in himself. Travelled the world with work and decided he would not be hurt by a girl again. He did not have amorous relations with a woman for 8 years...I've looked at his chart and although a Scorp he has Vesta, Ceres and Juno in Virgo..A vestal Virgin!! For the last 6 years he has concentrated on his work and tentatively, carefully let women close again, but no love. Where he works two other people in the office had found successful relationships through internet so they urged him on and finally set him up on a site. He's basically been a bachelor for a long, long time. I wouldn't discount the internet as a meeting place. I thought it was pretty tacky until I met him. Now I realize it is a most perfect way to find someone that is really compatible, as long as you choose carefully. He's quite an attractive man (I think) so wouldn't have a problem finding a relationship but I guess he was looking for something special, like me. We are all different. This is the reason I was so thrown out by this behavior with other women and towards me, and why it fundamentally threatened me. I thought he wasn't happy with me after all. So I'm trying to look at it from all angles. I really think it's a scorpio thing, can be a bit arrogant and a need to be in control.

Thank you for your reply Twiggy.

By posting here, it shows that you have a remarkable and valuable character, and a great sense of self worth. Things that some people simply don't have (or have very little of). And it's also something that certainly should be applauded and also retained.

Food for thought...

If a person was truly happy with their partner (e.g. a business partner in a law firm) the only reason they would 'flirt' with the opposition would be to obtain an advantage for themselves (e.g. either by enhancing the current partnership - via a merger, or, by enhancing their own situation - by joining the other partner).

Hi altruism

That's funny how you put it. That's exactly how I see it sometimes. Although I'm having to look at and change my values, like I said, take a hard look at myself. I'm fiercely protective and loyal myself and think in extremes ( 6 Pluto conjunctions in my natal chart). I have often thought a small slight translate to a great slight, it's just a matter of scale. My partner's seemigly disloyal actions seem like an enormous betrayal, (almost same as being unfaithful for real) and I would never inflict a pain like that to a person I loved. I have a Libra Moon, so think eveyone should play fair. But then I know that a Scorpio can be ruthless, for perceived things he might think I've done to him, and this could be a revenge unconsciously from him. I guess what I'm really trying to understand is his need to still figuratively "conquer" women after he met me. I see a partnership as a whole and whenever one partner acts like that he injures the strength of the whole. My partner doesn't understand this kind of talk, and thinks he has a right to do whatever he wants. There was a time for a few months were I would meet his friends for the first time, they would see how he treated me, then they would be very dismissive to me. It would take me months to restore their opinion of me as different person, or see my strength. I just can't remember a time in my life a partner has had that effect on my persona. He has modified his behavior a bit but admits he feels straitjacketed. I feel this is an empty victory for me, as it should have all happened from his own will. The only good thing that's come out of this is I'm studying more astrology than ever. The technical knowledge/insights shown by people here is just amazing and I aspire to keep learning.

Your partner has two feminine planets--his Moon and retrograde Venus--that are respectively in their fall and detriment in Scorpio. They are conjunct and afflicted by disassociate squares, which means they form an aspect by orb but not by sign. Mars is also conjunct his North Node in Saturn, opposite his Aquarius South Node conjunct Saturn!

Astrologically, both Saturn and Jupiter in dignity ought to exert a stronger influence than Moon in Fall and Venus in detriment, but it is interesting to not that both of these strong influence--Saturn and Jupiter--form inharmonious aspects (either by orb, sign, or both) to different planets in your partner's Scorpio stellium. The Sun, which rules his eighth house, is the apex of a T-square involving the nodal axis, which is conjunct the second house/eighth house axis from its "dark side!" Eighth house Mars in Leo disposits his entire Scorpio stellium using traditional rulership (i.e., no modern planets such as Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto). Some of these astrological concepts may be a bit foreign to you depending upon your exposure, and that's OK--just no there is an emphasis upon the eighth house, although there doesn't seem to be from first glance!

Arian Maverick

Hi Arian thanks for your reply

I did not understand the repercussions so much of some of the Venus and Moon aspects, this is the part that is a mystery to me. But I understand the eighth house emphasis better, although it seems there is much more weight there than I thought. At the moment, while managing a company, he also invests his boss's cashflow in the sharemarket, and overseas furures markets and have done that successfully for years. He handles a great deal of his circle of friend's and associates' investments, and advise them. All while trying hard to increase his own material position. So a Mars in Leo in 8th, from knowing him, helps him being creative with other people's resources. I have Aries in Saturn in Eighth, so we have a common talking point, as I find shares interesting as well. What he does is all-encompassing at the moment, he lives it from morning til late. So I think that is the eighth house emphasis you found! I also know, in contrast to this, that he is on a spiritual journey. He wants the end result to be a spiritual healing retreat, where he can retire and concentrate on the 'real' things he wants to do- reiki , astrology, have all his friends around him etc. Many thanks

Thanks pixiequix

Wise words. I think thats very true about a scorpio. I know it in myself too in my lucid moments but it is so hard to take, I'm a Virgo earthling so I think I'm very possessive. I somehow feel it's this is a lesson for me, to see my jealousy for what it is, and elevate myself from it. Then there's that silly duality, if my man wasn't charming or attractive or had an effect at all on other women, would I like him? It sort of comes with the territory. Many thanks

It's totally up to you and your choice, but I personally would kick him to the curve. Why be with someone who is hurting you. It sounds like his behavior is abusive and degrading to you and your self esteem. To me his behaviour would make an overall statement of the type of pershon he is. I personally would feel like I was his doormat. We all have our own definition about what it means to be treated with respect, dignity and love. There are alot of men out there who are mature and will treat you good. That's just my take on things. Your free to make the choices you want without others sitting in judgement of you. I'm a complete stranger to you, but if told you what you just told me, and you were looking out for my best intrest, what would you tell me to do?

True Lilibelle

If I was sitting at the table as another woman, watching these incidences from the sidelines, I would think ' how does this woman put up with this, what I jerk. I have a side to me that screams zero tolerance, I need to stand up for myself, and other women. My generation X (I think) has learned to be independednt and not put up with this stuff. On the other hand, the older generations (Those in their fifties and older) although more suppressed than women are today, also had a lot of their mothers' and grandmothers' wisdoms and support in regards how to be stoic about a man being a man, if the rest wasn't to bad. There are so many good points about this man that it would not warrant leaving him bite the dust. Were talking about a scorpio here, I have to understand him. Fixed sign - 'It's my may or the highway". The man can't help himself. I'm almost afraid of having success in changing him - if it would result in some sort of combustion or melt down. If have actually found that applying no pressure at all has the best result sometimes with him, as him feeling forced make him go in the opposite direction compulsively. And he is very capable of change, as long as he is in control of the reasons why, and direction himself. I find him fascinating at best. Men- you've gotta love 'em!

Tha nks Pixiequix

If you have time, would you be able to advice me what chart to get from Astrodienst that will show me the asteroid aspects? I'm quite curious about this as I have a a heap in scorpio and he a few in Virgo, a kind of reversal of our star signs, which I thought could be one of the reasons we are compatible, although an unusual union, like you said. I feel I have found my soul mate and could go around the world and not find someone so special to me. It's freaky. We were both astounded, and almost frightened at the hand of the universe dealing us such luck. I'm really glad about the Juno-Sun contact, it's encouraging as we plan to spend the rest of our lives together ( If I don't have jealous blow-ups, which he's had enough of) We also evidently have a karmic connection in the synastry chart, with Venus conjunct Pluto and moon sextile Pluto.

relationship, to twiggy

twiggy,

One way to understand a relationship is to look at Libra, Venus, and 7th house in each person's chart (all are about relationships). In your chart, you have (as you mentioned) Libra modifying Moon (home, also emotions), so you are emotional about relationships. Venus is part of a stellium (collection of energy) focused in the first house (being) conjunct (energy is combined with) your Ascendant (self). Venus in the 1rst house indicates you like to "conquer" in relationships, this conquering is made more intense because of the stellium conjunct the Ascendant. Your North node (future goals) is focused near your 7th house, indicating you have a goal in life of relating to others.

He has Libra modifying Mercury (thinking), indicating he thinks about relationships. His Venus is focused in the 11th house (friends), indicating he likes to be "friends" in relationships (close but not TOO close). Venus is conjunct Moon and squares (energy needs to be combined with) Jupiter (expansion), increasing the "friends" energy. He also has the North node in the 7th house, conjunct Mars (being, also action), so he is active in pursuing new relationships. The North node is in Leo (self-expression, also dating), so he likes "dating relationships".

Looking at the interaction of your energies, you have connections between Sun and Moon, so you two are "connected" to each other. Looking at the personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars), you have mostly easy interactions of energy, however Mars (being, also anger) conjunct Mars indicates you fight with each other. Looking at the other planets, your Pluto (transformation, also power) sextiles (energy goes easily with) his Venus, indicating you are the "powerful one" in the relationship. Pluto-Venus contacts tend to be very intense, with one or both people feeling they "must have the other"...no matter what. In addition, his Neptune (spirituality, also fantasy, deception, confusion) contacts your Venus, so this may seem to be a "perfect relationship"...however he might be deceiving you or you might be deceiving yourself.

The attraction in this relationship is partly your need to be in control of the relationship and partly the fantasy of it all. There are some strong energies you have between you that you can use to build the relationship, but remember BOTH people will have to work on the relationship. His hitting on the guests will NOT work out in the long run, and may encourage him to take things a little further than "just talk". Take control of the situation and let him know you need to be an equal partner in this relationship...a very SPECIAL friend and deserve to be treated like one. Being honest and open about your expectations at the beginning of the relationship will go a long way to make sure no "confusions" happen down the road!

Relating,

Tim

Thanks so much Wilsontc

We seem to have a beautiful connection, although then that's how it feels for all new couples! The Mars thing about fighting a lot, w'eve had fights (initiated by me, always) but they've been rare. However when they've happened all have been serious. Tom is as placid as they come, with me. The good thing with him is that he's put stop to my quarrolous tendencies in relationships because he doesn't put up with it. I think this is why I "chose' a Scorpio' - someone to reckon with, who would be powerful enough to stop my destructive behaviour, because in the past I've gotten away with it, being bossy boots and getting my way, if not sooner then later.. That way I wasn't getting rid of negative aspects of my personality and wouldn't grow.

The Mars square is probably manifested as a sometimes uneasy feeling of competition,and I always feel I've done something wrong if I get assertive about suggestions or directions even if it is to to with just cooking or gardening (perhaps because my Mars square his Moon and Sun). This is confusing for me as my North Node in Aries seem to be telling me to be just that, assertive and forge a new, stronger identity.

The warnings of deception come up in relation to Neptune a lot, but I would like to think this is more to do with a spiritual purpose to our relationship. I've always been interested in astrology but it has taken a very purposeful turn, since Tom also has an interest in this and and he has a veritable library on the subject. Luckily, we can have an open and honest communication, since I know he is interested in astrology it's easy to approach a touchy subject from that angle.

I was really amazed when I looked up my solar return, for the first time ever, and found my Sun in the eighth House. One interpretation said I could expect a major transformation, moving across the country and the like. Just three months before my last (38th) birthday I broke off with everything old, moved across the continent and decided on a fresh outlook with this new man, who have changed so much for me. I even got rid of all photo albums. Everything. The contrast was so stark I kept saying ever since, that it felt like I had died and being reincarnated into the same, but better life. My solar return Sun is in the house of death, rebirth and transformation!

Many thanks to all who have taken time to reply.

If my Scorpio ever flirts with another woman...I'm gonna slap him.

Yeah! That's it!

If my Scorpio ever flirts with another woman...I'm gonna slap him.

Click to expand...

Hmmm... Sounds interesting

Hey Twiggy, any updates?

hey twiggy,
i read your post and wanted to back up your relationship, so thought to highlight problems spots. doing so, i was like oh no, this one can wreak considerable harm to one or both, but likely him. and then quickly deduced your focus is meant to be on friendship. scorpio and virgo are not compatible. he surely does not need to be raked over coals again. i am sure you have seen or do see 'red flags', do not ignore these.
if he refuses a platonic relationship, it is his loss, but cut the loss now, not later.
giving and receiving thanks,
2rainbows

Hi Altruism, Rainbows, everyone..

Update definately needed!

When I wrote this thread I was really searching for answers. I had lived with my boyfriend for about 8 months and this issue had reached its culmination in our relationship. I looked into astrology deeply and did both our horoscopes as much as I could. I found feedback extremely helpful and took to heart those that either had personal experience with scorpios and those with stoic wisdom from long life experience. I'm 38 and he is 44 so I 'm a bit past being overly reactive and I think it's time I learned a new way of dealing with this.

What I found out from his natal chart, is that he is extroverted to a degree, but also extremely career-minded and socially outgoing and depends on his friendships (Sun, Planets in 10th and 11th). I on the other hand I could live ever after on an island with only my partner, that is all I need for happiness (Libra moon, planets in 12th and 1st). So even though it took me a while to actually know this difference between us, and apply it practically, I think it is sinking in. I think it is actually working. I tended to get extremely angry and upset, but now I have more control.

The test came last week-end, when we travelled up the coast and stayed with some old friends of his. He has known that couple for probably 20 years and the wife is pretty gorgeous. Last time we visited them the result was our first huge argument in the car on the way home, as he had spent the whole time pandering to her and being arrogant to me. Well this time I was better prepared, My partner tried his best and besides I was much stronger in myself and did not feel threatened. The couple even asked me to help them with their reationship to their daughter by looking at their charts. My partner kept asking me for two days after if I had a good weekend, like he could'n't believe I had no 'issues'. I think I outsmarted everyone. I also felt better in myself and more confident as I have fine tuned my fitness and health - this always goes hand in hand with my emotional state.

One thing I said before is that being with a scorpio is a new experience. You can't force change with him, you have to earn it. With him you truly get what you give. So if I behave in a mature way without pettiness, he rewards me with more love and care. I have behaved in the past with temper tantrums to get my way, and it worked but I ended up having no respect for my partners. This guy is worth working for, I suspect he is actually extremely faithful, I just need to develop that trust.

Sweet stars, I did try to 'whack' him, and boy did that teach me to never do that again. Don't trust a 6'3", 95 kg man to hold back on himself because your'e a girl. I'm lucky I didn't break anything.

I think I have to agree, 2Rainbows, that scorpio and Virgo is not compatible. However I do think as my descendant is in Pisces, that I balance myself with water, I find water signs emotionally soothing. I do have Amor, Psyche, Juno and Ceres in Scorp while he have most of these in Virgo so I think there is a nice connection there. When he invited me to visit him, as I lived on the other side of the country, I was really wondering what I was getting myself into. He lives up to his starsign's legendary needs in the bedroom (lol!) But sometimes I think we're to different to last the long haul. He works hard and plays hard, that's sometimes a bit intense for me. I can get on his nerves by being so serious. The funny thing is I have always been fatally attracted to scorpio's long before I even knew they were Scorps. I sense their depth, no-nonsense and descency in their soul. I have always fallen out of love with my other men after a while, some how I think this one will hold my attraction.

To sum it all up, we survived (just). I really looked into myself and somehow evolved to the next stage, through a great deal of introspection and astrology. I also made myself feel better and more confident by taking care of my looks and health. Although I can't always keep that up, I know the tools are always there to make myself feel better, if needed.

Thanks all, cheers