wilsontc and Frisangel,
Thank you for the help, what you have shared means alot to me. It helps me to gain more self awareness and understanding the challenges that I have to face and overcome.
I might be wrong but the life lessons that I have went through and going through have brought forward an attitude that I should stopped being "WHO I WANT TO BE" and work with "WHO I AM" instead. Natal astrology has certainly helps me to understand more of my natal set up and gradually learning to work with what I have than being who I want. Your sharing of knowledge has certainly helps me alot.
wilsontc wrote:
Since you have Neptune (spirituality, also confusion) conjunct (energy is combined with) Ascendant (self), you may be confused about yourself. With North node (future goals) focused in the 11th house (friends, also innovation, other people's self-expression) near the 12th house (spirituality, also confusion), you want to be innovative, but this may also be confusing at times.
In addition to transiting (planets in the sky) Saturn, you have had Pluto (transformation, also power) conjuncting your Ascendant (self), which has been transforming some of your confusion about yourself and helped you to see more clearly who you are.
Right on. Life changed completely when tPluto hits my 1st house in 1995. I fought with chronic depression and anorexia since 1996 which follows by bulimia and alcohol addiction. It took me nearly 7 years to recover from eating disorder and I've not drank more than I should for the past 4 years. I don't think I've fully recovered from depression but the involvement in creative projects provides a constructive outlet to the negative energies which helps me to keep depression under control. I fought all these battles without the help of drugs, therapies or doctors.
I am constantly confused of WHO AM I and WHAT I WANT? This confusion leads me to astrology learning. I tried to understand my natal chart, the innate character I was born with, the life journey I need to go through, the challenges I need to face in this life time...
If my kindergarten standard of astrology knowledge is properly acquired, Neptune at my Asc is the "creative director" of all these emotional drama that I set myself in and Pluto is the "scriptwriter". With Saturn Returning, it plays the role of a "paying client" who jumps in to ask for a sudden change of script but Neptune, the "creative director", abhoc the requests which goes against his creative ideals. While Pluto understands the fundamental rule of "Customer is always right" and alter the script as requested despite the changes are abrupt and against the normal flow.
wilsontc wrote:
Since you have most of your planets on the right side of your chart, you are more focused on others than on yourself. Since more of your planets are in the bottom right of your chart, you are using what you know about your inner world to develop relationships with others.
In addition you have transiting Uranus (friends, also restructuring) conjuncting your Nadir (inner world), which is causing you to restructure your inner sense of who you are and how you see yourself "inside."
Right on again. I was more focused on others than on myself but I have gradually set up a strong wall to protect myself in these 3-4 years. Before that, I was very emotionally involved with others problems and took theirs as my own. My focuses were towards others and have neglected my own inner needs and wants. Slipped into depression and self blamed when I can't entail the responsibilities of others and helped them as much as I want. I have to take brief periods of retreat to shut off the outside world to recharge my psychic batteries whenever I feel zapped.
Till a few traumatic incidents exploded one after another on me, to a stage that I felt so exhausted by being the pillar of everyone and not to myself, I feel so sicken with the injustices and deceptions in the reality, since then I have become overtly conscious with the needs to protect myself from the interaction with people in real life.
It is natal astrology that helps me to find out why I do feel this way and helps to blast that alarm whenever I habitually stick my head in the cloud, but understanding and accepting is two different things. Accepting it and performing it is another.
And being aware of my tendency to falling into illusions, I am sometimes confused of what I feel, think and see is what it supposed to be in reality, or is my Nep/Moon calling their shots again. :lol
wilsontc wrote:
As a result of all these changes you may becoming aware of your need for others in some way to work with in your innovations. Your challenge is to develop relationships and work with others. Since you have a T-square focused on Saturn (duty, also career, structure) conjunct Mars (being, also action) focused in the 8th house (transformation, also other people's values, power, control), there is an indication that you could actively develop your career if you become aware of other people's values and use that as a means of power and control. This suggests executive management possibilities.
The T-square in my chart with nSaturn and nMars placement in the 8th is one part that I have yet to understand completely. I've been trying to understand what the T-square's challenge is and how to work with the nSaturn and nCancer energies.
Based on what I have understood so far.. Saturn wants structure and control but Mars wants spur actions. Them are in conflicts and in Cancer(detriment), which make the duet worst. The attention and action is short burst and inconsistent. I've yet to comprehend how to work with them under the 8th house placement. You've mentioned I will work at my best by managing others and their resources and use that as a form of power and control. But I have always thought the tough lessons that happened on me are telling me to stay away from any kinds of partnerships or building deep relationships with others. :? It is due to relationships with others and partnerships that have zapped up my inner resources.
I do desire power and control but I can't bring myself to exert that control and power on others unless I'm dealing with extreme bullies who attacked the weaker. In partnerships, I tend to give in a lot and being taken advantage of and it put me under great emotional pressures when I know I should stand up for myself but I didn't.
I have always thought that since nSaturn and nMars in Cancer(detriment), in 8th house of joint resources, partnerships... this will be the area that I'm worst in and should stay away from. Is the logic being, since I'm natively weak in the 8th house, the only way to work around the restricting and faint energies are to draw in helps from others in this area? And that will help to ease the tension of nSaturn as it is the 2nd house ruler. The advice is… based on my chart’s energies and challenges, I'll be better off if I work for others in a management position than tending my own home based design business. Simply, I won’t be a rich and good designer, but I can be a rich and good manager? Is my understanding of this right on track?
Frisiangel wrote:
Your last sentance....." the way to gain financial stability....is design my vocation?"... can refer to two totally different things. You can follow your vocation but it will not necessarily bring the financial stability. The T-square in your chart would seem to suggest this. I guess it's a question of which is most important to you.
The T-square in my chart indicates that I have to choose between passion and reality in this life time. It indicates that I will be earning a living doing something that don't fully feed my idealistic soul and passion but brings me security and fulfilment in other areas of life. Or I could choose to get involved in work that coincides with my passion but have to bear with the financial insecurities and instabilities. This is due to the square with Uranus in my 11th house of ideals, hopes and 5th house of passion. Do I understand this point the way you meant?
Frisiangel wrote:
Mercury, ruler of your MC in Virgo, is also in its 1st rulership in the 6th house of employment. It makes only the inbred positive aspects. I would translate this as meaning you have the gift of the gab to sell anyone the shirt off their backs if you put your mind to it, yet you are cautious (sextile Saturn) about their (8th house), as opposed to your own, liabilities and expenditure.
I have never thought of or am aware of my strength in convincing speech. My kindergarden level of understanding is only on the area of how important communication is to me with this mercury placement which I can relate to strongly. I got frustrated when I can't bring my message acrossed in the way I intended and I have thought that it is due to my weakness in communicating verbally
When you have pointed the Sextile Saturn influence out, on reflection and self examination, it feels so right! As I'm running my own home based business, I've to meet up with clients and often, instead of selling them my services, I end up telling them they don't need what I'm selling
when I met clients whom I know won't benefit much by investing in my work or I'll feel for clients with low budget allocation but knowing they will benefit much with my work, I'll willingly charge them much much lower rate but give them much more than they paid. On top of that, I dislike handling business from friends as I don't feel good by charging them and yet, at the same time, I am building strong awareness of taking care of my own needs which logically I know I should charged but emotionally is reluctant to. :?
Frisiangel wrote:
You can also listen to what other people dictate (trine Pluto), providing your ideas are listened to as well, so there is no reason or problem that you cannot work with others in an harmonious environment. Yet that same Mercury makes no aspect with your full creative 5th house, even in its retrograde stage, through Taurus. Maybe it's no coincidence that, progressed, it has now turned direct in your 6th house as you contemplate which direction you should take. But it aspects nothing in your chart at this stage, yet work and career-wise it DOES seek the stability of a regular income that Taurus builds upon. Once it moves back into its own sign again, you can make the change in flexible work/career again.
With indication of nMercury(6th House employment) trine nPluto(10th) and not making any aspect in my full creative 5th house, it means it shows favourable strength in employment that deals more with communication than design work?
I've checked my progressed chart and pMercury will only be back into its sign in 2015! :roll: That will be a better time when I'll have built up enough resources and stability to pursue dreams and ideal career/work? 9 years from now is such a long wait……….
Frisiangel wrote:
With Sagittarius on the Ascendant conjunct Neptune, you are an idealistic dreamer......as are so many from the Neptune in Sag. generation. With its ruler Jupiter in Taurus conjunct your Sun in the 5th house, your ideals can find an outlet and be given form through your creative talent. But the only aspect Sun-Jupiter makes is the opposition to Uranus, and Saturn's inconjunct to Neptune. Sun rules 9th house of ideals, Neptune rules 4th house. This would seem to concur with what you have been doing at home, but Taurus is a bit of a stick-in-the-mud for safety, whilst Neptune in Sag. is boundless in following its dream. Neither rules the 2nd house of a fixed income!!
Right, I'm always caught in between both. Taurus wants securities, Sag wants Freedom. Neither am I able to learn fully towards Sag nor Taurus. I always feel that, if only I can choose my own sign, I'll want sun and rising of the same sign!
Frisisangel wrote:
Following your idealistic dreams when you were younger was a natural course. Moon opposes retrograde Neptune. Moon also trines retrograde Pluto which sextiles Neptune. You must have felt that this is what you were born to do and placed on this Earth for. Making money may never have entered your head at that time. You were simply expressing your youthful highest ideals. But as responsibilities arise, inspirational ideal becomes financial talent.... and that isn't the domain of Neptune.
Right on! 100%!
I used to think that I am a creative radical and I NEED and only will WANT to get jobs that I can innovate, create, build and destroy! I have never worried about the future nor worried about making money and NOT that I need not to, but I was headed by passion and ideals more than anything else. :lol Especially after I chanced natal astrology, gained some basic knowledge of my natal chart, and I thought oh boy! Look at that 5th house with Jupiter, Sun and Venus! I’m born to be a creative radical!
I do understand that with Jupiter, Sun and Venus in 5th display great potential of creativity but that is without consideration of the aspects. With the squares and opposition going on with Saturn, Mars and Uranus, does my 5th house has as much power as it supposed to be? Or, the aspects have already taken away the power and ability of creativity?
Frisiangel wrote:
Your Sun-Jupiter oppose Uranus. The problem with Uranus is that it is all about trends of the moment. If you try to turn a trend into an established order, you can expect trouble. You can't be independent whilst wanting security and doing the same thing all the time. Uranus doesn't work that way, nor should your creative side! Uranus does not aspect your Neptune. If your designing talent does not meet with the trend of to-day, it cannot help you change it to do so. Taurus has difficulty with any kind of change but your Sun does aspect Uranus. It's as if something in you is saying, "You can change (your style) if you want to. No one is stopping you except your own stubborn side that can be just as adamant towards its independence as it is about expressing its creative talent."( I'm a Taurean Sun, so I'm allowed to say that! ).
Thanks! Thanks for pointing out the Sun-Jupiter oppose Uranus influence in my chart! What you have wrote in this particular paragraph has hit a nail without a slight miss. There are many factors in business that I know I NEED to change, but for some emotional and ego
reasons, I'm so reluctant to make the necessary changes. I'm using the same fomula everytime hoping the results will be different! The tug war between optimistic and idealistic Sagittarian and the realistic and practical Taurean. Apparently, I'll end up staying in the same spot, thinking(Gem) and weighing the options available from two different poles and not making a single step towards any sides at all. I was so frustrated with myself all the time and now with you identifying the influences, it helps me to understand the source of this frustration. And with this ..
Uranus does not aspect your Neptune. If your designing talent does not meet with the trend of to-day, it cannot help you change it to do so. perhaps I'm reading into it too much, does it shows tell tale signs that the current design business method I adopted is not very much to meet the market demand?
Your progressed chart, with Progr. Sun opposing Neptune, would seem to indicate that you will make a career change, in spite of the current inner struggle against releasing your dreams. You can find and draw upon your inspirational side again and it will turn out a lot better than you can, at present, imagine. With your full 5th house, what's to stop you turning your vocation into a paying hobby? Stop fighting against change and go with it. It's the way the world turns
I'm double guessing my understanding on the above… the pSun opposing Nep influence… will turn me into a direction that I’ll abandoned my home based design business and walk into an employee status in a different field? Even with my full 5th house, they will bring me pleasure as leisure activities more than money making opportunities?
Thanks with Luv,
bale