Please Help - I am so lost.. will I ever be a happy person?

Please Help me read my chart

Hi Everyone!

This is my first post so please bear with me. I really would like to gain any kind of insight on my natal chart.

I am very new to Astrology and from what I have learned I am so amazed! I really want to know more and how to use it to be a better person.

Below is my birth chart which is very confusing to me. I feel like there are a lot of dark influences and negative aspects.


My Natal Mercury is also retrograde in Sag :/

Any kind of advice or insight can help. Thank you!
 

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Tla26

Well-known member
Your Sun in the 12th house makes you very sensitive, as does your Moon conjunction Neptune. Your moon loosely conjunction Saturn also gives you a pessimistic outlook. It's easy to get caught up in. You can always transform things--you can adapt mechanisms to block out bad vibes. Studying spirituality and astrology can give you those tools. Reading about energy, auras, chakra cleansing, crystals, etc...those things help in my opinion.

Here are some helpful links that describe things in your chart:

https://youtu.be/OjXP1pGIsEw

https://youtu.be/s6vsuNr8_ys
 

Neptunian Rainbow

Well-known member
I am not an experienced astrologer but I will share my thoughts with you.

I believe that you had to grow up quickly and that you in a way are wise/mature/responsible because of the strong influence of Capricorn/Saturn in your chart. I imagine that you didn´t receive proper nurturing and warmth when you grew up. Perhaps you lost someone or someone had to work a lot or there was emotional distance.

I believe that it has caused you to have troubles with really connecting to your own emotions as well as to other people´s deep emotions. Others may perceive you as cold/distant/withdrawn. You have Moon square Venus and Venus square Saturn, I believe that you fear relationships partly because you fear that others will demand a lot of you. I don´t know if you have had serious and long relationships but many with this aspect feel like relationships make them burdened by responsibilities and demands. You may also fear rejection and being hurt. At the same time I think that you do want to relate and experience closeness. You may feel lonely.

Sun, Mercury and Mars in the twelfth as well as Moon conjunct Neptune and Venus quintile Neptune makes you very sensitive. You need to have time alone since you are so receptive to the energies around you. The Sun in the twelfth house shows that you did not get to develop a strong sense of individuality when you grew up and you also have Mars there so I believe that it was difficult for you to stand up for yourself if other people wanted to use you or treat you badly somehow. It makes it difficult to assert oneself and go after what one wants to have.

You have Neptune and Uranus conjunct your North Node in Capricorn. They say that people with Neptune conjunct Uranus are awakeners. You have your conjunction conjunct the North node and it is in Capricorn. That means that this is really a theme in your life and that you do have the capacity to do something practical with your visions and dreams. The north node is something you need to work on walking towards though. You may fear growing into an adult and taking responsibility. You may want to be nurtured and comforted. You need to achieve competence, it will give you more confidence and you should also work on your autonomy and on following your own inner guidance and nurturing your inner deprived child. I believe that you can accomplish a lot.

Chiron in the eight also shows a wounding surrounding sunjects like deep intimacy, loss, obsession, money, death and so on. Chiron in Leo shows a problem with shining/standing in the spotlight/creativeness etc. I advise you to read about Chiron in Leo and the eight house on this page: https://fifthhousesun.net/chiron/

It´s like the real you is rather restricted and repressed within you. Insecurities are holding you back. It is easier for less sensitive people to find a place in this primitive world. People with your kind of sensitivities may feel like victims and like their inner needs are not being met. It´s difficult to feel content in the world as it is because you are meant to be a part of helping the world evolve into something better. However, I strongly believe that you can be happy. If you love yourself and learn how to live according to your inner needs and wants you will be happy and you will attract people who are compatible with you. All of the young people with eccentric personalities and sensitivities are difficult to fit in a box, they force us to change things and create a society that is more healthy for us.
 
Thank you for the links to the videos that is very helpful. Anything that you can recommend to read to learn about energy, auras, chakra cleansing, crystals?

Your Sun in the 12th house makes you very sensitive, as does your Moon conjunction Neptune. Your moon loosely conjunction Saturn also gives you a pessimistic outlook. It's easy to get caught up in. You can always transform things--you can adapt mechanisms to block out bad vibes. Studying spirituality and astrology can give you those tools. Reading about energy, auras, chakra cleansing, crystals, etc...those things help in my opinion.

Here are some helpful links that describe things in your chart:

https://youtu.be/OjXP1pGIsEw

https://youtu.be/s6vsuNr8_ys
 

Tla26

Well-known member
Thank you for the links to the videos that is very helpful. Anything that you can recommend to read to learn about energy, auras, chakra cleansing, crystals?

Smoke Quartz is a great crystal; it diffuses negative energy. Clear Quartz can help you block out too much energetic stimulation. Really, though, it's best to go to a new age store that carries crystals and look at the ones you're drawn to; you're drawn to them for a reason. You can carry them in a pouch with you.

As far as energy/aura stuff, I don't remember the names. But just googling it and reading articles about energy is a good start.
 
Hi Neptunian Rainbow,

Thank you for your analysis. It is very accurate!!

I had a difficult childhood with a lot violence in my home unfortunately. At the time I did not know how to react to such things and it wasn't ever discussed with my elders. I just accepted the reality. As you mentioned below, my mother was busy working and studying and my father lived in another state, I only saw him once a month.


In my relationships, I had a long term relationship around 19 years old where I really believed I was in love but I could not overcome my insecurities. I would push him away and come back. This went on for 5-6 years and I still feel weak for him.


I have a couple questions if you can please give me more insight about.. What do you mean by awakener? I have strong visions for how the world should be but no way of making it happen (even for myself).


Also, how can I be more self-nurturing and connect to my own emotions?


I am not an experienced astrologer but I will share my thoughts with you.

I believe that you had to grow up quickly and that you in a way are wise/mature/responsible because of the strong influence of Capricorn/Saturn in your chart. I imagine that you didn´t receive proper nurturing and warmth when you grew up. Perhaps you lost someone or someone had to work a lot or there was emotional distance.

I believe that it has caused you to have troubles with really connecting to your own emotions as well as to other people´s deep emotions. Others may perceive you as cold/distant/withdrawn. You have Moon square Venus and Venus square Saturn, I believe that you fear relationships partly because you fear that others will demand a lot of you. I don´t know if you have had serious and long relationships but many with this aspect feel like relationships make them burdened by responsibilities and demands. You may also fear rejection and being hurt. At the same time I think that you do want to relate and experience closeness. You may feel lonely.

Sun, Mercury and Mars in the twelfth as well as Moon conjunct Neptune and Venus quintile Neptune makes you very sensitive. You need to have time alone since you are so receptive to the energies around you. The Sun in the twelfth house shows that you did not get to develop a strong sense of individuality when you grew up and you also have Mars there so I believe that it was difficult for you to stand up for yourself if other people wanted to use you or treat you badly somehow. It makes it difficult to assert oneself and go after what one wants to have.

You have Neptune and Uranus conjunct your North Node in Capricorn. They say that people with Neptune conjunct Uranus are awakeners. You have your conjunction conjunct the North node and it is in Capricorn. That means that this is really a theme in your life and that you do have the capacity to do something practical with your visions and dreams. The north node is something you need to work on walking towards though. You may fear growing into an adult and taking responsibility. You may want to be nurtured and comforted. You need to achieve competence, it will give you more confidence and you should also work on your autonomy and on following your own inner guidance and nurturing your inner deprived child. I believe that you can accomplish a lot.

Chiron in the eight also shows a wounding surrounding sunjects like deep intimacy, loss, obsession, money, death and so on. Chiron in Leo shows a problem with shining/standing in the spotlight/creativeness etc. I advise you to read about Chiron in Leo and the eight house on this page: https://fifthhousesun.net/chiron/

It´s like the real you is rather restricted and repressed within you. Insecurities are holding you back. It is easier for less sensitive people to find a place in this primitive world. People with your kind of sensitivities may feel like victims and like their inner needs are not being met. It´s difficult to feel content in the world as it is because you are meant to be a part of helping the world evolve into something better. However, I strongly believe that you can be happy. If you love yourself and learn how to live according to your inner needs and wants you will be happy and you will attract people who are compatible with you. All of the young people with eccentric personalities and sensitivities are difficult to fit in a box, they force us to change things and create a society that is more healthy for us.
 

Neptunian Rainbow

Well-known member
Hi little mermaid,

I am so sorry to hear about your childhood. If people in this world would be more awake, children would not have to be abused and neglected.

The more awake a person is, the more the person will be able to see and feel the dysfunctions in the world. People who are what I would call asleep follow impulses from their childhood programming. Like bullies for example who starts beating someone at their school and feel empowered from it. If a person who is aware would abuse someone it would cause the person pain to see the victim suffer. The person would also feel and know that the self-image gets worse instead of better when you abuse someone.

If you see something that is wrong, you get ideas about how you want it to be instead. If you share your knowledge and insights with others you are able to make them more aware/awake.

You have some harsh aspects to Jupiter. I imagine that you have BIG visions and then you feel that it´s not realistic and then you don’t know what to do. The trick is to practice having patience and start taking small steps forward in life. Try things, learn things, take a course, evolve, overcome fears, make new connections and so on. Small things do matter, everything that you do counts.

When it comes to working with emotions many experts teach people methods to distract themselves or detach from the problem and look at it objectively. Many people are also numbed with meds. I follow another pathway, you need to feel what is right for you but I´ll share my own thoughts about it.

To connect more to your emotions you could practice tuning in to every part of your body various times per day. Try to sense how it feels in each area. I see my emotions as inner children. When I feel a strong negative emotion I imagine that I am speaking with a little version of me and I take care of that child and I tell her things like: “I am always hear with you. I will never push you away again because you feel bad. You can feel whatever you feel for as long as you need to”. I also return to situations in my childhood in my imagination and recreate them. I stand up for little me and I save her and I create fairy tales with happy endings. It might sound strange, but the brain is not very good at distinguishing between what´s real and what´s imagination so these kinds of practices do have an effect. I feel all sorts of sensations when I do my practices because the brain reacts to my fantasies and in that way I can reprogram my self-image, one tiny step at a time. I believe that every time I repress my emotions, I am abandoning my inner child and then the child will feel cravings for acceptance and comfort. It will feel that it wants to be allowed to exist, when I don’t want it to exist the child feels worthless and abandoned.

Everything the inner child needs is your presence. You need to feel your emotions in order to process them, when you have went through all of the necessary stages of processing the emotions will be released. The reason why animals are able to heal when they come to a safe environment is because they feel everything they feel without repressing it.

Your behavior towards your ex sounds like what I would expect from someone with Venus in Scorpio square Saturn. I have an ex with that combo. He had feelings for me but when he felt fear of not being good enough he became hard and lost his feelings for me temporarily and pushed me away. Then he would call me all of a sudden and feel a strong need to see me. I am also pretty scared of relationships myself. It´s a good idea to take risks, it´s actually the only alternative if you do not want be lonely. The worst thing that can happen is that your fears will come true. Then you will have to confront some painful parts of your self-image and you will have the opportunity to be present with them so that they can be processed and released. Like I said, presence with your emotions is what you need and relationships help you by digging up and triggering hidden wounds.

My greatest fear used to be to be seen as weak and insecure. I thought that everyone who would ever see it would hate me and feel contempt for me. I thought that it was impossible to love me or even accept me as a person because of my insecurities. A guy I loved intensely went very cold on me because of my insecurities and my body reacted as if he had stabbed me with a knife. Today I am a lot less afraid of that happening. Everyone has insecurities and if a guy is judgmental in that way I think that he has issues with his own insecurities and I don´t fall apart the way I used to. It´s because I accept my own insecurities more now.
 
Thank you so much for your message. I have been trying this in my head and it feels soo comforting and soothing. I think mindfulness and meditation can really help overcome internal blocks. I really appreciate this!

Hi little mermaid,

To connect more to your emotions you could practice tuning in to every part of your body various times per day. Try to sense how it feels in each area. I see my emotions as inner children. When I feel a strong negative emotion I imagine that I am speaking with a little version of me and I take care of that child and I tell her things like: “I am always hear with you. I will never push you away again because you feel bad. You can feel whatever you feel for as long as you need to”. I also return to situations in my childhood in my imagination and recreate them. I stand up for little me and I save her and I create fairy tales with happy endings. It might sound strange, but the brain is not very good at distinguishing between what´s real and what´s imagination so these kinds of practices do have an effect. I feel all sorts of sensations when I do my practices because the brain reacts to my fantasies and in that way I can reprogram my self-image, one tiny step at a time. I believe that every time I repress my emotions, I am abandoning my inner child and then the child will feel cravings for acceptance and comfort. It will feel that it wants to be allowed to exist, when I don’t want it to exist the child feels worthless and abandoned.

Everything the inner child needs is your presence. You need to feel your emotions in order to process them, when you have went through all of the necessary stages of processing the emotions will be released. The reason why animals are able to heal when they come to a safe environment is because they feel everything they feel without repressing it.
 
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