I felt Saturn most intensely in my teens years, and I was self-conscious about my height at this age. Confidence around my appearance has been difficult, one negative word and it would send me into self-loathing again. I had my Saturn Return recently, and up until then I have coped with my awkwardness around others and my shyness. I would still be anxious, afraid, and defensive, but I could hide it better. However, when Saturn returned my "shyness" come back big time, and I felt like I was in my teens again. I couldn't control it all, and I resorted not to mixing with people too much. I felt AWKWARD. I know Saturn is asking me to get deal with the issues, but I felt uncomfortable. It seemed to bring back all the feelings of my teens.
According C.EO. Carter in Essays on the Foundations of Astrology, we don't need to regard Saturn's obstruction as necessarily evil. It can have stimulative effect upon the force that feels itself obstructive. Saturn is the prime obstacle to free expression. The obstruction of Saturn is sometimes derived from the self, as for instance indolence or stupidity. It is also very frequently the result of actions for which the subject is in no way responsible and over which he has little or no control. These actions are often those of older people e.g parents or of those in authority over him, as the goverment.
Saturn on the Asc in particular seems to block the flow of life, it's difficult to express the whole personality to other people. And other people are also very perceptive and aware of my Saturn. If I am uncomfortable, it tends to make other people feel this way. If I am defensive, they also interpret my actions as snobby or cold, and in turn - they avoid being friendly. Others understand it is shyness, and will make an effort to make me feel more comfortable in situations. I have an impact on others, and it is choosing in a sense how you want to be viewed, but you only have Saturnian choices .
Everyone will not have the exact same experience of Saturn - because of our different charts, and different ways of handling it. I have tried to
fake confidence, and it never comes off. Saturn knows when I am pretending and trying to fool him. I need to have real confidence. In Saturn's house - you have to start from nothing. No confidence at all, and build it up slowly, it is a MASSIVE achievement if you can do this. Perhaps achievement in some sphere of life can help, Saturn needs tangible results. Avoidance doesn't work, hard work and persistence is the key to this planet.
I have had different experience's of authority (Saturn) in my life, natally I also have Saturn opposing my Sun, and it's doubly hard in that sense to express myself (I don't know why I call myself Shining Ray
). I am usually as heavy as lead in the personality
. My Jupiter in sunny Leo in the 11th house - is probably closer to home for my choice of name. I have noticed I tend to think I can manage things better than the people in authority. I have had this feeling in a few charitable organizations I was involved with. Mangers may sense that about me, and throw me out
. At other times my supervisor really likes me, and in the male dominated environment I used to work in, my Supervisor took me under his wing he could see I wasn't confident. I was the only female at the time in the place, and a lot of them where expecting me to fail, fall down, and be unable to cope with the job. My supervisor always praised me and told me how much he respected that I took on the challenge of the job. I defended (Saturn) off the stereotypes attached to a female doing a "mans" job, and I overcome my anxiety and I did reach the position of top employee in there. The bosses where very impressed with me. If I had stayed longer, perhaps I could have got a supervisory role one day, but my confidence always limits me. I wanted to start a family as well.
Severe shyness, self-confidence issues, are major issues. You have choices how you can live your life under Saturn, you can accept some limits in your personal circumstance, and you can be persistent and keep climbing that mountain towards your goal. Or you run away and hide, and feel bitter for the rest of your life. You can aim to be the top of your chosen profession or build assured self-confidence and earn respect and admiration from people. I carried a chip on my shoulder for a long time,and it gets you nowhere and leaves you only more isolated. With Saturn you get no help, support, assistance, and you have to work twice as hard to earn every bit of recognition you do get. Opportunities don't come knocking at my door, and I always have to prove myself. Depending on your choice you can live miserably with Saturn or try and achieve something worthwhile. Saturn ain't budging off the Asc, you can utilize his energy. Saturn's position can show where you are sensitive around social norms, and the Asc is the identity, the way you look, and approach life, your own success etc. I used to hate people criticizing me by telling I was too stand-offish or shy, or too serious. I hated conforming to all the social norms, mainly because I was crippled this area, and I couldn't be like them. I know it is difficult, but you have to make choice how you are going to live with Saturn for the rest of your life.