R4VEN
Well-known member
OK, I'm sticking my neck out a bit here, and am about to put more information about me here than which I'm totally comfortable. Bear with me as I try to be brief..................and as I lay myself bare...........
I have a difficult moon placement - in Cancer, in 6th house, and squaring a conj of Neptune, Mars & MC, all in Libra. (see chart below)
My mother, despite her best intentions, was at times very verbally and physically abusive, and I was a sensitive kid. I'd try to please her, but nothing seemed to work. I've done a huge amount of personal healing work in relation to this (she died in 1997) and I recognise her own wounding in relation to her own life, and her unfulfilled dreams. I believe she was very gifted, but never had any opportunities, then she married a farmer (my father) who kept her down so that she wouldn't make him look bad. I no longer blame my mother for this; she had a seriously difficult relationship with her mother. I was relieved to have sons and not daughters, and now I know why.
I've been aware for some time that I've lived her life - the good with the bad - and her unfulfilled dreams, and I have a powerful sense of not having got around to living my own life yet. I didn't particularly want to become a teacher, but I did - this is what she would have done had she had the opportunity. I married a man somewhat compulsively, and he ended up being very much like a combination of my father and my dead brother - the death of this brother was never ever dealt with by my mother. I could go on & on & on. Almost every experience I have had as an adult has had powerful links to her. My life has not just been a bit like hers, it has been hers, and it has come directly from her!!
I visited my kinesiologist last week, and he asked me had I ever been sexually abused - well, no, I hadn't. He said the `signature' of this was in my body. I know that my mother had been. It occurred to me this morning that the depression I've experienced for much of my life, but more severely in the past 25 years, was in relation to her life, and actually has little to do with me!! Weird. It's as though I've been expressing her wounds, her thoughts, her unfulfilled wants and dreams, her desires from this place in my body where she wounded me. It's as though she `transplanted' her wounds into my body - like she swapped my hard-drive for her own. There actually was a serious event of abuse by her when I was about 4, and a certain part of the body was the focus; it's that part of me which is currently playing up, almost as a sign to me that `something', like the sum total of her wounds, was `implanted' in me during this event. Back in the 90's I used to watch The X-Files, and I'd get shivers when Scully discovered the implant in her neck.
I feel as though my interest in astrology and numerology has been the first interest of my own I've pursued - and stuck to - in my whole life! I've had interests which were purely my own, but I always gave them up, like I wasn't `allowed' to do it.
Any thoughts about this?
Has anyone else ever heard of this?
Note also I have Uranus almost on the 6th house cusp, so body/health weirdness is totally possible.
(Sorry this post is so epic, but I felt I had to get this message across accurately. I've not been `copying' my mother, I have never wanted to do that - I have been her!)
I have a difficult moon placement - in Cancer, in 6th house, and squaring a conj of Neptune, Mars & MC, all in Libra. (see chart below)
My mother, despite her best intentions, was at times very verbally and physically abusive, and I was a sensitive kid. I'd try to please her, but nothing seemed to work. I've done a huge amount of personal healing work in relation to this (she died in 1997) and I recognise her own wounding in relation to her own life, and her unfulfilled dreams. I believe she was very gifted, but never had any opportunities, then she married a farmer (my father) who kept her down so that she wouldn't make him look bad. I no longer blame my mother for this; she had a seriously difficult relationship with her mother. I was relieved to have sons and not daughters, and now I know why.
I've been aware for some time that I've lived her life - the good with the bad - and her unfulfilled dreams, and I have a powerful sense of not having got around to living my own life yet. I didn't particularly want to become a teacher, but I did - this is what she would have done had she had the opportunity. I married a man somewhat compulsively, and he ended up being very much like a combination of my father and my dead brother - the death of this brother was never ever dealt with by my mother. I could go on & on & on. Almost every experience I have had as an adult has had powerful links to her. My life has not just been a bit like hers, it has been hers, and it has come directly from her!!
I visited my kinesiologist last week, and he asked me had I ever been sexually abused - well, no, I hadn't. He said the `signature' of this was in my body. I know that my mother had been. It occurred to me this morning that the depression I've experienced for much of my life, but more severely in the past 25 years, was in relation to her life, and actually has little to do with me!! Weird. It's as though I've been expressing her wounds, her thoughts, her unfulfilled wants and dreams, her desires from this place in my body where she wounded me. It's as though she `transplanted' her wounds into my body - like she swapped my hard-drive for her own. There actually was a serious event of abuse by her when I was about 4, and a certain part of the body was the focus; it's that part of me which is currently playing up, almost as a sign to me that `something', like the sum total of her wounds, was `implanted' in me during this event. Back in the 90's I used to watch The X-Files, and I'd get shivers when Scully discovered the implant in her neck.
I feel as though my interest in astrology and numerology has been the first interest of my own I've pursued - and stuck to - in my whole life! I've had interests which were purely my own, but I always gave them up, like I wasn't `allowed' to do it.
Any thoughts about this?
Has anyone else ever heard of this?
Note also I have Uranus almost on the 6th house cusp, so body/health weirdness is totally possible.
(Sorry this post is so epic, but I felt I had to get this message across accurately. I've not been `copying' my mother, I have never wanted to do that - I have been her!)