Abusive Ex Partner

waterlilly

Well-known member
Hey Guys.
I thought i would ask your adivce regarding this issue. My ex has physically abused me for the last 12 years. However, we have not had a relationship since my child was born. He ended up taking drugs/ drinking and not coping very well when i decided to end the union.

i'm sensing we're about due for another run in and i'm scared. the last time a war broke out it involved a meat cleaver and my son fearing for my life.

I would then like to identify areas concern in this relationship. so i have a couple of questions.
1, Why won't he leave me ALONE???
2,will he finally back off...he has actually been with someone for the last twelve years!
is another episode with him going to send he running for the domestic violence unit? FFS! I can't take this anymore!!!!:(

Although we have a child together, i think he has attached himself to my spirit. how do i shake this guy loose

me: 23/8/71 Lon- Uk 13.55
him: 31/8/70 Lon- Uk 7am

any help would be great...I'm already packed
 

2rainbows

Well-known member
hey waterlilly,
i do not have time to look into astro for an answer for ya right now, but have you tried a restraining order? domestic abuse can give him a jail sentence, press charges. do what ever ya can to keep him away from you. and ask your spirit guides to lead you to healing that will cease you from attracting abusive people into your life; do this for yourself and for your son.
Healing,
2rainbows
 

wilsontc

Staff member
abuse, to waterlilly

waterlilly,

Astrologically, there are several things that indicate challenges in this relationship:

- He has a stellium (collection of energy) conjunct (energy is combined with) the South node (the past) focused in the 12th house (spirituality, also drugs), so he is held back by himself and by you...but he is comfortable with being held back, so he may be using you as a place to blame...so he won't have to accept his own challenges.

- You have combined energies between you of your Sun (self-expression), Venus (desire/relationships), Mars (action/anger), Mercury (talking), and Moon (emotions). This is a VERY challenging combination to have together and can create a LOT of dramatic conflict.
This combination sits on his South node.

- Your Pluto (control) conjuncts his Mercury (talking), and his Pluto conjuncts your Moon (emotions); indicating you may overpower his talking while he is emotionally overpowering to you

- His Saturn (duty, also restriction) conjuncts your Descendant (others), so he restricts you from others

- Your Saturn conjuncts his Midheaven (outer world), so you restrict him in the outer world

It seems it's easier for him to blame somebody instead of working on his own problems...and he has picked you to blame. He needs you because, otherwise, he has to face himself and his own failures. This can make him VERY determined to hold onto and abuse you.

There is no easy way, other than to avoid him at all costs. Rainbows advice is spot on.

Relating,

Tim
 
B

Bob

waterlilly,

Sorry to hear you are having to put up with such appalling conditions, all wife beaters should be locked up, in my opinion. I have only had time to have a quick glance at your respective horoscopes so I can only highlight some generalities for now. If I get time I will investigate further for you.

It would seem that as Saturn begins to move out of Leo most of your problems can and will be put behind you but in his chart things do seem to go from bad to worse. This is a horrible situation to be in and just as horrible to advise for too. Fortunately you will get some good advice while the Sun presently transits Aquarius, and in your position you would be well advised to listen to it.

I don't see any immediate danger, though around the second week of Feb the Sun will be conjunct Neptune and opposite Saturn which is not favourable for either of you. This involves hardship involving drugs, money and children so extra care would be needed here. The next major phase would be as Saturn gets ready to leave Leo, this is the time I would be most careful if this man is anywhere near you. Fortunately, anything he does at this time will be far worse for him than for you, and he will pay a heavy price for any action he does take then.

Under normal circumstances I would never advise a couple to part but this is a particularly nasty man who will get all he deserves, when his time comes. For you, I would say get the heck away from him and get yourself and your child into a safe environment. A nice new beginning is likely for you after September where you will be able to actually enjoy a few of lifes little luxuries, and hopefully make a better life for yourself. I am not absolutely sure but I think his birth time is a little out; I will have a look later and see if I can be more helpful.

Get yourself to a safe place ASAP.

If you can shed a little more light on your situation it would be more helpful. For example; does dad see child & if so, how often? Does he live near you and/or does he try to contact you often? If you do not want to share any details on the forum, please feel free to email me and I will do the best I can to shed more light on this situation for you.

Take care & Best wishes

Bob
 

waterlilly

Well-known member
hello guys and thanks for your timely responses.

Firstly, i'm in the middle of taking this mand to court to finalise an injunction, this hppens on the first Feb 1st. He does indeed still see our son but, usually disempowers him by abusing me. the problem is, if in the past i have even smiled during a conversation, he believes we're back on. I left him because when i returned to work when my son was 3mths old. I came home to find him and his brother smoking a table full of crack. I couldn't believe it! He had managed to hide his alcohol problems to. then balmed me for turning him to the drink. I actually feel he had the addiction alot longer.

I'm currently contacting a few safe houses in case i need them. I have a feeling he's going to drive me out of my home anyhow. I'm trying to see it as a catalyst for change.

2rainbows :i have tried all the psychological cutting him off and asking my spirit guides for protection and all that. i believe but think i maybe in line.:eek:

Bob: He lives about two miles away. originally i was moved because of his behaviour. however, he has continued to bully me. I have to admit this is not an every day occurance. But when it flares up it's terrible. Now he's trying other tactics. i was supposed to move out of the country because of him. and he slapped a prohibited steps order banning me from leaving with our son. I have not tried to stop him seeing him.

I will leave me sons details also. it would be interesting to see how this is affecting him * if there's anything i can do.

15/7/94 8.23 am

thanks all whom are taking the time to help me with this issue
 

Belgianmoonguy

Well-known member
Hmm
When there's a kid involved
Ask what your son wants...
Does he still wants to see his dad or not?
If not, well...

When there's a kid involved, he needs protection; Although he's 12 and may have some clues that the world ain't filled with only rose petals (as he has seen destructive behaviour from his own dad)

I hope you can solve this matter with dignity for yourself, and your son... And I wish you emotional closure...

Ps son born in london, uk or somewhere else?
I did his chart with London as Birth Town, so correct me if wrong
For now Uranus goes back and forth over his Saturn in 7, Saturn presenting the father, irregularities in how he views his dad for the moment or dad acting very irregular...
 
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waterlilly

Well-known member
pixiequix Hello!
I think your right about the mothering thing. when i have suggested that he takes his issues to a counsellor, he askes me why i can't counsel him...that was a while back.

The thing is, he saw his father abuse his mother and has on several ocasions tried to stab his father ( Now deceased). That's why i'm afraid when things flare up. if he can do that to his father, i'm alot farther down in the pecking order. He would see it as his duty to protect his mother and he was her favorite. his mother passed away in Febuary last year. I couldn't even attend her funeral . apparently he almost gave his partner a smack on the day too.

All he ever says is
YOU LEFT ME!!!!
It's like this was the biggest emotional loss for him. after a huge blow up he goes from hating me to informing my son that he still loves me. sadly my son loves his father. they have a very loving bond but, i just don't know how to counteract any conflicting feelings my son my feel towards him and I

On the morning i asked him to leave he took an overdose. this is questionable as pills were stategically placed around the house and forgive me for questioning this, if he did try in desperation.

during our relationship he did the most disgusting low life things for a drink. stole my jewellery, he would go begging our 70 year old neighbour for the money for a beer. wait in the bar until someone bought him a drink. this behaviour crushed my pride and any respect i had for him. and if i'm honest, it shows and he knows by the look in my eyes:mad:

BMG: my son was born in London Uk. Thanks for your words of support

PS: sorry for the mistakes my keyboard is sticking
 

waterlilly

Well-known member
Hi guys.

Now my son has been excluded for three days!:(
I feel as though i cannot take a deep breath. I'm trying not be be angr with him

Could someone look at his chart and see if he's likely to choose to live with his dad? does he want to stay living with me?

I'll be crushed if he does...

15/7/94 8.23 am london Uk


thanks
 
B

Bob

Waterlilly,

First off it must be stressed that this kind of question requires an extremely high ethical standard, a good deal of common sense, and an extremely accurate reading of the natal potentials. Sometimes it is possible to assess a given situation within a short space of time, but in your case there is so much going on around your son, it makes finding the answer to your question an extremely complicated process. As your question is directly related to your son and the place he will be living, I will confine my search to your son’s natal chart and his relationships to you both from his perspective.

If your son is going to have to make a choice regarding whether he stays with you or goes to live with his father, it would at first be prudent to understand the processes that will colour his decision.

He sees his father as someone who can be quite loving towards him, although this is usually hidden behind a mask of insensitivity and wanting to have his own way all the time; so the loving is on his fathers terms. It is quite likely he does not trust him to honour his promises and from this he cannot be relied upon. There are/will be anger issues where he sees his father as someone with a harsh temper, and though this is usually manifested with words he could be quite frightened of him, and his angry outbursts. The result here is that the father will not force your son to do the things that are necessary for a teenage child, such as schooling, clubs or other activities befitting of a rebellious teenage child. If his father does not want him to go to school etc he will allow him to do what he is doing himself (if legal, probably nothing). Although this is not very productive it can be quite appealing to a teenager who wants to get his own way.

Mum is viewed as the organiser who takes care of the daily routines, fairly easy going and cheerful but a little indecisive. Mum, like dad can also have a bit of a temper but it is usually for the right reasons, and it does not last very long. He will feel a little misunderstood by his mum and she likewise is not understood very well by him. Mum appreciates and encourages a routine that he has little time for. As far as he is concerned he will do what he likes, when he likes, and how he likes offering mum no control over him whatsoever, if he can get away with it. Even though he rebels against it, he does actually appreciate his mum trying to do her best for him. He causes mum a fair bit of grief because he wants a lot of attention. The attention he craves is to be looked after and being made a fuss of, though this does not actually help him develop a sense of independence. He wants the attention but at the same time he rebels against it once he has it. In his eyes mum can be a bit of a soft touch.

It would not be unlike a rebellious boy teenager to choose the option where he could get away with as many things as he can. From this perspective it appears mum would be the softer option, although he bucks against the rules laid out by her, he actually prefers that to the I can’t be bothered counterpart. His friends at this particular time are not having a good influence over him, and in fact they could be down right detrimental; encouraging him to do things he may not otherwise have done.

From a psychological perspective much of your son’s behaviour is brought about by being confused into not knowing how to act, what to say, or what to do in life’s many varied situations. He has inherited many of his fathers ways, which I am sure you are already aware of. I must stress that the minor psychological breakdown I have given, or will give, is no more or less than most other folks have to deal with. You are not to feel that your ex, yourself or your son is in any way to blame for the circumstances you now find yourself in; it is just life being life.

I normally read a chart as if I were looking at a photograph of the person, with no astrological indicators given. This is done for two reasons; 1. Quite often people with have no idea what planets, houses or other parts of astrology are; this just confuses them and; 2. When reading a chart ‘all’ the planets, houses and parts have to be read in proportion to their entire placement within the context of the natal chart. For example a Mars is Taurus is not slow, steady and productive if there are six planets in Aries. No aspect, nor any placement cannot be taken out of context from the chart in the sloppy manner some people do with synastry e.g. Mars opposes Mars causes fights and arguments…No it doesn’t, it all depends on the ability of the overall person to use the energies they have. It also depends much upon the signs, houses and elements of the natal positions as to their relative strength. Do not trust anyone who gives a synastry comparison based upon planetary inter-aspects alone. If a natal chart is read correctly, there is very little a synastry or composite chart can reveal that cannot be seen from the nativity.

There is some change in store for your son at around 15 years of age, until then he will most likely stay with you. The problem is that drink, drugs and other vices can be very appealing to a young impressionable teenager. If he chooses this path he will most likely follow in his fathers footsteps and he will learn some of life’s lessons the hard way. If you can take control of him and keep him on the straight and narrow his prospects can be much better. He is a very strong willed young chap and for the most part he will go his own way, much of this will depend upon the company he keeps.

Hopefully, this has answered some of your main concerns, but if you have any other specific enquiries please feel free to contact me on or off the board; I will help where I can. All you can do is your best, if that is not good enough then that it not your fault.

Looking briefly at your chart, there are some changes in store for you during the next 3 years, after that you life will be much more pleasant and much less stressful. There may be a few more incidents with your ex, culminating at the end of the summer. However, these are things he has to deal with, not you. You do have some very good friends around you that will also be only too happy to help so chin up, it is not as bad as it might seem. Things definitely look much more rosy for you in the not too distant future.

Good wishes

Bob
 

2rainbows

Well-known member
Waterlilly,
-I think you will be better off to offer full custody to your ex, and welcome this and just enjoy your freedom and ability to go and do as you please. and take the time to work at focusing at inner truth, the only place truth exists.
-Fall 07, if you are on your own as you should be, take the time to work very hard to achieve goals/monetary/work related.
-reset your pace of life now, to a leisurely pace, take the time to smell the roses, see all of nature's bounty around you. perhaps read up on some native indian information.
-if you are currently working at self-reliance, know that you are right on course with your life contract.
-Pluto is trining your sun
-this should be a time of enthusiasm toward any endeavor.
-the reward for pluto trining your moon, is great psychological growth and balanced karma.
-saturn will be conjuncting venus til 7/11/08. if you do not work on your own psychology, you will likely continue to attract dangerous men. you are much better off alone than weakening to carnal demands and withgoing sex is beneficial to youthful looks. body work should expel pent up sexual energy.
-8/25/07-9/11/08 saturn will be squaring your saturn, you should be at a better place than now to fill in a worthwhile course of action for your life.
-until 7/28/08 saturn squaring neptune- read up on metaphysical and shaminism info. absolutely refrain from addictive substances.
nobody anywhere should be using addictive substances these days. this is a key in achieving global balance.

Giving and receiving thanks,
2rainbows
 

waterlilly

Well-known member
Hello and thanks.

Bob thank you so much for your indepth look at this situation. I really appreciate the time you took to explain some of his current trends.:cheers:


2rainbows thanks for your comments also. However, i have no intention of letting my son go at this point in his life. although he does not realise it he, is too fragile and still needs my direction.:eek:

thanks again to you both
 

2rainbows

Well-known member
Waterlilly,
Love your son enough to give him to his father for now.
Look at your son's placements of saturn: in pisces, opposing venus, squaring saturn and pluto opposing his midheaven.
Give him a chance, the last thing you should want is to be a control freak over him.
I am sorry to come across harsh, but i will surely not be supporting anyone to see what i see and not say so.
You can go through this very challenging time you are going through without your son, and you need space and freedom to face these challenges.
Spirit and all Spirit's Strength is by your side every step of the way,
2rainbows
 

waterlilly

Well-known member
Then if you could be alittle clearer about what you see. I could consider it

I'm still a learner and don't see what your getting at.:eek:
 

2rainbows

Well-known member
Before I answer I am first going to put out a request to fellow forum members.
If you have Lyn Birkbeck's instant astrologer, please use and join this thread!!

my source; astrodienst for your son;
saturn in pisces- you may feel you cannot do much in life, that you are more limited than you really. you may feel obliged to satisfy other people's needs over your own (it is impossible for one to satisfy needs in another.) and making matters worse, your own needs may never be met.
*you need simplicity in your life. when you discover weaknesses in parent(s), you may become disappointed and end up not believing in anyone. (if you can't trust/believe in your parent(s), who can you trust/believe in, leads to a false sense of self, very devastating. it will likely be hard for him to accept/handle what becomes obvious, flaws in parent(s).

venus opposite saturn- you may feel unworthy of love and affection and unknowingly attract people who make you feel this way even more.

mars square saturn- he needs to be in his fathers life, he needs his father's emotional support.

pluto opposite midheaven- early childhood experiences may lead to compulsive and negative habits, and it may be hard to make accurate judgments. be vary wary of acquiring prejudices. (prejudice needs to be an extinct word.) one of your parents may try to exert great influence over you, even when you've outgrown the need for it; this can lead to severe psychological impairment.
(aside from other dysfunctional factors, my husband had a very controlling mother. at 47, he still has severe issues making decisions! the good side of this control freak for a mother, he would likely be dead long ago! she controlled enough to keep her children here physically. and he does not even have this placement your son has.)

Waterlilly, the last thing a mother wants to hear is to give over her child, but it is more devastating to a child to have an impaired relationship with his/her mother than with his/her father. there is an absolute lifeline between mother and child that does not exist between father and children. be good enough to yourself and your son to do your own psychological healing so you can help turn his negative natal placements into positives. his father cannot give him proper support without having custody.
there is no way you can attract violence into your life on a fluke. we attract what do so that we can balance what is not balanced within us. and the longer we shut the door to balancing, the harder life becomes for all involved.
if you read up on some of the topics i suggested, this will help you get balanced and then you will be better able to handle anything with your son and your son will be relieved to have his whole mother.
Hugs,
2rainbows
 
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waterlilly

Well-known member
hmmm Interesting
however, i don't see us having a flawed relationship from our current position.I'm doing my best to ensure this child grows confidently, lovingly and securely. In addition, i'm not trying to stop him having a relationship with the father. He sees him every weekend. if i'm honest this is enough of an influence!

Thank you for taking the time to respaond. However, others whom have explored this situation with me are of the mind that he needs us both & residency should remain under my influence. If i feel that i can't cope anymore i'll do my best in taking the time to make the transition as smooth as possible.


Thanks once again
 
B

Bob

Waterlilly,

I have had another chance to check you little angels chart. I intended to apply several ancient methods to try to get an answer to your question of whether your son will continue to live with you, or go to live with his dad. Unfortunately, I only get small pockets of time with which to compose any board replies.

As this question relates to what will happen to your son and where he will be living, there would need to be some significations shown by the Ascendant, Mc, Sun, Moon, Lot of Fortune and ruler of 4th. I would normally start with a couple of directive methods to the ascendant.

Asc = Leo – Phase 1 is 19 years or 4 part phases of 4 years 9 months, 9 years 6 months, 14 years 3 months, 19 years.

As he is 13 this year, his next phase would begin at 14 years 3 months. Ascendant Profections for his 13th, 14th and 15th years would cover the 14 years 3 months.

Asc at 13yrs = 15 July 2006 to 15 July 2007 are Leo. Significators = Sun & Mars

Sun in 12th, very busy for the people around him, but no major changes shown here for him personally.

Asc at 14yrs = 15 July 2007 to 14 July 2008 are Virgo. Significators = Mercury & Mars

Mercury in 12th means another quiet year for himself, with no important changes showing.

Asc at 15yrs = 14 July 2008 to 14 July 2009 are Libra. Significators = Venus & Venus

With a double Venus as significator I would expect this year to be quite good for him personally. It is very likely he will make many new friends this year and a strong possibility of a first serious girlfriend. The year will start fairly slow with nothing much going on but will pick up after a slow start. With Venus being in her own triplicity and in the 2nd house, it is likely she will increase your son’s finances (a Saturday job?). This position also shows that the relationship between yourself and your son will be very close, warm & loving.

From the point of view of the ascendant it is likely your relationship will him will be growing closer. I would mark this as one very good point in favour of your son staying with you, or at worst he will continue to grow very close to you. He does seem to be a lovely lad who puts on a brave face but is very affectionate, gentle and kind. It would seem your little angel has many of mum’s traits too. As these summaries are related to his ascendant, they indicate a certain psychological strength. It shows if anything he might be a little over-confident as he hits puberty. This is very good because it gives a good outlet for his energy, suggestive of good health and an ability to make something of himself; or at least do very well in at least one area.

Sorry to only give highlights in my posts, I just do not have the time to do some in-depth delineation. Also, some of the methods I use do not have programs to calculate the various timing methods; therefore, it is up to good old fashioned pen and paper. If I get time between now and the weekend I will add some 4th house directions, suffice to say, it seems likely so far that your son will either stay with you or end up with you happily by around 15 yrs of age. Maybe the 4th house investigation will reveal more.

Good wishes, things are looking good for you.

Bob
 

rahu

Banned
hi lilly.
i looked at your son's chart and his composite with you and with his dad.
his natal shows a saturn opposed to a chiron/venus conjuinction and square mars forming a T sqaure.this is not a pattern of affection,though yor say they have a close relationship,it seems based on domination rather than affection.also his uranus is square to the mars/saturn midpoint.this is a aspect of physical violence,and with your ex's history,this indicates that your son may be being intimidated to remain with his dad.also this the uranus aspect indicates that your son would more likely want ot leave his dad.
the composite with his dad,shows more of the same .the composite saturn is square to the comp mars.this is a repressive aspect and leans toward strict if not physical control.uranus is on the nadir indicating a separation with the father.the venus/pluto midpoint is opposed to saturn showing that there is a repressed emotional relationship at best.it is hard to see from these aspects that your son would want to remain in the dads environment.my opinion is that he is being coersed.
rahu
 

rahu

Banned
hi lilly,
your son's composite with you has a moon opposed to mars with moon on the ascendant.this shows a very strong connection but it can sometimes go either way.this aspect is stronger when the child is longer but he still qualifies as "younger".the venus is square to uranus,which can indicates a very intense love between you 2 but again it can sometimes show passionate differences .the venus/jupiter midpoint is also conjunct the ascendant.another aspect of a joyful and loving relationship.
there is a saturn opposed pluto which indicates a unconscious distanced between you two which must be surprising when it come up,as there is so much love between the 2 of you.the saturn/pluto aspect could relate to the influence of the father,in which case the negativity of that relationship is turning up in this composite.
rahu
 

2rainbows

Well-known member
Your ex is going through a time of re-evaluating things too.
no surprise he pops in and out of your life.
he has issues with pluto in house 1 and jupiter and uranus in house 2; hopefully in this time of re-evaluation, he can turn around the unfavorable aspects of these placements.
it is no surprise you were/are together, you sure hold up a mirror for each other; so the stars say!
the thing you should make sure of beyond all else is to keep him away from your money or if he pays you child support make sure he keeps doing so unless you give him custody. he will be better off to be cut from as much money as possible, less ability to get his hands on substances. and if his son lives with him, added responsibility to keep a roof overhead.
if you take up my advice to do some reading, pass the books on to him.
i did not find any indication regarding custody or lack of it at this time for him, except that he too could use time and space to do some self work. however, this could be because women typically get custody, nor will there be legal proceedings here.
it would sure help to have child astrology for this one.
2rainbows
 
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