My friends tend to use me?

Hi !!

I have two friends who seem to take advantage of me and my family - they are always sponging things off them but they are two of my very best friends. I am a very generous and loving person - but am reaching my limit.

I have Neptune in the 11th in sidereal astrology - may this effect my friendships? Is there anything in my chart that may point to why i attract this?

brooke24 said:

Hi !!

I have two friends who seem to take advantage of me and my family - they are always sponging things off them but they are two of my very best friends. I am a very generous and loving person - but am reaching my limit.

I have Neptune in the 11th in sidereal astrology - may this effect my friendships? Is there anything in my chart that may point to why i attract this?

Click to expand...

Hi there,
Actually in this Chart there is nothing in your 11th house. In fact, I don't believe with any of the chart styles, Placidus(posted), equal, or whole house system you would have any planets placed inside. Your 11th house is ruled by Saturn which would suggest few close friends, perhaps you feel this subconsciously and hold onto the friends you have even if you might have outgrown them. This is just speculation on my part(I have Saturn inside my 11th conjunct Mercury). You need to set boundaries and not allow yourself to be sponged off of. Are they friends you could talk to and tell them how you feel? If not, change the dynamics, no one says you have to allow anything you don't want. Make new friends...go to meetup.com and put your area and interest in the search engine and see what pops up. People start their own groups on this site in whatever interests them, plan activities and other's can join usually at no cost to others. I am not saying to drop your old friends by any means either. Right now you have transiting Uranus in your 1st house and next year in the late Spring early Summer it will start conjuncting your natal Sun and trining your natal Saturn. The feeling you are having of reaching your limit is very clear to me and when this transit starts hitting(I believe at the same time Pluto will square your Sun too) late Spring, you will start rebelling and probably doing things completely out of character for you.

I think Vista has given some good advice there.

When I see info. like you've given brooke (good to see you again) I think about how we react, giving in to others. I've a lot of water in my chart so I know this well. A few years ago it was quite normal for me to spend a lot of time helping others (usually friends and family) but also strangers and yet sometimes none of that would be returned or sent back. I think it's a fault if you do that. You have to reign it in. I read in astro. books warnings against that saying you should help those who want to be helped etc.

I see you've Pisces rising, there's a start. Pisces is strong for me, I now this energy well. You have Mercury square Uranus from Pisces and a hot Aries Sun. The square besides showing mental brightness can also show a sharp tongue. Outburst can be shocking to others and very strong indeed. You may or may not be over-helping. If you are, learn to reign it in. If you're not, learn to wane-out over-takers. And use that firey Sun to stand your ground! You have Aries Venus too, quite assertive socially too if you tap into it. Probably wax and wane between being a little quite and placid to being a leader-type.

brooke24 said:

Hi !!

I have two friends who seem to take advantage of me and my family - they are always sponging things off them but they are two of my very best friends. I am a very generous and loving person - but am reaching my limit.

I have Neptune in the 11th in sidereal astrology - may this effect my friendships? Is there anything in my chart that may point to why i attract this?

Click to expand...

pisces rising can be seen as a pushover,
Pisces Asc thread.
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40284
Pisces Asc (along with gemini) is probably one of the most difficult in childhood. With pisces they are sooo impressionable, easily manipulated and make lots of sacrifices trying to please family to much

but little do they know, sun square mars shows a wilful assertive nature, but then sun square neptune undermines this confidence and assertiveness..

Cappri ruling 11th can feel like saturn there, which could suggest an older generation type friends, ones that are useful, serious instead of fly by nights...

Sun Quincunx (Inconjunct) Pluto
You are forced to focus, time and again, on details that you would prefer to ignore. When life slows down or becomes uncomfortable, simplify and be patient. You are changing and growing in ways that you can scarcely perceive. Stay involved in your everyday routines and only force a change on yourself when you feel stuck in some repetitive pattern.
http://www.cafeastrology.com/natal/quincunxinterpretations.html

Sometimes these quincunxs are obvious and recognised in personality, other times it can take a lot of self examination to identify with the planets energies and of course they (like all aspects) don't operate 100% of the time, they are simply a facet of your personality. Some say they cause health issues that are unresolved, underlying, dormant waiting to be triggered.... some say you stay at one end, to the detriment of the other, OR end up see-sawing between the two until you learn balance, integration of two unlikely pairings.

Next look at the signs, then houses and then aspects. Now the *others aspects* from these quincunxs/Yods as they can act like escape routes, that can help or hinder the expressions. A chart with lots of Yods (Finger of God) will always be *searching* for the divine answers to the meaning of life, to find synthesis

brooke24, a50 has already pointed out your Pisces (Neptune-ruled) ascendant. Those with Pisces Ascendant can have difficulty in forming definite boundaries when in relationship with others. Your default behaviour is to shape-shift, or to be what you perceive others wish you to be - this is an unconscious behaviour on your part.

Added to that, your Neptune (chart ruler) squares your Aries Sun. Now, an Aries Sun in the 1st house should be quite assertive - something of a go-getter - but being in square to Neptune creates difficulties in being able to speak up when you feel someone has stepped into your space or treated you poorly. It may take time and practise for you to identify the feelings you have which tell you when someone has gone too far.

To complicate this issue further, your Sun forms an inconjunct with Pluto. What this means is that one thing you have to deal with in your life is the tendency for others to manipulate you - to use you or control you. You have to watch this behaviour in others and learn to identify it as well as deal with it, as well as to ensure that you don't use manipulation yourself in order to get what you want.

Hi everyone who has responded! -

I thank you for your feedback. @ R4VEN this sounds quite correct. The fact is that it gets much too tiring to try to be all things to all people - sun in conjuct Pluto sounds accurate.

@astrologer50 - thanks for your interpretation. Strangely enough the girl who does this to me also has an Aries sun and sun square Neptune!

@byjove - thanks for the advice - really good. I do tend to give because i consider myself a nice person but not all 'Pisces rising' are like that - i have know people with Pisces plants who are anything but giving so perhaps its a number of chart factors?

@Vista - Yes i agree - Saturn rules the 11th house cusp - my brother has the very same cusp though and he does NOT attract older friends as i do - just normal young types so there must be exceptions? As i have cap on the 11th house cusp is it possible to attract friends with cap in their charts? I seem to have friends with cap in there somewhere - my two user friends each have 1. cap rising/mars 2. sun/mec in cap etc. Where as my best friend has Libra on the 11th house cusp - and she has attracted those types of 'Libra' friends like me - giving, people pleasing, pleasant - its seems like that anyway...

brooke24 said:

Hi everyone who has responded! -

I thank you for your feedback. @ R4VEN this sounds quite correct. The fact is that it gets much too tiring to try to be all things to all people - sun in conjuct Pluto sounds accurate.

@astrologer50 - thanks for your interpretation. Strangely enough the girl who does this to me also has an Aries sun and sun square Neptune!

@byjove - thanks for the advice - really good. I do tend to give because i consider myself a nice person but not all 'Pisces rising' are like that - i have know people with Pisces plants who are anything but giving so perhaps its a number of chart factors?

@Vista - Yes i agree - Saturn rules the 11th house cusp - my brother has the very same cusp though and he does NOT attract older friends as i do - just normal young types so there must be exceptions? As i have cap on the 11th house cusp is it possible to attract friends with cap in their charts? I seem to have friends with cap in there somewhere - my two user friends each have 1. cap rising/mars 2. sun/mec in cap etc. Where as my best friend has Libra on the 11th house cusp - and she has attracted those types of 'Libra' friends like me - giving, people pleasing, pleasant - its seems like that anyway...

Click to expand...

Perhaps you would attract Cap friends, hard to say. Your Saturn is in Sagittarius so I can see why older friends wouldn't apply necessarily. I have a few older friends but I would say the majority of my friends are younger. I agree with what you said about Pisces rising not always being a pushover or softies. I would think it would have to do with what signs Jupiter and Neptune are in and how they are aspected. Also your Sun and Moon would be important as well. I dated a guy with Pisces rising and Moon in Pisces and he was the biggest bully on the planet, extremely argumentative, just a real jerk especially to women, then again he had Sun conjunct Mercury in Capricorn so maybe he lived that part of his personality. It's funny but you said 2 of your user friends are Capricorns or with Cap planets; I am a Capricorn Sun with Aries rising but I have a Cancer Moon which is part of a Kite with the Grand Water Trine of the Kite comprised of Moon, Jupiter, and Neptune. I am very sensitive and have always given far more than I ever received in my friendships. I think maybe this has more to do with our upbringing and environment when we were children than anything else. If you were cherished, nurtured and respected, usually this is what you will attract in relationships. If your emotional needs weren't met as a child or let's say you were a "latch key" child and both parents worked therefore they had little time for you, you might over compensate as an adult in your friendships and relationships. Just a thought....