To Howl:
How very astute of you to see all of that about material security! Yes, you are exactly right, and I have had dreams, and been given prophecies and tarot card readings from others, etc, that I would be doing something like what you have described -- and that is why I'm going through this. You know they say you can't really understand something until you've been through it. However, that is sometime in the future. And as you pointed out, I need something to do NOW. Thanks for the input.
To Tim,
I think you are seeing the basic circumstances of my life pretty well in my chart, and yes it is very challenging energy, especially with the transits. However, I do not think you are understanding what I am doing in response. Let me remind you of the quote from my original post of this question
"I DID try to make changes in some new directions, but always hit a brick wall. Finally, I've come to the place I am now. As I said, I have gradually realized the problem you described, and have been trying to get throught it. Currently, I am without an income or a home of my own, physically ill, and trying desperately to "move the energy". I know I am in a whirlpool of inertia that feels like it is going to suck me under. However, at this point, there doesn't seem to be much on the physical plane I can do - very poor health and no finances." (And when I say "no finances", I'm not exaggerating, really. I have about $22 a month that comes to me in the way of income. Other than that, whatever crumbs the Universe throws me.)
Apparently, you are seeing something in my chart that says "DO", and that is why you keep stressing this. I'm not disagreeing, it's just that I don't know what else to "DO" - and my opportunities are virtually nil.
My illness is not just "tired", but I literally can hardly function. Sometimes my legs even go out, and I need assistance walking, standing up, etc. This whole ordeal has gone on for so long with no letup that I have also become severely depressed from a lack of hope, hence my asking this question saying I was looking for a ray of hope. Somehow all of this also manifested as a heavy brain fog so dense that I felt "retarded". I literally was having a hard time forming sentences a few months ago.
My response to all of this has been to seize whatever inkling of opportunity I could find. When I realized how bad my brain was getting, I started trying to link with others for communication on the computer, Myspace, various forums, etc., in an effort to not let the brain fog take me under, which I felt it was doing. This helped to a large degree, but I still suffer from it. You all don't know what a forced, focused effort it is to get some of these posts out! I do have natural talent with words, but it is like "pulling teeth" sometimes to get them out - again the block on self-expresssion.
There is a small mission here in town that distributes clothing, etc. I woulld like to volunteer there, but my legs won't hold me up for more than maybe 30 minutes or an hour, then I have to collapse for a while. But I have been desperately trying to "be a part" of the whole somehow. I have felt like there was nothing I could give. That is actually how I found my way to this forum. I had scanned the site from time to time for the last year, but a week or so ago, I woke up with the "knowing" that I was to take part in the forum. It was a real leap of faith for me, as I still have problems with self-expression, especially with my spiritual beliefs. I have taken a WHOLE lot of flak from society in general, including most of my friends for my spiritual beliefs. It's still pretty much the "dark ages" here.LOL. Anyway, I'm a big believer that if you give out whatever you have been given, you take part in the "bigger picture", so I have made my best effort to give some of the wisdom I have learned, astrologically-speaking, and otherwise. But this is a gift to the Universe, so to speak. And, so far, my financial/health situation has not changed.
Did any of you ever see the movie "The Shawshank Redemption"? In the movie, Tim Robbins' character is imprisoned unjustly, and spends 19 years tunneling his way out of prison with a teeny-tiny rockpick of some sort. It was a Herculean task of epic proportions, and the prison guards gladly let him have it because they thought there was no way he'd ever use that to escape. But they didn't count on him being persistent enough to keep at it for 19 years. And he escaped at the end.
That movie has kept me going, for that is how I see myself. I am doing all I can do with all I have to work with every day, but after many years of digging, I am still in prison, and it sure looks like it isn't going to do any good. But somehow, I feel that if I just don't give up, my day will come. (I guess this is my Capricorn stellium in the first house? LOL)
I am seriously considering posting a horary question about any opportunity arising in the very near future. Would this maybe shed some light on what I'm looking for? No?
Thank you Tim, Howl, and all others who have shown their concern and offered their help.
xxx ooo