fears and insecurities around my mental abilities and communication with others

Hi, there
I have a lot of fears and insecurities around my mental abilities and communication with others. Lately It`s become a key issue in my life. I`ve realized how much I distance myself from others and how I can only delve in the superficial in a day because of my shyness to say anything at all to someone else. It`s also made me only hang out with 1 - 3 "secure" people who I know I can communicate well with. Lately I`ve been ignored over and over again, mostly because I don`t say what i say with assertiveness..and i think most times I say it in a hushed tone, too. I don`t want others to hear what I just said in case it was stupid.. ;o) I only hope they heard it. ..yeah..Hope with all of my being. This is a typical canerian thing, I think, to hope without really doing much else. Leaving it up to the world to do what it wants with what you give it.--passiveness.

Anyways, I don`t think my leo moon could take it much longer ;0) ..being ignored and all? It seriously screws up my day and makes me depressed, even just letting it happen once does that. I guess people figure what I`m saying is not important and worth listening to b/c of the way i get it across---like it`s really not that important and it doesn`t really matter to me if you heard it or not. Maybe they`re just retarded and slow with a slight case of a-d-d and find it hard to grasp what i just said... (^_^ tee hee. my evil side coming through.)

Basically ... any insight at all on my fears and insecurities around my mental abilities and communication with others and how it relates to my chart would be great. Thanks!

p.s. also insight on why lately i`ve been considering myself more and more boring would be helpful. The way i see it, my leo moon hates being restricted by the shyness and banalness of my cancerian sun. For some reason, I tend to think of the sign of cancer as prosaic, dry, and dull when it comes to engaging, friendly, and at least once in a while, jeez, ...witty conversation. I can`t say i know any cancer who`s like that..

Maybe it`s not that at all..maybe it`s all in my chart..(but somehow i don`t see it.) Saturn in my third def. has something to do with it, maybe that`s even the sole 'cause'..b/c i can`t find anything else. Thank you for your help!

-Mabel =)

DainBramaged,

Saturn in the 3rd house can definately generate the feelings you're having. Is your chiron in gemini? this could contribute to your fear from communicating also.

Dainbramaged

I have the same problem! Like you I have saturn in the 3rd (conj merc, SN and the Sun!). Communication (or rather by inability to communicate coherently) is important to me and I tend to avoid it for fear of saying the wrong thing.

Another similiarity, is you have Uranus /saturn/neptune conj, and I have Saturn in aquarius! We both have a merc/uranus contact yours is an opposition and mine's inconjunct with a mutual reception type thingy going on). It's not that we can't communicate - it's just that other people haven't caught up with us yet! We're so far ahead in time, people can't understand us!! That's how I now like to look at it, anyway!

With a grand trine in Air and a cancer Merc, are you an empath or a telepath, by chance? I just get that feeling

Anyways, I don`t think my leo moon could take it much longer ;0) ..being ignored and all?

Click to expand...

Aah, but your moon is ocnjunct your S node - it took centre stage last time around This time it's different. This time around its a bit less serious and a bit more fun (Sn in 10/11th NNode in 4/5th) which is going to feel strange and scary (a bit like i'm feeling now coz my nnode is in cancer in the 9th and this is a whole lot of abstract thinking and feeling!)

I'm going to leave it there before I get even more confusing and totally off track! But what I will say is, RELAX. Don't worry about communicating and getting it right.just do it! You're doing fine. You actually are quite witty in a different sort of way (that is a compliment by the way, it may not seem like it!) Give it time, you're only young (how you must hate me for saying that ), in a few more years the world will begin to catch up! (If I say it enough times I'll believe it too).

Hope this helps, and it hasn't been too confusing. I hope it doesn't offend, sensitivity is not my forte (oops there's that NNode again!)

take care

light

On your chart:

Saturn (rules, limitations, fears) conj Neptune (dreams, illusions, confusion) opp your Sun in Cancer (sensitive, in good and bad ways) and your Mercury in Cancer (emotional in your thinking, again good and bad).

And than Uranus cusp 3rd also opposing your Mercury and your Jupiter in Gemini, no, communication is not a given for you. You have plenty of energy, but you need to learn to let them work together. Espcially Saturn opp your Sun and Mercury demands time, discipline and effort to allow your personality and communication skills to come to their full potential.

Luckily your moon doesn't make any negative aspects.

And you have Mars conj Venus in Leo close to cusp of 10th, that's very nice. But you have to go through Pluto in Scorpio conj Asc = self exploration, which I think you're doing very well, regardless of what others might think.

And for your personal enjoiment:

: ) =
: D =
: rolleyes : =
: ( =
: mad : =
: confused : =
: p =
: o =
; ) =
: eek : =

Practicly grew up with these. I especially enjoied the "", when I was saying things very, very naughty...

Too naughty now that I think about it, got banned for joking around (and too intense political discussions. Bad Mars in Gemini, bad!).

Ok. Lol. This is totally my fault for not putting up my chart. You guys are awesome for going to look for it on other posts. That`s not good either, though, b/c I think the chart on another topic is wrong since i corrected it by putting in more specific birth place coordinates later.

And in this new chart you can see that CAPRICORN rules over the 3rd house...which would make the saturn in there stronger, no? lol. Yikes. Ain`t that dandy?

But, the thing is i already knew about saturn and all.....i dunno, i just had a feeling there might be something else in my chart that might point to the same problem saturn in the 3rd (along with uranus) indicates? [which btw uranus could also be interpreted in my 2nd house of finances, too] Like a recurring theme sort of thing, ya know? So, I just wanted to learn about where else in my chart my communication fears might stem from.


--------------has nothing to do with topic----------lol-----read if u want?
Oh and a big difference from my old chart to my new one, too, is that my Ascendant is now in Scorpio instead of Libra. =X I gotta say...it fits me a LOT better. I`m really quiet...and shy... usually i just don`t have much to say, and i wait for others to approach me. I identified with the Libra Asc at first, though, b/c i could see myself having nice taste in clothes and being good looking. hehe =). you know, i could live with that and if my Asc says i am... all the better. So, yeah, that`s why i didn`t reject the libra asc before. Plus, it`d mean that i would strive to appear outgoing and likable on the outside, and that`s definitely a big thing for me, so i thought it really was my asc.

I dunno, lately i`ve been trying to foolproof my belief in astrology... sometimes i think it`s all in my head ya know? So i was trying to find out why i didn`t fight the idea of having a libra asc...just like i`m not fighting the idea of having a scorpio one. I mean, if i can just select all of the qualities that fit me from something and ignore the rest..and be ok with it thinking "this is me, this is me, it describes me perfectly," then i wonder if i do that with everything else in my chart and not just my Asc.

Woo. Anyways! going off topic wayy off topic. I`ll make another post in reply to Light, he/she had some interesting things to say

testing astrology, to dainbramaged

dainbramaged,

You said:

lately i`ve been trying to foolproof my belief in astrology... sometimes i think it`s all in my head

Click to expand...

The simplest way to do this is to learn the basics of astrology...and then go out and interpret people's charts who DON'T believe in astrology. Just tell them your thoughts about them (based on astrology) and see what their reaction is. If there IS something to astrology (and you have learned the basics well!) they will say there is something to what you are saying. If astrology is "bunk"...you will get a much different reaction!

Testing astrology,

Tim

Hey DainBramaged, guess what, your 8 days distance than me ( I was born in 14 july 1989 )


There's nothing to fear of, your opposition between Mercury/Jupiter and Saturn/Uranus/Neptune is saved by Moon, making a mediator configuration, making a right-angled triangle. Mediator configurations are positive and successfully dealing with it, but you need a small effort of course. Also by guessing the tranzit, Saturn passes there ( 10th house ) making you a bit insecure in relating to others and blocks your disire to express yourself. This means in time things will get back to normal, Saturn in tranzit shows you need pacience and let things grow with stability, a slow and steady wins the race, don't force things if you don't wish it.
Speaking about the Moon earlier, it's in 10th house, Moon ( the public ), 10th house ( your reputation ), seems to me that the others see you in a very good perspective. Chiron is direct motion and it's with Sun, that means you can handle yourself just fine, you just want a bit of commendation and atention from others in doing things to build self-confidence. Just be carefull with that opposition on 8th house and 9th cusp, don't let the others block or affect your beliefs, faith and goals, test things from the inner core then find a conclusion. Also with Uranus retrograde ( the planet of astrology ) in 3rd house shows you can speak naturaly, what you fell, what your intuition tells you, what the subconscious tells you, you need to be intuitive without the fear of mistake and bieng honest is the best.

Dainbramaged - I keep reading this as braindamaged! See you are subtle

Scorpio ASc, you are even more like me - plus mars in a 10th hse leo, and cappy on the 3rd house!

When Iwas in infant school, they told me I talked too much, so I stopped talking for two years to anyone outside of close friends and family!! I still don't talk very much now - I can't do frivoloity and small talk. Again, that's the Sco asc, Cappy on 3rd and Gemini on the 8th - (deep small talk!)

I must go now, but I'll add later if you wish. But rest assured, you will imporve as you get older. I was proably worse than you when I was your age. But you want to hear about you, and not me. (This is really an attept to encourage you, not winging on about me.) So I shall think about your merc in cancer...

take care and don't worry.

light

DainBramaged, you're my outer planet peer 8) (I'm sorry Arian Maverick for stealing the expression you used in my 'Introducing myself' thread).
I never knew your age! I didn't know BorX's either.

I think this unsecurity about communication is caused by your Mercury Neptune opposition and by Saturn in 3rd house ruling the 3rd. Scorpio rising doesn't help either. Scorpios can be really shy, unless they're hanging out with people they know really well.

I'm kind of shy too. I'm a Virgo with a Scorpio Moon, and I'm really shy unless I'm hanging out with my friends. I used to be shy when being with my friends too, but that got better. I have Sag rising, so you wouldn't say I'm shy.
Unsecurity is a big issue for me too. That's not a big mystery since I've got Neptune in H1. I don't share your problems with communication. I have cusp 3 in Aries and Mars is in Taurus H5. I love to debate and to argue. And I'm talking to much about myself again...

Anyways, I don`t think my leo moon could take it much longer ;0) ..being ignored and all? It seriously screws up my day and makes me depressed, even just letting it happen once does that. I guess people figure what I`m saying is not important and worth listening to b/c of the way i get it across---like it`s really not that important and it doesn`t really matter to me if you heard it or not. Maybe they`re just retarded and slow with a slight case of a-d-d and find it hard to grasp what i just said... (^_^ tee hee. my evil side coming through.)

Click to expand...

I see you also have Venus in Leo. When you have Venus in Leo, you don't like to be ignored. (Hehe, I share this placement with you. I also have Moon in H10 btw. Oh, and I blame my lovely lady Venus *again uses another member's words and is sorry* for talking to much about myself.) I read this, and it made me wondering and then I looked at your chart and I saw you have Venus in Leo.

DB

Another quickie

What about your 3 cappy retrogrades? 'Whatever you take in isn't going to come out very easily', not until you've worked it out thoroughly. Thoroughly assimiliated it (Merc in Cancer?)? Does this make any sense (generally and to you)?

I'm a 10th house moon, too ( in Virgo and is good or bad depnding on my view of pluto (conj moon) )


Borx, I can't believe you're so young! You know so much, and you certainly don't come across as being young. You make me feel so guilty!

must dash

light

Ah! i totally wrote a long, interesting, and insightful post in computer class today (yes yes u can bet i was one happy camper ) but sadly it also totally got erased. blah! Right now i want to say so much more but only have time for a few sentences--homework! you understand. =P

I kind of just wanted to show how u guys how numerology says very clearly pretty much what is becoming a real pain in my life right now.

Take a look

Astrology-Numerology.com`s meanings of my challenges. Listed Below this.
Challenge 2
The challenge of the number 2 suggests you are likely to be extremely sensitive and more or less brimming with feeling. You find it hard to work with people because your are afraid of being criticized or, worse yet, ignored. You have a good deal of self-doubt and a definite lack of self confidence. There is a tendency to constantly worry about the opinion that others have of you. There is likewise a tendency to use this sensitivity in a negative way. Used more positively, your keen sensitivities can be a significant strength, allowing you to be acutely aware of so much of with others rarely perceive. But during this period it will be hard for you to assert yourself and make decisions. You will shy away from positions of authority and responsibility. This can be a time for accumulation of wisdom, as you show patience and pay close attention to detail. Try not to take things too personally. Friendships are a source of deep satisfaction to you during this time. Respect your ability to compromise and grow in a quiet way. Do not let details overwhelm you and keep you from seeing the big picture. Plan for slow growth rather than immediate gain.

Challenge 3
The challenge of the number 3 suggests a tendency to scatter talents and try to do too many things at once during this period of your life. You may have a fine imagination and a gift for words, but you find it hard to express yourself effectively. Though you know you should cultivate friends and be sociable, you tend to be somewhat reclusive and defensive. You may have a talent for writing, acting, or speaking, but you are reluctant to involve yourself with these sorts of activities because you do not like to face the prospects of criticism. You are expressing yourself with a negative emphasis, hiding your creative talents behind a wall of shyness. You must strive to develop yourself in a social and in a creative sense. It's hard to just relax and have a good time.
---

My challenges in this lifetime (from http://www.certuspersonality.com/ gotta love that site!)



My first challenge is 1 (not important lol)

YOUR MINOR CHALLENGE: 2
Mainly in the second half of your life, you are likely to hide your creativity as well as your social abilities.
You are probably shy, have difficulties expressing yourself, and are fearful of criticism. You generally prefer to stay in the background in group situations and feel too uncomfortable to share conversations and activities. You do little to develop your articulation in a more expressive way.
You present yourself with negative emphasis. Developing the positive side of this trait can become a significant strength of your personality.
If you have not done it yet, unfold your capability of getting on with others in a lively manner: to be a good conversationalist, to express optimism, enthusiasm, and to grace social gatherings.
Your creative talents, particularly with words (writing, singing, acting) should be developed to bring pleasure to others and to yourself in the form of personal satisfaction through AFFIRMING THE JOY OF LIVING. Life cannot, and is not meant, to be lived entirely within self.




YOUR MAJOR CHALLENGE: 3
Throughout life, but especially in the early years, you are likely to be extremely sensitive - fearful, timid, lacking self-confidence, and being overwhelmed by feelings and emotions.
It may be difficult for you to be a team worker, because you are afraid to be hurt by unkind words, actions, or by being ignored. You are constantly worried about others' opinions about you.
You are using your high sensitivity in a negative way. Applying it positively can be a significant strength, as it makes you aware of much that escapes others' perception.
If you have not mastered it yet, learn that your extreme powers of discrimination do not make you weak or inferior, rather strong and superior. Learn to COOPERATE WITHOUT LEANING.




YOUR GROWTH
You have to learn to BE OF HELP WHERE AND WHEN HELP IS NEEDED.
Accept the responsibilities you find and carry through with understanding and quiet self-confidence. Learn to adjust and balance the forces you find. Excert some efforts to make your home a beautiful, protected, stable and helping environment.
Learn to give friendship, affection and love and gracefully accept others' friendship, affection and love in return.


the challenges of the numbers 2 and 3 seem pretty much the same to me..and equally horrible. Agh. x_x


Look at Decoz`s interpretation.

THE SECOND CHALLENGE

The Second Challenge usually lasts until the age of about 35 to 40.

Your Second Challenge is 3

Mabel, you are your own worst critic. You suppress your individuality and
creativity. Each time you want to make an impression, you doubt yourself
beforehand, and criticize yourself ruthlessly afterward. Your criticism of yourself
is far more severe than anyone else's.
As a result, you tend to play it safe by staying on the surface, indulging in
superficialities. You rarely express what goes on deep inside of you; instead, you
cover up your feelings with humor or perfunctory remarks.
You often feel alone and lonely.
Mabel, your fear of social interaction causes you to strain conversation by
making too many jokes and forced joviality.
It may help you to find a creative outlet for your imagination, possibly through
writing, painting, singing or dance.
At the bottom of the challenge is an effort to bring out your true self. You will
learn to truly value your own creative talents above anyone else's judgments.
This must be viewed as a process of individuation, in which you become a whole
human being, independent and free of the need to conform to others.

THIRD CHALLENGE

This Challenge carries much weight and will be felt throughout your life. For
that reason, it is also called the Main Challenge.
As you master this challenge, your life will come more and more under your
own control. You will incorporate the positive aspects of the challenge into your
character. This is its purpose in the first place. Therefore, there is implicit in the
challenge a chance for great reward.
In short, this may be the secret to your success.



Page 22

Your Third Challenge is 2

Mabel, you are overly sensitive and too aware of other peoples' expectations.
You suppress yourself to avoid feeling conspicuous. You can be overwhelmed by
self-consciousness. You fear gossip about you. As a result, you become
inhibited. All of this results in a suppression of your own individuality and
uniqueness. You yearn to blend into the crowd.
You let your own feelings and emotions play too big a role. Your
hypersensitivity causes fear, timidity and lack of self-confidence. And you
experience unnecessary fear and emotional turmoil.
Little things seem disproportionately difficult to overcome and sometimes have
a paralyzing effect. Jealousy can cause much pain and misunderstanding.
These negative aspects of the challenge actually spring in part from positive
characteristics you possess, especially your acute awareness and intuition. You
are an antenna for other people’s feelings; you know before a word is spoken how
they feel.
Mabel, you lack the inner strength to maintain your own center, and try to
conform to the prevailing emotional atmosphere.
This challenge makes you understanding and compassionate; you have an
enormous empathy for the inner turmoil of others and can do much good for
people with emotional problems.

THE FOURTH CHALLENGE

The Fourth Challenge is most strongly felt during the latter part of our lives,
beginning at the age of approximately 45.

Your Fourth Challenge is 2

(This Challenge is the same as the Third, as described above.)


This is just one little reason why Numerology is just so cool. *sigh*

OH, btw--Light, can you tell me your birth data, or like, show me your chart or something lol ..ummm I`d really like to see how similar we really are =o)
Your way of talking definitely reminds me of mercury-uranus contacts. Us mercury-uranus attract each other and enjoy each other`s company a lot cuz we both get the way our mind`s work. It`s purdy cool. =) My best friend has a mercury-uranus conjunction and i have the opposition--we can definitely talk up a storm! not to mention laugh up one, too. Woo. Wait, or was it chat up a storm? or. . . Something?

Err....

Bye bye =)

Gots homework to finish. >.<
An essay and 15 pages of a book....to get done in an hour.
Woot!

-I will be back, and with more things to say!-
=P
Mabel

Hi Mabel,

Saturn in the 3rd would strongly indicate your block in communicating well. This is where your lessons are focused for this lifetime on learning to communicate clearly. On another thread there is a discussion on the Achilles heel, your weak spot and I have always heard of Astrologers associating Saturn being the Achilles heel in the chart. Saturn also opposes your Sun so there are difficulties in expressing yourself maybe through a lack of confidence.

I was reading Kevin Burks book on the Nodes today and here is a quote from the book:

The South Node is our souls report card. It tells us what subjects we have passed: the South Node says" Congratulations you have passed Gemini level 1." "incompletes " and less impressive marks, look to Saturn for further instruction and retesting, not to the South Node.

Click to expand...

I have Saturn in Virgo in the 1st house opposed my Sun. In school I was silent I found it very hard being in a group situation. Whenever I am in groups I close up. Even before I am going to enter a group situation I get really anxious and worked up and then I am unable to communicate.

Virgo is also ruled by the planet of communication Mercury and having Saturn in this sign especially in the first house probably contributed to this. Possibly my Mercury square Neptune may factor in to it.

I am a very shy person and people would tell me I will grow out of it, but I haven't I am still quiet. I think I am still this way because I haven't consciously made an effort to improve myself in the confidence area.

Unless you put in the hard work to help you in the area of communication and trying to overcome your self confidence issues you won't grow out of it. You will only feel the rewards of Saturn if you are willing to put the hard work in. This will be a testing area of your life. Saturn in Capricorn is learning about inner and outer authority which you are also learning to develop. Add on Pluto/Scorpio first your an intensley private person anyway and when people first meet you this is what they first see.

Shining Ray

Hi Mabel,

I have just been looking in Kevin burks book on chart interpretation on Mercury being in water signs I have Mercury in Pisces and find it hard communicating clearly.

Mercury isn't terribly happy being in water signs. Water signs are too emotional and subjective for Mercury. Words are often poor tools for conveying feelings and Mercury in water signs have difficulty communicating clearly.

Click to expand...

If your interested I can type out his explanation on Mercury in Cancer if you think it will help you better understand your communicating problem.

Shining Ray

I am going to be naughty and just add quickly what I think. I have not read others' responses, so apologies for repeating information.

Saturn in 3rd is probably causing some restrictions, combined with nep in conj with sat - probably causing you confusion as to what restrictions you have in communication as well as maybe confusion in communicating in general. Put also ura in there, and you might have a strange, erratic way of communicating.

Saturn/neptune are too far apart from your mercury to create any aspect. Also uranus opposes your mercury, probably creating an erratic mind. This is especially distressing as your mercury falls in your 8th and you like to get to the nitty gritty of things, you love to penetrate (as well as pluto in 1st and sco asc) and maybe ura who is more a skimmer and a burst of energy won't allow you do to this.

Also you might just have general confusion about yourself and general self-esteem issues too with nep/sat opposing your sun. I have sun opp sat and have self-esteem probs at times.

23,
Thank you for your insights! You basically brought together all of the scattered little bits everyone else has pointed out. Thanks


Shining Ray,

Could you do me a favor and tell me the nature of your challenges? You can find out here http://www.truthstar.com/numerology/challenges.asp

because you said...

In school I was silent I found it very hard being in a group situation. Whenever I am in groups I close up. Even before I am going to enter a group situation I get really anxious and worked up and then I am unable to communicate.

Click to expand...

and

I am a very shy person and people would tell me I will grow out of it, but I haven't I am still quiet. I think I am still this way because I haven't consciously made an effort to improve myself in the confidence area.

Unless you put in the hard work to help you in the area of communication and trying to overcome your self confidence issues you won't grow out of it. [/quotes]

--that last part in bold, especially-- it sounds to me like these kind of difficulties would also be pointed out numerologically by your challenges/growth. It would make sense if they were, and it`d be interesting to see if they were, too.--it`d show a connection between astrology and numerology--Y ou seem to show a lot of the signs that i have, too. We share astrological challenges, I wonder if we share similar numerological challenges, too.

I just found today, the exact time periods for when i`d have to struggle with my challenges and it does Not look pretty. Right now it feels like my life will pretty much be pointless...i mean, obviously i won`t be able to do anything important..just Look at that. Until i DIE, i`ll be this nervous, sensitive, shy Wreck. Is this life`s way of punishing me for taking the spotlight and doing big things in my past life? Nobody can really tell, i know. But right now i just feel like i won`t be able to overcome those challenges...i mean, the challenge of #2 and #3 are pretty much the same thing, and i have them (after 2004 when challenge the of #1 ends) right after another until i DIE. Will i be able to handle that..little less overcome them..??--don`t think so..

---

For period 1989 to 2003

The challenge of the number 1 suggests that in these years, you are likely to feel dominated by others with strong influence, probably parents or others with whom you compete. The challenge of the number 1 is avoidance of being dominated, but doing so in a fashion that does not impose upon or dominate others. With the challenge of the number 1 it's extremely important to control the ego, and avoid the negative aspect of individuality. False pride, pomposity, egotism are issues to be guarded against now. You are now in a period of learning about self-reliance and how to solve your own problems independently. Learn to rely on your wit and your intelligence, avoiding argumentation and resentfulness.


For period 2004 to 2012

The challenge of the number 3 suggests a tendency to scatter talents and try to do too many things at once during this period of your life. You may have a fine imagination and a gift for words, but you find it hard to express yourself effectively. Though you know you should cultivate friends and be sociable, you tend to be somewhat reclusive and defensive. You may have a talent for writing, acting, or speaking, but you are reluctant to involve yourself with these sorts of activities because you do not like to face the prospects of criticism. You are expressing yourself with a negative emphasis, hiding your creative talents behind a wall of shyness. You must strive to develop yourself in a social and in a creative sense.


For period 2013 to 2021

The challenge of the number 2 suggests you are likely to be extremely sensitive and more or less brimming with feeling. You find it hard to work with people because your are afraid of being criticized or, worse yet, ignored. You have a good deal of self-doubt and a definite lack of self confidence. There is a tendency to constantly worry about the opinion that others have of you. There is likewise a tendency to use this sensitivity in a negative way. Used more positively, your keen sensitivities can be a significant strength, allowing you to be acutely aware of so much of with others rarely perceive. But during this period it will be hard for you to assert yourself and make decisions. You will shy away from positions of authority and responsibility. This can be a time for accumulation of wisdom, as you show patience and pay close attention to detail. Try not to take things too personally. Friendships are a source of deep satisfaction to you during this time. Respect your ability to compromise and grow in a quiet way. Do not let details overwhelm you and keep you from seeing the big picture. Plan for slow growth rather than immediate gain.


For period 2022 to death

The challenge of the number 2 suggests you are likely to be extremely sensitive and more or less brimming with feeling. You find it hard to work with people because your are afraid of being criticized or, worse yet, ignored. You have a good deal of self-doubt and a definite lack of self confidence. There is a tendency to constantly worry about the opinion that others have of you. There is likewise a tendency to use this sensitivity in a negative way. Used more positively, your keen sensitivities can be a significant strength, allowing you to be acutely aware of so much of with others rarely perceive. But during this period it will be hard for you to assert yourself and make decisions. You will shy away from positions of authority and responsibility. This can be a time for accumulation of wisdom, as you show patience and pay close attention to detail. Try not to take things too personally. Friendships are a source of deep satisfaction to you during this time. Respect your ability to compromise and grow in a quiet way. Do not let details overwhelm you and keep you from seeing the big picture. Plan for slow growth rather than immediate gain.

----

Click to expand...

This is the most i know about my past life. All i know is that in this life, i`ll feel REALLY restricted (and of course it`s nobody but myself who`s doing it to me)

"Understanding the past opens doors to the future."

Node in Aquarius

PROGRESSIVE INTERCHANGING

WIRED FOR ALLIANCES

It is possible that in a past life you were too hung up on your own personal creations. When you are under stress you become egocentric and preoccupied with your own little world of problems. Your path of least resistance may be that of selfish gambles, but it is not necessarily the way for you to go.

Your spiritual path lies in becoming more receptive to service clubs and social organizations. Your future holds more social commitments. Cause things to happen in the spirit of friendship. Clean up old romantic karma. Share your creations with others. Become part of a trade group.

Attune yourself to forces from the future that are encouraging you to get more involved with people within a community context. Tie down loose ends with your creative projects and focus on goals that you hold in common with others.

It is possible that in a past life you lived in Japan, the Philippines or Australia. This time around, Akashic (a record of all that has ever occurred) forces are leading you to visit, do business with and make friends with people from Brazil, Paraguay and Uruguay.


Node Sesqui-Quadrate Sun

INTERCHANGING CHALLENGES SELF-EXPRESSIONS

To the extent that you are challenged by authorities, you have not come to terms with issues that are best illuminated by self control, and self responsibility.

In all probability, through the course of many lifetimes, you were a Taoist, cultivating yourself. Pick back up on this, study the I Ching and the works of Lao Tsu.

The creative process will play a pivotal role in your destiny. The more that you pay attention to your most ingenious and inventive ideas, the kinder the fates will be to you.

TIP: In a past lifetime you were a great and heroic achiever. This time around you need to become a more efficient chief of staff.


Node Trine Mercury

INTERCHANGING COOPERATES WITH CONCEPTS

The more that you pay attention to semantics, the kinder fate will be to you. Write letters to the editor. State your views of talk radio.

It is conceivable that in a cycle of past lives you were a messenger, a reporter, a voyeur, and a beautiful androgynous asexual being.

TIP: In one of your past lives you were a great author. What have you been writing lately?


Node Quadra-Novile Venus

INTERCHANGING MUSES WITH AFFINITY

The more that you pay attention to the civilizing force of sexuality, the kinder the fates will be to you. To the extent that you don't enjoy a satisfying love life, you have yet to meet the challenge of balancing self love with romantic love.

Tip: In one of your past lives you played a vital part in creating great art. What about now?

It is conceivable that in a cycle of past lives you were a diplomat, a beauty queen, a hair dresser, a romantic and a sexpot. To make the most of this lifetime, go for art and beauty, and profit and pleasure.


Node Semi-Square Neptune

INTERCHANGING CHALLENGES FANTASY

To the extent that you are not singing at least one song every day you have not yet met the challenge of your own raised spirit.

Cycling through past lives, you were conceivably a musician, sailor, slave, idealist, mystic, masochist, and saint. As some kind of monk/nun/health nut you've explored unusual applications of birch twigs to the posterior.

Celestial sounds will play a pivotal role in your destiny. You need the complete recordings Paul Horn made inside the Great Pyramid. It's distributed by Celestial Harmonies.

Attune yourself to the music of the spheres, and the fates will smile with you. Get a copy of The Planets by Gustav Holst and play this symphony regularly.

Click to expand...

---
I believe that the above shows the way to how i can achieve something in this life without having to climb to positions of authority or responsibility...This can be a time for accumulation of wisdom, as you show patience and pay close attention to detail.
I don`t know why i`m whining to you guys..but even though what i said before about how promising my future is, is pretty pessimistic, i still feel like it`s also realistic--b/c i know that right now i may think i have all the strength in the world, but when that time period comes (and my #3 challenge ends) i`ll be stuck with the same thing till i die, and it`ll be hard to be assertive and self-confident --which is exactly what i`m trying to ask of myself with time, and i`m afraid i`ll just give up...

Anyways, i`d like to think there is a little, even if very dim, light at the end of the tunnel and the only thing that will ensure that life will be very unfulfilling is if i decidedly give up, which i`m not going to do

My north node in aquarius means that i need to form companionships with others and try to work with them instead of trying to grab the spotlight at all times and in all situations. This is what would happen if i didn`t have those challenges. I think that`s life`s way of keeping me in line, making sure that i don`t do the same thing as i did in my leo-like past life of self-centeredness. Pretty much, i have to develop a sense of responsibility and following through with the tasks that i`m given, this is the only way i`ll gain any satisfaction in that i`m actually conributing anything to the world. My decoz numerology report says this. It also says that i have to try to get out in society and join in community projects, combine my ideas with those of others` and try to work alongside them..not above (in a higher power than) them and not in a corner observing from afar, either, alongside them as their equal.

Life is not over for me, nope. I`ll do anything in my power to try overcome those challenges. Perhaps..in that lies the greatest satisfaction of all.

To finish this off, certus personality assessments says that the "energies" needed to overcome my challenges are already present in my main numbers, meaning that it will be possible to overcome them b/c i can grab (accumulate?) energy of the same type from different sources in my numerological makeup [core energies].
i don`t if you can see this, but it`s here: http://www.certuspersonality.com/mabs/totmabs.php3

in case you can`t see it, it says:

YOUR MIISSING ABILITY No 1
(gift to originate, initiate, and have self-assurance)
This type of vibration IS NOT missing from your core energies, and you are able to apply its capacity as part of your personality.




YOUR MIISSING ABILITY No 2
(gift to cooperate, associate, and consider others)
This type of vibration IS NOT missing from your core energies, and you are able to apply its capacity as part of your personality.




YOUR MIISSING ABILITY No 3
(gift to be outgoing, friendly, and artistic)
This type of vibration IS NOT missing from your core energies, and you are able to apply its capacity as part of your personality.

Click to expand...

--
and it goes on with the rest of the numbers until #9
I`m assuming this means that b/c i have the core energies, i can overcome my challenges? The page says: "In the instance that the vibration of a Missing Ability is found in one the six Core Energies in your birth chart, living and acquiring this new talent will be assisted and in most circumstances secured before the second half of your life."

Here`s some more encouraging stuff =D

Your Maturity is 12/3 (starts taking effect age 35 and on)

As you mature, Mabel, you will find yourself becoming increasingly extroverted and optimistic about your future. Your self-expression and creativity improve markedly. You may become inspired to take up some type of artistic endeavor, such as writing, acting, or music, if you are not already involved in one of these
areas.
Your ability to communicate will substantially improve. You are naturally more fluent and may find yourself dressing with a certain flair. Be careful not to fall victim to superficial appearances, or chasing after glamour and extravagance.
With a 3 Maturity Number you can look forward to a pleasant and social latter part of life. Your attitude will be increasingly positive and your popularity will rise.
If you already have several 3s in your chart, especially in your core numbers, you may have a tendency to scatter your energies and take your responsibilities less seriously. If you have few 3s, or are missing 3s entirely, you will experience a great relief from the tension and seriousness of life. You will be more relaxed and capable of enjoying life.
The 3 Maturity Number is a blessing in the latter part of life. It promises
enjoyment, close friendships, and much happiness.

Click to expand...

OH YAY =D. wouldn`t that make anyone just bEAM with JOY?! =D there is hope

Here`s more of what i`ve already said...things that will keep me on track with my aquarius north node, and away from my careless and self-centered leo south node.

Fundamental LESSON (equivalent to Life Path Number), Social Level

(40/4)
Under the No 4 derived from the No 40, you will learn to be successful through METHODICAL APPROACHES and an ORDERLY LIFESTYLE. You will be known as an honorable and confident person. With the Godpower behind you on this level, you are gifted to deal with people in a caring but unemotional manner.
You apply a practical attitude to situations and base your projects on sound study and research. Your goals are thought through and therefore realistic. You invest your resources wisely.
If you approach the energy available to you on this level in a negative way, you will only see difficulties and obstructions in your life. This will result in bewilderment, disorder and unreachable goals. Your personal development will be impeded.

Click to expand...

Also I read something very important about what Challenges are specifically:

"The Challenges are obstacles in the course of learning one's Fundamental Lesson, encountered during different periods of life due to the emphasis placed on the negative expression of the type of energy for which this vibration stands." --This means that the feeling of insecurity and fear of social interaction that comes from having a 2 and/or 3 as a challenge # will impede me from making my visions in the world a reality. And i have a lot of vision, lol. (My life path is 22)

and more on Challenges from aonother site: "Challenges represent the twists, turns and potholes that pop up along the path while you're experiencing your Pinnacle cycle. At first the obstacles appear as something to overcome. However, while walking the path and becoming conscious of the imperfections, the Challenges actually begin to enrich our experience. Learning how to maneuver is an impetus for a successful and an enriched experience.

The Challenges first appear to do just that, challenge us. Yet they are actually incentives that lead us to victory. They call on us to develop skill and talent. It is important not to try and overcome the Challenge but instead to actually become it! They point us to habits that wish to be redirected thus helping us to continually evolve. The Challenges and Pinnacles go hand in hand. Once you determine the current Pinnacle, always look toward the Challenge to discover what else there is to learn."

Click to expand...

The way over come these challenges, i now read, are indiciated by your Growth #:

YOUR GROWTH
You have to learn to BE OF HELP WHERE AND WHEN HELP IS NEEDED.
Accept the responsibilities you find and carry through with understanding and quiet self-confidence. Learn to adjust and balance the forces you find. Excert some efforts to make your home a beautiful, protected, stable and helping environment.
Learn to give friendship, affection and love and gracefully accept others' friendship, affection and love in return.

Click to expand...

What it says is important, now I understand. "Both types of energy, the Challenges and the Growth, are vibrations with which you were born and which stay with you for your life.
Whilst the former are birthdate-related and cannot be altered, the latter is name-related and changes its intensity when your First Name changes.
While the Growth is a 'soft' parameter and always present, the severity of the Challenges decreases as your ability to handle their content increases. Eventually - hopefully in the course of THIS life - the energies of the Challenges become part of your evolved personality.
In the practice of daily life, the Challenges may be regarded as an ever-repeating necessary constraint to do your home work to become more complete in your spiritual wholeness; and taken negatively, as an annoying burden when going about your affairs. However, when their types of energy are also found in one of the six Core Elements, their strength will be amplified and they will strongly accentuate the energy type with which they are identical (ie a congruence exists between their and the Core Element's single-digits numbers)."

Your Life Path / Expression Bridge number is 4 [how to bridge the gab between the two]

Avoid procrastination, Mabel. Try to be more reliable and punctual. Be
practical, methodical, and systematic in your endeavors. Keep track of details; avoid chaos. Work on the basics of life. Physical and outdoor activities bring you closer to yourself, so get out in nature, work in the garden, or build a fence.

Click to expand...

Your Heart's Desire / Personality Bridge number is 6

This bridge can only be built through service, more involvement with family and community affairs, and a greater sense of responsibility. Mabel, you should allow your creativity to flow more freely.
This bridge number often creates eccentrics - people who are highly inventive and unconventional.

Click to expand...

How to reach balance within myself when i feel my life is in chaos

Your Balance is 3

Mabel, be more lighthearted and optimistic in your approach to problems. Try to work with others toward a mutually satisfying solution. Use your considerable charm to influence the situation.
You can be extremely emotional when faced with a problem. Try to control this tendency; you need a degree of objectivity. You may become too personally attached to the solution you seek, thus failing to see that the outcome can be beneficial to all concerned.

Click to expand...

--Very true, you can even see this here, in my message.


Something about the erratic nature of my mind [somnething you guys have pointed out]

Your Rational Thought is 21/3

Mabel, you are creative, but your thoughts tend to be scattered. You jump around inside your head without much focus. You come up with solutions that reveal an illogical approach, yet they often work.
As it applies to you, rational thinking is a contradiction in terminus. You project, interpret, and analyze your projects and problems in a manner that often leaves others flabbergasted. However, you are unbeatable when it comes to shining new and original light on issues; often coming up with unique answers.
You have this Rational Thought number in common with a number of famous and original thinkers -- and the key-word here is original -- throughout history.

Click to expand...

Your First Cycle (from birth until age 32) is 7

A time to specialize, a time to think deeply and contemplate the deeper
questions of life. Study a subject you enjoy in depth. Mabel, you are attracted to the fields of science, technology, philosophy, and metaphysics. Become an expert in a specific area. You have excellent intuition and a mind that can penetrate beneath the surface of any subject you commit to. Focus your energies and thoughts. This is a period of inner development. Meditation, contemplation, and self-reflection are means of inner enrichment. Develop wisdom. Relationship may seem burdensome at times because of the desire to spend time alone. There is some resistance to sharing your deeper feelings with others. The inner life is so compelling that you will want to immerse yourself in it. Share the knowledge you accumulate by teaching, counseling, or simply talking to
others.

Click to expand...

This means that i`ll be the way i am now until around age 32. =) cool.

Click to expand...

BorX,
Thank you for your insight, too =)
There was just one little I didn`t understand

Just be carefull with that opposition on 8th house and 9th cusp, don't let the others block or affect your beliefs, faith and goals, test things from the inner core then find a conclusion.

Click to expand...

What opposition on the 8th and 9th house cusps did you mean? Did you mean my mercury-uranus opposition? I think that`s what you meant. Well, also i just don`t understand how that would mean that i "let the others block or affect [my] beliefs, faith and goals" I`m just used to thinking of it as erratic and impulsive speech, and also erratic memory [which leads to erratic speech anyway]..as in i say something one day and a few weeks later i deny with the retaliation that is known to the planet uranus that i ever said it at all.


Shining Ray,
It`s ok about the Mercury in water signs info, I think my mercury in cancer would just indicate more insecurity and shyness when it comes to communicating what`s on my mind. But I can also understand what you`re saying.

Light,
your 10th house moon conjunct pluto would mean that you need to feel like you`ve gotten somewhere in life socially where you feel comfortable and happy (think of security-conscious qualities of the moon/cancer..but instead of in regards to emotional situations, to your place in society.)
-conjunct pluto, this would mean thatyour moon in virgo may sometimes feel like a moon in scorpio, b/c of the intensity of your feelings sometimes and also, especially your paranoia and reservedness in letting others in on your plans and what your deep, inner, thoughts. I used to have a book called "aspects in aStrology" with a whole lot of information on the mon-pluto aspects, very informative and insightful by the way. That`s all i can remember for now, though, sorry =( . I had to return that book to the library lol.


Manic Monday,
HAha. You can definitely say i talk a lot about myself. Usually it`s about how what i do relates to waht`s indicated in my chart.--and also b/c of my sun in cancer i want to be understood (why i am the way i am), it`s important to me that others know why i act the way i do (especially b/c i firgure they might wonder why i`m so shy or uncommunicative at times. Also my snake chinese sign definitely doesn`t help in making me for communicative, snakes usually keep a LOT to themselves..i know 3 snakes, they`re all like this--and they hope ppl can instead just read their minds.
Also with a scorpio asc you can bet i`ve gotten to the depths of the reasons why i act the way i do and have dug `em up and exposed them. So yeah, i have a lot to say when it comes to that subject, even without astrology, in fact, Mostly without it b/c even without it, I still am aware of my motivations and especially why i`m feeling the way i am at a certain moment in time. I`m not someone who would say "I don`t know why I`m crying.." For example

Anywhoz, Manic Monday, you said

I think this unsecurity about communication is caused by your Mercury Neptune opposition and by Saturn in 3rd house ruling the 3rd. Scorpio rising doesn't help either. Scorpios can be really shy, unless they're hanging out with people they know really well.

Click to expand...

Like someone else said [after your post]..i don`t think mercury and neptune are close enough to make an opposition, i think astro.com jjust uses really wide orbs. >.< But i DO have neptune IN the 3rd house which i don`t even think anyone has pointed out yet (except for maybe light lol, but not really) so i think that`d pretty much have the same effect.--well not in terms of it being an 'opposition' between two different energies, but it would cause confusion and shyness about what i`m going to say next--it would make me insecure as to if the other person would be able to understand what i`m gonna say. I remember astro.com said that.

-
MAbel

Hi Mabel,

Thanks for the link it was really interesting to read. My Birth date is 27/02/1979 if you want to check out the full details of the reading.

I looked at the meaning of my name which is supposed to represent my self expression and it described me really well. It picked up on my analysing, searching out the truth. Discriminating. It said how I would become an authority on whatever I focused on. Which would be my analysing as I have Saturn in Virgo Astrologically. It mentioned on how my focus would be on occult matters. It also touched upon how I am self contained.

On to my challenges for 1997 - It states discomfort of feelings, being reserved and dwelling on limitations. This is all true.

1997 - 2005 I can be dominated. This was scarily true as I had a domineering boyfriend from 1999 - 2003.

2006 - onwards - It seems I will have very high standards and have to avoid creating friction. Learn unconditional love and acceptance. With this maybe my Saturn and NN in Virgo really kick in. I hope I won't overdo my Virgo nature.

When I looked at the pinnacle years it was interesting because here is what it says for 1979 - 1996

Since this pinnacle experience is early in your life, it may tend to make you an oversensitive child, and you may be easily hurt or offended. You may experiance difficulties with expression, both verbal and emotional.

Click to expand...

I tried to look at my Life Path reading but it wouldn't show. I know my Life Path number is 1. Which kind of relates to me Astrologically too because of my North Node in the 1st house.

Shining Ray

Hi Mabel,

I will explain some of the difficulties I have had with communication. When I was younger I had fluid in the ears and this may be related to my Neptune = fluid square Mercury = hearing. I had to have a minor operation to fix it.

I then had to have speech therapy lessons because I couldn't speak properly because I never heard the words correctly when I was younger. My hearing and speech were completely fine after but maybe I have possibly carried an unconscious worry about the way I talk.

When I entered High/Senior school I was very shy and self conscious and feared speaking in group situations. If a vocal presentation of work in school came up, I would pretend to be sick and stay off school. I would be anxious and frightened about speaking publicly. I was terrified at the prospect. I have been laughed at trying to do a reading in school and this in turn made me feel even more self conscious than I already was.

Mercury is my chart ruler so perhaps my communication problems have acted out physically. Saturn Conjunct ASC in Virgo 1st and opposed my natal Sun has made me a very self conscious inhibited personality. I am fine with people I know and who I am close to but have a great fear when meeting anyone new.

Actual intellectual capabilities I am fine with, although I have a terrible absent mind at times and really have to try and focus my mind. Although last night I sat and read a whole book through. I have good and bad days. I am fine speaking I am just afraid to bring attention to myself.

Interestingly enough when I was thinking about the fluid in my ear, I have also lost the nerve endings at the tip of my little finger. In palmistry the little finger represents Mercury I think. I have lost the sensitization (Neptune) of my Little finger (Mercury). Just thought I would add this uninteresting fact in.

The strange thing is I am a terrible listener my mind constantly drifts off into other thoughts. Physically the fluid on my ear represents my inability to listen to people. Maybe I am being too literal here, but this is the outline of my problems with communicating.

Shining Ray

BorX said:

Just be carefull with that opposition on 8th house and 9th cusp, don't let the others block or affect your beliefs, faith and goals, test things from the inner core then find a conclusion.

Click to expand...

DainBramaged said:

BorX,
Thank you for your insight, too =)
There was just one little I didn`t understand
What opposition on the 8th and 9th house cusps did you mean? Did you mean my mercury-uranus opposition? I think that`s what you meant. Well, also i just don`t understand how that would mean that i "let the others block or affect [my] beliefs, faith and goals" I`m just used to thinking of it as erratic and impulsive speech, and also erratic memory [which leads to erratic speech anyway]..as in i say something one day and a few weeks later i deny with the retaliation that is known to the planet uranus that i ever said it at all.

Click to expand...

Yes that's the oppostition I was talking about. Also that aspect is intensified by it's conjunctions too. From my view, you got great friends and your friendly too, but not all are need to be trusted. Some have two faces, also I see hidden people with lot's of envy on you, some might bring strange rumors around. You should not fear them, always stick with your goals and be modest upon others.
Let's say someone comes to you and sais:
" Hey! some people are gossiping on you "
You should say
" Let them chatterbox, I don't care, I will mind my own business ".
( this is just an example )
So no matter what happens around you, you should not let the others affect you and your goals, don't believe anything people say, check things from the core of the problem, and if it's necesairy, deal with it, but as diplomatic as posible.
You have Sun conjuncting Chiron, this shows hidden protection too, someone protects you from Up, something divine, it's like when your in trouble, you usualy escape without even knowing how, like miracle/pure luck/strange coincidence, call it how you like. This is in 9th house, more faith, more protection, less faith, less protection and more nasty events. Also this conjunction makes other people fell good when they are just near you.
If you do not act well, this opposition ( 3rd house planets, 8/9th house planets ) can give you frustations, worries and lots of mental tensions.

Btw... Uranus, Saturn, Neptune and Vesta ( the chart doesn't show it, but it's there ) in 3rd house gives you the interes with numbers, and the opposition ( Mercury/Jupiter ) and 9th house Chiron/Sun gives you high interes with numerology.

Hi Dainbramaged,

I cant really help u astrologically but I just wanted to say that I also suffer with communication problems.
I have mars and chiron in 3rd house and my problem is that sometimes I simply cannot express what I want to say and then often when I try it comes out wrong or I am misunderstood. I often just dont speak up for fear of failure.
You are not alone with your communications problem and I think it is great that you are using astrology to help you with his. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Cossie