Waterlilly,
First off it must be stressed that this kind of question requires an extremely high ethical standard, a good deal of common sense, and an extremely accurate reading of the natal potentials. Sometimes it is possible to assess a given situation within a short space of time, but in your case there is so much going on around your son, it makes finding the answer to your question an extremely complicated process. As your question is directly related to your son and the place he will be living, I will confine my search to your son’s natal chart and his relationships to you both from his perspective.
If your son is going to have to make a choice regarding whether he stays with you or goes to live with his father, it would at first be prudent to understand the processes that will colour his decision.
He sees his father as someone who can be quite loving towards him, although this is usually hidden behind a mask of insensitivity and wanting to have his own way all the time; so the loving is on his fathers terms. It is quite likely he does not trust him to honour his promises and from this he cannot be relied upon. There are/will be anger issues where he sees his father as someone with a harsh temper, and though this is usually manifested with words he could be quite frightened of him, and his angry outbursts. The result here is that the father will not force your son to do the things that are necessary for a teenage child, such as schooling, clubs or other activities befitting of a rebellious teenage child. If his father does not want him to go to school etc he will allow him to do what he is doing himself (if legal, probably nothing). Although this is not very productive it can be quite appealing to a teenager who wants to get his own way.
Mum is viewed as the organiser who takes care of the daily routines, fairly easy going and cheerful but a little indecisive. Mum, like dad can also have a bit of a temper but it is usually for the right reasons, and it does not last very long. He will feel a little misunderstood by his mum and she likewise is not understood very well by him. Mum appreciates and encourages a routine that he has little time for. As far as he is concerned he will do what he likes, when he likes, and how he likes offering mum no control over him whatsoever, if he can get away with it. Even though he rebels against it, he does actually appreciate his mum trying to do her best for him. He causes mum a fair bit of grief because he wants a lot of attention. The attention he craves is to be looked after and being made a fuss of, though this does not actually help him develop a sense of independence. He wants the attention but at the same time he rebels against it once he has it. In his eyes mum can be a bit of a soft touch.
It would not be unlike a rebellious boy teenager to choose the option where he could get away with as many things as he can. From this perspective it appears mum would be the softer option, although he bucks against the rules laid out by her, he actually prefers that to the I can’t be bothered counterpart. His friends at this particular time are not having a good influence over him, and in fact they could be down right detrimental; encouraging him to do things he may not otherwise have done.
From a psychological perspective much of your son’s behaviour is brought about by being confused into not knowing how to act, what to say, or what to do in life’s many varied situations. He has inherited many of his fathers ways, which I am sure you are already aware of. I must stress that the minor psychological breakdown I have given, or will give, is no more or less than most other folks have to deal with. You are not to feel that your ex, yourself or your son is in any way to blame for the circumstances you now find yourself in; it is just life being life.
I normally read a chart as if I were looking at a photograph of the person, with no astrological indicators given. This is done for two reasons; 1. Quite often people with have no idea what planets, houses or other parts of astrology are; this just confuses them and; 2. When reading a chart ‘all’ the planets, houses and parts have to be read in proportion to their entire placement within the context of the natal chart. For example a Mars is Taurus is not slow, steady and productive if there are six planets in Aries. No aspect, nor any placement cannot be taken out of context from the chart in the sloppy manner some people do with synastry e.g. Mars opposes Mars causes fights and arguments…No it doesn’t, it all depends on the ability of the overall person to use the energies they have. It also depends much upon the signs, houses and elements of the natal positions as to their relative strength. Do not trust anyone who gives a synastry comparison based upon planetary inter-aspects alone. If a natal chart is read correctly, there is very little a synastry or composite chart can reveal that cannot be seen from the nativity.
There is some change in store for your son at around 15 years of age, until then he will most likely stay with you. The problem is that drink, drugs and other vices can be very appealing to a young impressionable teenager. If he chooses this path he will most likely follow in his fathers footsteps and he will learn some of life’s lessons the hard way. If you can take control of him and keep him on the straight and narrow his prospects can be much better. He is a very strong willed young chap and for the most part he will go his own way, much of this will depend upon the company he keeps.
Hopefully, this has answered some of your main concerns, but if you have any other specific enquiries please feel free to contact me on or off the board; I will help where I can. All you can do is your best, if that is not good enough then that it not your fault.
Looking briefly at your chart, there are some changes in store for you during the next 3 years, after that you life will be much more pleasant and much less stressful. There may be a few more incidents with your ex, culminating at the end of the summer. However, these are things he has to deal with, not you. You do have some very good friends around you that will also be only too happy to help so chin up, it is not as bad as it might seem. Things definitely look much more rosy for you in the not too distant future.
Good wishes
Bob