Help understanding these relationship aspects

spacecadet

Well-known member
Hi,

I could really use some help understanding some issues which seem to keep arising between my partner and I. I just don't get how one minute we can feel so close to each other, so suited, and then the next our connection seems to vanish and our interactions become such a battle. The communication channels just seem to dissolve and we can have blazing frustrated rows like I have never experienced.

I so want to understand what I am doing, what he is doing or we are doing, to see whether we can work with this more productively or if its going to continually be a struggle.

(Please note that we aren't sure of his exact time of birth so I've used my knowing of him to adjust the time to where I think fits him best. So his house placements are uncertain really).

Composite:

I think the composite t-square between Moon-Pluto-Saturn must be playing an important role here but I just don't understand it at a deep enough level to grasp it and change anything.

Our composite moon conjuncts his natal Chiron so triggers his chiron-Jupiter-Uranus t-square. Another aspect I don't really understand. He does seem to get very defensive.

In our synastry:

- his Pluto conj. my Mercury
- his Saturn conj. my Moon.
- my Saturn opp. his Moon.
- his mercury conj. my Neptune

I'm quite willing to admit I have my own limitations that I am working on in terms of my ability to love and communicate. But despite my efforts they don't seem to be making any positive difference to my relationship with him.
This can't all be me. Can anyone shed some light on this dynamic to help me understand?

Whilst I love him and we are both willing to work on things I have some concern about the effect of this relationship on my health and emotional well-being. The frequent disruptions and arguments really wear me down emotionally and physically (saturn has been over my sun a few times recently). But since things can be so good between us, and there is a lot of commitment between us, then I would like to see if there is anything we can do to make it work.

Spacecadet x
 

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waybread

Well-known member
Good for you that you are trying to work out communication problems!

Your composite chart shows a loaded 7th house. Normally this is good for long-term relationships, especially with sun conjunct Venus. However, with a T-square involving Pluto opposite moon on the AC/DC axis, I think the real problem is more one of the power dynamics in the relationship. Who gets his or her own way? Is there a more dominent and more subservient person in the relationship? How does this play out in terms of resentments?

With your sun conjunct Pluto, you may unintentionally come across as extremely intense, or concerned to hold the upper hand. Your BF would seem to be more of a free spirit, who wants to pursue his own interests and ways of doing things. Is it possibly that you try to get him to do things, and emotionally he just vanishes? That Mars conjunct Uranus may give him a bit of a sudden flash of anger now and again, though.

But basically the relationship looks good. Your moons are trined, you've got good inter-active sun-Venus chemistry, and your Jupiters are trined (a feel-good aspect.)

Moon-Saturn aspects can feel emotionally restrictive, but they can also give a real feeling of responsibility towards the other person.

See if you can identify by house or planetary rulership what it is that you argue about. For example, money is a second house matter, your home is a 4th house matter. Drugs or alcohol would be Neptune, and so on.

For sure, I hope you're not trying to change one another.
 

spacecadet

Well-known member
I've been told I can be 'intense'. I can't change that too much with Pluto conj. my sun except for focusing on balancing my energies as much as possible and making sure I'm as aligned as I can be. But yes, he tends to be the more "appeasing" one. I would be the more demanding one. But when he goes, boy does he go and then there's no stopping him. He becomes a 3 year old having a temper tantrum in a mans body.

I'm focused on improving things. Last night I was just trying to talk to him about us making more quality time for each other, and how we can both try to communicate more openly and closely with each other instead of distracting ourselves with TV and other things to do. Just trying to encourage us to both be more present in the moment with each other. He took everything I said as an attack, being defensive, so he's not actually hearing what I'm saying. Its like, no matter what I say he doesn't hear me and I keep trying to make myself understood and get more and more frustrated. I guess that's why I'm confused because mercury is well aspected and there is nothing in the 3rd house?! so why does it feel that there is a brick wall between our communication?

...and then we seem to argue about what we said, who said what, why, when and we go round in circles talking about talking. It so does my head in. I know that true communication and listening can't occur when either one is attacking or defending. Could this be something to do with his Chiron-Jupiter-Uranus t-square being triggered of by any emotion or need showing itself in the relationship do you think?

I'm not sure if the sat-moon-pluto tsquare is somehow causing us to shut down. Its a cold aspect. Its as if the communication channels disappear and then I close down because it feels like such a battle, or he gets angry and we get further and further apart. This can all happen very quickly.
 

waybread

Well-known member
space cadet, I am pretty close to the senior citizen age cohort--or in it, depending upon how you define it. I've been married (twice) for a total of 34 years.

The best advice I can give about how to keep a relationship going is not astrological. I strongly recommend that you stop trying to get your partner to focus more on you or on the relationship. It sends out signals, rightly or wrongly, that he is in your life primarily to meet your emotional needs. Most men of my acquaintance (now and back-when) really are not interested in talking about how to improve their relationship or how better to meet their partner/GF's expectations. If prodded on this issue, they can very well take it as a signal that they are not good enough or a relationship failure.

I s there any teeny, tiny chance he might see you as nagging him?

I would strongly recommend you just let go of the whole idea of "improving" the relationship unless there is something hugely amiss. Nuthin' wrong with watching TV together--hold hands if you can.

Someone with the moon in Aquarius and a lot of "9th chord" energy definitely needs some privacy, space, and time to be independent.

If there are specific, concrete issues (who does specific household chores, for example) these can be clearly spelled out. My husband and I make a daily pledge with one another to be (a) kind to one another, (b) happier, and (c) to limit our alcohol intake to a pre-determined amount. This pledge has helped tremendously.

(Our Mercuries are squared, BTW--we debate a lot!)

Maybe there is too much talk in the relationship. You don't really need it to be companionable or deeply considerate of one another's feelings.

This may sound horrible, but actually it is up to each one of us--not the partner--to make our own selves happy.
 
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LonelyRed

Banned
Hi Spacecadet,

Before I respond, I have a few questions.

1) How long have you been together?

2) Who initiated? (My guess is it materialized kind of organically, but I could be wrong)

3) For you, what is your biggest underlying concern?

4) Did he consent to you posting his chart?
 
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spacecadet

Well-known member
HI Lonely Red,

we've been together 10 months.

The relationship grew organically. He has been more keen than me to hold the relationship.

I have had recurring doubts. My biggest concern being this things that happens with our communication (and the rows that erupt) and what feels like the constant connection and disconnection which makes our relationship feel very unstable to me.

Yes absolutely he is happy for me to discuss this online as he wants insight just as much as me. He wants to go to counselling with me to understand what happens between us and how we can change things.
 

spacecadet

Well-known member
Waybred,

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I'm not dismissing your advice but when there is something that troubles you in a relationship you have a choice to leave it and move on, or to work on it. We have chosen to work on it for the time being. To try and understand what is the root cause of our conflicts so we can heal them and be happier together. I posted the charts up because I want to understand how my experience of the relationship and his, fits astrologically to our charts. Yes something is amiss. I wouldn't post on here if it wasn't a problem to me.
 

rahu

Banned
the mars/uranus/venus/sun stellium marks him as untameable.he will never commt to a exclusive relationship and i'm sure he says so.
the moon opposed to pluto can reflect emotionsal issues you have which draw you to unattainable boy friends,if this a pattern.

the jupiter trine to saturn does give some stabilty but it is in practical ways not romantic ways.

rahu
 

waybread

Well-known member
space cadet-- seriously, you just did dismiss my advice. Which is to Back Off. There is no need for rows/arguments if you both give each other space to be yourselves.

Can you actually say what is bothering him/you? He doesn't take out the garbage? He snores? You spend too much time in the shower? One of you is a drug addict? If so, your problem is basically underway to being solved. These things can be worked out with more discussion.

Neither one of you has much earth in your charts (the material, practical factor) so is it possible, in a perverse kind of way, you actually thrive on debate (air/fire)?

If the problem is that you want the relationship to run on your terms--i.e., your sun-Pluto need for gut-ripping intensity--then please re-read my post. Seriously, this time.

You are not a high-maintenance person, are you? I doubt that he is.
 
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spacecadet

Well-known member
Rahu,
I don't understand - he is the most committed and eager man i have ever met. He desperately wants us to work in a long term relationship. i just dont understand as this interp doesnt seem to fit him. i dont have moon opposition pluto! Did i post the wrong charts!!? Ill check and get back to you
x
 

waybread

Well-known member
How do your arguments usually start? Mightn't you send him the message, whether or not you intend to, that there is something wrong with him?
 

spacecadet

Well-known member
Yes I suppose its possible. If I am asking him to tidy after himself, stop smoking, asking him to open up to me, or to be more self-aware generally, he could get the message something is wrong with him. His composite moon conj. natal chiron might heighten that feeling and make him doubly defensive.

and yes perhaps you are right. Perhaps my unfilled need for intensity, passion and presence are making me slightly bored. I am certainly bored of having conversations escalate to shouting matches that drive me to exhaustion because I am not understood. I hate shouting, I hate fighting, I hate not being heard. I much prefer to talk things out as adults (Libra). On the other hand, small-talk bores me if its too much (Pluto), you knoe when people just chat all the time about absolutely nothing and you leave your day with them thinking you've learned absolutely nothing about them. Its just a way of filling space rather than really sharing oneself. People hide behind it. So yes, bring on a bit of debate but conversational style not warlike!

After previous arguments I've said I want to end the relationship but he convinces me that we can make it work if we work on understanding where we go wrong an things fall apart between us. He is keen to understand just as I am. I'm not just being a nag about this.

When we're getting on well its like we're 'home'. Its harmonious. We work.

I'm quite frustrated that the only feedback I've had here is that I'm going about everything the wrong way in my 'demands' and that he is a freedom-loving non-committal type who's probably not much interested anyway (which is not my experience of him at all). I wanted to understand the astrology between us better. This is how we learn astrology - through direct experience and understanding. I see that the themes in many interpretations I've read is to do with power, an inability to connect at an emotional level versus a real reluctance between us to let go of the relationship, but I just don't really 'get' it so wanted more understanding. Perhaps no-one here understands it really either.

I think the message I'm really getting from this thread is, if you're not happy walk away and if you don't walk away, stop complaining. A valid sugegstion, but I would at least like to have some clarity about exactly what it is that went wrong. If only to ensure the pattern doesn't repeat in future.
 

LonelyRed

Banned
HI Lonely Red,

we've been together 10 months.

Did you foresee it lasting this long? What compelled you to start this relationship, what attracted you to him? You both have the mutual conjunction between your Suns and Venuses, so there was a natural appeal, or spark to begin with, but I also get the sense that there was a feeling of "obligation," that you got into this relationship because you "owed it to yourself, and to one another," to give it a try. With the emphasis on aspects between your Moons and Saturn, the sense of obligation or responsibility, even opportunity of some kind, is present for both of you, but he reaps the benefits of this more, in terms of security. You may feel a bit antagonized by his attempt to make things right according to his terms, and vice versa. This relationship definitely hints at a feeling of importance, honor, or at least, a challenge with some sort of goal, and I think there may be a bit of contempt, particularly on your end, by way of what he thinks the relationship should be and do. Now, I'm just going to put it out there that the chemistry between you two is intense, but in terms of the direction of this relationship, you both want two very different things. For both of you, the relationship needs to represent something, and mean something, but I get the feeling it has been a lot of "hands-off" compromising, and some genuine emotional incapability that gets in in the way. Like, when one is hot, the other is cold. He especially, can be hard to figure, and though incredibly interesting to you, emotionally you may find him both draining, hard-to-figure, and not always willing to compromise in ways you think are necessary, especially with you as the strong Plutonian Relationship type, with your Sun Conjunct Pluto in Libra. You have a very deep, meaningful idea of how relationships should be and work, and he doesn't quite fit the bill. As you say here:

The relationship grew organically. He has been more keen than me to hold the relationship.

He is certainly more at ease with this relationship than you are, and always has been, because he has different expectations than you do for this relationship, which goes back to your Sun conjunct Pluto. You find him intriguing, delightful, sexy, and fun, but in terms of being a gratifying relationship to you that fits your standards, that truly works, you aren't satisfied. There is so much attraction here, but it blows hot and cold. With such an emphasis on Air planets between you two, but similar Solar temperaments, since you both have Pluto influencing your Sun, you both expect a lot from the relationship (Saturn with the Moon as well), but inevitably end up reverting back to mental means to fix it. I just don't think it is very gratifying to you on deeper level, and I also think it is worth looking at how your Sun conjunct Pluto in Libra, gives you certain expectations for a relationship that even with the noteworthy compatibility between you two, may not allow this relationship to really work. With Pluto there, it may come down to a matter of fate. As you say:

I have had recurring doubts. My biggest concern being this things that happens with our communication (and the rows that erupt) and what feels like the constant connection and disconnection which makes our relationship feel very unstable to me.

That's the emphasis on Uranus here, and that's also your Sun conjunct Pluto talking. He also has an Aquarius Moon, which makes him inclined to be a bit unpredictable. You like that because it gives you some freedom to be light and easy, the way your Gemini Moon is, but he certainly is much less bothered by his behavior than you are. He may not see where the concern is. It seems like the issue ultimately between you two, comes down to Mercury. His Mercury is conjunct your Neptune, so you may find you can never explain yourself enough to him for him to get you. To him, you seem to obscure things, say one thing and do another, and all around, be hard-to-figure, and enigmatic, and above all, having high ideals he can't quite get a hold on. You're a very mental person, and he can't seem to give you the confidence you need to feel secure that he is mentally on the same page as you, though he feels positively towards you and delights in your company.

Yes absolutely he is happy for me to discuss this online as he wants insight just as much as me. He wants to go to counselling with me to understand what happens between us and how we can change things.

I think it comes down to a matter of communication. Counseling can definitely help with that Neptune-Mercury conjunction. You, however, given your temperament, may have already moved on, deep on the inside, and that may be that for you. He is more inclined to stay put and make it work, whereas you may really have the sense this is not for you, and have already emotionally pulled out on some level. I'm not saying this is so, but I think this Mercury-Neptune conjunction would make your Sun-Pluto conjunction so unhappy and unstable, and with your Gemini Moon, almost impossible for you to not just want to move on. Fighting your Sun-Pluto conjunction could really backfire, so I would follow Waybread's suggestions and work out a game plan with him, to really set yourself at ease, which will also help your Moon-Saturn Synastry, and Uranus (and there is a conjunction here with Mars too, so drive, including sexual drive, and emotive response) erratic-ness. But if you guys can't get on the same page, which is important to both of you (he has his Pluto conjunct your Mercury, so he really values this), then, I would re-evaluate how happy you are with each other to begin with.
 

spacecadet

Well-known member
Thank you so much for your feedback Lonely Red.

You are right there in so many ways.

I actually opted out after a month of being together so being very honest, my doubts were there early on. Is it a feeling of responsibility? I'm not sure, I can't put my finger on it. There is definitely a reluctance on both our parts to let go, like a tie of some sort. Yes, like we have to try our very hardest to make it work. We owe it to each other. Its like we're family, so yes, there is a feeling of commitment and responsibility there. This is just the Saturn interactions?

but I get the feeling it has been a lot of "hands-off" compromising, and some genuine emotional incapability that gets in the way. Like, when one is hot, the other is cold.

Yes the hot cold is very true. Where did you see this in the charts? And the emotional incapability? what exactly do you mean here? (sorry I am aware I'm asking you a million questions and you may not want to or have the time, to go into more detail).

Yes, when we are good, we want to be together forever. And when our communication breaks down I just can't see the point in carrying on.

but he certainly is much less bothered by his behavior than you are. He may not see where the concern is. It seems like the issue ultimately between you two, comes down to Mercury. His Mercury is conjunct your Neptune, so you may find you can never explain yourself enough to him for him to get you.

I knew the issue was communication but I just didn't think that these synastry conjunctions to Mercury would have quite such an impact.(I'm still not very good at weighting different parts of the chart or putting it all together). It is exactly that. I try really hard to explain myself to him really clearly, in many different ways. After he's nodded and agreed, I ask him if he gets what I'm saying, he comes out with something else! He misses my point! :w00t:

But since its MY Neptune and HIS mercury I would have thought these roles would be reversed and I would be confused by his communication. Actually I am baffled sometimes by the things he says so I guess perhaps it just works both ways.

I notice now his Mercury opposes my Moon (and also his saturn). Sakoian and Acker say - "this presents communication problems as mercury (him) responds on a rational level while moon (me) reacts on an emotional level; consequently they find it difficult to understand each other....and suffer confusion in communication."

You're a very mental person, and he can't seem to give you the confidence you need to feel secure that he is mentally on the same page as you, though he feels positively towards you and delights in your company.

Yes this is absolutely how I feel (not mentally on the same page as me). Why do I feel this way? Is it simply from the mercury aspects? He has plenty of air in his chart. I delight in his company too, but intellectually or mentally I am not satisfied somehow.

Fighting your Sun-Pluto conjunction could really backfire,

Could this play out in depression and exhaustion? I've had two quite worrying periods of depression since being in this relationship. I'm not saying its directly related as I also have had saturn over my sun, but our blow-ups do seem to have quite a significant effect physically on me.

so I would follow Waybread's suggestions and work out a game plan with him, to really set yourself at ease,

Could you please clarify here what you mean? Its just that I thought we had worked out a game plan. We said we would make an effort to communicate better with each other, go to counselling, go out and do more fun/active things and do things to make ourselves more happy and healthy. But within about a week our communication broke down. Is this the type of game plan you meant?

which will also help your Moon-Saturn Synastry, and Uranus (and there is a conjunction here with Mars too, so drive, including sexual drive, and emotive response) erratic-ness.

Do you mean our personal Uranus Mars conjunctions? I had assumed that since we both have that aspect we would be quite used to that energy. But yes I see now that its my Uranus conjuncting his mars that counts as it is in orb. Oh. and yes I now see how this manifests sexually with us (another topic).

I wish I was able to look at charts and see how the parts fit together as you have. Thank you for taking the time to do this for me.

I guess underneath it, my thinking is that, with so many potential interactions in 2 peoples charts, it would be almost impossible to have completely harmonious synastry/composite. Even the best of couples must have some difficulties to deal with and so I feel that its maybe unrealistic to expect everything to work harmoniously and that couples should instead be prepared to work through any difficulties. But this could also be my own fears/limiting beliefs. I think the hardest thing here to work with is going to be the neptune-mercury. Its very hard to see through Neptune fog in the best of circumstances.

thank you
 

spacecadet

Well-known member
Interesting picking up on communication as i see he has saturn in gemini opposite mercury conj. neptune. And chiron in 3rd opposite venus uranus mars.
I know my pluto sun adds intensity and saturn has recently gone through my 3rd so ive become quite interested in how i communicate with others. Are there any other signatures in my chart which show communication problems?
 

LonelyRed

Banned
Thank you so much for your feedback Lonely Red.

You are right there in so many ways.

You're welcome, and my apologies that it has taken me a little while to respond. I hope things are more satisfying now, or have improved.

I actually opted out after a month of being together so being very honest, my doubts were there early on. Is it a feeling of responsibility? I'm not sure, I can't put my finger on it. There is definitely a reluctance on both our parts to let go, like a tie of some sort. Yes, like we have to try our very hardest to make it work. We owe it to each other. Its like we're family, so yes, there is a feeling of commitment and responsibility there. This is just the Saturn interactions?

To be honest, I'm not sure if it is just the Saturn interactions, as this sounds like it could also be the mutual Pluto/Scorpio influences, or something of that nature, as your Sun is Conjunct Pluto, and he is a Scorpio. Usually it takes the right conditions for either of you to totally open up. There also sounds like there truly is some deep care for each other, which is Moon and Venus.

Yes the hot cold is very true. Where did you see this in the charts? And the emotional incapability? what exactly do you mean here? (sorry I am aware I'm asking you a million questions and you may not want to or have the time, to go into more detail).

It is more in your overall natal synergistic energies, and then comparing you as whole being romantically. Emotionally incapable means that in this way, you two aren't a good match for each other emotionally, sort of like, you mean well, but your heart just isn't in it because you can't force what isn't there. Or, maybe you just aren't able to be what the other person needs, though you really want to be. Or, even, you simply find it hard to connect in a stable way all of the time.

Yes, when we are good, we want to be together forever. And when our communication breaks down I just can't see the point in carrying on.

That is a very strong statement to make about relationship, as if you get very disheartened.

I knew the issue was communication but I just didn't think that these synastry conjunctions to Mercury would have quite such an impact.(I'm still not very good at weighting different parts of the chart or putting it all together). It is exactly that. I try really hard to explain myself to him really clearly, in many different ways. After he's nodded and agreed, I ask him if he gets what I'm saying, he comes out with something else! He misses my point! :w00t:

That is the Scorpio Sun tendency to think deeply, or on a totally different level, and his Aquarian Moon pushing him to seek what is different, new, novel, or undiscovered. He probably sees it as him adding something by coming up with something outside of what you were trying to talk about.

But since its MY Neptune and HIS mercury I would have thought these roles would be reversed and I would be confused by his communication. Actually I am baffled sometimes by the things he says so I guess perhaps it just works both ways.

It does work both ways, but differently. You find that you have a Neptunian impact on him. Things become unclear, which is why the above point I addressed about him thinking he is adding something registers to you as he isn't getting it, that it isn't clear. But you also just don't understand him, as you say.


I notice now his Mercury opposes my Moon (and also his saturn). Sakoian and Acker say - "this presents communication problems as mercury (him) responds on a rational level while moon (me) reacts on an emotional level; consequently they find it difficult to understand each other....and suffer confusion in communication."

Another way of saying this is you probably think he is insensitive with you, neglects things or cuts to the quick on matters. Then you start to think he doesn't care, or doesn't get you, or that you aren't being listened to and that you really don't feel good about being with him. You don't feel nurtured, and he feels blamed, or like you have unnecessary needs, like he just doesn't get you completely.

Yes this is absolutely how I feel (not mentally on the same page as me). Why do I feel this way? Is it simply from the mercury aspects? He has plenty of air in his chart. I delight in his company too, but intellectually or mentally I am not satisfied somehow.

I think this goes back to basic emotional incompatibilty. I would imagine you have moments or stretches of connection but that they don't withstand, or his attention level is different than yours, or just his all around approach to a discussion or the things he likes to talk about, or the ways he does.

Could this play out in depression and exhaustion? I've had two quite worrying periods of depression since being in this relationship. I'm not saying its directly related as I also have had saturn over my sun, but our blow-ups do seem to have quite a significant effect physically on me.


I think with your Sun conjunct Pluto in Libra, relationships can have a profound effect on your vitality, for good or for bad.

Could you please clarify here what you mean? Its just that I thought we had worked out a game plan. We said we would make an effort to communicate better with each other, go to counselling, go out and do more fun/active things and do things to make ourselves more happy and healthy. But within about a week our communication broke down. Is this the type of game plan you meant?

No, I think it should be more on an emotional/spiritual level, the way Waybread discussed. This practical level is helpful, but you need to have something to fall back on, the esoteric, emotional, physical connection you have, rooted in needs and wants money can't buy and food can't nourish.
 

waybread

Well-known member
spacecadet, my posts are not about whether they are likeable or not. They are about giving you some straight astrology, coupled with my life experience, as best as I can manage it. If you ask for advice or insights, you have to be prepared to read ones that are not pleasing.

Most men of my acquaintance are not really interested in talking about their feelings or how to improve their relationships. Maybe this is cultural conditioning, maybe it is something on the Y chromosome, I don't know. But I doubt that you are going to convert your BF into the communicative guy you want. If your efforts haven't worked so far, why should you expect more of the same to turn out differently?

Your BF appears to be tuning you out. You want him to tidy up, stop smoking, share his innermost thoughts, think just like you do, or whatnot. So even though you bonded with each other, you let him know he's not good enough for you as he is. Whether such put-downs are verbal or indirect, they are hard on people. After a while, he just ignores what you say as a self-defensive mechanism. Apparently he loves you, but the idea that you are both committed to talking things through is probably your idea, not his. The best gift you can give your BF if you love him is let him know how much you respect and love him--without making it a court case.

So yes, if you cannot do that-- and if this untidy smoker who sometimes behaves like a "three-year old" when his temper finally erupts-- isn't good enough for you as he is--flaws included--then you are better off leaving before you undermine his self-confidence any further. You have the power at any moment to end a discussion before it turns into an argument, moreover. As my mother always told my siblings and me when we argued, "It takes two to start a quarrel."

If we look at particulars, he's got Mercury opposite Saturn. An opposition from Saturn can precisely look like someone telling him his communication skills (Mercury) are inadequate (Saturn.) It's a bit wide, but your moon-Neptune opposition falls right on his Mercury/Neptune opposition. With your Neptune opposite his Mercury, you undermine (Neptune) his communicative abilities.

With your sun conjunct Pluto trine moon in Gemini--you seem to need (moon) deeply transformative (Pluto) discussion (Gemini): you identify (sun) with it. But Sun-Pluto all too often gets into a "dominate or be dominated" dynamic that can really wear-out other people, until the sun-Pluto person learns that Pluto is all about profound transformation: her own. There is nobody else with whom to externalize this energy.

In the composite, Pluto sitting smack on the DC, with that big stellium in the 7th, suggests that too often, the house of long-term relationships takes on its other meaning--the house of open enemies.

I hope this relationship works out for you. But "back off" is the best advice I can give. Because if you leave this BF, you want to make sure you avoid the current dynamic with the next one.
 
To start with it's best to look at the individual needs of each persons chart and how they relate and what they are looking for. Astro.com does have an option composite + natal midpoint method (2) which I find helpful. If you choose to post the synastry bi wheel from astro could you please select the 2nd synastry option as it will put the houses and degrees onto the wheel which is far better for us to evaluate matters....
If you post the synastry chart and realise it doesn’t show the degrees (which we need to look at) you can find the degrees and other information in a separate PDF on the synastry page of astro.com. Look for the link "View the additional tables (PDF)" and click on it to see the additional information. Reading a synastry chart is mainly about reading the aspects between the planets in the two charts. So once you find the PDF, scroll down to the bottom of the page and look in the synastry grid that is there. Unfortunately, you can only see/read these and not save/upload. That’s why I like to see both natal’s and composite. This grid (in my opinion) has too many minor aspects and the orbs are quite wide. I like to use + - max 3’

When looking at a woman’s chart the type of man she would look for is her sun sign and mars traits, plus 7th house planets and house cusp ruler and where that ruler was deposited.
When looking at a mans chart for the type of woman he would look for is his venus and moon sign and then 7th house planets and house cusp ruler and where that ruler was deposited.

Although synastry is a valuable tool with astrology it cannot 'make things happen' even if you have the best synastry in the world unfortunately.

In synastry I use tight orbs and view aspects between one person's outer planets to the other person's inner planets as being "karmic connections"......usually with the outer planet person doing the teaching and the inner planet person doing the learning.

If you want to research more into synastry try here
http://cafeastrology.com/astrology_of_relationships.html
http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry/interchartaspects.html
http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry_house_overlays.html
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/synastry.html
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/synastry-houses.html
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/synastryaspects.html
http://www.cosmitec-astrological-compatibility-advice.com/astrology-marriage.html
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17513
http://www.astrotheme.com/synastry_advice.php
http://www.astrology-x-files.com/synastry/ascendant.html


relationship sticky
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28945
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showpost.php?p=254409&postcount=9


Unfortunately, there is no set formula or signature for marriage or childbirth, although others may disagree, apparently horary and vedic seem confident in this area. There are indicators and potential as there would be with natal, solar return chart but guarantees -- (post 2 & 3 below)
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?p=207744#post207744
 
Quote by Freedomlover in post here on AW
In reality, no chart is definitely "good" or definitely "bad". As you pointed out, there is really no way of knowing how the energies will manifest. Some charts show a greater possibility for the energies to manifest well. But the same lovely trine that implies comfortable, loving energy can manifest as a feeder line that goes along with the other's abusive behaviour without questioning it. The same lovely sextile that implies harmony together can manifest as the two individuals will make the same bad choices.

There is a higher and a lower energy available in all the aspects. It all depends on free will and each individual's personal state of spiritual growth. In synastry there should be a varied degree of so called 'good and bad' aspects, but in reality I would use the terms, 'easy empathy, and challenging' cos without constant effort, respect, understanding and love and a willingness on both sides to 'work at matters' then no amount of good synastry will explain if a relationship will be successful or not...
 

spacecadet

Well-known member
Thank you so much for all the time you have taken to answer my questions.

This thread raised a number of questions for me and also provided me with some answers. I realised that no matter how much I tried, or wanted it, I just couldn't change the communication dynamic between us. As you said Waybred, I really just needed to back off and let go.

And so I did. I ended the relationship. I still believe that many relationship problems can be cleared up if both are willing and care to enough, but there comes a point when you just have to evaluate whether there is any progress. I think relationships can be totally turned around with self-awareness and communication. But in our case we just too frequently came to a brick wall.

Thanks to you all once again.
 
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