Intense relationship dynamics - is harmony possible?

I'm back with relationship issues again! Having just looked back at my previous posts I see that they are similar struggles I came here with a few years back. I'm hoping I can get to the root of some of these patterns.

My boyfriend and I are having very intense relationship dynamics come up and I'm interested in finding out how, and if, it will be possible for us to find a way to achieve harmony together. We are both very interested in self-development and overcoming our limiting patterns. We want to make this work and are trying to respond differently to stuff as it arises but not a great deal is changing really. We have a really beautiful connection (when we are getting on), but we very frequently experience very strong emotional flare ups.

We go from intense love and closeness to intense cold/separation - like we are opponents rather than playing on the same side. This could be composite Mars in the 1st, square composite venus/neptune. Can Mars in 1st be harmonised or will we always be in battle? I see that we are generally okay if we've been intimate with each other! but we cant spend every day in bed!

I see venus conj. neptune as a positive, spiritual, loving combination. We both feel that what we have is too precious to let go of. I know this aspect can also indicate illusion/deception.

We are very sensitive to each other (Composite Moon 12th square Mercury/Uranus 3rd) and often go into our defenses (his Moon/Pluto conjunction and my Sun/Pluto conjunction) and just shut down from the other.

I yearn for more security and constancy and sense the instability or absence of a long-term path to our relationship (composite Moon square Uranus) and maybe his reluctance to fully commit as he is more a free-spirit.

I want to know how we can make this work and if we can.

Incidentally transiting Pluto is approaching my 7th house which I have secretly feared for many years. Hopefully this will transform my relationships rather than killing me with emotional intensity.

Maybe this also begs another question....is it possible for me to attract and have a functional, peaceful relationship, that isn't fraught with emotional intensity and battle. With my Sun/Pluto, Venus Sq Saturn, Moon 12th opp. Neptune. What in me is causing this? how can I improve?

I don't use progressions much as I'm still learning the basics but I notice that when you progress our composite chart, Pluto is in our first house. Is this the culprit!?

I would love some insight please.. Thankyou x

Me - 12 Oct 1976 10:35pm Harrow UK
Him - 2 Jan 1978 00:58 Burlington, Vermont, USA

Bumping up to top of firing in the hope someone will help provide insight.. pretty pleeeze :x

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Hello Space Cadet,

I am going to share what I see in your composite chart. I have been doing composites for 30 years and watching the couples that stay together and which ones split.

What I usually see in charts of the lasting happy relationships is a stellium with the sun or the moon with at least 2 other planets such as Mercury and Venus being the most common. You do not have a stellium with either the Sun or the Moon.

In long lasting relationships I usually see the nodal axis of the Moon conjunct or square to the stellium or concunct the ASC/DES axis in addition to the stellium. Your composite does not show this.

I usually see that the Ascendants are compatible by element, that is earth with earth or water, and air with air or fire. You do not have this either.

I also usually see a minimum of squares of outer planets to inner planets. Almost all composites will have one or two. Two is not too much if the rest of the chart shows as the conditions listed above. Three is very difficult - you have 3.

The Moon and Saturn are in the 12th house indicating that someone or both will hide their true feelings. The Moon is square Uranus - emotionally volatile, never feel emotionally safe, calm. Saturn is square the Sun - life purposes at odds.

Sorry to say it is not a good composite. Be careful and be cautious in this relationship. He is Libra rising and likely is not comfortable examining his deepest motivations and insecurities yet with Moon conjunct Pluto and the Node he has very intense feelings.

I have articles about relationship astrology, which is my specialty, at my blog.

Good luck to you,
B at thelivingsky.wordpress.com

spacecadet said:

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spacecadet not firing?

rahu

Neptune conjunct your composite descendant may be causing some of your confusion and perhaps wondering if you are in an ideal relationship. You have some of the Chiron connections Magi relationship astrology looks for such as one partner's Venus with the other's Chiron in latitude/declination or longitude. Each of your charts completes some of the other planetary pictures as well so I wouldn't just totally discount the relationship. It seems there is a lot going for it. I ran your charts together to get a compatibility profile in my software (Sirius 2.0). Anything over 100 is good. You guys have a very tense Sun/Jupiter Quindecile in your composite which could explain the concern over growth http://www.hniizato.com/exploring-quindecile-aspect/

1.*Romantic*and*Sexual*Attraction:* 151

*2.*Similarity*of*Interests*and*Temperament:* 143

*3.*Mutual*Success*and*High*Achievement:* 186

*4.*Problem*Solving,*Communication,*and*Mutual*Understanding:* 90

*5.*Mutual*Kindness,*Friendliness,*Pleasantness,*and*Peace:* 84

*6.*Aggressiveness,*Competition,*Power,*Success,*or*Violence:* 187

*7.*Adventurousness,*Surprises,*Disturbances:* 118

*8.*Shared*Creativity,*Imagination,*and*Inspiration:* 156

Should have said above 100 is strong not good.

Given above are your compatibility scores in 8 different categories. A score of 100 is average. A score above 100 indicates that the trait is strong, and a score below 100 indicates that the trait is weak. More specifically, you can interpret the scores as follows:

*Above 150 is very high. This trait is VERY strong!
*125 to 150 is above average. The trait is strong.
*115 to 125 is slightly above average. The trait is slightly strong.
*85 to 115 is average.
*75 to 85 is slightly below average. The trait is slightly weak.
*50 to 75 is weak.
*50 or lower is VERY weak!

Anyway - don't fret about the Pluto transit on the angle. I entered my career when it his the MC, we adopted a baby when it hit my wife's descendant. Big changes in life no doubt but not necessarily bad.

I'm sorry I didn't get these responses to my email account and just assumed noone had replied to my thread. I was just passing by now during a sleepless night and am delighted to find your replies.

I see that it is my own intensity which is causing my relationships to be so difficult. How am I to manage this powerful emotional reactive moody volcano I have here? He seems to upset me so easily. I really want to have harmonious relationships but find it so difficult to have harmony. He also feels strong emotions (moon pluto) but perhaps being Capricorn is much more civilised and restrained in how he releases it. He's very conscious and self reflective. I think the 12th house in our case may indicate trouble connecting and accessing to our feelings or the cause of them. I don't think it's necessarily downright dishonesty as we both try to be very open and honest with each other.
I'll read this thread properly again at my pc tomorrow as can't read it all properly from phone. Thankyou for taking the time to respond.

I'm sad that the indications are we may not be able to make this work. We are both persisting so strongly. Maybe it is the quindecile which drives us I will have to look more into that as don't normally use it.

Kite - it seems we are running really low in the pleasantness, niceness, friendliness department and a bit high on the mars aggressiveness, competition and violence . We are currently having an episode and it just feels very hard and cruel and definitely lacking in any softness. Its quite upsetting and feels hurtful. p.s. thanks for the reassurance about Pluto transiting 7th. I'll hope for pleasant change.

Thelivingsky - I notice in our synastry we have a stelium of his moon pluto on my sun pluto, would that count? Moon sun combos in synastry are supposed to be strong.

I'm tired of fighting with him and want to find a solution to our disharmony but so far no pointers as to how to do this. We're both tired and running out of steam but this is going to be a sad loss to us both if we choose to walk away from each other.

Not only would it be a sad loss - chances are that each of you will repeat the dynamics in your next relationships. I strongly suggest some couples therapy to better understand the underlying dynamics so you can both be better positioned for your relationship together or apart. I've been with my wife for over 30 years and we had to do some serious work when things got really rough.

Do you and your wife have aspects as intense as ours? I would like to hear from other couples with similar aspects to reassure me its possible. We've only been together 9 months and truthfully it has been tough all the way through. It feels like for every one day we have of pure delight and deliciousness we have 3 of torture!
We have just started therapy and the first session was good in showing me my emotional reactions, but right now I'm wondering if we can make it till the second session.

I got the impression you were together for several years. No - we don't have the same level of aggressiveness as you do. Therapy is a very good use of your Pluto 7th house transit btw.

i guess it depends upon how we are up to it. relationship is not a rocket science so its better not to confuse relationship with astrology.

Kite----Is there a website where we can look up the "number of aspects" and score you refer to? Is that related to Magi astrology?

THank you
Melisa

Hi Melissa - it is part of Sirius 2.0 which is the astrological software package I use. They may have some reports on their site your can run online. Search for Cosmic Patterns.

Thank u Kite I'll look for it

I was browsing and came across this post Randomly. Good timing as we are in crises again and probably ending. I fell very ill a month ago. He was supportive and wonderful for the first week or so and then **** started to hit the fan and he went AWOL and closed me out. I think these dynamics explain a lot in our relationship.

My Saturn is on his Mars.. He feels restricted or that I'm cold and critical, and his desire for me wanes...I pick up on this and react (his Mars square my Uranus)...we fight.
My Pluto squares his Venus. The book I read yesterday said that the Pluto energy is very intimidating to the Venus person. Pluto wants more intimacy than Venus is comfortable with. I get upset as i feel him pulling away from me (prominence of cancer Libra Scorpio in my chart) and he withdraws (Uranus 1st, moon Pluto 12th)
This is such a core dynamic of ours I think. Even now we only had a problem because I wanted more intimacy.. you'd think some people would really enjoy having a woman desire them!
Uranus begins to approach his desc. And Pluto mine.