Well, for starters your ex has a strong Venusian-Neptunian theme in his chart:
The Venusian Theme:
- both luminaries in venusian signs
- both luminaries in respective house for those venusian signs (Tau Sun in 2H, Libra moon in 7tH)
- Venus in exaltation
- 1H stellium that includes Venus
- Libra rules 8H (psychology, sexuality)
- Taurus rules 3H (communication, thinking style)
The Neptunian Theme:
- Pisces rising
- 1H stellium in Pisces
- Venus in Pisces (exalted)
- Chiron in Pisces (think of Chiron as a "higher moon")
- Neptune trining 1H stellium
- Neptune conjunct SS (what he is intuitively drawn to, what seems familiar to him, old habits, past lives)
Why I point this out is your thread title says "Oh go up!" I'm not sure what you relationship was like with your ex beyond what you said, but any man with such strong Venus AND Neptune traits are going to not your typical male. Such a person will be deeply sensitive, intuitive, and have a very rich emotional life. He'll also have some very deep emotional needs, espeically for intimacy. He will yearn for a "soul mate" with whom communication is effortless, sincere and intuitive. He could be clingy and insecure emotionally, if those needs are unmet, which is likely since his general personality is in conflict with cultural standards for men.
Neptune, when prominant, usually indicates a sense of alienation, of not fitting in. Strongly Neptunian people can often feel that they don't belong anywhere, and feel deeply lonely in a metaphysical, psychic and spiritual way. Simply being around people isn't enough - they need to feel a connection, an unification with others on a spiritual level. For a man in our culture, expressing this sense of loneliness can be very hard to do. Instead they may express their frustrations in other, more self-destructive ways. Hence why Pisces and Neptune is so strongly associate with substance abuse and mental illness.
Men with either strong Venusian or Neptunian themes often are percieves as infantile, needy or immature. This may or may not be true. In some cases, the individual has grown into someone very immature and often self-destructive. In other cases, the individual is genuinely misundertood. With both themes present, your ex is likely to have an enduring child-like quality about him, for better or worse, and this will never change. He may seem naive and vulnerable, unable to take initiative or be a leader. He may likely be very dependant upon others emotionally and need a lot of nuturing, even as an adult. This is not a bad thing, although our culture views this as a bad thing for men. It's simply who he is. And unless he has been around understanding and reassuring people all his life, it's is most probably he has been told, directly or indirectly, that there's something wrong with who he is. This is likely going to be the source a many psychological issues involving their emotional needs, self image and self-esteem.
Anyhow, I suspect your husband felt alienated by your close relationship with your son, that you had no room for him. You may have seen this as a "sibling" type of dynamic, but I suspect for him it was more of "three's a crowd." Your Uranus rising with his moon falling your 12H and conjunct your Pluto would have given him a sense that you yielded all power over the family dynamic and if you chose to "squeeze" him out of that dymanic, he was powerless to do anything about it.
It's likely he blames you for this - it is also likely that you are quite a bit responsibile for doing it, whether you are aware of that or not. Because your Pluto is in your 12H, you may not be very aware of how much you may have bullied him with your Plutonian energy. Actually Pluto-moon conjunctions often indicate a deeply abusive relationship, with the moon native being the abused. Other people may tip-toe around this, but in my astrological experience, this is almost always the case.
Also, because your Sun falls in his 1H, you would have commanded a lot of power over his sensitive and impressionable self image. If you did abuse him in any way, or were otherwise hurtful, cruel or unkind to him, it's likely you left a deep scarring on his sense of self.
I'll cut to the chase here: I know that it is probably assumed that the other forum members are on your side. But I don't work like that. I look at the charts and the other data, and I try to be objective. And I'm troubled by what I see. Your synsatry with your ex looks like a strong recipe for abuse, with you as the abuser. It also looks like you would resort manipulation the facts and other deceptions so to avoid your accountablity as the abuser. You may have even convinced yourself that you were either innocent or justified in your actions. While I could be wrong about any or all of this, I would nonetheless offer you this bit of advice: you may need to do some real, objective reflection on your role here as well, and not just focus on what is wrong with your ex. Even if you don't want to do that for your ex, at least do it for your child. If you do have an inclination to be abusive, it is very possible that you could one day abuse your son, or your son could learn from your example and be an abuser himself.
BTW, if anyone thinks I'm out of line, I have this to say: abuse in intolerable, and every member of our society has a responisibility to stand against the presence of abuse in our communitites. I don't turn a blind eye and hope for the best. So I'd soomer speak out, even if I end up being proven wrong, then to ignore my conscience and look the other way.