I think you have to look at your ex BF's chart independently at first, to see where his stressors lie. What are the really stressful aspects in his chart, and what sorts of things do the involved planets rule? For example, Mars is aggression, Mercury is communication, and the moon or Venus represent women. His disrespectual speaking may be a pattern with him, and you were just the GF who walked into it. [And now, hopefully out of it.]
Then you have to think outside of astrology, at the kind of upbringing he had and how he has been socialized. Some people get really annoyed at their BF/GF, but they just come from a place of speaking respectfully no matter how frustrated they feel. In other cases, the person grew up in a family with verbally abusive parents, so that kind of talk seems normal.