What Is Up With My Mom Lately? She's Been Critical, Angry, Over-Defensive, & Violent

[waybread]

ReincarnatedRainbow, this is my final post to you. I won't return to this thread. I wish you well. I started out feeling truly sympathetic towards you, but your posts suggest how much you are the author of a lot of your misfortunes. Possibly you are aware of how negatively you behave towards people willing to help you.

Best wishes for your journey.

[ReincarnatedRainbow]

Originally Posted by waybread

ReincarnatedRainbow, this is my final post to you. I won't return to this thread. I wish you well. I started out feeling truly sympathetic towards you, but your posts suggest how much you are the author of a lot of your misfortunes. Possibly you are aware of how negatively you behave towards people willing to help you.

Best wishes for your journey.

I'll reply to this, even though I won't get a response.

I have no idea what I did to anger you. I was not taking blame, nor was I avoiding it. I seriously am clueless as to what I said that upset you. I simply came here, asking if someone could tell me what is making my mom like this, and how I can deal with it better. I never treated you negatively. All I know is that now, you are coming off as condescending and I don't know why.

[tsmall]

Hi again. So, I spent some time with the synastry chart. I just want to say right off that I have only been learning for a year, so please take that for what it is. I was really hoping someone else would come along and help out.

Ok, the very first thing that really jumped out at me is how your Aries stellium literally lights up your mom's 5th house. Aries is the exaltation of the Sun, in this case her Sun, and in her 5th of children of course, but also of creativity..it's like you are her greatest creation. Consider that the day you were born she had Venus, the Sun, Saturn and Mercury in her 5th, and at the moment you were born they were all culminating on the Midheaven. That your Jupiter (her transiting Jupiter) trines her Moon shows that the charts are working ones, since Jupiter rules childbirth and the Moon is a general significator for mothers. But look at how your Suns (and their friends) trine each other. That speaks volumes to me. Also, look at how your MC/IC axises line up. Your mom loves you. I have no doubt of it, and it's clear you love her as well. And if you really want to get down to it, her Sun exalts yours.

Each of your Moons is in the other's 12th, which could be part of the problem, since your Moon can't see her ASC, and her Moon can't see yours. Each of you has a debilitated Moon to some degree...hers in Gemini like we talked about before, yours in it's fall in Scorpio. I have a theory that planets in their fall bring a sense of guilt with them, since usually a "fall from grace/exaltation" feels like it stems from one's own actions. Like something you did took you away from the exalted state you long for. The funny thing about this is that it's usually a sense the person has that isn't really based in reality...but still, it's there. At any rate, with the placement of your Moons, you have a hard time understanding each other.

Your ASC ruler is your Moon, and mom's is Jupiter. They are in aversion as well, which means that they can't see each other...or see eye to eye.

With both of your Suns in fire signs, and each dignified, there is a sense that each of you is right and the other is wrong. A clear case for butting heads there.

Your Mercury sextiles her Moon, and it's a sinister sextile, meaning more intimate. You can understand her more clearly than others might. There is no mutual reception, but your Mercury recieves her Moon. So you get the brunt of the moods, and talking to her is difficult. Yet since you do receive her (and here you are trying to understand and find a way to communicate) I think that you will be able to do it. You just need to find some sympathy (hard for you to do with your chart, but still doable, if for no other reason than all that love) and your Mercury can speak to, even direct her Moon.

I think if you just remember that she is who she is, and that you do love each other, the rest will come. And remember to give yourself a break. Being 15 is tough, and fighting with your mother, rebelling, discovering who you are seperate from her is all a part of it. Having survived a similar situation, I can promise you that if you keep trying, it will be worth it.

One other thing that I think, but can't actually point to other than that her Jupiter is the Almuten of her chart (the one in aneretic degree, opposing Venus? Yeah, that one) and yours is Saturn (the one sitting on your Sun?) kind of says to me that there will be a role reversal, in that you will have more of a parental role to her than she to you. Now, I can tell you that that *****, having been there myself, but it does get better, and it does prepare you for life a lot more than you may realize now.

And if none of this is helpful...well...

[ReincarnatedRainbow]

Originally Posted by tsmall

Hi again. So, I spent some time with the synastry chart. I just want to say right off that I have only been learning for a year, so please take that for what it is. I was really hoping someone else would come along and help out.

Nope, just me managing to **** off strangers unintentionally. I've been accidentally picking up fights left and right lately. However, it's been semi-smooth sailing in real life.

I apologize for not replying sooner. I was miffed by waybread calling me negative, that I've been avoiding this forum altogether. I get anxiety easily, as you can see. Still, I feel bad for ignoring you. I need to stop being so nervous about petty trivialities.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Ok, the very first thing that really jumped out at me is how your Aries stellium literally lights up your mom's 5th house. Aries is the exaltation of the Sun, in this case her Sun, and in her 5th of children of course, but also of creativity..it's like you are her greatest creation.

That would be a stretch, but okay.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Consider that the day you were born she had Venus, the Sun, Saturn and Mercury in her 5th, and at the moment you were born they were all culminating on the Midheaven. That your Jupiter (her transiting Jupiter) trines her Moon shows that the charts are working ones, since Jupiter rules childbirth and the Moon is a general significator for mothers. But look at how your Suns (and their friends) trine each other. That speaks volumes to me. Also, look at how your MC/IC axises line up. Your mom loves you. I have no doubt of it, and it's clear you love her as well.

Of course, we both love each other. We're blood. I dislike her often, but I love her all the time.

Originally Posted by tsmall

And if you really want to get down to it, her Sun exalts yours.

So, we should be compatible?

Originally Posted by tsmall

Each of your Moons is in the other's 12th, which could be part of the problem, since your Moon can't see her ASC, and her Moon can't see yours.

I can see where that could cause a slight misunderstanding. Should our inability to see each other's ascendants be taken literally? I think it could be. My mom is a very social being who craves company and travel and wild nights, but it still comes as a shock to me when I will call her, worried about where she disappeared to, and a stranger will pick up the phone, speaking to me in Spanish as I hear her laughing like a drunk moron in the background.

And then my mom likes to talk to my friends about how rude and disgusting I am, how I am really inconsiderate, and that I have no sense of personal space. I once hugged my friend and refused to let her go when we were in a restaurant parking lot. My mom yelled at me, saying that I was making my friend uncomfortable. Then she apologized for my behavior, saying that I can't help having no inhibitions. I felt humiliated for the rest of the day.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Each of you has a debilitated Moon to some degree...hers in Gemini like we talked about before, yours in it's fall in Scorpio. I have a theory that planets in their fall bring a sense of guilt with them, since usually a "fall from grace/exaltation" feels like it stems from one's own actions. Like something you did took you away from the exalted state you long for. The funny thing about this is that it's usually a sense the person has that isn't really based in reality...but still, it's there. At any rate, with the placement of your Moons, you have a hard time understanding each other.

I don't feel as if I am holding any guilt, but I can't say the same for my mom. The funny thing about my mom is that she never regrets over things I feel she should, but beats herself up over what she can't help. For example, violent outbursts and shameless topics she brings up in public, she does not worry over. However, I get gloomy because she couldn't afford to buy me ice cream today? Oh no, I might call child services and be taken away for domestic abuse. It makes me uncomfortable when I'm in the wrong, yet she clearly does not know that. She'll start trying to cuddle with me, close to tears, saying that she wishes she could buy me this and that. And I'm just left feeling like a spoiled brat.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Your ASC ruler is your Moon, and mom's is Jupiter. They are in aversion as well, which means that they can't see each other...or see eye to eye.

Most of our fights are either over disagreements of what is proper and normal, or who is more mean.

Originally Posted by tsmall

With both of your Suns in fire signs, and each dignified

I thought a planet is only dignified when it's in the sign it rules. Mom's Sun is dignified, but mine isn't. Right?

Originally Posted by tsmall

there is a sense that each of you is right and the other is wrong. A clear case for butting heads there.

Yup. We always think we're right. It's hard to tell who is wrong. My dad would say we're both wrong (or that neither of us are right- because there is an important difference). But he's the one going through a divorce right now, so who is he to spare wisdom?

Originally Posted by tsmall

Your Mercury sextiles her Moon, and it's a sinister sextile, meaning more intimate. You can understand her more clearly than others might. There is no mutual reception, but your Mercury recieves her Moon. So you get the brunt of the moods, and talking to her is difficult. Yet since you do receive her (and here you are trying to understand and find a way to communicate) I think that you will be able to do it. You just need to find some sympathy (hard for you to do with your chart, but still doable, if for no other reason than all that love) and your Mercury can speak to, even direct her Moon.

If I can't sympathize, I can pretend I can. People tell me that's manipulative, though. But it's not wrong to pretend to care, right? After all, I should care. It's the end result that matters (which is an opinion both of us share).

The fact that she can't understand me, but I can understand her, leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Originally Posted by tsmall

I think if you just remember that she is who she is, and that you do love each other, the rest will come. And remember to give yourself a break. Being 15 is tough, and fighting with your mother, rebelling, discovering who you are seperate from her is all a part of it. Having survived a similar situation, I can promise you that if you keep trying, it will be worth it.

I know. Thank you, too. I think that if I let things just flow naturally, stop trying to initiate love and stop trying to reject it, our relationship will get better. I've recently noticed that it's smarter to let her call the shots and to meet on her terms.

Originally Posted by tsmall

One other thing that I think, but can't actually point to other than that her Jupiter is the Almuten of her chart (the one in aneretic degree, opposing Venus? Yeah, that one) and yours is Saturn (the one sitting on your Sun?) kind of says to me that there will be a role reversal, in that you will have more of a parental role to her than she to you. Now, I can tell you that that *****, having been there myself, but it does get better, and it does prepare you for life a lot more than you may realize now.

Ha. I think I might take some parenting lessons from my sister. She babysits her mother, step-father, older brother, and younger brother, all at once.

[JUPITERASC]

Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRainbow

I thought a planet is only dignified when it's in the sign it rules. Mom's Sun is dignified, but mine isn't. Right?

As tsmall says, BOTH you AND your mom's sun are dignified aka have dignity http://www.skyscript.co.uk/dig2.html


The Sun is at home in own domicile of Leo

"Most early authors referred to the signs as the 'houses' of the planets, because the signs where the planets held their rulerships were regarded as their natural homes. In symbolic application, a planet is in its strongest position when it is in its own home. In war and sport it's easy to see how the advantage goes to those who operate in their own territory and familiar ground"


The Sun is Exalted in Aries

“After its own sign, the next best place for a planet to be is in its sign of exaltation. In symbolic terms this is comparable to being an honoured guest in someone else's home. There is not the same level of freedom or strength as when a planet is in its own sign but it shows a dignified position, often indicating a person of respect or rank”

[tsmall]

Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRainbow

Nope, just me managing to **** off strangers unintentionally. I've been accidentally picking up fights left and right lately. However, it's been semi-smooth sailing in real life.

Well this is good news.

Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRainbow

I apologize for not replying sooner. I was miffed by waybread calling me negative, that I've been avoiding this forum altogether. I get anxiety easily, as you can see. Still, I feel bad for ignoring you. I need to stop being so nervous about petty trivialities.

Listen, if you figure out that one let me know, because I'm still working on it myself. The difference is you said it out loud, and I only think it in my head. Far as I can tell, this kind of anxiety only goes away with experience. The experience of worrying over it or freaking out about it and then having it come to nothing. Eventually you relax about it a little because you know it usually comes to nothing.

Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRainbow

That would be a stretch, but okay.

A stretch for you perhaps, because right now you are looking at the situation subjectively. And let's face it, it's not like you've been given very many clues to come to this idea on your own.

Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRainbow

Of course, we both love each other. We're blood. I dislike her often, but I love her all the time.

Ask yourself how many blood relatives don't love each other. Just because she's your mom doesn't mean you have to love her, or she you. It's a little semantics thing that really does matter.

Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRainbow

So, we should be compatible?

er, not exactly. More like you two are very similar and that's why you clash.

Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRainbow

I can see where that could cause a slight misunderstanding. Should our inability to see each other's ascendants be taken literally? I think it could be. My mom is a very social being who craves company and travel and wild nights, but it still comes as a shock to me when I will call her, worried about where she disappeared to, and a stranger will pick up the phone, speaking to me in Spanish as I hear her laughing like a drunk moron in the background.

And then my mom likes to talk to my friends about how rude and disgusting I am, how I am really inconsiderate, and that I have no sense of personal space. I once hugged my friend and refused to let her go when we were in a restaurant parking lot. My mom yelled at me, saying that I was making my friend uncomfortable. Then she apologized for my behavior, saying that I can't help having no inhibitions. I felt humiliated for the rest of the day.

I'll get to this in a minute.

Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRainbow

I don't feel as if I am holding any guilt, but I can't say the same for my mom. The funny thing about my mom is that she never regrets over things I feel she should, but beats herself up over what she can't help. For example, violent outbursts and shameless topics she brings up in public, she does not worry over. However, I get gloomy because she couldn't afford to buy me ice cream today? Oh no, I might call child services and be taken away for domestic abuse. It makes me uncomfortable when I'm in the wrong, yet she clearly does not know that. She'll start trying to cuddle with me, close to tears, saying that she wishes she could buy me this and that. And I'm just left feeling like a spoiled brat.

Call me unusual (you wouldn't be the first) but your last sentence in this paragraph contradicts your first.

Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRainbow

Most of our fights are either over disagreements of what is proper and normal, or who is more mean.


I thought a planet is only dignified when it's in the sign it rules. Mom's Sun is dignified, but mine isn't. Right?

As JUPITERASC has pointed out above, exaltation is a type of dignity. It is also a type of rulership There are domicile rulers, exaltation rulers, triplicity rulers...so many rulers. It can get a bit confusing until you understand it, but understanding it can bring a lot more depth to understanding what's going on in a chart. I like exaltation rulers, because they are the planets that want to bring out the very best a sign/house promises. Of course, whether or not they can depends on their own condition. As I mentioned to you before, planets in their homes are more comfortable being who they are, but planets in their own homes also have more of an ability to be...a jerk? about things. Because they are perfectly cozy expressing their nature. Exalted planets do seem to be better behaved (depending on the planet and the sect) but also seem to have some sort of expectation about certain things (usually either the house they're in, or their own domiciles/houses) that may not be based in reality, or born out by the rest of the chart.

Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRainbow

If I can't sympathize, I can pretend I can. People tell me that's manipulative, though. But it's not wrong to pretend to care, right? After all, I should care. It's the end result that matters (which is an opinion both of us share).

The fact that she can't understand me, but I can understand her, leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

I know. Thank you, too. I think that if I let things just flow naturally, stop trying to initiate love and stop trying to reject it, our relationship will get better. I've recently noticed that it's smarter to let her call the shots and to meet on her terms.

Ok, let's just chuck the astrology books aside for a minute. I've only been studying the stars for a year, but I've been studying people, starting with my own mother (who is very similar to yours) for my entire life. And since I'm a couple of years older than your mom, that's a lot of people and a lot of life. Mark this part down in the "advice" column, and the best thing about advise is that you can take it if you want to, or leave it if you don't. On that note, here's what Mamma Tamara has to say...

Pretending isn't manipulation. Manipulation is mom turning your disappointment over not having ice cream into her being a horrible mother. That's taking your situation and turning it so that she is the center of things...again. You can go back to my analysis of her chart to see why she does this, and we can even understand that she probably isn't doing it on purpose...it's just the way she was wired to behave. Everything needs to be about her. That you end up "feeling like a spoiled brat" for having valid feelings shows how well it works. Guilt? It may not seem like guilt to you, but it reads like guilt to me.

Here's another example of that type of manipulation instead of real parenting. I was married the first time at 19, and at 24 I called my mother from 3,000 miles away to say that I was getting divorced. I was...devastated. Lost, a long way from home, feeling very miserable, and I ended up spending an hour on the phone reassuring my mother (who should have been reassuring me) that it wasn't her fault, she wasn't a bad mother who set a bad example...the entire conversation was about her, and not about my situation. So I ended up sublimating my feelings in order to make her feel better. And then I just never really tried to talk to her about it anymore, because really, why bother?

Pretending to care about the things that the people you love care about isn't manipulation, it's showing you love them the best way you can. By listening to them. Again with my own mother, she will talk about baseball for days on end. I smile and nod and say unh-hunh. She complains bitterly about her job (s) and just about everything else, and instead of doing what I used to do by offering suggestions on how she can improve things, or stand up for herself, or just do something, I just listen. Because I know that she needs something to complain about, she will never do anything about it, she is who she is and she isn't about to change.

Your Moons not being able to see each other's ASC's. You don't "get" each other. I mean, you get her more, but it's another way you don't see eye to eye. I suppose it's more like you don't feel the same way about things.

Here's how I see what's happening. Your mother sees you as competition. It's not unusual, especially given what she's gone through in her life. It makes her feel better to embarass you, because that feeds her ego. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, at all, it just...is. Often you will see this in the reverse. Teenaged girls like to outshine their mothers, so will tell embarassing stories about them or do something to make themselves look better than their mothers, whether it's in a social setting, intelligence, fashion, you name it. And let's face it, when we are teenaged girls (or twenty somethings, thirty somethings, forty somethings) we often want what we don't have. In your case, you want what you perceive to be a normal mom. I wanted the same thing. In fact I remember after my parents got divorced and my mother went crazy going out with her friends and hooking up with guys, I once burned my thumb pretty badly on the burner coil in the oven heating up dinner for my brother and it. Burned it badly enough that my thumb was stuck to the coil, and I had to pull it off, leaving some flesh behind. My mom came home from work, looked at it, shrugged, and went out for the night with her girlfriends. I used to scream at her that I wished she'd be like other moms, my friends' moms...and at the same time my friends all thought that my mom was cool. Go figure.

I think you're doing ok, RR. You are right to want something different, and you are right to understand that you might not get it, because this relationship isn't what everyone tells us a mother/daughter relationship is supposed to be. You are right to try to make your mom happy, because as you have figured out that makes your life easier, and as you have pointed out you do love her. Plus, she's the mom. In doing what she expects it actually makes you a good daughter, and it shows that you can be respectful...even if you resent having to do it. Like I said, good practice for being an adult, because believe me, there are going to be lots of times when you have to put up and shut up, smile and nod just to make your way through this life. Looks like Saturn is just preparing you early, so you won't be so surprised at what life shows you later, when you really are on your own.

[ReincarnatedRainbow]

Originally Posted by tsmall

Well this is good news.

Oh, look, you found the happy part of my frustrated comment.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Listen, if you figure out that one let me know, because I'm still working on it myself. The difference is you said it out loud, and I only think it in my head. Far as I can tell, this kind of anxiety only goes away with experience. The experience of worrying over it or freaking out about it and then having it come to nothing. Eventually you relax about it a little because you know it usually comes to nothing.

I would relax, but I am strongly superstitious and believe that whenever I expect something to happen, it won't. Jinx. It's just safer to freak out over nothing than to be taken by surprise.

Originally Posted by tsmall

A stretch for you perhaps, because right now you are looking at the situation subjectively.

That's true. I'm trying to be as objective as possible. I guess it's good that you're helping to point out when I am not.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Ask yourself how many blood relatives don't love each other. Just because she's your mom doesn't mean you have to love her, or she you. It's a little semantics thing that really does matter.

I know it's not obligatory to love your blood. I don't love my dad. It's just that...I think it's only expected to love the person who has been in your life the longest, especially when they're not awful people.

Originally Posted by tsmall

er, not exactly. More like you two are very similar and that's why you clash.

*shudder* "Similar"? Jesus, don't tell me that

Originally Posted by tsmall

Call me unusual (you wouldn't be the first) but your last sentence in this paragraph contradicts your first.

Hahaha, I hadn't noticed that. But there's a difference between feeling guilty for no reason and feeling guilty because I was wrong.

Originally Posted by tsmall

As JUPITERASC has pointed out above, exaltation is a type of dignity. It is also a type of rulership There are domicile rulers, exaltation rulers, triplicity rulers...so many rulers. It can get a bit confusing until you understand it, but understanding it can bring a lot more depth to understanding what's going on in a chart. I like exaltation rulers, because they are the planets that want to bring out the very best a sign/house promises. Of course, whether or not they can depends on their own condition. As I mentioned to you before, planets in their homes are more comfortable being who they are, but planets in their own homes also have more of an ability to be...a jerk? about things. Because they are perfectly cozy expressing their nature. Exalted planets do seem to be better behaved (depending on the planet and the sect) but also seem to have some sort of expectation about certain things (usually either the house they're in, or their own domiciles/houses) that may not be based in reality, or born out by the rest of the chart.

Thank you both for explaining that to me. I vaguely remember reading a tidbit about that somewhere. But vague is vague.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Ok, let's just chuck the astrology books aside for a minute. I've only been studying the stars for a year, but I've been studying people, starting with my own mother (who is very similar to yours) for my entire life. And since I'm a couple of years older than your mom, that's a lot of people and a lot of life. Mark this part down in the "advice" column, and the best thing about advise is that you can take it if you want to, or leave it if you don't. On that note, here's what Mamma Tamara has to say...

I haven't read a paragraph this enjoyable and eloquent in five months, I think...

Originally Posted by tsmall

Pretending isn't manipulation. Manipulation is mom turning your disappointment over not having ice cream into her being a horrible mother. That's taking your situation and turning it so that she is the center of things...again. You can go back to my analysis of her chart to see why she does this, and we can even understand that she probably isn't doing it on purpose...it's just the way she was wired to behave. Everything needs to be about her. That you end up "feeling like a spoiled brat" for having valid feelings shows how well it works. Guilt? It may not seem like guilt to you, but it reads like guilt to me.

I never would've thought that she may be doing that (subconsciously) on purpose. Not that I resent her for it, but I feel a little upset now.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Here's another example of that type of manipulation instead of real parenting. I was married the first time at 19, and at 24 I called my mother from 3,000 miles away to say that I was getting divorced. I was...devastated. Lost, a long way from home, feeling very miserable, and I ended up spending an hour on the phone reassuring my mother (who should have been reassuring me) that it wasn't her fault, she wasn't a bad mother who set a bad example...the entire conversation was about her, and not about my situation. So I ended up sublimating my feelings in order to make her feel better. And then I just never really tried to talk to her about it anymore, because really, why bother?

I'm not sure what to say, but I'm sorry you have a hard time finding comfort and reassurance from your mother. I think you're unbelievably mature to accept this and not be bitter.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Pretending to care about the things that the people you love care about isn't manipulation, it's showing you love them the best way you can. By listening to them.

That made me feel much better, actually. People always say that I am cold and manipulative for feinting "love" for her. It hurts, even if I don't agree with their assumptions.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Again with my own mother, she will talk about baseball for days on end. I smile and nod and say unh-hunh. She complains bitterly about her job (s) and just about everything else, and instead of doing what I used to do by offering suggestions on how she can improve things, or stand up for herself, or just do something, I just listen. Because I know that she needs something to complain about, she will never do anything about it, she is who she is and she isn't about to change.

She's lucky to have someone who will listen to her. I think most people would make it obvious (directly or through clear hints) that they don't care.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Your Moons not being able to see each other's ASC's. You don't "get" each other. I mean, you get her more, but it's another way you don't see eye to eye. I suppose it's more like you don't feel the same way about things.

Yeah, not in the least. The way she thinks freaks me out sometimes, and she's said herself that I'm twisted.

Originally Posted by tsmall

Here's how I see what's happening. Your mother sees you as competition. It's not unusual, especially given what she's gone through in her life. It makes her feel better to embarass you, because that feeds her ego. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, at all, it just...is. Often you will see this in the reverse. Teenaged girls like to outshine their mothers, so will tell embarassing stories about them or do something to make themselves look better than their mothers, whether it's in a social setting, intelligence, fashion, you name it.

I didn't know anybody did that, teenagers or parents. That is absolutely disgusting, to see yourself in some competition with your kid. I don't even know if I want to figure my mom's psychology out, if that's the way she works. Wow.

Originally Posted by tsmall

And let's face it, when we are teenaged girls (or twenty somethings, thirty somethings, forty somethings) we often want what we don't have.

Most people, of all ages, want the unattainable.

Originally Posted by tsmall

In your case, you want what you perceive to be a normal mom. I wanted the same thing. In fact I remember after my parents got divorced and my mother went crazy going out with her friends and hooking up with guys, I once burned my thumb pretty badly on the burner coil in the oven heating up dinner for my brother and it. Burned it badly enough that my thumb was stuck to the coil, and I had to pull it off, leaving some flesh behind. My mom came home from work, looked at it, shrugged, and went out for the night with her girlfriends. I used to scream at her that I wished she'd be like other moms, my friends' moms...and at the same time my friends all thought that my mom was cool. Go figure.

That is awful. My mom isn't that bad.

That is not only irresponsible, but very cold. I'd like to think that anyone, regardless of blood relations, would be concerned over a gruesome injury like that.

Originally Posted by tsmall

I think you're doing ok, RR. You are right to want something different, and you are right to understand that you might not get it, because this relationship isn't what everyone tells us a mother/daughter relationship is supposed to be. You are right to try to make your mom happy, because as you have figured out that makes your life easier, and as you have pointed out you do love her. Plus, she's the mom. In doing what she expects it actually makes you a good daughter, and it shows that you can be respectful...even if you resent having to do it. Like I said, good practice for being an adult, because believe me, there are going to be lots of times when you have to put up and shut up, smile and nod just to make your way through this life. Looks like Saturn is just preparing you early, so you won't be so surprised at what life shows you later, when you really are on your own.

People often comment on my Saturn. It's been mentioned so many times in discussion, I'm becoming quite fond of the planet. I may be developing a crush.