Why Do Married Men Feel Compelled to Hit on Me?

[Moradiva]

Originally I posted this question in Horary but was suggested to post in natal by a few members for a deeper answer. In a nutshell, I am a single 43 yr old woman & I only get hit on by bored middle-aged married men couple times a week! It's gotten to the point where I cry about it bc I do not look for it. What makes these men feel compelled to express their sexual thoughts with me when I do not entice them, I do not flirt or dress provocative or anything?? & it's usually men I know or know thru colleagues which really throws me off. They blind side me with raunchy comments.

Natally my 7th is Gemini. Mercury is in pleasure seeking Taurus in my 5th house of fun..but restrictive Saturn is right behind it, hmm.....I usually attract men younger than me, but lately it's middle-aged married types that are expressing their thoughts. Also worth noting, my 5th house ruler Mars is right on my Asc & strong in fire sign Sag! So I'm guessing they/men "see" me as very sexy?

What do you think?

[Neptune Rising]

Just a quick comment as I'm at work, but at a glance, you have a same aspect as me, Mars in the first house, in fire no less (me Sag as well). I've also been hit on by several married me. Me its partly Neptune making me be perfect for people to project their fantasies on, but the Mars does make one have the sex appeal, just what a married man, or single for that matter, be attracted to.

I'd be more tempted to see what Pluto is doing in your chart. Natally and by transit, or even parallel, to see what types of people you are drawing to you now. Or even NEptune aspects...

[Neptune Rising]

I am also curious, has this always happened, or only just recently?

Ah yes, I just saw as well, Mars trine with Venus is likely to make you quite attractive to the opposite sex, Venus in Aries trine Mars in Sag. Maybe they see you as the adventure they are missing at home? Reading about men, they do like a challenge, and you have alot of cardinal fire in your chart.

I suspect it may also have to do with that Mercury yod, from the Neptune sextile Jupiter/Uranus. Mercury ruling your 7th house, could be some things you need to work out that the yod presents you with...

[Moradiva]

Excellent points, Neptune! To answer your question, this has been happening the past 4-5 yrs (since I broke off with my last serious boyfriend) & a lot more frequent the past few months! Below is my natal with transits & since you've mentioned Pluto, natally it sits at 22 Virgo squaring N Mars - now Transit Mars has been conjuncting it along with the T Moon right now. Meaning, I want to get to the bottom of this. T Pluto is at 8deg Cap...squaring N Moon in Aries conn Venus. Btw , Pluto rules my 12th.

[waybread]

Moradiva, have you developed some really good, "drop dead" kind of zingers? All the better if they are funny. Whether its my crummy looks or Saturnian persona I don't know, but I seldom had this problem. However, it isn't all that uncommon amongst women I've known, so hopefully some other astro-sisters on this site can help.

I don't know what these zingers would be-- and you would have to be circumspect around some of your co-workers, but stuff like, "Oh, Jack-- I forgot to tell you. Your doctor's office called to say your colonoscopy has been postponed." Or, "You'll have to take this up with Bill and Mortimer, over there. They've been hitting on me all week." Humour can diffuse a lot.

Alternatively, just tell these guys quietly and directly that their comments are unwelcome and they should never make sexual overtures to you again.

If you work for a large employer and this is happening at work, your organization should have a sexual harrassment policy. So let's call "hitting on" a woman on the job what it is. Your supervisor or HR department should be of some help. If this is a union environment, try your grievance officer. This isn't to say you want to file a grievance. Merely that your supervisor is legally obligated to end this unwanted behaviour, and it might be helpful to you to have some moral support.

First off, you probably are attractive, even if you don't acknowledge it to yourself. You have sun conjunct Venus trine your first house Mars. Venus and Mars are the "sexy" planets. Then with Good Times Jupiter ruling your first house (and chart) and Jupiter closely sextiling Neptune of the Illusions, I suspect you do give off vibes that you are one sexy lady, no matter how conservatively groomed and professional you are.

I note that you have a big Aries stellium in the fourth house. Have you ever taken up a martial art like karate? This might give you more self-confidence to ward off psychic intrusions. Not that you need to physically bop these guys one. But just to build up your inner woman warrior.

[Neptune Rising]

Very good points from Waybread, I do agree with, about cultivating your inner warrior woman, with all those Aries planets.

I also just noticed that Uranus is making some aspects to that Aries stellium, currently on the midpoint of North node and Venus. This may well be coming across as giving you alot of extra 'sparkle', as its in the 4th house, deep within you, maybe there is an aspect of wanting to be free/opening up to new avenues, exploration, that these men may be picking up upon. I don't know why married men do the things that they do, perhaps they also resonate with that Uranian energy that you have deep within you as it passes over your aries stellium...? Perhaps, if you embrace that energy of exploration, explore new things, Arian things perhaps as Waybread mentions active things you may not attract the married ones as much... Just a thought.

Ah, I forgot, of course, Pluto is also in square with Uranus at the moment, and this is aspecting that midpoint of your North node/IC and Venus. Lots of change in the departments of love, values, friendships...

[Moradiva]

Hello Ladies! Appreciate your thoughts. First off, no, Waybread, no one crosses the line at work (Thank God! Bc I would not be passive about it). Also, I don't care for karate but do work out on a regular basis. I started running in February & started weights a month ago. And as mentioned, I've been hit on more so in recent months! Probably bc I've slimmed down a bit & I feel real good/confident from working out. That all might attract these dim-wits..LOL

Nep, I think you're onto to something with Uranus going over my Aries Stellium& squaring T Pluto. Gosh, can't wait till I'm off the market ..I'll make it known & won't be harrassed any more!

Thanks again, ladies!

[greybeard]

Could the answer be as simple as....

Men are biologically programmed to hit on anything with a skirt.

Men...you gotta love 'em, the dimwits.

What if they didn't hit on you? How would that make you feel?

[waybread]

Greybeard, I can't believe a smart fellah like you would write that way.

"Hitting on" a woman in the workplace or in the provision of goods and services (such as a customer in a store) is called sexual harassment. And it is actually illegal according to human rights codes in the US and Canada.

Even in informal settings, like in social situations, harassment can be really upsetting.

Moradiva wrote, "It's gotten to the point where I cry about it bc I do not look for it. What makes these men feel compelled to express their sexual thoughts with me when I do not entice them, I do not flirt or dress provocative or anything?? & it's usually men I know or know thru colleagues which really throws me off. They blind side me with raunchy comments."

I think she'd be relieved if they behaved considerately and treated her with the respect she deserves.

This type of behaviour is especially difficult for women who are shy, let alone the ones who have been the victims of prior sexual assault.

Telling women that harassment is sort of a joke that they should appreciate is terribly demeaning and insensitive.

[greybeard]

Near as I can tell, men hit on women...always have, always will.

A couple of years back I created a female persona in a chat room. My persona was foreign, well-educated, professional....and never before in my life had I been aware of what women go through every day. The onslaught was relentless.

There is something that a lot of women are not aware of, simply do not understand...
A woman can fulfill her sexual needs simply by being a woman. Nothing more is required. A man, on the other hand, must be a hunter. Rest assured, he is going to hunt...you can make laws against it, call it insensitive or politically incorrect...he will go hunting.

Mars is male. What are the qualities of Mars? Mars is aggression (I have seen film of a wild orangutan male raping a female...he came from afar with the intention of raping her; she saw him coming, left her baby in one place and moved away from the baby in order to save its life. -- I have often watched male bottle-nose dolphins at sea gang up on females and relentlessly harass them sexually.) Mars takes the initiative. Mars is war. All the laws ever made, in efforts to control at least the brutality of war if not eliminate it, have failed. Shall we ban Mars from the sky?

Rape, and having sex with a minor are illegal. My guess: 1/3 of all women were sexually molested by a relative as a child.

When I was in the Navy, we would come into port for two days, then go back out to sea for a month and a half. Three weeks after leaving port the fights would begin. Does this begin to explain how biology enters the picture?

And the biology of the human mating dance puts control in the hands of the woman. She says yes, or she says no.

And hello. Every woman I have ever met wants to feel sexually attractive. Why else does a woman spend money and time on clothes, cosmetics and whatever else? Even a homely woman, if she is "normal", feels she is beautiful (and she is); to not be made aware of this by the advances of a man might damage self-esteem (I'm not a woman...I don't know, but it's my guess.)

I don't apologize. All I did was speak the truth. If the truth doesn't coincide with your expectations, it is not my fault.

[Claire19]

Married men hit on anyone remotely attractive and you are working with them and as you are single you are fair game. Dont take it too seriously and give back what they give . If you feel it is sexual harrassment go to the authorities. This is a common problem for women in the workforce often.

You have Mars in Sag in the first and you may have really knock out legs for instance. All that fire is coming out as well and they may perceive you as a hot cracker. Do they talk about specific areas of your body? Whatever, it is not your fault. But if youi are timid and intimidated they may be stirring you up. You may be taking their comments too seriously by the same token.

Tell them you dont appreciate it.

Do any other women get the same treatment?

You could invent a boyfriend and wear a ring on your finger and say you are betrothed if it really bothers you that much.

[waybread]

Really cute, greybeard. So you and 49% of the planet are running on hormones, pure and simple. Never mind your intellect, love and care you feel for any children or spouse your may have, and even how someone utterly controlled by the Big T could have something thoughtful to say about astrology.

But let's take your point for the sake of argument. Sexual urges, no matter how strong, do not justify harassment or rape. I dunno about you, but I live in a fairly civilized environment, not with Tarzan of the Jungle.

And please spare me the primatology lecture. It's not so simple. Female primates generally have to be in heat and exhibiting some real "Hey, sailor, buy me a drink?" sorts of behaviours, plus visible physiological changes, before mating can happen.

And what is your point here really? That men have not evolved mentally from the apes?

Moreover, as even the more Neanderthalish guys must have figured out by now, harassment and rape are not about sexual urges. They are about exerting domination and control. It's about power in inter-personal dynamics, pure and simple. Some guys feel more manly, for reasons that escape the average woman, if they can say offensive things to people (such as women or weaker men) as a means of establishing a pecking order (no pun intended) and putting them in their place.

Note that the men the OPer complained about didn't actually appear to want to seduce her in some kind of normal way. I mean, not unless their idea of a really effective romantic line is making "raunchy comments" [quote] and upsetting her to tears.

Note also that Mordiva's harassment really picked up after these guys learned she was not in a relationship. Read-- it is about power, because previously they feared her BF might knock them sideways if they gave his GF a hard time.

Greybeard, I've been married (twice) for a grand total of 36 years. I have an adult son. And a brother. I worked for over 30 years in a very male-oriented field, where sometimes I was the only woman in my department. I like most men I've worked or socialized with, and I think I've known a fair sample in my life. Fortunately the great majority were mature enough, kind enough, and intelligent enough to treat me like a lady; along with the other women in their lives whom I got to know.

So how come you haven't met the same sort of men I have? No offense, Greybeard, but maybe you should socialize with a better class of guys.

[greybeard]

Well, it was on film taken in Borneo. And the dolphins I've seen myself, many times. And by the way, human females do not exhibit seasonal estrus. If you want to dispute with Mother Nature, help yourself.

Hey. We have not evolved mentally from the apes. Our incredible intellect is great for problem-solving in the technological sense. But to claim that it has allowed us to master our primal urges is stretching the point a bit. The world is just not so tidy as we might like it.

Whatever the motives, the simple fact is that men always have and always will hit on women. You say so yourself.

And that's funny, because just yesterday I walked into the local Shell station and almost ran into the most striking young woman. And I said to her, "Goodness. You are sooo cute." And she smiled with her eyes as well as her teeth, and then walked on to her boyfriend standing right behind me. It was a compliment. She knocked me off my feet. It made her feel good. If I said that to a fellow worker I suppose I would have been canned for harassment. Oh well.

I can only speak for myself. In my company you would be treated with respect. But the fact is that there are many men who are "raunchy". When I drove cab in Fort Worth we had a lot of drivers from West Africa. And their approach to a woman resembles a steam roller. And I used to watch....the ladies loved it, and that's a fact.

For God's sake, I am not advocating crude behavior on the part of men. But there it is. It is not going to go away.

Goodness, you complain about "harassment", but ignore the rape of a third of little girls. Aren't your values or priorities a bit out of balance?

The world is full of injustice and cruelty. Seems to me that better than wailing and moaning, a person -- man or woman -- would best serve their own interests by learning to deal with it. If you think like a victim and act like a victim, guess what.

What am I to do about socializing with a better class of men? I live among Mormon potato farmers.

[waybread]

Hey Greybeard, I think you're putting words in my virtual mouth. If you re-read what I wrote, I don't think you'll see some of the dubious comments you attributed to me. I make enough dumb comments on my own without others trying to help me out with more of them.

I did not say that women go into heat. They may feel like it occasionally, however.

Some men hit on some women. It is not as universal as you apparently think.

Complimenting a woman in a mild-mannered way on her appearance is hardly what the OP was talking about. Mordiva's concern was with really crude comments that were not designed to flatter her.

Trust me, I do not ignore the rape of little girls. It is a serious and sickening crime. But child rape isn't the topic of this thread. It is about a grown woman trying to act like a normal, decent human being in the presence of morons.

If you're surrounded by Mormon potato farmers, I doubt that they're hitting on the bishop's wife or daughters. However, I don't discount the possibility that they might talk up a good bit of testeronely bravado amongst the guys, by way of demonstrating their machismo or somesuch.

Sure, Mordiva can be told to toughen up. Or maybe the utter jerks out there could learn to behave themselves.

[miquar]

Hi Moradiva. I haven't read through the posts on this thread so apologies for any repetition. What strikes me about your issue is that you have such an emphasis on Aries and Sagittarius (Sagittarius made stronger by the ruler of all the Aries planets being placed there and by its ruler being angular, and Aries being stronger because its ruler is angular). In myth these signs are associated with virility - perhaps more so than any of the other signs. Zeus (Jupiter/Sagittarius) is always looking for a new love conquest, and Ares (Mars/Aries) is the most phallic of the gods in many ways. With Jupiter in passionate Scorpio and conjunct Pluto, your Zeus is perhaps particularly sexualised. The close conjunction to the angular Uranus (in air, which adds to its idealism and perfectionism) making this a Zeus who needs to find new and exciting things to do.

In short, it seems to me that you are attracting these men's attention because you have an energetic affinity with them - even though your value system is different enough from their's for you to see infidelity in a different way to how they see it. Its likely that the way you experienced one or both of your parents is an important piece of this puzzle. I'll throw in a few vague and tentative suggestions for you to consider and flesh out with your own actual experience if any of them feel relevant. Its especially likely that the parental relationships are implicated because the Sun and Moon and the 4th and 10th houses are involved.

There may have been infidelity (if a desire for it) in one or both of your parents. Perhaps one of your parents even left the family home to be with someone else.

Its also possible that you experienced an especially strong triangular dynamic going one between you and your parents. (I say especially strong, because this dynamic is a normal and healthy part of growing up). There may have been issues of rivalry between the parents which you got dragged into in some way and/or you may have felt that you wanted to attract more attention from one of your parents but that the other parent (or someone outside the marriage) got in the way.

If any of this, or anything else to do with the parents, is relevant, then you may need to forgive any sense of wrong-doing (or let go of any excessive idealism) around one or both parents, so that you can own the energy that you first experienced through their example, and thus have less need to project it onto people who use that kind of energy in immature ways.

Hope there's something useful in here. It sounds like a very frustrating pattern that your in at the moment.

[greybeard]

If the Earth is covered in thorns, you can do one of two things. You can carpet the Earth -- or you can make some sandals. Seems to me your approach is to carpet the Earth -- make laws and hold NOW-sponsored compulsory "Neanderthal Management Classes" chaired by a woman wearing leather and chains and sporting a spiked hairdo. My approach is to learn to deal, on the most personal level, with any situation.

Example: I'm a woman and Charlie Tuna, a co-worker, gets raunchy. Call his wife and tell her what Charlie did in lurid detail. Hell hath no fury....

Some men hit on some women. It is not as universal as you apparently think. . If this is true, why was it necessary to protect the rights of women with laws? Generally speaking, Congress shuts the barn door after the cow is out.

And by the way, Moradiva's original question had to do with the astrological reasons for married men hitting on her. I asked two questions offering down-to-earth alternatves.

With regard to "living in a civilized world:" Civilized? I guess you live in South Chicago? Civilization and the rule of law is for the fortunate. It does not apply to the great mass of mankind. If you don't understand what I'm saying, then I must surmise that you live in a very protected and insulated world, are among the fortunate. Our world is ruled by psychopathic greed intent on the rapine of earth's resources -- including its human resources -- by a select few. Law enforcement and "justice" are highly selective affairs; the police are nothing more than the hired guns of the rich. Our entire system of life is corrupted to the very marrow. It is based on lies and deception, is built of smoke and mirrors (well, except for a handful of hard-working Mormon spud farmers in a remote corner of the world...perhaps).

We are resolving nothing here.

[wintersprite1]

All,

Please return to the Astrological discussion here.

If a debate about sexuality and acceptable behavior is an important issue (whether Astrological or not) for you, please feel free to start a thread on the "hot topic" forum.

TK