Giving up during this Saturn Transit
I've been through alot of **** (sorry for my language) during the whole transiting saturn in Libra.
I'm a libra sun 12th house.
I've been working hard ever since I got my current job (November 2010). I was forced to take on my whole department by myself just after 2 months of hire because my partner who shares my job responsibilities went out on a 5 month short term disability leave. It turns out that she does this EVERY YEAR. My management knows it's been a problem and the previous girl in my position left after 3 yrs cuz she couldn't take this ****. Management doesn't do ANYTHING about the woman constantly on leave. They don't want to hire an additional staff to help out and they don't wanna reduce her job responsibilities or lay her off DESPITE the fact that she makes ALOT of mistakes (some major ones too). I guess the only dirt she has on them is that she's been here for 10 years - longer than anyone in this department.
During June 2011, I broke up with my bf of 4 years for another man at work who was 3 years older and in a totally different cultural background than me. We kinda jumped into the relationship and everything went fast. But the whole time I was just constantly stuck in a rut. Now, I'm seriously contemplating breaking up with him and avoiding relationships for a very long time until I "fix" myself. I got into astrology because of this heavy saturn transit through my 12th house..I don't dream often but the dreams I've been getting are really heavy.
For example, I dreamt I was constantly running away from Tsunami waves and climbing tall structures. The dream was intense. Right now, my job isn't going anywhere, my family problems are still there, my relationship has completely turned downhill (I feel I'm not getting any support). I feel really alone despite the fact that there are some friends who have been there to talk to me about this.
One of them are really intuitive, and he had to pull me aside one day to tell me that he received a very strong premonition that my relationship will not last for another year.
I really don't know what to do anymore, I was studying for my CFA and now all I want to do is just sit there, on hours end. I thought about running away or moving elsewhere / going back to school but somewhere far.
Anyways, all in all, I want to give up. I'm really hanging on a thin thread here, everyone of my co workers have noticed my gloomy mood and my depressed tone of voice. I try hard to hide it but I guess it's seeping out somehow.
Can anyone offer some advice? This transit is too hard. I think it's time that I learn my lesson and just let go of everything that's not working for me anymore. (Isn't that the lessons of saturn??) But a part of me really don't wanna break up, I want to talk to him and see if we can somehow work at a resolution..but if we can't..I'll probably have to end it anyways. I've tried ending it earlier but it just wouldn't happen, because he wouldn't let me somehow.
Can anyone give some insights? Thank you.
PS - sorry for the long sob story. I've attached my natal chart with transits.