I'd like some insight from folks who are more experienced in looking at charts. The two charts below are mine and a fellow I'm interested in. This fellow and I have an almost freakishly high level of mutual understanding at a number of levels -- something I see reflected in both the composite charts and the synastry between our charts. There are other things that ... give me pause (not in a 'worried for my safety' way at all mind). Yet I also recognize that no relationships are perfect and few composite charts or charts in synastry are devoid of fricative aspects. (Nor would that be good, even, since I see fricatives as being essential for growth.)
But I *also* know (via painful experience and divorce) that certain aspects are worrisome. I'm not sure I'm seeing the same worrisome aspects in this chart as in the one with my ex-, but I also don't know if I'm overlooking OTHER things that OUGHT to worry me.
And an amusing detail that gave both gave me a laugh, but also gave me pause ... my ex- and this guy share the same birthDATE (but different years). So clearly I have an astrological "type"! *chuckle* I was married to my ex- for 20 years, and in some ways, we had a very good marriage. In other ways ... not at all. We were toxic for each other. (It was, looking back, probably a relationship that should never have advanced to marriage. We'd have been terrific friends. We were, ultimately, rotten marriage partners. The latter, unfortunately, trumped and soured the former.)
So, let me first give my and the new guy's two individual charts for synastry, then the composite chart. Mine first, his second, composite third. FOLLOWING the charts, I'll note what aspects/placements raised my eyebrow, and what make me think this would be a particularly good relationship ... I'll also note that I have a slight bias towards synastry over composites, although I pay a lot of attention to both. I realize every relationship is unique and what one couple can't make work, another can ... but comment from the rest of you with experience reading other charts with similar aspects/placements is most welcome:
Okay, first, that huge stellum in the 9th house is really powerful. Also, the closest aspect in the chart is a conjunction there between Sun and Venus (only .13 of a degree out!). With the previous spousal unit, we also had a (less close) Sun-Venus conjunction, but in the *6th* house and boy did that work out in the worst way! We were also missing the Mercury conjunction mixed in with the Sun-Venus ... but also missing the Uranus. 6th house suggests sacrifice and support and work. 9th house, however, suggests it's highly intellectual ... which is it ... but also suggests potentially merely platonic.
The Uranus could be bad or neutral (or good). I know Uranus can indicate a high level of instability (although in the composite chart, I see possible counterbalances to that), but it can *also* merely indicate an atypical relationship in some way. This one would be ... there's an age-gap, but it's with the woman, not man, who's older. Of course, we're both approaching or over 40, so after a point, age gaps matter less, but it is still "atypical." Likewise, other details make it an atypical relationship, and so I'm *inclined* to read Uranus as indicating "atypicality" rather than "instability" but I also recognize that might be just wishful thinking. (That is, I'm duly -- Saturnian-cautious.)
In composites, I ALWAYS look at Neptune, since that's deception (intentional or not so) and in both personal experience AND looking at other charts, I've found it indicative of Big Issues. With the ex-, we had some *horrid* Neptune stuff ... more hard aspects than soft, AND a 7th house placement ... and again, that played out pretty straightforwardly negative for us. Idealized and unrealistic.
In the composite above, there are no hard Neptune aspects, and Neptune is in the 11th house, which brings it's own deceptions, but I don't see the same potentially explosive deceptions as I saw in the composite with the ex-.
Among the more troubling aspects to me are the Moon-Saturn conjunction in the 4th, which can indicate either coldness and sense of duty, or (conversely) serenity and stability ... although I note Moon isn't OTHERWISE aspected, and that's not necessarily good. Sure enough, in our relating, we do tend to relate at the head, although some of the emotional walls have been coming down of late ... and we both do prize emotional stability. So I'm aware of the potential problems, but not sure how much to make of it. The orb here is much wider than that Sun-Venus conjunction (or even the Sun-Venus-Mercury stellum).
Last, there's a Mars-Pluto square in the composite that troubles me. It could be explosive, I know, but it's also a wider ob, and this is an energy I've never actually *felt* negatively in the relationship so far. I've *never* felt threatened by him, nor are we overtly competitive in a hostile way ... less so than I was with the ex-, actually. I felt alarmed by the ex- in a way I've not felt with the new guy. Actually, one of the attractions of me to him is the fact he's magnetic (Pluto here, + his natal chart Scorp rising which attracts my super-powerful natal Mercury-Pluto conjunction in the 7th house ... I LIKE Plutonian energy). And he doesn't *seem* to be particularly threatened by my own force of personality (Mars). Men often are -- not in a physical way, but an intellectual way. They back off; he doesn't back off. But the energy is (so far) always positive, not negative. So the aspect troubles me more because it's there, than because I've actually felt it. I wonder if it COULD raise an ugly head.
But as far at the composite chart is concerned, I'm *most* concerned by what I see that indicates 1) this is more inclined to be platonic, and 2) there may be difficulty in emotional sharing. The "relationship" is currently a friendship that has developed into *possible* potential for more ... ergo the concern that it's meant to be platonic and trying to take it to another level would destroy it. (By the same token, however, we BOTH need strong friendship in our relationships.)
THAT brings me to the synastry chart. As I said above, I've always been a little more given to synastry, but not as an either-or. The synastry chart seems slightly more positive. (And I should say, if NOTHING else, I see us as having a deep and transformative friendship, so when I say "more positive" I mean purely in a "how would this work as a ROMANTIC relationship as opposed to a really good friendship?")
In the synastry chart, the most obvious is that we share sun and moon signs, but do not share the "traditional" asc/desc pairing. Instead we have something similar to what I had with the ex- ... with him (the ex-) his MC was my ascendant. And sure enough, he "followed" me/my career in terms of where we moved (and that wasn't necessarily so positive, in the long run).
With the new guy, his *IC* is my rising, suggesting a certain feeling of "home" with me ... and sure enough, about 75% of our time is spent at my house, not his, and I do represent some "stability" for him. That strikes me as a better placement for a pairing relationship, while the one above wold have been better for a business or other professional partnership. Add to that, our (I and the new guy's) moons are conjunct in Aries. We feel *comfortable* to each other at an emotional level, familiar, but it's a fire placement so there's a little punch there.
Other positive (relationship) aspects ... a double sextile, my sun to his Venus, and his sun to my Venus. His Mercury and mine are also sextile. Last, his Venus is trine my Mars which suggests isn't not just Platonic, and both our Marses square each other (which might be sometimes a negative, but given the overload of "sugar" in the synastry might, in this case, be HELPFUL spice).
I should clarify, too, that in synastry, I disregard outer planets, and consider Jup/Sat. only in aspect to inner planets. I see as good (my) Sun trine (his) Jupiter (my selfhood attracts his benevolence), but as challenging (my) Sun square (his) Saturn (my selfhood possibly limiting him). Last, there's (his) moon sextile (my) Saturn that goes back not just to the Platonic theme seen in the composite, but underscores the age difference. I am the "mentor" to him. Ergo, that sextile might be less a positive than a negative, like the Mars-Mars square might (in our case) be less negative than a needed fricative to keep passion/interest flowing.
Last, when looking at chart aspect PATTERNS, he has a gigantic "house" or "plane" pattern that "points" into my 9th house, but conjunct the MC. :-)
In the end
, and while I've hardly dissected every aspect (good AND bad), the above indicates some of the things that leapt out and bit me. This looks to me like a potentially very good friendship-based love relationship ... as long as it doesn't slip over into "pure" friendship, or the age difference doesn't cause a mentor-mentee mode to take over. It seems to be missing the bigger warning signs that mine had with the ex-, even while both men share a birthdate (the ex-'s data, btw, is Oct. 12, 1962, Melbourne, FL, 10:38pm). If I'd known then what I know now about astrology, I might never have married him, but we'd been married already almost 10 years by the time I started to study astrology. A little late for second-guesses!
But this new relationship isn't too late, and so I'd like some outside input. It looks promising, but I'm just not sure how much weight to give the more negative/problematic aspects. I also read some ambiguity
in his romantic/sexual attraction to me (maybe), as opposed to my more straightforward attraction to him on that level. (It's HIS Venus trine MY Mars, not the reverse ... but our Marses square.)