Passionate, Free-Spirited Soul.. A Little Intimidated by Routine! What Can I Do?

[KindredKayla]

Hello everyone. Please forgive the "here, there and everywhere" nature of this post but I am fairly tired and my mind has gone haywire with ideas.

I am 18 and off to University next year, and I believe I have found a good starting point according to my passions, strengths and sustaining interests - I want to major in Psychology, possibly double majoring or taking a minor in Philosophy, Sociology or another related field.

I love the social sciences and I am fascinated by human nature, as well as human spirituality... I am an artistic chameleon of sorts because I bounce between the mediums, from art to poetry to essay-writing to photography to traditional portraiture and back again. I absolutely love the arts but I truly struggle to turn to them consistently, and my talent seems fleeting; except for writing. My writing is always wonderful! I say this with great humility, lol. I have speculated before if this was due to several afflicted aspects with my Sun.. (square Saturn and square Midheaven - Sun being self expression)

I also greatly love working with people who are truly 'kindred' spirits. By kindred I mean conscious of the human family and who share similar values or who place significance on similar things as I, like human creativity and the sacred nature of all living things. I took a social justice trip to Washington, D.C. this past summer and it was spiritual ecstasy...

I don't want a lot of money. If I am to have wealth it would be a wealth of relationships, a wealth of knowledge and a wealth of experience.. I want to experience the world, and not have to worry greatly about security - financial security. Sounds a little selfish, perhaps - but really I want to be working for everyone. To bring harmony to the areas of our lives that are in conflict, to meet the needs of the needy.. whether it is the poverty of food, poverty of resources or poverty of community.. I want change, sustainability and peace for the world. To spend my life working towards that, whether on a grand scale or at a personal level with my own clients - that would be a true dream come true. I think I may be allergic to the average office setting. Really. Talk about headaches and pent-up frustrations. Lets not forget paper cuts symbolic of a need for freedom and colour!

My school environment raised me to be socially just and aware; I have a passion for social justice that I believe will always direct me in my choice of employment...

I also want to travel, want to work with different people, want to expand my knowledge and perspective. I truly want to drink in life and the beautiful people on this earth. To work and maybe even feel guilty about being PAID for it - its so fulfilling! I think I might become truly miserable if I were boxed in, not doing something truly meaningful, not giving myself a change to interact with others deeply and spiritually, not traveling, not colliding with exotic minds..

I have come to a conclusion that I will likely have a hard time settling down, as far as a career goes, lol. I truly want to be a vocational shape shifter but by nature I am a worrier and concerned that I will not be able to achieve financial stability, or a secure income. So what I am wondering is, in your experience looking at natal charts, what is your objective opinion of the potential in my natal chart? Is there an area of concern (such as the factor which is income) I may have to watch out for or plan to meet in advance as to avoid tragedy?

My north node is in the 12th house under Capricorn, so I'm sure I will become better able to translate the impractical to practical.. I have a good deal of planets in my ninth house, which seems to indicate travel.. and there is a lot of Scorpio influence there, especially with its ruler Pluto so close to home, as well as conjunct the MC.. One avenue I've explored a little and found was not for me was Law - so I am wondering if I can somehow combine my love of writing, art, traveling (photojournalism I have considered) along with advocacy or work of a somehow spiritually fulfilling nature.. Perhaps even becoming a professional psychologist and incorporating astrology into the works. Perhaps carrying on Liz Greene's work...

These skills and talents are wonderful for making real change occur in our world - which is exactly what I'm after. I want to better lives and help humanity to better understand itself, especially as a family (interchangeable with community!), as divine expressions of the God we all know and love in some way and also as existential co-creators of our own realities, responsible and proud. I am just wondering how I can make it all a practical reality...

The more I write, it seems the more I am answering my own question - but really I am just looking for experienced opinions! Experienced in terms of life, vocation or astrology! I 'spose I just need a little bit of encouragement. Thank goodness for faith and humour!

Thanks for everything, everyone. All input is greatly appreciated.

Take care!


Kayla

[kaminari]

That's cool you're getting into astrology at your age. It can be a good guide. Do you notice how many planets are making soft aspects to Uranus? Also, Uranus (& Neptune) conjunct your Node? It sounds like you'll have some interesting times ahead.

You sound like a Piscean & Aquarian, as well.

One thing, life is full of moments. And it's always changing. My philosophy is to capture as many as possible. I don't think you should worry about what you can do. You can do anything you want, that's what I believe, you have the power to do what you want in life. I have the same Scorpio MC almost to the degree. And you have Pluto there. I imagine that makes it very powerful. So use it wisely.

It sounds like you're searching for what to do (Scorpio Mercury, me too). I never stop. You might make a good investigator. And I think you'll discover at Uni something that you love or want to develop further. With Saturn as the chart ruler, conjunct the Ascendant, Mars in Scorpio, I'm sure you can succeed.

And btw, I'm also a 9th house person. My life opened up when I traveled & I now am an expat. I found my career only after I was away from my country. So definitely travel.

Good luck on your journey.

[Vestarion]

The best advice I can give you is to finish what you start.

Don't be so quick to flit around from one thing to the next. If you get restless and bored (it will happen, followed by periods of wondering why you're doing what you're doing, when you really just want to be doing this other thing) you need to quickly brush it off and remember the reasons why you chose what you chose in the first place. There will be plenty of time to achieve all your goals & dreams. Time goes by so quickly these days and the Universe is speeding up all the time.

It's so easy to think the grass is greener somewhere else but fulfillment happens on the inside. So if you ever think you're in the wrong place then maybe you are but if you believe that you are at the exact right place at any given time you may just be happier. So try to live in the present as much as you can. Still have your ambitions but just take care of what's in front of you first. Things can then come to you, rather than you chasing life or running ahead of life.

Also, try not to bite off more than you can chew. I understand you crave to taste all the wonderful flavors life has on offer. The only problem here is that you could be prone to burn out, mentally, physically and spiritually. If you lose track, you could become depressed and wonder where you went wrong. Just stay as focused as you can, with clearly defined goals that you can see how they can be manifested in the material. Obviously you won't get everything straight away. Some things may very well remain hobbies for many years. So good prioritising now with life choices could save you a lot of inner turmoil later. Although it's good to live without regrets, so don't worry about the future or the past too much.

One last thing is, having the vantage point of someone in their mid-twenties, I understand now how young being 18 actually is. Back then and every year after that I remember feeling so old or grown up, at the forefront of that which I've ever been, with a lot of pressure to make decisions and get going in a specific direction. I just want to say, please take it from me that being 18 is so very young, even though it can feel like you're all grown up, right now you are so lucky because you really do have a lot of time to really decide on the years that lie ahead.

This is not to say that people in their 30s, 40s and beyond have no hope to start something new, no, quite contrary, more so what I'm saying is you don't have the fresh wounds of the hard knocks of life, ill decisions or other issues that seem to make people think that they are being held back in some make believe way. You seem like you could achieve absolutely anything you set your mind to and that's a beautiful feeling to have. I really hope you find the fulfillment you describe in your post.

Try not to feel any pressure that you have to act now. Understand how much you can handle and don't be afraid to lessen your load if things seem a little burdensome. Life can and does sometimes get in the way and can bring you down, so make sure you give yourself enough time for your creative self each day. Also, don't let anyone stop you from doing what you love and what makes you feel happy. You're here to enjoy so don't feel guilty at all. Guilt is the root of all evil. Stay open minded Kayla!

[KindredKayla]

And btw, I'm also a 9th house person. My life opened up when I traveled & I now am an expat. I found my career only after I was away from my country. So definitely travel.

kaminari, I have a feeling I might do the same.. Where did you grow up, travel to and where do you live now? I love hearing about the pulls for expatriates.

I have the same Scorpio MC almost to the degree. And you have Pluto there. I imagine that makes it very powerful. So use it wisely.

The Scorpio energy I am all too familiar with.. it is restless and spicy and looking to dive deep. Being a libra sun a motto of mine is to strike that harmonious balance.. and the Capricorn influence helps me to quell the feelings when need be and focus on reality. It was much harder earlier in adolescence but I am confident that in adulthood I will refine that ability even more. I take great pride in my autonomy, both the freedom that it entails but also the duty - so as you and MkM84 urge me to be responsible and committed when I ought to be, I take it to heart and know that sometimes it will be highly tempting to take off.. but that I instead will stick around and finish what I started.

That's cool you're getting into astrology at your age. It can be a good guide. Do you notice how many planets are making soft aspects to Uranus? Also, Uranus (& Neptune) conjunct your Node? It sounds like you'll have some interesting times ahead.

I have noticed... and these planets seem to support my 'spiritual mission' so to speak with my Node being in the 12th, but the energies of these planets is so elusive that it is hard for me to try and imagine what this might actually mean.. Development of psychic ability? I feel I might very well already be clairvoyant to an extent, but I have no 'teacher' to help me discern.. I dont have much experience in understanding the 'personalities' or 'manifestations' of these planets and their energies, so I am very unsure as to what their soft aspects may even mean. Can you enlighten me at all?

Also, don't let anyone stop you from doing what you love and what makes you feel happy. You're here to enjoy so don't feel guilty at all. Guilt is the root of all evil. Stay open minded Kayla!

MkM84, that post for me was profound but especially due to the fact that you ended on that note; talking about guilt. I have just begun to realize this past year that guilt is truly what has been holding me back from enjoying my youth, developing my own faith, and truly leaping out into the unknown with confidence and excitement. I used to feel that martyrdom was a prerequisite for a meaningful career, that I must spend my work hours slaving to 'save the world', but I am glad this has changed.. It was an impossible ideal that came from the deep and dark parts of my psyche I hadn't exposed and attempted to reconcile with.

Over the past two years I have been grappling with that guilt and feel it is all slowly surfacing so that I might sweep it away. It has only served to hurt me, so I refuse to harbour it any longer. Because I am doing this I am finding forgiveness for some very painful past relationships, and some of those same relationships are beginning to turn around in a pretty miraculous way..

The thing is, with my node in the 12th.. People keep saying to me and the descriptions I read say "You are here to enjoy." How does a soul, within the laws of karma, ever get to that point? It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I know that, on some level, we all are able to derive joyful lives or experiences.. but if we are all here to also learn, what lesson does a NN in the 12th teach? Does it mean I have learned all my other lessons and so now I am here to help us all move forward, spiritually? At least this is purposeful.. I am just trying to identify with a NN in the 12th..


Thank you both so much for your posts. It takes time to look over a chart and to write such wonderful replies back so I am very appreciative.. the words have all meant so much to me!

All the best,

Kayla

[astrologer50]

Welcome to AW,

It's great that you are so interested in learning astrology at such a young age. You really shouldn't be overly concerned with your N Node now, cos most people don't even attempt this until well into mid forties....

You have calculated your chart using the default on astro.com of placidus and I use Equal House system and am a modern astrologer. Lots of people that come into Astrology get their free charts calculated at www.astro.com and the default ‘house system’ used is Placidus and think that’s just the norm and all that there is……..BUT that is just the tip of the iceberg. You can change the default on astro.com in Extended Chart selection to Equal house and a few more.

Throughout the forums but mainly in natal astrology there are two main branches Placidus (unequal size houses) v Equal House (whereby each house is same size) but lots more……. For more information on these go here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_(astrology)#Description
http://www.astrolozy.com/article19.asp
http://www.skyviewzone.com/birthinfoforms2/housesexplained.htm

It's only with study and research will you be able to assess where your planets are deposited and in which houses... thus see which 'glove fits'

So your sun, and scorpio planets are all in 10th Equal house system, which will give added ambition, materialistic, hard working, cautious even workaholic theme. It says to me at least that you want to become 'known for something' and status and standing in the community will be important to you.

[this small exerpt] For a 10th House person a career is the customary route to recognition. On the ladder of his profession he expects to rise by dint of hard work. The prospect of promotion is his motivation. In the House of Saturn the rewards often come late and only as a result of considerable effort. A 10th House person who does not expect to work hard for recognition, has failed to under­stand something very fundamental about the nature of the success that comes through the 10th House.
http://www.dkfoundation.co.uk/dkfoun...rmaHouse10.htm

Your Saturn conj Asc will knock your confidence and you could come accross as quiet or shy even. Just look how huge your 1st-7th houses are. So venus/jupiter are in 8th and moon in 2nd.
The close trine from venus/jupiter to neptune show psychic abilities and deep spiritual curiosity. I have jupiter in virgo in 8th house of sex to, Venus in virgo is not well placed neither it virgo jupiter but conj gives it strength.

Moon in 2nd shows restlessness over 'how you earn money' and I to have Pisces ruling 2nd and yes it can show via neptune that earning money is not your greatest requirement. Actually pisces/neptune rules the feet but neptune also dissolves and dissipates, but this is also connected to your personal values, beliefs
http://www.astrology.com/aboutastrol...es/house2.html

Using solar arcs then--- SA Pluto on MC & SA Asc onto Saturn, something should have happened age 4. Did anyone die, disappear, become strict, aloof, distant?? probably father?

Age 17 your SA mercury conj natal pluto, adding to investigative nature of digging and delving qualities which scorpio is well renowned for. But scorpio prefers to work behind the scenes and is a very private sign. Natal mercury square saturn is great for study/research to but also suggests your father or authority figures in childhood perhaps perferred you to be seen and not heard. Age 12 SA Neptune conj Asc IF your time is correct suggests sacrifices, poss mysterious illness, someone dying perhaps?

Career options are assessed by MC any planets conjunct, where the ruler of MC is placed, it’s aspects, then 2nd house ‘how you earn your money’ and planets there, ruler of cusp and where it’s placed, then 6th house of ‘type of work you do’ any planets there and how they are aspected.

Researching rulers of houses will help you understand more where I joining the dots so to speak
http://www.cafeastrology.com/natal/rulersofhousesinhouses.html
http://www.trans4mind.com/personal_development/astrology/LearningAstrology/housesDerived.htm

Now Aquarius/uranus rules your 2nd house of earning potential and is placed in 12th house--- behind the scenes,in isolation. Gemini/mercury rules 6th and placed in 10th and pluto conj MC. Pluto/scorpio is all about control, power, obsessions

I am 18 and off to University next year, and I believe I have found a good starting point according to my passions, strengths and sustaining interests - I want to major in Psychology, possibly double majoring or taking a minor in Philosophy, Sociology or another related field.

I love the social sciences and I am fascinated by human nature, as well as human spirituality...

Typical scorpio traits and talents...

Your N Node in capricorn conj Neptune will open up spiritual matters as you get older and these (with Divine timing) will bring much pleasure (trine to venus/jupter)
http://www.cafeastrology.com/article...capricorn.html

N Node in 12th--- A tendency to worry unremittingly, to be plagued by vague (and sometimes not so vague) feelings of guilt about under-performing, to lack faith and trust in a larger more spiritual plan, and to over-analyze ourselves and others are some of the issues this position suggests.

Learning to let go of some of our obsessions with rules, details, and fears of not doing things perfectly will help us to achieve a greater sense of balance and to ease our fear of failure and guilty feelings
http://www.cafeastrology.com/article...einpisces.html

Where in a chart does a person see himself
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?p=157562#post157562

Perhaps you should read this thread entitled: astrology predicts meanings, not events
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17546&page=2
Etiquette and telling people their fate
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17248
10Do’s and Don’ts with astrology by Radu
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17450

Astrology is not about sitting home on the couch eating nachos and waiting for the planets to make good things happen in your life. It is always your responsibility to work towards making your own dreams come true. Horoscopes simply help you to schedule your actions for the best possible outcome
http://www.tomorrowsedge.net/virgo-monthly-astrology-horoscope.html

[KindredKayla]

Using solar arcs then--- SA Pluto on MC & SA Asc onto Saturn, something should have happened age 4. Did anyone die, disappear, become strict, aloof, distant?? probably father?

It is so hard for me to remember.. it would have been my first year of school.. I have a feeling that this is when my father began to ramp up the abuse, or possibly, when I first became a target.. My father was peculiar. Very narcissistic. Sometimes actively 'involved' with us, though rarely in a healthy way, other times a moody, distant recluse. When I was three my mother intercepted a letter from the 'other woman' with whom he was having an affair.. I would imagine that within a year things could have turned very bad. A lot of this I imagine I have repressed, so it's very hard to tell.

Age 17 your SA mercury conj natal pluto, adding to investigative nature of digging and delving qualities which scorpio is well renowned for. But scorpio prefers to work behind the scenes and is a very private sign. Natal mercury square saturn is great for study/research to but also suggests your father or authority figures in childhood perhaps perferred you to be seen and not heard. Age 12 SA Neptune conj Asc IF your time is correct suggests sacrifices, poss mysterious illness, someone dying perhaps?

Scorpio's energy really did kick into gear then. I was doing a lot of contemplating, researching the most bizarre things.. I was taking a course in Philosophy and Religion at the time, and beginning to really piece my true beliefs together..

My time is correct. Seen but not heard describes my childhood in a nutshell. I did a lot of observing. I was the 'good child that never said boo'. The perfect abuse victim; the one that made it seem like it was all alright. Avoiding the worst of it meant keeping my mouth shut, so that's what I did. In March of that year, at age 12, my parents divorced. Bullies were horrible. My father's abuse became much more manipulative on an emotional and psychological level; at that time his role in my life was much like that of a poisonous leech I couldn't get rid of. It was a very horrible time and was a climax point - I was already very stressed and most likely slightly depressed, but after this point the self-loathing was tremendous and didn't let up for a number of years. Interestingly I also developed my skin condition that year; it is a bumby rash the extends down my limbs and looks almost sickly. Even in making tremendous changes to my diet and lifestyle, and having come a whole 360 genuine degrees in my perspective on life and people, it persists. I am wondering if its karmic or just a very strong mind-body phenomenon.

I find all the systems of astrology fascinating..
but I don't feel the equal house system describes me truly, in all my layers and perspectives, as well as the Placidus system does. I really do not see work in the way that most people do. I admire the hardworking individual, who works for people or a cause out of love or passion. I admire the works of intellectuals, such as books or genius essays.. but its their talent and skill in thought as well as communication that I admire - not the 'success' or stature achieved, nor the AMOUNT of work produced, really..

I don't want a career really as a means to an end, being money. I don't even truly want a 'career' per se, because the work I would want to do to me would not feel like work. It would be a string of opportunities, more than anything, continually allowing me to travel, meet new people, share ideas, express myself creatively and touch lives. I don't care much for material goods; my hope is that I will be able to achieve security for myself and my future family, to provide for their needs and create opportunities (like going to College or University). Living in abundance is not necessary or healthy, I believe (being a balancing Libra, and all) and I would likely end up saving for my children and donating away what I gain in excess.

I have found that description of my NN before, and it is heartily accurate. I notice in myself perfectionist habits, the doubt and lack of faith.. this has been changing radically for me already and with the Node's return to its natal position in the spring I'm sure more force will be exerted in this direction. I no longer feel that I must be 'perfect' to be 'worthy'; perfection is found in our unique set of virtues and faults, which I embrace with myself and my friends.. I heal when I do so and feel very much like I am achieving spiritual growth..

Thank you for the time you took, astrologer50. The post was very insightful and I might take a gander at some of the links you posted... the one concerning ethics particuarily catches my eye as I have been wondering about this for a while.. maybe because I am still new and learning! But once again, thank you.

[badwolf]

Wow, good luck with university. I don't really know a lot about astrology, but I felt I had to write something after reading all that It is good having a general idea of where you want to go and how you want to live. Hmm, financial security.. ha, something I don't really like to think about. I always say to my parents, it doesn't matter how much you earn, what's important is you must enjoy what you're doing. Still, I always worry about where I'm going to get the money to do all the things I want to. One thing I've learnt this year, is if you dislike what you are doing at uni don't be afraid to change. For some reason I decided to do engineering, and it drove me insane. I did change course mid year though, which didn't go down well with my parents. From a stableish career, to, as I put it, highly dynamic =P