Relations with Mother

[Anna123]

Hi guys,

Could you please help me interpret my synastry chart with my mother and my sister. The relationship with both of them has been really bad since 2007. It was the final straw of me taking their lack of appreciation and respect for me. I've had to distance myself from them, and from what I can tell, they care about me in their own way, which is not even close to what I need from them. I've tried to explain what I need, but that's met with silence. Yes, that's how both of them communicate. I suppose I am writing right now because it hurts quite a bit at the moment. At other times, I've sort of gotten used to their indifference toward me.

So what I would like to know is if you see any sign of improvement. I feel like it's going to take more than a decade for things to change for the better if at all.

I will appreciate your input very much!

[sethi]

Pls post your singular chart alone and I will interpret from it.

[Anna123]

Here they are. The names of the files tell you which one is which. Thanks Sethi.

[waybread]

Anna, one thing to consider is that you may be "hard-wired" to have hurt feelings regarding your mother and sister, independently of how they behave.

In a horoscope the moon indicates one's emotions, needs, and feelings; but it also indicates one's mother. Your moon in Aries conjuncts a little planet called Chiron. It indicates where and how we feel pain in life. So if we combine the two meanings, we get "hurt feelings" or "pain regarding mother." If we work with Chiron, it can give wisdom from having experienced the hard things in life. If we don't search for that wisdom, however, we are kind of stuck with the hurt feelings.

Mercury rules your third house of siblings and it squares Neptune, suggesting a sense of disillusionment or disappointment about your sister.

With your sun opposite Pluto, I wonder if you had a dysfunctional relationship with your father, or have had to combat powerful men who seemingly were out to destroy your self-respect. This is a hard thing to get over, but it can be done.

Then if we look at your mother's chart, she is stuck with having her moon in Taurus opposite Saturn and squared by Pluto. She is "hard wired" to feel that she isn't a very good mother, and also lives with a big load of hurt feelings and disappointments, though in slightly different ways from you.

Mom has Chiron square Saturn in her 5th house of children, reinforcing her believe that she is not a very good mother.

Is the 3rd party your sister? I ask because you've got the male sign (looks like Mars) for her sex in the upper left box on the chart. With her moon conjunct Uranus in the 3rd house of siblings squaring Mars, she cannot help reacting suddenly and emotionally to upsets surrounding you or other siblings if you have any.

So if you come along and tell them what you "need from them" and that they are not giving it to you, they will either react with silence, or perhaps with tears or accusations of their own.

All of you are well into middle age, so it is important to stop looking to your family to meet your needs. Maybe look and see how you can make them feel that they are the good-enough mother, or the good-enough sister.

[sethi]

Hello anna 123

which one is yours ?

[Anna123]

Sethi,

mine is for March 25; the title of the file says 'mine'; the title of the other two files say mother and sister respectively.

Thanks!

Originally Posted by sethi

Hello anna 123

which one is yours ?

[Anna123]

Hi Waybread,

You are quite on target: my father is much much worse than both my mother and my sister. He says things that are incomprehensibly rude and unfathomably stupid.

My mother responds with silence, but she is super helpful with home related stuff which I always thought was her Virgo asc. Because we live really far away, she can't manifest her love to me which for her is helping with cooking and cleaning. But she has a huge ego too--she considers herself both a saint and an ultra patient person and very humble. I doubt that she considers herself as an awful mother; although it might be possible--she is not open with me about her thoughts, but expects me to be 110% open with my thoughts to her, which, needless to say, I find maddening and overpowering. I get most upset with her when she either remains silent when I make a comment to which I expect her to respond or when she says something short and insanely maddening to me.

My sister is in a category similar to my father--they care only about themselves. Unlike him, though, she is not violent. She deserves an Oscar for indifference and lack of helpfulness toward me.

I am trying to accept them for who they are, but they fall so far away from the kind of love I need. I end up with hurt feelings over and over whenever I talk to them or whenever I see their indifference and coldheartedness. I know I can't change them, but this thought does not help me feel any less hurt. So you see, my big problem is that I sincerely do not believe that they are the good enough mother, father, and sister. They fall far far short even of that title. And yes, we are all over our 30s, but my parents do not behave better than 10 or 13 year old children, and my sister has not developed emotionally after age 5.

I wish my heart will find a way to deal with them.

Originally Posted by waybread

Anna, one thing to consider is that you may be "hard-wired" to have hurt feelings regarding your mother and sister, independently of how they behave.

In a horoscope the moon indicates one's emotions, needs, and feelings; but it also indicates one's mother. Your moon in Aries conjuncts a little planet called Chiron. It indicates where and how we feel pain in life. So if we combine the two meanings, we get "hurt feelings" or "pain regarding mother." If we work with Chiron, it can give wisdom from having experienced the hard things in life. If we don't search for that wisdom, however, we are kind of stuck with the hurt feelings.

Mercury rules your third house of siblings and it squares Neptune, suggesting a sense of disillusionment or disappointment about your sister.

With your sun opposite Pluto, I wonder if you had a dysfunctional relationship with your father, or have had to combat powerful men who seemingly were out to destroy your self-respect. This is a hard thing to get over, but it can be done.

Then if we look at your mother's chart, she is stuck with having her moon in Taurus opposite Saturn and squared by Pluto. She is "hard wired" to feel that she isn't a very good mother, and also lives with a big load of hurt feelings and disappointments, though in slightly different ways from you.

Mom has Chiron square Saturn in her 5th house of children, reinforcing her believe that she is not a very good mother.

Is the 3rd party your sister? I ask because you've got the male sign (looks like Mars) for her sex in the upper left box on the chart. With her moon conjunct Uranus in the 3rd house of siblings squaring Mars, she cannot help reacting suddenly and emotionally to upsets surrounding you or other siblings if you have any.

So if you come along and tell them what you "need from them" and that they are not giving it to you, they will either react with silence, or perhaps with tears or accusations of their own.

All of you are well into middle age, so it is important to stop looking to your family to meet your needs. Maybe look and see how you can make them feel that they are the good-enough mother, or the good-enough sister.

[Anna123]

waybread, I am rereading your post--really on target. My mother has had her own hurts from my father and probably from her father too. Other things you've mentioned are also true.

I can't seem to get wisdom out of all this suffering. It has made me a much more understanding friend, but that's not all I want.

[waybread]

Anna, thank you for your feedback!

I am not sure these people can give you what you "need." I think they give what they are capable of giving. Maybe just let go of expecting more of them.