Glad to have found this community.
I've been researching astrology and doing charts at an intermediate level for about 4-5 years. Being a triple pisces (Sun, Moon, and Mercury.. ALL IN THE 12th HOUSE too!), I'm naturally interested in the esoteric, especially when combined with the psychoanalytic and the spiritual. I'm introverted, but have developed bit of a projective face-card through my aries rising.. which helps give me some punch. I've been a successful massage therapist for 6 years, and "feel" my way into people with keen intuition. Or so I've always been told. I love looking on the inside of others. I often feel like I understand things at a far deeper and complex level then I'm able to explain
I think I have a pretty good handle on my chart. I've peered deep into it's spiderweb for years now. I can seen where many of the planets "talk to each other" in my life, and influence many things. But I still feel like I need an outside opinion on many things.. and welcome them!
Although I'm often told I seem steadfast and focused in many areas of my life, the one area that never seems to have any form of free-flowing energy is romantic relationships. It's blocked. Shut down. And underneath everything.. it feels like there's a rage shut inside regarding a relationship with, well, anybody.. that the moment I let it out, I will absolutely destroy somebody.
I'm 25. The last time I had an official boyfriend, I was 18. I've had a few guys come a long and want something with me here and there.. but timing is either ALWAYS off, or I shut them down, or I withdraw. I run. I swim away to darker waters where I can't be seen.
There was one guy that I held onto pretty intensely. I'd known him since I was 12. He and I were often around each other, because his sister was my best friend. Eventually, around 18.. we started to notice each other. Then I moved away. Then I moved back a few years later. That's when we had a really deep, and secretive relationship.. that was never really established or communicated about. But we both burned with an unspoken intensity for each other. He was a virgo, moon taurus, venus scorpio.
The whole thing ended up fizzling out when I went to San Francisco for art school. But I held on to it for a long time. I can't help but wonder if my intensity killed it. I can't reign in my hunger.. when I'm with somebody. I'm really scared of that beast within.
Nothing has really happened with anybody since then.
I've wondered if this is to blame on my Mars opposite Pluto.. which seems to be the ruler of my deepest burning "drive" in my life. Especially since I have Pluto in the 7th (Oh God.. the worst) opposing Mars in the 1st.. which is ALSO squaring venus in the 11th. It's like, I feel this internal fire, that.. if left to take over.. will burn ANYBODY in it's path. And what's fueled it all these years in the lack of any interest from any men for years.. and then, when it did finally come.. I shut it down.. which has only served to create more tension inside me. It's a never-ending cycle of blockage.
Please.. thoughts? Advice? What does my chart say to you? Especially regarding the area of relationships?
Here's a link to my chart:
If that doesn't work.. here's my birth info:
February 27th, 1987
Bellingham, WA 8:07 A.M.