What is the true nature of the relationship I have with him?

[J.J. Hart]

Originally Posted by Flowergirl

Perhaps posting your two natal charts and one synastry chart will give more insight into the questions you are asking...

I suppose this is composite of the 2 of us together.
http://www.astro.com/cgi/aclch.cgi?b...troClick.y=111

[blueskye]

Hi, I would read up on north node in Sagittarius which is what Kyle has. Men with this placement tend to have major fears of abandonment yet they will emotionally abandon. Anyway, it's pretty complicated and they are usually hard to have relationships with. My father and my brother have this placement. My father has been married 3 times with countless girlfriends in between. I have 2 younger siblings and we are all about 15 years apart and we all have different mothers. There is a third on the way with a different mother. I'm not saying Kyle is this promiscuous because everyone's chart is different even with similar placements. However, the theme with this placement seems to be the fear of abandonment and the fear of commitment.

[J.J. Hart]

Originally Posted by blueskye

Hi, I would read up on north node in Sagittarius which is what Kyle has. Men with this placement tend to have major fears of abandonment yet they will emotionally abandon. Anyway, it's pretty complicated and they are usually hard to have relationships with. My father and my brother have this placement. My father has been married 3 times with countless girlfriends in between. I have 2 younger siblings and we are all about 15 years apart and we all have different mothers. There is a third on the way with a different mother. I'm not saying Kyle is this promiscuous because everyone's chart is different even with similar placements. However, the theme with this placement seems to be the fear of abandonment and the fear of commitment.

WOW! Blue Sky, thank you!
What is interesting here is the parallels between the natal charts (I have a lot of venus, with a taurus rising/libra moon..) which is also indicated in the horary chart (although I know they are read differently).. and in Kyle's natal chart he has the north node in sagittarius and the horary chart! (Once again, knowing the charts are read differently)

I appreciate this bit of info and will certainly research it.. Over the 8 years, i have been with him.. he has slept with no less than 8 other women, half of those other women were already ex-girlfriends. (We have an agreement here, so its not a simple as him being a "cheater") He does fear abandonment (as he has been left my every women he has ever been with.. with the exception of me, but clearly I am contimplating a similar strategy), and he does fear commitment.. The odd thing with Kyle is, the other women he has slept with, have begged him to leave me so they could start a "real relationship" and he won't do it. I tell him all the time that he is free to leave, as obviously he is craving an experience I cannot give him.. And his response is always, "I just needed to get her out of my system" and "If I wanted to be with her, I would, but clearly, I am here with you" ..... Every time, I have been met with my limit with regard to his actions (not the sleeping with other women, just I feel like his intellectual curiosity about they way we develop attachments with people, he allows and encourages women to attach themselves to him while he remains "objective") I simply tell him, I need space from you.. We aren't going to be spending as much time together, and I don't want to hang out with you right now..he starts protesting, "what did I do to deserve this" .. and then a 5 hour conversation ensue's and by the end of it, we've accomplished... nothing.. because its the same cycle with him.. good, faithful, dutiful partner for 6 months, then 4 months of playing 2nd best to his exploits and then 2 months to repair the damage done...
I'm a pisces. .. what can I say, I love him.. no one has captured my imagination like he has...
I guess I just can't figure out why he stays...

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE INTEL... I'm going google hunting now, I really appreciate it!

[blueskye]

Yeah, I grew up with my father so I know his m.o. pretty well. Like I said, everyone is different but there is a theme here. You and I share Libra north node and I know that independence is much more comfortable for me than being in a relationship. I sort of have a fear of commitment myself but in a different way than sag n.n. I'm sure you can relate. There isn't so much a fear of abandonment with Libra n.n., there is more a fear of commitment. There is a really good book that goes way in depth on every n.n. It's called "Astrology for the Soul" by Jan Spiller. I highly recommend it! It's almost like you'll know everything about the person w/out even having to see their chart.

With Sag n.n., there seems to be issues with the father as well. Whether it's that the father left them or the father is very powerful, "father" is a huge issue for them. The father almost takes the place of "GOD", they don't seem to be able to live up. If the father is in the life of the sag n.n. person, everything seems to be dependent on the father's approval.

[blueskye]

You may be more comfortable in relationships since you have Libra moon, but then you also have venus in Aries. I have venus in Aries too.

[J.J. Hart]

Originally Posted by blueskye

You may be more comfortable in relationships since you have Libra moon, but then you also have venus in Aries. I have venus in Aries too.

I do have a fear of "traditional" commitment. I will fearlessly give my full attention to a person when I feel so moved, but I do NOT like the confines of a traditional relationship. I'm extremely independent, and I can't be told what to do. Noone has ever taken care of me, but me.. So I think I'm ill equiped in the traditional sense. My friends poke fun at me, (in a nice way) because of it.. And this is one of the reasons, why being with Kyle is so comfortable for me.. I'm very comfortable expressing myself, and being authentic because of the Libra moon, and very comfortable socially..But I think other elements have a stronger pull on me, because I've never been able to hang 10 in that relationship department..at least in the way my friends talk about being a relationship.. so foreign to me!! lol.

He is a bit of a double-edge sword, because he likes my independence, and appreciates that I am self sustaining.. But he tells me I'm mean.. I think that is the Aries in Venus rearing its head.. I have never nurtured him.. he thinks me being "nice" is doing his laundry and cooking him dinner.. lol..while I'm not opposed to being domestic..I'm constantly asking him "what do I get out of it" .. I'm not too up on the Aries in Venus other than I've been called a man-eater because of it! LOL.

We have a lot in common, eh?

What does Aries in Venus play out in your life?

[Flowergirl]

Hi J.J.Hart

What strikes me first when I look at your chart is that your Uranus is angular. Are you very sure of your birth time? If Uranus is really in your 7th house it could be further indication that you are attracting partners who value their freedom. Although this may not be what you want to hear, you are the one with the issue, so that is why I am looking at your chart because no matter what your partner does, you have your own set of variables you attract in life. Blueskye made some good points about your Venus in Aries and Venus/Chiron conjunction in the 12th house. You can trace this pattern from childhood where you were wounded in relationships with people going off and not being as committed to a relationship with you as you would like. Also lack of harmony and fear of abandonment. Planets in the 12th house is not a lot of fun. They are really difficult to get your head around and heal but it is possible.

What is also of interest, is your South Node is conjunct your Venus. This could mean that your comfort zone is around being headstrong and brave and independent. If you really want to change your life around and add more meaning, you are going to have to make an effort to develop your North Node in Libra which is about fairness, equality and balance in relationships in everyday life.

all the best to you

[J.J. Hart]

Originally Posted by blueskye

Yeah, I grew up with my father so I know his m.o. pretty well. Like I said, everyone is different but there is a theme here. You and I share Libra north node and I know that independence is much more comfortable for me than being in a relationship. I sort of have a fear of commitment myself but in a different way than sag n.n. I'm sure you can relate. There isn't so much a fear of abandonment with Libra n.n., there is more a fear of commitment. There is a really good book that goes way in depth on every n.n. It's called "Astrology for the Soul" by Jan Spiller. I highly recommend it! It's almost like you'll know everything about the person w/out even having to see their chart.

With Sag n.n., there seems to be issues with the father as well. Whether it's that the father left them or the father is very powerful, "father" is a huge issue for them. The father almost takes the place of "GOD", they don't seem to be able to live up. If the father is in the life of the sag n.n. person, everything seems to be dependent on the father's approval.

This is very enlightening!
He has daddy issues totally..
not to air all his dirty laundry,
but he is from China, and his father came to the US in 1978, K and his mom didn't come to the US until 1989.. So daddy wasn't there.. and while in China mom was working overtime, so he was cared for by his grandfather and his grandmother for the most part...
While in the US, his father and him have very tense interaction... they don't understand each other.. and although K is very successful by even the most strigent criteria, his father says he is a failure.. I've never met his parents only heard the stories.. but it doesn't sound like he is reaching for daddy's approval but rather trying to drown out his fathers judgements..

I will check out that book. I LOVE TO READ!!

[blueskye]

It's hard to tell about the venus in aries w/ me because I have sun,mercury and the north node there as well, in my 5th. Ohhh, do I LOVE to be independent. But the **** universe won't let me! Whenever I'm alone and on my own, I feel great! I love my life, I love to not think about anyone else! lol. My independence doesn't last very long though. Men are pretty drawn to me, and the ones I've had relationships with are always really good guys. I usually end up being the jerk because I hate to commit. Aries in Venus would typically be somewhat selfish but it's in different areas for everyone.

Aries is the "pioneer", forges ahead without regard to the "minions" lol. So, in this way, it's headstrong and brave(in a way). But for you, Venus is the ruler of your ascendent and your moon and it's in the 12th. The 12th house rules things that are hidden, losses, sorrow, things buried in the psyche. It is also conjunct your south node by 1 degree. This is a pretty important planet for you. I would assume (and I'm not an expert, I just study this as a hobby) that you are accustomed to keeping your love affairs hidden or private. Chiron is also conjoining Venus here and Chiron is the wounded healer. I would assume that there is some healing to be done in your life in regard to relationships. From what you've said, you give A LOT with not much in return. This is venus in the 12th. The biggest challenge with our shared n.n. is to balance independence w/ relationships. I also just noticed that you have an interception in the 6th and 12th. This makes these houses even more significant. The balance for you would be in the areas of daily duties, work, service, pets, health. . .vs. privacy, spirituality, solitude, alcolhol or drugs, self sacrifice. These are just what the houses rule, this doesn't mean you are dealing with all of these, just particular ones for you.

We DO have a lot in common. I have scorpio rising and uranus conjunct ascendent from the 12th, you have the opposite. I have an interception as well but it is from the 3rd to the 9th. Jupiter is in my 8th and neptune in my first, you have neptune in your 8th and Jupiter in your first. There's more too. If you want, I'll post my chart.