Finding it so hard to let go!!!....

bradderz777 · #1 05-11-2010, 12:18 AM

Hi...I've mentioned on this forum countless times about this issue with a girl I have. Things have gotten far wose between us even as friends!

We went out in night clubs with her and her friends two nights ago, we enjoyed our selvs..consumed alot of alcohol. We kissed and the night went amazingly well!!...

Although She's had issues with her previous relationships, she got a messege from her ex partner and he didn't help, he made her cry that night, he is almost 20 years older than her.

But the day after, she deleted me off Facebook and sent me a text messege saying she's sorry for leading me on even as a friend!

I've put both our charts up on here before and we're not compatible astrologically as a relationship... the relationship only lasted for one day. We agreed to be just friends, now I think she is telling me that she doesn't even want to be my friend either!...she said to me online that she doesnt want to lead me on anymore and she said that she thinks she's even doing that to me as a friend!...I don't want to even lose her as a friend but i can't bare the thaught of her not being in my life and not talking to me before...i've never felt this deeply emotional attatched in my life and how depressing it is for me that I have absolutely no luck with her at all !!!

People are saying that I'm better off without her, but I really do NOT want to let her go!!

I must admit that she is probably the most indecisive girl i've ever met! She allways changes her mind about anything she is about to do.

I feel that I've done something to upset her but she will not say!!!

I feel like I can do anything when I'm physically around her..she makes me feel sooo happy, but having her removed from my life is definately the last thing I want to imagine!

I'm unsure if she's playing me about with other men at the same time which I hope not! I don't want to say it but because of her strong indeciesiveness and cutting her wrists in the past because of her mother physically and mentally abusing her and the same with her ex partners...I think she either has mental issues or she is just a complete total attention seeker, or maybe a combination of both! - I really hate to say this but it might be true, who knows, her chart could mention that!

There are times she says she likes me more than a friend, then she changes her mind and says she doesn't, as I said, indecisive...

Above all...she sounds like she's more trouble than she's worth but I just want some advice on what's the best thing to do here...keep fighting or let her go and I REALLY DO NOT WANT TOO! I've never cared about a girl like this girl so much in my life!!! and this depression is eating me away inside!...I do not want to even move or do anyhing at all apart from think of her!!!...If i end up losing her completely, i'll seriously lose the will to live! (sorry if that sounded very weird...)

Is there any way, shape or form I can do so that we can atleast still be friends?

Here's both our charts again below with an update of our transits, my chart is on the left and hers is on the right.

Sorry for all the baffling on!

But thankyou!

Brad!

R4VEN · #2 05-12-2010, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bradderz777

I'm unsure if she's playing me about with other men at the same time which I hope not! I don't want to say it but because of her strong indeciesiveness and cutting her wrists in the past because of her mother physically and mentally abusing her and the same with her ex partners...I think she either has mental issues or she is just a complete total attention seeker, or maybe a combination of both! - I really hate to say this but it might be true, who knows, her chart could mention that!

There are times she says she likes me more than a friend, then she changes her mind and says she doesn't, as I said, indecisive...

Above all...she sounds like she's more trouble than she's worth but I just want some advice on what's the best thing to do here...keep fighting or let her go and I REALLY DO NOT WANT TOO! I've never cared about a girl like this girl so much in my life!!! and this depression is eating me away inside!...I do not want to even move or do anyhing at all apart from think of her!!!...If i end up losing her completely, i'll seriously lose the will to live! (sorry if that sounded very weird...)

Brad!

Brad, Brad, Brad, Brad, Brad!!!!

You're a deeply sensitive soul, and you are also very emotional, and - mate!! - there will be other girls. Why is it that sensitive and decent young guys get attached to girls who are walking personality disorders??????? (Unkind, but more than a little truth there.)

There are a few aspects on her chart which make her difficult to have any kind of relationship with, at least until she passes her Saturn return at 29 and hopefully grows up!!

Moon inconjunct Neptune: She walks in a fog of unreality. For her this is probably a coping mechanism, but it makes it hard to pin her down. Whenever she comes on to you, she is living in some kind of weird and unreal existence, and so what she says cannot be trusted as being `real'. Issues with her mother probably colour all her relationships, so she is probably quite unreliable - at least until she works through some of her stuff. The fact that she self-harms is a red flag.
Jupiter inconjunct Pluto: Strongly creative, so much so that she has the ability to `make things happen', but in one who has had issues of self-harm I would give her a wide berth. In one as young as she is, she could really manipulate others without realising she is doing this. She probably has the ability to say all the things you want to hear, but it is just words, and not any kind of sustainable truth.
Mercury square Uranus: Mentally changeable

Brad, someone I know very well was born 3 weeks after this girl, and she also has that Jupiter-Pluto quincunx. She is such a passive-aggressive, `nice' manipulator, and men fall all over their feet trying to get close to her. Then she dumps them and goes back to the original bf, leaving behind distressed young men, whom she worked hard on to make them like her in the first place. This behaviour is like a game to her.

Brad, I really like you. I like your honesty and your decency. Think of this girl as an experience, a stop along the railway line of life. She is just part of your own journey, and not your own personal destination. Even just being her friend could eff you up badly, and she is not even very reliable as a friend, so why would you want her as one? (And don't tell me that you want to `help' her; she has to be prepared to help herself, and she doesn't seem ready for that yet.)

You deserve better, and most girls are not as unreliable as she is.

R4VEN · #3 05-13-2010, 02:20 AM

Brad, I feel I have to add something to what I wrote in the above post.

You may remember me saying a few weeks ago that your chart has deep themes to do with control, manipulation and power. One of the reasons you were born as the person you are is to experience power struggles, and from all angles. Now, to experience a power struggle you basically have to engage with others in some way. Power struggles come in all shapes and sizes, and they are not all about someone telling you to go to your room, and you having to comply whether you want to or not.

This friendship you have with this girl is one which has strong undercurrents of power. I think that unconsciously this girl sets up all her relationships with men so that she ultimately has the power, and this is because she feels deeply powerless. Her self-harm is an indication of a strong sense of her having no power in her life. Perhaps you are drawn to her because you feel similarly.

How did you feel when she agreed to be your gf? Powerful and strong?
How did you feel when she left and went looking for her old bf? Powerless?

And perhaps your difficulty in `letting go' is because you fear that sense of total powerlessness which you have grown to associate with your life without this girl in it. You must take your power back, perhaps by associating a sense of being powerful with something else. Whenever you assign power to another person - as in, if she loves me I am worthy - then you continually set yourself up for failure, because you do not have the power to make someone love you.

This, mate, is a lesson. What you do with it is entirely up to you.

PS: And in relation to your comment here:

"I feel that I've done something to upset her but she will not say!!!"

chances are very high that it's not you but her. `Not saying' when you ask her what is wrong is a pretty fair indication that you have done nothing wrong, but she can't think of what to say. Again, it's manipulative, and you should not put up with that.

bradderz777 · #4 05-13-2010, 10:30 AM

Thankyou R4VEN! Brilliant and 100% accurate information to both two posts!

Thanks for caring! it shows there are good people who care in the world and want to give fantastic advice such as your self!

We've agreed to be friends, but on the more so...must tread very carefully when it comes to alcohol involved. Most of these problems are caused by the consumption of alcohol which she definately cannot control! last night, she kissed other men around me and I felt deeply upset, but now that i've read your posts, it's made me think...what's the point on being emotionally attached to her if she's not emotionally attatched to me! I am teaching myself to destroy this evil emotional attatchment towards her because it's not any use at all!

We'll remain friends, but casual friends, not too involved with eachother especially when it comes to alcohol because that only ends up breaking the friendship to peices.

once again....Thankyou !!!!

Take Care!

Brad

R4VEN · #5 05-13-2010, 11:00 AM

Brad, thank you for your reply. I was cooking dinner when I checked my emails on my mobile. I was so thrilled that you at last have `got it' that I had to come to the computer and reply straight away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bradderz777

...must tread very carefully when it comes to alcohol involved. Most of these problems are caused by the consumption of alcohol which she definately cannot control!

Yep, alcohol is a Neptunian thing - i.e. it clouds the truth - and she is a bit too Neptunain to be relied upon in any way when alcohol is involved.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bradderz777

what's the point on being emotionally attached to her if she's not emotionally attatched to me! I am teaching myself to destroy this evil emotional attatchment towards her because it's not any use at all!

Excellent! You are making brilliant progress, and I am proud of you. Letting go of this girl will also free you up to be `available' to girls who are more suitable, and not so damaged. Damaged people are often really exciting to be around, because they are not careful and cautious, and they take risks which others are not prepared to, but they are also often unreliable. Their trust has been damaged by others, and so in return they are often not terribly reliable or trustworthy. And so if you keep putting up with this behaviour from others, then that is all you will get - more of the same.

Good luck in the future.

R