Vista
Well-known member
Raven and Vista, one thing I might add to this is that hard transits to my natal Mars, which many transit books suggest may bring great energy that needs to be watched and harnessed in a productive way, etc., usually just debilitate me - I actually feel depressed during bad transits to my Mars, and if anything else, I get hurt (either my feelings or by some accident, such as cutting myself while cooking). My experience is that all hard aspects to a Pisces Mars just weaken it. (But with Raven's observation, perhaps it's because mine is the apex of a Yod?)
On the other hand, whenever I have a hard Mars transit to my natal Sun-Pluto opposition, for example, one best steer clear of me! (However, I think because my Sun-Pluto is intercepted, I often end up "imploding" and causing myself the most harm.)An amazing parallel, Raven!! (It gave me chills reading that!) This was exactly the case with my mother and father. My father, though physically there, was largely absent from and seemed uninterested in my life - he didn't even attend any of my graduations. My mother, on the other hand, wanted me to be her "surrogate spouse" (a term one of my therapists used), making me accompany her to parties (which mortified me), planning to come live with me when I was going away to university, and viciously demeaning my father to me every chance she could.Again, brilliant deduction, Raven! I am aware of many complex "Mars issues" I need to finally completely embrace, which I've kept mostly to myself throughout the years, which have crippled my self-esteem (though most don't know it), caused me to secretly feel unworthy, vulnerable, too worried about compensating for, all resulting in deep resentments. Yes, it is a rough world for a sensitive man! I scored almost 100% on Elaine Aron's "Highly Sensitive Person" test and others like it - I'm an authority on being a sensitive man! <<big hug>>This brought tears to my eyes. I've always been my own worst critic, never good at giving myself a break.
However, returning to the topic of Saturn square ASC, I think it's showing me just how wrong this has been, and how I've tried to earn the compassion of others who don't have any to give (I think that's my Capricorn - I must work for it and excel), when I should simply focus on loving myself as I am, while forgiving and truly detaching from those who would hurt me...I can think of a few right away.
I wonder if it's the combination of Mars-Venus-Jupiter that makes hard transits so difficult? That's quite a powerhouse of planets involving the two most benefic planets with a malefic. When you are depressed during bad transits to Mars, perhaps since Venus is involved and the ruler of your Moon, maybe it's more significant? Just a thought. It does seem this stellium is the most strongly felt when I would look at angular Sun/Mer in Aquarius and stable Moon in Taurus as one who wouldn't be quite as sensitive, or rather I would think it would balance the sensitivity out. Believe me, I ponder oversensitivity quite a bit because I have Moon in Cancer in the 4th and it's part of the Water Grand Trine(Kite actually) when I have otherwise pretty "insensitive" planetary placement. Even so, it seems to "rule the roost" so to speak!
It sounds horrible what your mother did and your fathers lack of interest. Imagine living with her own son while he's at University!! How twisted!