Passive Aggression

bittermoon

Well-known member
Unleashing is easy, as I'm sure my former employer can attest to. Being assertive is the answer. Also a lesson for me: Chiron in 1st in Aries.
 

SagiCap

Well-known member
Unleashing is easy, as I'm sure my former employer can attest to. Being assertive is the answer. Also a lesson for me: Chiron in 1st in Aries.

I can see how it's similiar. I guess my issue is consequences. I think it's because I'm afraid of being hurt - verbally or physically. Something from childhood of course. There are so many people I unleashed on today, come to think of it. I think of fairness. If I feel 100% in the right, nothing will stop me, but I need to feel that it's warranted, I guess.

Maybe I should take up boxing or karate. Seriously.
 

MaeMae

Banned
If you consider the words used "passive" and "aggressive," what signs comes to mind?

For me:

Passive: Cancer, Pisces, Libra
Aggressive: Leo, Aries, Scorpio

My thinking (and experience) makes me look at rulerships.

Moon, Neptune, Venus

Moon feels need, Neptune lacks self-awareness and Venus desires.

Sun says, "Hear me roar", Aries says, "Me First" and Scorpio says, "I'm taking notes"

It's all a mishmash. But combo's of these signs & planets can lean toward passive-aggressive personalities.
 

Lithuel

Well-known member
MaeMae, that seems to make sense. My Mars is in Cancer, with my Ascendant in Libra, and my Moon is conjunct Pluto in Scorpio...
 

fairness

New member
Maybe water moons with aries mars? But pisces or cancers moon are not aggressive in an offensive sense, they are on the defensive side.
 

Vista

Well-known member
I think a lot of fixed personal planets in the 12th house. Also, Libra/Scorpio people as they are so opposite of each other.
 

mahaira

Well-known member
: I have Mars in Cancer in 9th, within a few minutes of being directly opposite Neptune i.

I can relate to this! My Neptune (1st house) is opposed to Mars (7th house). Whenever I feel hurt (e.g. during an argument) I tend to retire. This alone is often understood as passive aggression, because I have no energy to continue until the situation calms down. I think I got this aspect for a good reason as I need to learn how to fight back constructively and not just hide in my own world. I toughened up over the years and I hope that I became less passive aggressive.
 

SagiCap

Well-known member
I toughened up over the years and I hope that I became less passive aggressive.

Would you mind sharing how you do this now? I think it's important. Not because "aggression" is something to be aspired to, "assertiveness" is, but because how we evolve against what we feel are difficult placements is commendable. It's so true when they say it's "the natal promise". It doesn't have to be the "natal sentence".
 

Claire19

Well-known member
A Libra Mars is like a slow burning, inactive but seething volcano of massive destruction. lol!

Mars isn't "home" in Libra, it's home in Aries - the exact opposite of Libra.

Some characteristics I have with this placement are:

Choosing battles carefully or wisely.
Detest arguing over BS and nonsense that doesn't even matter, triviality.
Arguing with someone who doesn't matter to me.
Ability to ignore situations that are not deemed "worthy" of my anger.
If I care about someone and something they've done is bothering me, I weigh all possible angles, maybe they didn't mean it - I tell them really calmly what my issue is (even if I'm angry as hell), and just see what they have to say.
If I see they start getting angry, I tell them to chill and we'll talk later

My mars is almost in Libra... 29 of virgo

I have much of that characteristics:surprised:
I have Mars in Libra and in the 8th of hidden matters. I do champion the underdog for sure and it sure to get me really angry to see injustice.
I dont really have a temper or not physically violent much preferring to negotiate and to see all sides of the picture.....it upsets my equilibrium to see aggression and violence and that may be because Neptune is in exact conjunction...I can be nice even when I feel anger and that is probably not good.
 

Flowergirl

Well-known member
Mars RETROGRADE in natal chart = passive aggression par excellence

astrologer50 said:
Mars Retrograde
* reconsiders before expressing anger
* finds competitive situations hard to handle
* tends to repress and so ....
* can become depressed
 

mahaira

Well-known member
Would you mind sharing how you do this now? I think it's important. Not because "aggression" is something to be aspired to, "assertiveness" is, but because how we evolve against what we feel are difficult placements is commendable. It's so true when they say it's "the natal promise". It doesn't have to be the "natal sentence".

Dear SagiCap,

I’m sorry for not responding sooner. I’ve just seen your question. I really need to learn how to use my account better!

I hope this interpretation will help a bit.

I feel that the Neptune’s placement in my 1st house is, at least partially, responsible for the idealistic approach I tend to have. And this can be a burden for others in a passive way.
To be more precise, I prefer equilibrium and usually retreat from arguments, any sort of confrontation for that matter. I mistakenly take the word idealism for unrealism ;) My self-confidence is not very strong (Saturn-Sun conjunction, Moon in Virgo) and maybe I don’t think that I’m tough enough.
The inequality bothers me on such a deep level that even when I don’t want to, I “moderate” banal, everyday conversations, so that all parties could be heard (you know those unpleasant situations, when someone tries to say something and is interrupted? Well, I have the need to help him say what he wants).
Anyway, the fact that I’m faced with the opposition Neptune-Mars in my relationship to others (most notably my husband) makes me deal with my inability to engage in a healthy confrontation, because it happens to me on daily basis.
I know that what I’m about to say borders to verbal abuse (Mars in Gemini in 7th), but I did go through situations where I was constantly yelled at and sometimes unjustly accused. My only reaction used to be not to react but to retreat in my own world and pain (how neptunian of me), thus provoking even more negative response. What I didn’t understand is that my inability to get over the fact that I didn’t like the way we communicate, prevented me from ever having the opportunity to say so to others and change things! I would just cave in until the other side came and apologized for his rudeness. I was pressuring him to do so literarily by doing nothing! I was making him feel terrible by not even saying a word. He’d just have to look at my empty face and often feel guilty for all the wrong reasons.
The problem was that very often, when he’s not just blowing off steam, being a nervous Mars in Gemini, he does make some good points about how I should force myself into jumping into water than just observing the life from a safe distance.
I caught myself that I was unintentionally using this principle to get something I wanted (I’m not the least bit proud of that). Sheer kind pressure. But there was a price to pay because for everything I gained in this way. I had to “pay” by suffering verbal/mental aggression from the other side, sooner or later.
To make one thing clear. I’m not saying that verbal abuse was my fault. And I’m not saying that all people who suffer because of it, should do as I do. Reasons are different for everyone.

When I understood this passive aggressive mechanism, I knew I had to change, but it wasn’t easy. What used to hurt me before, hurts still. I just grew enough to be able to face the pain and deal with it. On a more practical level, I “spent” all the tears. Instead of sad face now I try to stand up for myself. The worst thing at the beginning was that I didn’t like the fact that I had to use my “enemy’s” weapons. I didn’t want to be someone I’ve never wanted to become. Oppositions tend to work that way, we go to extremes. So, I started yelling too and even threw a book once or twice (that was unimaginable for me). Now I try to find the middle and not hide, but respond in a constructive manner. Deal with pain and not fantasize about a better life that doesn’t exist, but rather try to build it for real. I must say that I feel more fulfilled; even though it’s something I still fight for and doesn’t come easy to me. And the heavy energy coming from the other side (Mars) has subsided. Instead it can even be creative and stimulating.

I too don’t think that we are born to suffer our life away, but learn. I understand that the natal aspects are a gift for life, but I think that even the heavy ones can be manageable if one is willing to grow. I can’t say that I was all that willing, I had no choice.

p.s. I’m writing a post on “blessings in disguise” about heavy aspects that can actually work well in our charts. I’m trying to include (and well organize) as much info as I can. For some reason, now I feel that it’s important…
 

Munch

Well-known member
Too better understand where to look for passive aggressive traits in a chart, look at the root causes.

I can happily use my chart as an example.

I have an explosive temperment with Mars square Pluto in my natal chart, BUT I also have a Saturn/Sun square which lead to inferiority issues. These two combine for the classic passive aggressive person. Angry and seething with rage but trying to bury it because of not feeling like it's okay to be angry. This leads to trying extremely hard to NOT be angry towards other people, but of course, being human, I DO get angry. Add to this a diplomatic and ever bending Libra Asc you have someone that will do anything to get their point across and at the same time try to maintain a 'nice guy/gal' image.

Understanding the psychology behind a character trait helps immensely with locating the trait in a chart.
 

Idrew

Well-known member
Mine is a true classic case...Pisces mars...but opposed to Sun Jupiter conjuction and trine Scorpio moon. I seethe the same very way, but some times I have real trouble keeping it in and I can explode and even suprise my self.
 

Munch

Well-known member
Mine is a true classic case...Pisces mars...but opposed to Sun Jupiter conjuction and trine Scorpio moon. I seethe the same very way, but some times I have real trouble keeping it in and I can explode and even suprise my self.

I do the same. Though over the last four months it's not been a problem at all which is very nice for me as I've dedicated a great deal of time to sorting this nasty little issue out. :innocent:
 

MaeMae

Banned
Seems to me that different people view the term "passive-aggressive" in a different light. Someone mentioned agression bottled up. To me, that is different than passive-aggression.

I see passive aggression as a control mechanism to "get back" at others who the person holds a resentment towards. The person doesn't have the guts to come out and say, "Hey, I'm bothered about something you said or did" and just get it out and over with. A passive-aggressive uses subtle, sometimes overt, digs and jabs - either verbally or through sneaky subversive behaviors, to limit the other person in some way.

It is a vile trait, when all is said and done, because the little resentments don't go away, they are kept fed by behaviors acted in some sort with some sort of relatiation in mind. It is the ultimate character trade for the word "COWARD."
 
I have Mars in Libra and I would say I have a temper and I almost always show it on my face. Other people have told me this too lol. I try not to be passive aggressive, but I don't really like to fight unless it's worthwhile. Otherwise I just like to sweep it under the rug, but I do get mad secretly. But if it is important, I will confront the person, usually in a nice way, and that usually gets the job done.

I've read that Mars in Libra is one of the most passive aggressive placements in astrology. I suppose it's because our instinct is to not fight or cause confrontation, but it's humanly impossible to not feel angry and upset when certain things happen, thus rendering us "passive aggressive."
 

Idrew

Well-known member
Well I have been doing a bit of research on mars and martial arts. Many of the MMA champions researched had mars in the so called passive sings of cancer, virgo, libra and some even in pisces. In nearly all of the cases mars was strengthened by an aspect to the sun, uranus or jupiter. I tend to believe more that aspects make the strong mars.
 

CH_7385

New member
I think it has to do with a bad connection between Mars, Neptune, and maybe Saturn.

Connections with pluto may also work on that because, passive aggression most of the time is planned. And people with strong-bad connections of pluto tend to plan their attacks, for doing them in a discrete, but acid way.

I agree. My own experience has had me have passive aggression with guys who are Pisces/Neptune influenced. Even if they are in traditionally "strong signs" (ie Air or Fire) they have a strong Neptune and it equals passive city. I dated a double Sag with Mars in Pisces it was TERRIBLE. Plus he had Venus and Mercury in Scorp so he would be angry and just shut you out. While acting like everything was ok (he had a Virgo Rising).

I also dated an Aqua with Aries Mars...BUT the only time he would take action against anything was in regards to opinions and action towards protecting his family or country (he was a Cap rising with Mars loosely Conjunct his IC=patriotic). He was passive in regards to dating, and if you made him angry (or hurt him) instead of telling you or confronting the issue he would just bury his head in the sand and again avoid you. Or if you confronted him, he would just be a jerk and be mean to you. He had Neptune conjunct his Asc, Neptune Conjunct his Venus, Venus in the 12th, and Pisces Mercury.
 
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