Re: Am I scared for nothing?
The link also expired for me as well, both the first and second postings of it.
Though I have yet to have my first solar return (I am almost 22), being ruled by Saturn with many planets in Capricorn (Neptune conjunct my ascendant in the 12th house) and Mars conjunct the ascendant in the first, with Mars also conjunct my moon in Capricorn in the first house (and I'm a cancer to boot!) as well as saturn currently transiting through my 8th house (and just about to wallop my venus in virgo lurking in there... sigh) I'll share with you what I have learned about a strong Saturn and its current presence in the 8th house.
Let me first begin with death. As it seems, this house is given to death and rebirth (oh that Pluto/Scorpio!) and with Saturn planted strongly in there for me right now, a lot of my thoughts have gone towards death... since I am young it has been mostly "what happens when we die?" "what does it mean to be alive?" "is there any reason for me to be here and if so what is it?" and a whole lot of existential crisis stuff... (plus with my venus in there I have been questioning the depths of my sexuality including childhood issues, parental issues, familial stuff... anything Freudian in that department for sure!) Basically Saturn has laid a heavy hand on my feelings about death. I have had to make peace with it many times in the last year. I had one friend committ suicide (which of course, since I have venus in there, led me to form a strong romantic involvement of sorts with someone who was also touched by the death, an involvement only made possible by that death in fact). I've also had repeated thoughts about death. For example, it will frequently dawn on me that one day I will die.
However, since is the house of death and rebirth, naturally these thoughts about death encourage to think futher about the matter, literally leading to a sort of "rebirth" in my being about my ideas about life, love, my future, etc. I also can't seem to settle on one answer to at least soothe my nerves (I blame a libra 9th house cusp) and find myself bargaining between what I know to be true (the body fades and leaves) what I want to be true (that I will retain this self and all of my memories and experiences and that they will be eternally meaningful and remembered) and what is absolutely not true (that life is without meaning in at least some sense and that it is impossible to develop a spiritual self and relationship with some sort of spiritual unity unless one regresses into infantile/insecure fantasties of a heavenly father that is guiding your every move.) So far Saturn has taught me one thing in this house thus far: I am responsible for my own future and life, I create the meaning, and angels/god/spiritual rapture will come when I absolutely need it (and a few times this past year I have needed it and recieved it.) Moreover, Saturn, the symbol of the teacher, has taught me that I must be my own guide and teacher, and that while my fate is imminent, it is my own hands and that I bear a large portion of the responsibility. No one will save me but me. (this could also be my Venus in Virgo talking)
Moreover, Saturn in this house has stirred up a great deal of sexual issues for me. (This is also because Pluto has been blow torching feng shui style through my 12th house for the last 9 years or so... and trust me, when it hit Capricorn I FELT IT like someone had it me with a gong and dragged me up from the depths of murky waters that I hadn't even known as lodged in) I recalled memories of childhood sexual abuse just this past December (Saturn had started to sink its teeth into my 8th house around this time) and a large part of me (a grand false self which had grown to protect me) had to die and my healing process has allowed a rebirth of my spirt. Such a transition has turned me off to relationships (despite a 7th house sun and mercury) and definitely fired up my north node in Aries in the 3rd house.
Lets just say Saturn in this house for me has required me to kill off the parts of me that were fake and to allow a painful terrifying rebirth of my genuine spirit. I call it painful self-awareness-- a kind of self-consciousness that feels like a spiritual wound. But the healing process has been so utterly worth it.
BUt, lest I scare you too much (I've got some fun aspects to Uranus and Pluto) remember that what Saturn turns into mulch creates the BEST fertilizer (I am excited to see what Venus will plant once Saturn makes His way through.)
As for the other stuff. I would say focus on the meaning of your ascendant. Its in 27 degrees Sag, which I think puts in the Decan of Leo and the Dwads of Libra or Scorpio depending on the minutes (if its more than 27.5 its Scorpio) this should give a you little insight into what deeper aspects of yourself you will be getting to know during this time. Look at what's going on in the 5th and 7th house...
good luck! can't wait to see you in the 9th house!