Originally Posted by Aquarian Maverick
... our conjunct natal Mercury...
Dear Aquarian Maverick,
What I will offer is maybe a little more broad than some of the other entries -- a parable, a story from my own life.
I was married to whose planets conjuncted nearly all of mine. His Mars/ my Moon; his Sun Mercury/ my Mercury; my Venus-Mars / his Moon; we both had Ascendants in the same sign with Midheavens also in the same sign. And I had a sort of psychic premonition that I would meet a man with his name and that I would marry him. It all seemed like fate.
There were several differences between us. The emphasis on his chart was of a shy person who sometimes lashed out aggressively; my chart said i was a somewhat aggressive person who turned wimp at the last moment. His chart said he approached things as a liar or in a deceptive way, and shaped his career around being self-absorbed; mine said I approached things naively and shaped my career around having difficulty with power.
What I learned was, having Mercuries that are conjunct simply means you hear
each other loud and clear, it doesn't necessarily mean you understand each other! He was a fragile person and a liar and I maybe walked with cleats on and was perhaps naively honest. I heard what he told me, but what he told me was lies, and sometimes I wanted to hear lies, so I didn't hear past that.
We did make contact with each other -- he was under my skin from the beginning (of course, with all those conjuncts! -- plus, also having the conjuncted Mercuries!). But we approached the world in a different way. And on my side, I had expectations that he would be like me, since we were so much alike to some degree in many areas. So I felt very let down when I realized his modus operandi was to deceive. (After I paid off his bills, he left me, which -- foolishly -- was totally unexpected on my end.)
Additionally, his Saturn conjuncted my Venus/Mars. I tried to discount this before the wedding, but, in practice, the reality was, he hurt me in bed -- repeatedly -- and always said it was an accident, always said, "Oops! guess I just forgot about that scratchy old hangnail!" -- and then did it again. He was not trustworthy with me.
I think you can connect dots between what happened for me, and how it would be for you and your brother if the two of you were lovers -- and who knows what you were to each other in past lives? (Fortunately you and your brother have that nice Jupiter/ Venus connection. This sort of evens things up for the Saturn / Mars connection.)
But (forgive the long-windedness) -- in another vein -- I would be remiss if I did not also give you an account (the short version) of a chart reading I did of a newly-born infant. Numerous aspects on the chart indicated something with the child's intelligence -- and then there was this weird thing about her not being comfortable with happiness. So I took it all to mean she would be mentally retarded. I didn't say this to the parents, but I probably thought it was kindest to hint at what I thought was the truth.
By age three, the child had tested out with an IQ of 145 or something like that. By grade school it was clear she had a very challenging allergy to a certain food -- but her intelligence was very much intact! Yes, her chart pointed at the topic of intelligence, but freewill
took her toward the opposite
pole from where I
thought she was going with that topic! My point here is, an astrology chart cannot predict with any certainty or precision such delicate matters as intelligence, autism, heterosexuality, or anything else. Freewill rules!
I assume you've read or heard of people like Temple Granden (who is autistic). There's so much more known about autism now than there once was. Now we know that autism is just an extreme form of hypersensitivity. I'm a great believer in the books about Highly Sensitive People, of which I think I am one.
(I am not implying that autism is just a way of being a little extra-sensitive, but I guess I am saying that an autistic person has a lot more going on inside their head than they might be able to tell us about.)
I understand your guilt. I'm dealing with aging parents, and am having a lot of trouble dealing with the fact that I want to help these old people I love and can't help them and feel very very frustrated. They never realized they would outlive their healthy years. Now they are trapped in bodies that don't exemplify who they and I always thought of them as being. The brain is not the mind. The body is not the person. The cover is not the book.
Perhaps the pain of your guilt will take you to a higher level of achievement than mine has been taking me. I wish you well -- I'm certain your burden feels heavier than mine, if nothing else because your brother's life will probably last as long as yours. But perhaps that will give you enough years to make peace with the difficulty of your situation.
I hope you found some value in this offering. I'm sorry I did not have more to suggest or provide.
-- C Jayne