[sandstone]

vannasan,

i think saturn is holding you up... i like everyones comments to you as well!

here is a fun little thing for you and others to do, if you want to.. these are solar arc directions applied to your chart... the distance of saturn to your ascendant? about 26 degrees 30 minutes approx... that is about how old you are at present.. solar arc saturn is conjunct your ascendant fairly close to exact at this moment.. by my calcs it is exact at the moment.. you appear more sensitive to the possibility of rejection at this time which has a classic saturn flavour to it.. on the other hand some very nice directions are offsetting this and you really appear to want to 'step out'...

solar arc directions are based off taking the suns distance covered in 1 day - approx 1 degree, and moving the whole chart by this distance on a 1 degree = 1 year basis, to examine present dynamics for the chart under consideration... doing this puts a big focus on saturn as it directly connects with the ascendant...as others have pointed out- ascendant and cappy planets connect back to the 12th house saturn... this speaks to hidden psychological patterns that might be holding you back... i think you are addressing this in your desire to speak publicly and overcome obstacles (another saturn word) to do with the public speaking potential your chart holds..

okay, here is another tangent to consider...i would note the close moon/mars square which has the ascendant as midpoint very close and direct... certain emotional factors may to be interfering with your comfort level when you get in front of people - moon/mars is the aggressive mom, or sense of aggression being picked up that might not be valid, but may have been a part of your early learning environment and or relationship with mom... - moon rules 7th - experiencing others with a martial flavour mixed in - on the attack if you look like a bimbo, might have been a part of your early home environment.. just guessing on my part.. moon is also closely conj jupiter, not as close as the square to mars, but still close and this offsets this some... "when the moon is in aquarius and jupiter aligns with mars" is a line out of the 5th dimension song, lol... jupiter and mars in hard aspect is a bit different then what they were getting at in the song..
i think most everyone seems to identify immediately with you and want to help! that is positive and speaks well of the regulars commenting here at this astro forum...

edit - forgot to mention - did someone point out the fairly close sun/venus conj with saturn 45 to this? adds to your shyness and reticence as i see it.. also the thing about rejection - a saturn thing - is hitting onto your venus as well.. someone probably already mentioned this, but it factors into your ability to step forward and communicate with confidence...miquar mentioned this.. there ya go!