Arian Maverick
03-31-2008, 01:38 AM
I'm not sure if this was intended to be humorous, but I personally found it such and decided to post it here ;)
This was actually an accidental discovery I found through a random Google search; it's from a blog called From the Desk of the Mayor of Mitchieville (http://mitchieville.blogspot.com/2008/03/astrology-and-kitchen.html).
Astrology and the Kitchen
In Astrology, the home is said to be ruled by the fourth house. While this is true, the strongest place of manifestation of the fourth house is found in the kitchen. Ruled by the Moon, and a place of exaltation for Jupiter, the kitchen is where there is constant change, and water is put to work as food, as agent for the alchemy of cooking, and as a solvent to reverse time. Of course, these three uses for water correspond to the three modes of the element of water: as food, Cancer; as agent of change, Scorpio; as solvent, Pisces.
Aries: The fiery Ram finds the kitchen to be a place between places he wants to go. Preparing food, storing groceries, chucking garbage, and mopping up mess are tedious reminders of the dross of physical form. Aries remembers their pre-mortal existence where food was not necessary.
Inevitably, the efficient Aries will find willing hands to do the hefting and hewing, or find some other activity to perform in the kitchen. The children of any Aries are soon press ganged into chores: it is, after all, good for their character development, and even better for Aries who has better things to do of a non-repetitive nature. Another Aries solution to the kitchen being the kitchen is to use if for sexual activities. If you can get one liquored up to spill the truth you will hear quite the tale of tail chasing and whisker washing worthy of a barn yard tomcat. Hence, the Aries kitchen always has a comfy rug on the floor, and plenty of cotton towels.
If anything can inspire the Aries to agitate for the return of slavery, it is washing up. In the kitchen, an Aries will share with you their political beliefs. This is one of the few places where the headstrong Ram will listen, ponder, and then tell you why you are wrong.
Taurus: The first Earth sign, Taurus finds the kitchen to be a place of magic. Here the Taurus discovers that food no longer has to be eaten raw. When cooked, a greater volume of food can be eaten. When spiced and served on a plate, food becomes a celebration of the hard work of bringing it home. And cooked food tastes just as good today as it did yesterday, and it will be just as tasty tomorrow!
After eating, the Taurus mind turns to digesting. In this they resemble the snake. Washing up is a distraction from the sensual movements of the powerful, athletic stomach musculature, a distancing from the sensations of sugars, carbohydrates, and proteins flooding into the bloodstream. Hence, the Taurus usually leaves the dishes for later. Much like the barn is only cleaned out weekly, the Taurus only does dishes weekly. Unless they have a dishwasher, which the prudent farmer that is Taurus usually has. Unlike Aries, this sign will coach those doing the dishes. And, as far as sex goes, there is no room in the house where Taurus does not have sexual relations, so the kitchen is just another bite on the buttered cob of corn of life.
If you want to get a Taurus angry, start talking about politics in the kitchen. Being taxed to pay for rehabilitation for cattle rustlers makes them angry, especially when rope is so much cheaper, and can be reused, which protects the environment.
Gemini: The kitchen is the first place the young Gemini discovers gadgets, mechanisms, and devices. Of course, there other larger, greater places where the gizmos are more interesting (Strategic Air Command, for example), but it is in the kitchen that the curiosity is begun.
The kitchen will inevitably contain curious and very practical instruments. The cupboards are organized in a manner that would draw the admiration of the German General Staff. And, you will find paper … paper towels, napkins, plates, and newspapers. Also, somewhere in the Gemini kitchen is a board game. And there are a pair of dice in the cutlery drawer. And books.
You can talk to a Gemini about anything, anytime. But in the kitchen, if you adopt a political position opposite to that which you believe, you can listen to the clever Gemini convince you that you are right.
Cancer: Your sign rules the fourth house and hence, kitchens. Through your agency flows the vital life force into foods, be they soups, sandwiches, or salads. Anyone who eats what you have prepared is blessed, refreshed, and reinvigorated. And such a powerful influence is not easily contained by the boundaries of the human definition of ‘room’. So, although mighty Cancer rules the kitchen, it is also hard to tell where the limits and extensions of their kitchen spaces lie. Thus, the defining element of this most powerful and significant kitchen is that it appears normal, lacking the muddy boots in the corner of the Taurus kitchen, for example.
Hidden in the ocean sands of the cutlery drawer, you will find antique tools crafted for food preparation by intelligences at least three generations into the past. There will be at least pot or pan or clay crock that has journeyed across the ocean, carried by an ancestral pioneer.
Few people actually talk politics in the kitchens ruled by this sign. They are too busy enjoying life.
Leo: The kitchen of the King of the Zodiac is yet another precious jewel in their tastefully arranged crown. You do not have to look for the latest redecorations … you will be told. This is your cue for polite applause. And it is worth your effort. Even a Libra can find good ideas to use from this, the sign of the builders of the Pyramids. Indeed, the Leo kitchen is always in a state of urban renewal. Be it new drapes, an Armani clock, or the year of the rat calendar, they are there, new and improved. You will also find cook books, several of the best, and a few of the obscure, and at least one in a foreign language.
As for tastes in foods, if the truth be told, the favourite victual of the Lion is that which someone else places before them. It really does not much matter what manner of slop, gruel, or mush; it can be cold, or smelly, even spotty with fuzz. As long as Leo is served, everything tastes good. And, of all the signs, Leo is the least averse to doing the dishes. This is yet another admirable trait: to be seen to be reasonable.
Leo loves to talk about how right they are in their political opinions. Be it in the kitchen, the dining room, or the bedroom, it matters not.
Virgo: Much like Gemini, the other sign ruled by Mercury, the kitchen is the first place that the young Virgo learns about good management. Here is where those things that they never do again happen for the first and last time. If you wonder why your Virgo friend is hyper vigilant about insects being ground up with the apple sauce, well, their mom will tell you. The memory has been suppressed but the habits linger on.
Most members of this sign enjoy the culinary arts. Many of our best chefs are born under this sign. Virgo is blessed in its relationship to the natural fourth house … it is the place where the kitchen finds itself first elevated to the powerful realm of human reason, and where the dexterity of the human hand, allied to the five senses, can engineer perfection.
Talking politics in the Virgo kitchen is a gesture of misunderstanding the universe. Watch, listen, and learn if you seek wisdom, or a full belly.
Libra: Kitchens frighten the sign of balance. Things that can go wrong go wrong here. Alas, this sign is in square to the house of the kitchen, and the focus is on the negative: the cake with too much baking soda, the mouse in the bubbling stew, or the sewage spewing sink. Horrors! Libra’s prefer to deal with the treacherous kitchen and its axis of trouble making minions in private. In their beautiful kitchens, their ruthless efficiency worthy of the Borgia, only is revealed where there are no witnesses. Here is the secret: the loyal dog that can clean the floor of spills, the house cat that can scrape off baked on grime from pots and pans, and a fat kid that eats goop, all have a part to play in the Libra ordeal of kitchen making.
While the Libra kitchen is a beautiful thing: from décor to implements, it is not a place to hang out. The Libra will use their invisible social powers to direct you to some other place for entertainment and refreshment. And you should offer to help with the washing up, and then accept the polite refusal. There is usually a small child chained up under the stairs to do such things, so, rather, go have some good conversation.
Scorpio: A water sign, Scorpio has a place of power in the kitchen. Now this sign always has some strong emotional attachment to this place: sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes both. As for worming this nugget from them, good luck. So be observant in the kitchen of the Scorpio: there will be relics of the dead, reminders of lost loves, amulets for good fortune, and a stashed bottle of rotgut. The out of place plushie speaks of a summer love and heart break at Christmas, the gnarly key fob is from a friend who drove into a bridge abutment, and the plastic dog dish in a house with no dogs speaks of the dog that ran away at the cottage.
Food is plentiful in the Scorpio kitchen, unless they are in a crisis. Still there is always something to eat, even if it can be shared with the dog. One thing you will also notice: the trash is full, overflowing. The Scorpio cannot bear to pitch the dustbin. The trash is part of the process, and to remove it is to break the cycle or birth, life, and death in the Scorpio mind.
Scorpio will talk politics anywhere, from the bridge of a battle cruiser, to the beach at sunset. This place is no different.
Sagittarius: There is always something in the process of completion in the Sagittarian kitchen. For every new set of plates, there are still a few venerable ones under the plant in the sink window. If the window has new drapes, then the tablecloth is not. For this sign, the kitchen is a place that is a rung on the ladder to something bigger. The kitchen apparatus is impeccable, the engineering of food production mastered, and the ingredients are fresh. You will never find mummified remains in the fridge or cupboard here (unlike Scorpio, where they are a testimony to the distractions of like; or Capricorn, where they police forensics team should be called).
The sign of the horse archer loves the side effects of the kitchen: the gatherings of happy people, the laughter, and the assertion of the life force. In this food and the kitchen that prepares it is subordinate to the feasting and frolicking, and Sag sees the lesser as but actors in the greater social order. No Cancerian would agree with this, but then, everyone is having too good a time to ask.
As far as talking politics go, in the Sagittarian kitchen you walk into an ambush. Expect a dog earred copy of some classic … The Rights of Man by Thomas Paine, or something else that you only read the quick notes to. You could earn college credit when you broach this subject here.
Capricorn: The sign of the goat is opposed to all things represented by the fourth house. For Capricorn, every moment spent in the kitchen is a moment spent not advancing their agenda of total world domination. Food consumes time in shopping, storing, preparing, eating, and washing up. And, it costs money, too. It is a rare Capricorn that has acquired any skills at food preparation. It is usually an excuse to keep weapons close at hand.
The Capricorn kitchen is usually operated and equipped by someone else. Any activity here is contingent upon those Capricorn virtues … the ulterior motive, the secret agenda, or the invisible order. Quid pro quo is not a baking term, but you will find it in this place. Capricorns prefer to subjugate their kitchens to other purposes … doing homework, watching television, or making business partners drunk before signing documents.
Capricorns love to talk about anything but cooking in the kitchen. They will happily pretend to agree with you about whatever your political opinions, but they still will not part with their money.
Aquarius: The Aquarian kitchen is always a vehicle for furthering their agenda of social engineering. While the traditional arts of food preparation are celebrated, and there is food in the fridge, and potatoes in the bin, there is also always some element that speaks of the Utopian world view of this sign. It will be in a place that looks down upon the mundane inhabitants of the kitchen. It could be an ant farm, a collection of books, or a Geiger counter. Look for it.
There is always a fascinating device in the Aquarian kitchen. One you have never seen before, and one could rightly suspect that it came from a crashed UFO. You can get a good look at it when you are doing the dishes … in the Aquarian kitchen, everybody pitches in to the fair division of labour.
Discussions of politics and religion are standard fare here.
Pisces: The sign of the fish is a water sign and has a place of power in the kitchen. Here, power makes itself secure by hiding. So, these kitchens are the fortresses where secrets are kept. Within these walls the Pisces will hear confessions, revelations, and the dry throated utterances of the damned. Spies like to leave envelopes of microfilm here, taped under the kitchen table. Gangsters hide bundles of cash in the ceiling tile. And surgeons have inspired moments. Those less saintly become more so having passed through this place.
There is always fresh ice in the Pisces kitchen. Also, a first aid kit. And, sacred writings. Take careful note of the items located at the four points of the compass, and the four cardinal points. From this you can determine which guardian angel is watching over the soufflé.
Politics in the kitchen … just a preamble or an excuse to lead to metaphysics in this place.
Arian Maverick
This was actually an accidental discovery I found through a random Google search; it's from a blog called From the Desk of the Mayor of Mitchieville (http://mitchieville.blogspot.com/2008/03/astrology-and-kitchen.html).
Astrology and the Kitchen
In Astrology, the home is said to be ruled by the fourth house. While this is true, the strongest place of manifestation of the fourth house is found in the kitchen. Ruled by the Moon, and a place of exaltation for Jupiter, the kitchen is where there is constant change, and water is put to work as food, as agent for the alchemy of cooking, and as a solvent to reverse time. Of course, these three uses for water correspond to the three modes of the element of water: as food, Cancer; as agent of change, Scorpio; as solvent, Pisces.
Aries: The fiery Ram finds the kitchen to be a place between places he wants to go. Preparing food, storing groceries, chucking garbage, and mopping up mess are tedious reminders of the dross of physical form. Aries remembers their pre-mortal existence where food was not necessary.
Inevitably, the efficient Aries will find willing hands to do the hefting and hewing, or find some other activity to perform in the kitchen. The children of any Aries are soon press ganged into chores: it is, after all, good for their character development, and even better for Aries who has better things to do of a non-repetitive nature. Another Aries solution to the kitchen being the kitchen is to use if for sexual activities. If you can get one liquored up to spill the truth you will hear quite the tale of tail chasing and whisker washing worthy of a barn yard tomcat. Hence, the Aries kitchen always has a comfy rug on the floor, and plenty of cotton towels.
If anything can inspire the Aries to agitate for the return of slavery, it is washing up. In the kitchen, an Aries will share with you their political beliefs. This is one of the few places where the headstrong Ram will listen, ponder, and then tell you why you are wrong.
Taurus: The first Earth sign, Taurus finds the kitchen to be a place of magic. Here the Taurus discovers that food no longer has to be eaten raw. When cooked, a greater volume of food can be eaten. When spiced and served on a plate, food becomes a celebration of the hard work of bringing it home. And cooked food tastes just as good today as it did yesterday, and it will be just as tasty tomorrow!
After eating, the Taurus mind turns to digesting. In this they resemble the snake. Washing up is a distraction from the sensual movements of the powerful, athletic stomach musculature, a distancing from the sensations of sugars, carbohydrates, and proteins flooding into the bloodstream. Hence, the Taurus usually leaves the dishes for later. Much like the barn is only cleaned out weekly, the Taurus only does dishes weekly. Unless they have a dishwasher, which the prudent farmer that is Taurus usually has. Unlike Aries, this sign will coach those doing the dishes. And, as far as sex goes, there is no room in the house where Taurus does not have sexual relations, so the kitchen is just another bite on the buttered cob of corn of life.
If you want to get a Taurus angry, start talking about politics in the kitchen. Being taxed to pay for rehabilitation for cattle rustlers makes them angry, especially when rope is so much cheaper, and can be reused, which protects the environment.
Gemini: The kitchen is the first place the young Gemini discovers gadgets, mechanisms, and devices. Of course, there other larger, greater places where the gizmos are more interesting (Strategic Air Command, for example), but it is in the kitchen that the curiosity is begun.
The kitchen will inevitably contain curious and very practical instruments. The cupboards are organized in a manner that would draw the admiration of the German General Staff. And, you will find paper … paper towels, napkins, plates, and newspapers. Also, somewhere in the Gemini kitchen is a board game. And there are a pair of dice in the cutlery drawer. And books.
You can talk to a Gemini about anything, anytime. But in the kitchen, if you adopt a political position opposite to that which you believe, you can listen to the clever Gemini convince you that you are right.
Cancer: Your sign rules the fourth house and hence, kitchens. Through your agency flows the vital life force into foods, be they soups, sandwiches, or salads. Anyone who eats what you have prepared is blessed, refreshed, and reinvigorated. And such a powerful influence is not easily contained by the boundaries of the human definition of ‘room’. So, although mighty Cancer rules the kitchen, it is also hard to tell where the limits and extensions of their kitchen spaces lie. Thus, the defining element of this most powerful and significant kitchen is that it appears normal, lacking the muddy boots in the corner of the Taurus kitchen, for example.
Hidden in the ocean sands of the cutlery drawer, you will find antique tools crafted for food preparation by intelligences at least three generations into the past. There will be at least pot or pan or clay crock that has journeyed across the ocean, carried by an ancestral pioneer.
Few people actually talk politics in the kitchens ruled by this sign. They are too busy enjoying life.
Leo: The kitchen of the King of the Zodiac is yet another precious jewel in their tastefully arranged crown. You do not have to look for the latest redecorations … you will be told. This is your cue for polite applause. And it is worth your effort. Even a Libra can find good ideas to use from this, the sign of the builders of the Pyramids. Indeed, the Leo kitchen is always in a state of urban renewal. Be it new drapes, an Armani clock, or the year of the rat calendar, they are there, new and improved. You will also find cook books, several of the best, and a few of the obscure, and at least one in a foreign language.
As for tastes in foods, if the truth be told, the favourite victual of the Lion is that which someone else places before them. It really does not much matter what manner of slop, gruel, or mush; it can be cold, or smelly, even spotty with fuzz. As long as Leo is served, everything tastes good. And, of all the signs, Leo is the least averse to doing the dishes. This is yet another admirable trait: to be seen to be reasonable.
Leo loves to talk about how right they are in their political opinions. Be it in the kitchen, the dining room, or the bedroom, it matters not.
Virgo: Much like Gemini, the other sign ruled by Mercury, the kitchen is the first place that the young Virgo learns about good management. Here is where those things that they never do again happen for the first and last time. If you wonder why your Virgo friend is hyper vigilant about insects being ground up with the apple sauce, well, their mom will tell you. The memory has been suppressed but the habits linger on.
Most members of this sign enjoy the culinary arts. Many of our best chefs are born under this sign. Virgo is blessed in its relationship to the natural fourth house … it is the place where the kitchen finds itself first elevated to the powerful realm of human reason, and where the dexterity of the human hand, allied to the five senses, can engineer perfection.
Talking politics in the Virgo kitchen is a gesture of misunderstanding the universe. Watch, listen, and learn if you seek wisdom, or a full belly.
Libra: Kitchens frighten the sign of balance. Things that can go wrong go wrong here. Alas, this sign is in square to the house of the kitchen, and the focus is on the negative: the cake with too much baking soda, the mouse in the bubbling stew, or the sewage spewing sink. Horrors! Libra’s prefer to deal with the treacherous kitchen and its axis of trouble making minions in private. In their beautiful kitchens, their ruthless efficiency worthy of the Borgia, only is revealed where there are no witnesses. Here is the secret: the loyal dog that can clean the floor of spills, the house cat that can scrape off baked on grime from pots and pans, and a fat kid that eats goop, all have a part to play in the Libra ordeal of kitchen making.
While the Libra kitchen is a beautiful thing: from décor to implements, it is not a place to hang out. The Libra will use their invisible social powers to direct you to some other place for entertainment and refreshment. And you should offer to help with the washing up, and then accept the polite refusal. There is usually a small child chained up under the stairs to do such things, so, rather, go have some good conversation.
Scorpio: A water sign, Scorpio has a place of power in the kitchen. Now this sign always has some strong emotional attachment to this place: sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes both. As for worming this nugget from them, good luck. So be observant in the kitchen of the Scorpio: there will be relics of the dead, reminders of lost loves, amulets for good fortune, and a stashed bottle of rotgut. The out of place plushie speaks of a summer love and heart break at Christmas, the gnarly key fob is from a friend who drove into a bridge abutment, and the plastic dog dish in a house with no dogs speaks of the dog that ran away at the cottage.
Food is plentiful in the Scorpio kitchen, unless they are in a crisis. Still there is always something to eat, even if it can be shared with the dog. One thing you will also notice: the trash is full, overflowing. The Scorpio cannot bear to pitch the dustbin. The trash is part of the process, and to remove it is to break the cycle or birth, life, and death in the Scorpio mind.
Scorpio will talk politics anywhere, from the bridge of a battle cruiser, to the beach at sunset. This place is no different.
Sagittarius: There is always something in the process of completion in the Sagittarian kitchen. For every new set of plates, there are still a few venerable ones under the plant in the sink window. If the window has new drapes, then the tablecloth is not. For this sign, the kitchen is a place that is a rung on the ladder to something bigger. The kitchen apparatus is impeccable, the engineering of food production mastered, and the ingredients are fresh. You will never find mummified remains in the fridge or cupboard here (unlike Scorpio, where they are a testimony to the distractions of like; or Capricorn, where they police forensics team should be called).
The sign of the horse archer loves the side effects of the kitchen: the gatherings of happy people, the laughter, and the assertion of the life force. In this food and the kitchen that prepares it is subordinate to the feasting and frolicking, and Sag sees the lesser as but actors in the greater social order. No Cancerian would agree with this, but then, everyone is having too good a time to ask.
As far as talking politics go, in the Sagittarian kitchen you walk into an ambush. Expect a dog earred copy of some classic … The Rights of Man by Thomas Paine, or something else that you only read the quick notes to. You could earn college credit when you broach this subject here.
Capricorn: The sign of the goat is opposed to all things represented by the fourth house. For Capricorn, every moment spent in the kitchen is a moment spent not advancing their agenda of total world domination. Food consumes time in shopping, storing, preparing, eating, and washing up. And, it costs money, too. It is a rare Capricorn that has acquired any skills at food preparation. It is usually an excuse to keep weapons close at hand.
The Capricorn kitchen is usually operated and equipped by someone else. Any activity here is contingent upon those Capricorn virtues … the ulterior motive, the secret agenda, or the invisible order. Quid pro quo is not a baking term, but you will find it in this place. Capricorns prefer to subjugate their kitchens to other purposes … doing homework, watching television, or making business partners drunk before signing documents.
Capricorns love to talk about anything but cooking in the kitchen. They will happily pretend to agree with you about whatever your political opinions, but they still will not part with their money.
Aquarius: The Aquarian kitchen is always a vehicle for furthering their agenda of social engineering. While the traditional arts of food preparation are celebrated, and there is food in the fridge, and potatoes in the bin, there is also always some element that speaks of the Utopian world view of this sign. It will be in a place that looks down upon the mundane inhabitants of the kitchen. It could be an ant farm, a collection of books, or a Geiger counter. Look for it.
There is always a fascinating device in the Aquarian kitchen. One you have never seen before, and one could rightly suspect that it came from a crashed UFO. You can get a good look at it when you are doing the dishes … in the Aquarian kitchen, everybody pitches in to the fair division of labour.
Discussions of politics and religion are standard fare here.
Pisces: The sign of the fish is a water sign and has a place of power in the kitchen. Here, power makes itself secure by hiding. So, these kitchens are the fortresses where secrets are kept. Within these walls the Pisces will hear confessions, revelations, and the dry throated utterances of the damned. Spies like to leave envelopes of microfilm here, taped under the kitchen table. Gangsters hide bundles of cash in the ceiling tile. And surgeons have inspired moments. Those less saintly become more so having passed through this place.
There is always fresh ice in the Pisces kitchen. Also, a first aid kit. And, sacred writings. Take careful note of the items located at the four points of the compass, and the four cardinal points. From this you can determine which guardian angel is watching over the soufflé.
Politics in the kitchen … just a preamble or an excuse to lead to metaphysics in this place.
Arian Maverick